Laying in my bed, I watch as Lisanna moves about my room and fawns over everything in sight. Apparently, a teenage boy having stuffed animals is the cutest thing ever, and she loves how neat I am. Nothing is out of place in my room, I keep everything in order and don't let it get too messy. I don't have OCD, at least I don't think I do, everything just has to be the way I want it.
She is now going through the clothes in my closet, and every so often she would squeal at a particular piece. A small pile of shirts, jackets, and sweatpants has started to form on the floor behind her as she throws them out of the closet. Not thinking much of it, I just let her do it and smile when she hold up a shirt I forgot I had. It's this old Guns & Roses shirt that my mother gave me; she had gotten the shirt from the concert she had gone to.
"Can I have this," she squeals, hopping from one foot to the other.
"It's yours, you probably look better in it than I did anyway," I smile, and motion for her to come to me as I sit up on the bed.
She skips over the pile she created, and comes to stand between my legs. I grab her by her hips, pulling her closer so I can give her a kiss. Taking the shirt from her hand after, I help her put it on and I was right, she does look good in it. It hugs her bust snuggly while showing how small her waist is, but overall she just looks really cute in the shirt. I make her spin around to show me how it looks from the back, and I realise just how big her ass is. Wow, that sounded as worse as it could be, but I mean that in a good way.
"You look gorgeous," I say, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her onto my lap.
"Kie, why are you with me," she asks, surprising me slightly.
It's a question that I definitely was not ready for, and I wasn't sure I knew how to answer. Of course I knew the answer to it, but I'm not exactly the best when it comes to putting my feelings into words. Although, it seems like a great question to answer with "because I love you" it's a little to early to be exchanging those three words. So how could I tell her I love her without actually saying it?
The look on her face tells me she isn't liking my hesitance to speak, but I don't want to pull words out of my ass to answer her. I want my words to be genuine, not something to say to hold her over until I really think of something; it has to be right the first time.
"I know why I'm with you, but I can't really put it into the right words to tell you," I disclose truthfully.
"Then don't say the right words, tell me how you feel," Lisanna says, cupping my face in her hand and making me look her in the eyes.
I'm in love with you. That'a the first thing that comes to mind, but I can't bring myself to say it. How would she react to it, would she even be ready to tell me she loves me back? A heavy sign leaves my lips as I rest my head on her chest, and I wish we were together longer than a month.
"I'm with you, because when I first saw you smile, I couldn't help but think I had to have you," I say, the sound of her heartbeat ringing in my ear, "The way your eyes were alight with amusement, I wanted you to look at me that way. And now that I am a reason you smile, I never want to see you unhappy. You're so intelligent, witty, sassy, and beautiful, everything about you is perfect."
Her heartbeat has become faster as I continue talking, and her breaths are semi-rapid. I didn't know words could effect someone so heavily, but then again I learned first hand how words can be heart shattering.
"Whenever we're together, I don't think about anything else but you. And to say that it hurt to hear you talk about Maurice so fondly would be an understatement, it nearly broke me, and I thought that I could never measure up to what he's done for you. I still think that you--"
Lisanna cuts me short by pressing her lips firmly against mine. Not up for protest, I kiss her back and let all negative thoughts go. She's become the human version of my obsidian tooth, taking away all negativity and pain. I'm lucky to have her, because she keeps my demons at bay.
$ $ $ $ $
"Floptop, bring that ass here boy," Andre calls from across the cafeteria.
"Nigga, I'm coming," I yell back.
Now let me tell you why a white boy like me just called my black friend the N-word; they gave me passes, no bullshit, Andre and Wyatt made me a coupon book of them and gave them to me for my birthday. My birthday was six months ago, they gave me three months worth and this is the first time I've used one. I don't say it any chance I get, because let's be honest I don't really care much for the word, but in some sentences it is necessary. Like when their names doesn't fit and you have nothing else to call them, and that's what happened in that situation.
I make my way over to our lunch table, and the gangs all there: Chandler, Wyatt, Selena, Landon, and Fernando. How the hell did all of us get the same lunch period, the world will never know. Taking a seat next to Wyatt, I set my tray on the table and keep quiet as everyone begins to talk. Although I try to keep myself out of the spot light of our group conversations, all attention is turned to me when Landon asks me about Lisanna.
"So how is that young chocolate thing you got doing, or she already dump yo white ass," he sniggers.
"My girlfriend is fine, why are you so worried about her," I grit, my teeth clenching.
"I was just wondering when she was gon fuck with a real nigga is all, no harm."
I close my eyes and rub the tooth hanging around my neck. What I really want to do is take the piece of jewellery and stab it into the side of his neck. Out of everyone in the group, I get along with Landon the least, he always antagonises me and one day I really just want to beat the shit out of him. Landon and I have known each other since middle school, around the same time Wyatt and I met Andre, but he still treats me like I'm brand new.
"Your dick is going to fall off if you stick it in anything else," I tell him, as calmly as I could muster my voice to be.
This gets the whole table going, and I just smirk down at my tray as I pick up my milk carton. Landon's jaw locks in place, and he pushes his own tray away from himself. His hazel eyes narrow at me from across the table, but I smile broadly at him as I eat my lunch. If this was the last supper, he would be Judas, and of course I would be Jesus because guess who's perfect, I am! Like I said, god-complex, what can you do about it?
"Queen, when's the next kickback," Fernando asks, his Spanish accent thick.
"Next week, BYOW," Chandler answers, shoving a fry into her mouth.
It's weird to see her without her leather jacket or her hair spiked up, she let her short hair down for a change. And she ditched her usual jeans and t-shirt for a skirt and tank top. She looked so feminine, I almost didn't recognise her when I passed her in the halls. Chandler looks like the little girl I first met, when I was seven and didn't know or care what a lesbian was. I think that's when I kissed her on the cheek, for which I got punched in the face for. The girl had a killer left hook back then, and still has one now.
"Speaking of kickbacks, when are you going to clean King's pin," she asks, turning toward me.
"You said for a week, you never mentioned what specific week," I shrug, biting into a rather plump strawberry.
She raises her eyebrows at me, but doesn't say anything as she nods her head. My phone buzzes in pocket, so I dig it out as I bite into the juicy fruit again. A smile crawls its way across my face as I see the name flash on the screen. Haven't seen her or talked to her since she left the house early this morning, so this text has made me really happy.
Cupcake: I want to cuddle you so badly!
My smile grows reading the adorable text, from my adorable ass girlfriend. I reply back immediately, my face glowing I talk to the most important woman in my life.
Me: We could leave early and go back to my place ;)
I can practically see her horrified expression through the phone as she reads my message. Lisanna has never been late to school, nor has she ever skipped classes so ever a mere suggestion freaks her out. And I was right when I guessed what her next response would be.
Cupcake: Hell nah!
Me: Lol, okay, but we are hanging out after school, right?
She takes a moment to answer, and my hopes to see her go from soaring to trying to stay in the air. I don't have a problem with not seeing her, but we've been together all us week and I was hoping we could continue that.
Cupcake: I have to work, but you could stop by if you would like.
I'd never been to her father's club, and honestly didn't think I would ever step foot into it, but I'd do anything for her. Her father isn't exactly the fondest toward me, so I feel like it would be awkward for me to come to his club just to watch his daughter. My internal monologue is chanting that I should just say no, but my other internal monologue is screaming go. The bell rings for class, and I slide my phone in my pocket to decide later. Both of my options are weighted at the moment, go see Lis at the club and possibly face her father or not go and be bored for the rest of the day?
"Kieran, bro you gotta stop zoning so hard," Wyatt laughs.
"Sorry, just thinking about something, what's up," I reply, knocking my arm into his as we walk.
Wyatt points down the hall to a boy with musky brown hair, and I tilt my head as squint to see his face. I shake my head furiously, fucking Cardigan Boy is not about to get my best friend's hopes up, I refuse to see him have his heart broken. The last person that broke his heart got his nose broken, Dennis is the scrum of the earth and anytime I see him again I will fuck him up. Yes Wyatt can fight his own battles, but when you're emotional over something you really don't have the strength to fight.
"I'm telling you this because I love you dearly, fuck him," I say, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"That's what I plan on doing," Wyatt smirks, and I can't contain the laugh that passes my lips.
Straight or not, Wyatt Thurgood will either be on your ass or in it. My best friend is the same person the captain of the football team came out of the closet for, which is good but sucked because at the time Wyatt was still with Dennis. Not to say that since they've broken up, he hasn't tried to talk to Wyatt because the boy is persistent. Although, Wyatt thinks he doesn't want anything but to do some horizontal acrobatics.
"Why don't you give Taylor a chance, he's wanted you since sophomore year."
"He's practically the same size as me, what do two big buff gay guys look like dating, like a lot of rough sex goes on between them that's what."
After the words leave his mouth, he takes a moment to stop and fan himself. I laugh. For someone who doesn't want to date the guy, he sure doesn't act like it. Deep down I think Wyatt wants to date him, but he's afraid of being judged by everyone else. Little does he know, anyone that has anything to say will thoroughly get their asses kicked.
My phone rings in my pocket, and I shake up with Wyatt as we go separate ways. Pulling out my Galaxy, I smile as I read the text on the screen.
Cupcake: Not feeling too good, going home now :/
Me: Meet me at the front doors and I'll take you?
I lean against a locker as the late bell rings, but I ignore it as I wait for her response. This isn't the first time I've been late to class, and it sure as hell won't be the last. My smile grows as Lisanna replies to me quickly, and I just think about being cuddled up next to her all day.
Cupcake: I would love that :D
$ $ $ $ $
It's a little past five, and I am sitting front row of the Hide Away. Lisanna has been busy serving food and drinks to people, and I've had to give a few guys a good stare down when they whistle at her. Men are perverts, especially adult men in their mid-thirties, who probably have wives. For awhile, I would walk behind her to ensure nothing happened, but then the crowd of people got smaller. Now though, it's her time to sing and the place is as packed as it had been before.
She's changed from her high waisted jeans and tank top into a short lilac colored strapless dress. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she walked onto the small stage, her head bowed. Lisanna grips the microphone in her hands as music starts to play, and then I'm blown away by the most beautiful singing of Etta James' All I Could Do Was Cry. Shit, shit, shit, I'm in love with this woman. Her voice sounded as if angels had taken over her vocal chords.
Lisanna then proceeded to sing, I'd Rather Go Blind, her fingers wrapping around my heart. I sit back in my chair, watching in complete awe of my girlfriend. My girlfriend, she's all mine, no one else's but mine alone. And then the lights become more dim as she comes to the end of her song. A single light is focused on her as she closes her eyes, tilting her head back and letting herself bask in the light. She didn't only sound like an angel, she looked like one too; the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen.
Her lips part slightly in the most luxurious way, and she soulfully belts out the words to At Last. Opening her wide brown eyes, Lisanna quickly scans the room until her gaze lands on me. The intensity of her stare seemed to lock me as I gawk at her with unfiltered awe. As each word leaves her plump pink lips, I can feel her ripping my heart from my chest; it is no longer mine to keep, because it now it belongs to her. She stole my heart, but am I in no rush to take it back.
And as the song comes to an end; cheers, whistles, and clapping erupting around me, I just sit and stare at the place Lisanna had been standing. My mind is mush as I try to pull myself together, but even the slightest thought of her sends it back to it's desolidified state. I love her, I love her, I love her.
"Well shit," I breathe at my sudden epiphany.
I fucking love her.
{yay, nay, no fucking way?}