Serenity Morales
I pushed off, one foot at a time, making sure to leave my house early. Yes, I was actually walking to school today and it was great considering it was sunny outside. Not a single cloud in the sky was present. I felt a surge of peace, feeling the sun on my skin and the blue skies.
The weekend was nothing but a blur. I actually helped Marissa clean up this time. Mom and dad came home Sunday, and everyone acted like everything was fine at the dinner that I didn't bother to eat more than half of. My parents chatted while Marissa sipped alcohol (unknowingly to my parents) and I just wasted away.
I was more than half way to the school when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the caller ID and rolled my eyes, but didn't send it to voicemail. Once it stopped vibrating, I turned it off and slipped it back into my back pocket.
"Hey," I heard Korina catching up to me. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Did you walk to school today?" I nodded and her eyes widened. "Do you have any idea how unsafe that is?" She nearly cried.
I looked down a little at my shoes hitting the floor. "I'm sorry. Justin and I got into a little awkward tension and I don't really want to see him."
"You could have told me," she frowned, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me into a hug. "I would have picked you up or at least gotten Lucas to do it."
"It's fine," I muttered awkwardly. "By the way, why is Lucas never at school?"
She let out a breath through her nose. "I try to tell him all the time, but he won't listen to me. He dropped out because supposedly he has 'bigger things to worry about' in that business."
I gave her a sorry smile. "It's gonna be okay." But even I wasn't sure. "Is he gonna get his GED?"
She pursed her lips in thought. "Well, at the moment, no. Hopefully he will soon after though. I really want what's best for him, you know?" I nodded. "I told him I loved him..." She trailed off and my eyes widened, gesturing for her to go on. "It was mid argument when he was mad at me because that guy flirted with me this weekend, remember? I couldn't help it. I was angry that he even though I would cheat on him. I loved him, and I told him and once it was out in the open, he kissed me. He apologized and told me that he too, did love me, so much might I add," she grinned at the fond memory.
"I'm so happy for you, I told you he loves you," I smiled.
"Then we went back to his place and, you know...sealed the deal."
I started laughing. "Sealed the deal? Who even says that anymore?"
She stomped her foot and feigned an angry expression. "Don't laugh at me! Would you rather me say we fucked? Made love? I was trying to make it less awkward."
"I think you two are cute," I admitted.
"Don't even let me start on how good he is in bed or how many rounds we had," she said dreamily and I grimaced.
"Keep those to yourself." But she didn't. She continued talking and to be honest I just let her, I didn't mind. I have never seen my best friend this happy. I've seen her hop from bad relationship to bad relationship only to finally find the true love she's been looking for. I applauded and envied her.
The day dragged on and to be honest, I just wanted to go home and lie down on my bed. Perhaps sleep forever and just do my homework in the morning. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about Justin. I also had think about how I was gonna dodge him. I had a feeling he would be outside waiting for me. Or maybe he'd be too angry with me so he just stayed home and got the message that I didn't want to see him. But who was I kidding? This was Justin we're talking about. He was perhaps the most impulsive person I have ever met, with the shortest fuse that I so happened to ignite this morning.
He could either not care, or care too much. I believed I knew Justin enough to know that he would care too much, but I tried to convince myself that he wouldn't care. I pushed the thought out of mind.
Focus, Serenity. How will you get past Justin's car? I wasn't even wearing a jacket with a hood so that would fail. He would recognize me from a mile away, I was sure of it. No matter how hard I tried, I knew his hawk eyes would catch me.
I didn't see Korina, so I couldn't tell her to distract him for me. I waited a little longer inside, turning on my phone. As I turned it on, my eyes widened at the call number. Not to mention the texts and voicemails that I was way too scared to check. I was too busy starting at my phone, checking to see if all of the calls and texts were from Justin and they were. That frightened me. Holy fuck I was in so much trouble. 12 missed calls, 10 texts and 4 voicemails. It may not seem like a lot but for a boy like Justin to be so persistent, it quite honestly scared me. He was unpredictable. The walk to the doors was longer then it had to be.
I was trying not to read the messages as I deleted everything, but jumped as I heard the doors of the school slam open. I nearly dropped my phone, but caught it safely and looked up to see Justin stalking towards me. Oh no. Oh no. He looked so angry, murderous, I didn't even think it was possible. I wanted to run, perhaps, but it felt as though my legs were glued to the ground. Fear was holding me paralyzed in my spot as he neared me.
"There you are!" He shouted for the remaining student body who were still lounging around in the hallways or at their lockers to hear. My eyes widened even more if that were possible, gluing my body against the locker as he stood so close to me, that I wouldn't have minded if he weren't so mad. "I fucking called you and texted you and you didn't answer. You had me fucking worried sick, I thought you were dead!"
I flinched with each word, trying to walk past him but his hands stretched out and gripped my shoulders, holding me against the lockers.
"Don't fucking move," he growled.
"P-People are staring," I said in a shaky voice, scared of the rumors that would go around for when I came back to school tomorrow.
His head looked to the side. "Get lost or so help me God," he snapped at them and a lot of them scattered, leaving the hallway vacant. I wasn't sure which I preferred. To be alone with him or have people witness my murder. He looked back at me and I felt myself shaking. "You have to get over yourself, this if your fucking safety we're talking about over here—not mine."
Despite my fear, I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. I was looking at the locker behind him and he jerked my chin so suddenly I almost didn't realize. "Look at me when I'm talking to you."
I scoffed. "You're not my father."
He glared at me. "Next time you pull another stunt like this—"
I laughed. "What are you gonna do? Hit me?"
His eyes narrowed at me and he looked at me in disbelief. "I would never hit a girl. I was raised better than that."
"Raised better than that yet you became a drug dealer," slipped out of my mouth so sudden and I instantly regretted it. I knew nothing about Justin's upbringing and shouldn't have opened my mouth to say anything. But it was true and he knew I was right. He looked betrayed more than anything.
"Yeah? Well at least I don't starve myself because I'm mad at the world because I have mommy-daddy-don't-love-me issues," he retorted causing my heart to stop beating. My lips parted, as did his once he realized what he said. His chest was heaving up and down, as was mine at the moment. I felt like I would keel over and heave.
"Serenity, I'm so sorry," he said, trying to get me to relax my breathing, but I shoved him off of me and shot him a look. I could feel my heartbreaking as I walked off, not knowing what else to say.
He was right. I was so selfish.
"Wait!" He called after me, but I ignored him. "I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry."
I felt the tears trickling down my face, trying to hold them in but failing. I was trying not to start sobbing no matter how badly I wanted to.
"Please just wait," I heard him whisper so gently. I shoved him off of me when he wrapped his arms around me to get me to stop. I walked again, through the school doors and out into the fall, nearing winter weather.
He grabbed me again and I fought against him. "Let me go!" I screamed, but there was no one in the parking lot to help. I was fighting against him and I eventually gave up, crying in my spot. Not just crying, full on sobbing in the middle of the parking lot while he just looked at me.
"Relax," he instructed me, "before you wear yourself out."
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I asked in a shaky voice. "Just leave me alone."
He carried me after realizing that I wasn't going to walk to the car, seating me inside. I continued on looking out the window as he drove. I knew I hurt him, but he hurt me as well. We both hurt one another and no matter how badly I wanted to apologize, the words that he said echoed throughout my head.
"Please stop crying," I heard him beg from beside me, but I ignored him. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't say anything to him either. The heavy feeling in my chest wouldn't go away. I didn't even want to be in the same car as him. All I wanted was space, which was obviously something he wasn't going to give me.
To top it all off, I knew this familiar way too well. He wasn't taking me home and I started crying even harder. I muffled my sobs, leaning my head against the window. It began to rain at this point. Softly before gradually getting harder and he put on the windshield wipers. At least the rain was heavier than my cries.
When we pulled up to that oh-too- familiar house, he pulled off his hoodie. I didn't fight him as he slipped it over me. The rain calmed but we would still get wet. My hair was protected from the rain but I knew he was getting wet. My hair getting wet was the least of my worries. He knew I wasn't going to move so he carried me again, even into the house.
"What happened?!" I heard Blue exclaim. "What's wrong with her?"
I didn't say anything, hiding my face more into the hoodie. Justin said nothing either, walking us up to his room, I'm assuming. He gently laid me on his bed and I just laid there, looking up at the ceiling. I felt my shoes being taken off and the spot next to me sinking down. He rolled me over on my side, laying on his own and looking at me, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I felt his thumb brushing my cheeks of the tears, but I had stopped crying at this point.
"I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry," he whispered, cupping my face. "I really thought something bad happened to you and I got scared. I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't there to protect you. Let alone if I were the reason that you were dead."
I lifted my eyes to look at him and more tears started welling up in them.
"Please don't start crying again," he muttered. "Talk to me."
But I said nothing. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was exhausted and what I wanted was some rest. My head hurt from the crying and I wanted to sleep. I closed my eyes, hoping he'd get the message.
I felt him moving closer and his breath on my face. I stiffened, but relaxed a little as he left a kiss on my nose. I didn't know how to feel about that. I figured he kissed everywhere else to comfort me, but his kisses only got me restless and overthinking.
I felt the hoodie getting tugged but I jerked away from him, still with my eyes closed.
"Fine," he sighed out, pulling the covers over me. "I'll leave you alone."
Justin Bieber
I knew I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I didn't know why I said it. I was mad, fuming mad and she knew it. She egged me on, but she didn't deserve it. Sure, what she said stung, but I crossed a line. She was so very fragile and I knew that was a soft spot, so why did I bring it up? Stupid, stupid.
After leaving her up in the room because it was obvious that she didn't want to talk to me, I went back downstairs. I groaned knowing I would have to face Blue and her persistence.
As though like a dog on alert, the minute she heard my footsteps in the hall, she shot out and crossed her arms over her chest. I rolled my eyes, walking past her and plopping on the couch. I could really go for a cigarette right now.
She followed me in, standing in front of me. "So are you gonna tell me what's going on?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Is it really any of your business?" I asked, not really wanting to talk about it. I knew I could make the conversation be over like that with any other person, but with Blue she'll get anything out of you. And I mean anything.
"She's my friend, of course it's my business," she scoffed. "What did you do to her?"
"Why are you assuming it's my fault?" I asked. She gave me a knowing look and I sighed. "Fine, I fucked up; you happy?"
"Wow, for once you finally admit that you're wrong," she smirked. "You must really like her."
I grimaced. "I don't like her."
She rolled her eyes. "Sure you don't."
Girls always thought they knew shit.
"I don't," I clarified yet again. I didn't have any romantic feelings for her. The occasional lust, but anything more, no.
"I know you, Justin. You have never been this involved with a girl. Liking her isn't a crime you know. She's very sweet and you already told me you're attracted to her."
Yes, she's sweet. Despite her feisty exterior, I see through her. She doesn't deserve any heartbreak that I would give her. I'm not good with hearts and she was different.
"Well, I don't lie," I shrugged, carelessly. "Where's Avery anyway?"
"Oh, no. Don't try to change the subject on me here, Bieber."
I rolled my eyes. "Haylie, shoo," I shooed her away and she glared at me.
"Don't shoo me!"
All I wanted was to be alone and think for a few minutes. So I got up, walking out of the house. It had stopped raining, which I was really grateful for or I would just look stupid.
I was leaning against the roof of my car, smoking a calming cigarette. Or two. Or three. Before actually sitting on it, being careful not to dent it. But who cares, not like I couldn't pay for it anyway.
I heard gravel crunch under shoes and I immediately felt vulnerable that all I had was my pocket knife on me if it were an intruder. But it wasn't, it was Daniel. He stood a few feet away from me, eyeing me despite the setting sun.
"What are you doing?" I heard him ask me as I reached into the carton for my fourth cigarette.
"What does it look like?" I placed the cigarette in my mouth before lighting it and taking another drag.
"Suicide," he answered grimly. "You know I hate those," he said referring to what he called 'the cancer/death sticks' but he knew he couldn't tell me to stop.
I continued smoking. "Why did you come out here?"
"Well, it was a little noisy with my room being next to the lovebirds and all," he said, either referring to Lucas and Korina or Avery and Blue, but I didn't care enough to ask. "Why are you out here?"
I looked down at my vans briefly. "I messed up. Blue started hounding me and I needed to clear my head."
He nodded. "What did you do?"
I sighed, feeling more inclined and comfortable talking to him than I would have been talking to Blue. "I just said something about Serenity to her that I shouldn't have said. I hit a really bad soft spot and she started crying and now she won't talk to me."
He raised both eyebrows, shocked. "What the fuck did you say to her, dude?" He asked and I shook my head, telling him that it was something personal to her without actually giving her secret that she trusted me to keep away. She trusted me and I threw that trust right back in her face. I didn't want to do that again. "Did you try apologizing?"
I shot him a look. "Obviously, don't you think that's the first thing I did the second after it left my mouth?"
"Well, no," he answered bluntly. "You're not really big on apologizing."
"When I know I'm wrong, I apologize."
He furrowed his eyebrows. "Since when?" I groaned, running my fingers through my hair. "Where is she now?"
"My room," I answered, tapping my knee. "I don't know how I'm gonna get her to talk to me."
"She will eventually, but don't force her to. Girls hate that shit almost as much as we do."
"I guess," I mumbled. "I'll just see what happens."
"We'll see," he agreed as I stood up. "And don't be so hard on yourself. You said it, you're sorry, but you can't take it back. You can't go back in time, you have to move forward. She'll forgive you."
I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but I nodded nevertheless. We both went back inside and I went up to my room, taking a shower. Serenity was sleeping peacefully and soundlessly on my bed. I pulled off the hoodie, trying not to wake her. She shifted, cuddling more into the pillows. I kissed her hair, throwing the hoodie in the hamper. It was a little damp from the rain anyhow.
I laid down, shutting off the lights, but to be honest; I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.