Two weeks that's how long its been since I've lost my baby and since I've been out of the house. I was starting to get better but I was still not over what had happened, I still cried at times when I think about it, although not so much as before but it still hurt. This morning when I got up I decided that I was going to go out for some fresh air. Since it was a Saturday I decided to go to the park. That was somewhere I would never really go but I think the scenery but be a nice change for me.
Kathleen had asked me if I wanted her to accompanied me and mom and dad kept asking if I was sure but I told them I'd be okay and I just want to be alone for a few hours. I told Kathleen that maybe she could go back to work to check in on things today since she's hardly been there ever since the incident. She was trying to be there for me and I was thankful for that.
Since I don't think Gio still wants to kill me or kidnapped me again I think I'll be fine. After hearing how he had reacted after hearing the news that night I don't think he still wants me dead it was more like I want him dead now.
So I've been here at the park sitting on a bench by myself. I was just enjoying the cool wind as I watched kids played. Maybe if I hadn't lost the baby, my kid would be here in a few mire years playing as well. The though of that suddenly made me sad again as my eyes filled with water. I put my hand at the back of my neck as I tried to comfort myself. Just as a few tears escaped my eyes I used my hands to wipe them away as I tried getting rid of the rest from my eyes.
"Hello are you crying?" I heard a little voice asked me.
I looked down to see a little girl with shoulder length curly brown hair and brown eyes looking up at me. She looked to be about five it six years old, and had a doll in her arms. She was absolutely adorable.
"Hi" I smiled at her. "I'm not crying anymore"
"Why were you crying? Are you sad?" She asked me.
"No, I'm okay now. See?" I smiled at her. "What's your name?"
"I'm Emily" she smiled at me. "What's yours?"
"I'm Lexi" I smiled at her.
"Your name is pretty just like you, you are pretty too" Emily said to me.
"And you are even more pretty Emily" I chuckled slightly. "You're beautiful. So what is your doll's name?"
"This is Lizzie" Emily smiled holding out the doll so I could look at her properly.
"Wow, Lizzy is a really cool name for your doll" I said to her. "And she is beautiful just like you"
"You can hold her if you want" Emily said putting the doll in my lap. "She'll make you feel better if you're sad"
"Really?" I smiled at her picking up the doll. "Does she make you feel better when you're sad?"
"Uh huh" Emily nodded. "My daddy got her for me because he said she'll make me feel better".
"Where is you daddy by the way?" I asked curiously.
Just as she was about to answer I saw a guy came up to us.
"Emily what are you doing?" He said causing her to turn around.
"Is she bothering you?" The guy asked me.
"No no not at all" I replied. "She was actually cheering me up, and making me feel better by holding Lizzy here. Is she your daughter?"
"Yeah, Emily here is a little bit too friendly at times I worry about her" the guy said before sitting beside me.
"I noticed that. But she's really sweet and adorable though" I said to him.
"I know, I'm lucky to have her" the guy chuckled.
"You are" I said to him before turning to Emily and giving her back Lizzy. "Thanks Emily, Lizzy sure did make me feel better"
"I told you she would" Emily smiled before hopped off a little way from us and sitting in the grass playing with Lizzy.
"She's really amazing" I said smiling at her. "Oh, I'm Lexi by the way".
"Nice to meet you Lexi. I'm Leon" he replied stretching his hand for me to take.
"You too" I smiled as I shake his hand. "How old is she?"
"She's five but she acts more like ten sometimes" Leon chuckled.
"I'm afraid she's growing up too fast"
"Well truth is they do grow up fast so you better get used to the idea"I said to him.
"Its not easy watching my little grow up so fast, its seems like it was just yesterday her mom and I brought her home from the hospital" Leon said to me.
"I understand what you mean" I smiled.
"You have kids?" Leon asked me.
"Uhm... No" I replied looking down. "No I don't".
"You want kids though?" He smiled.
"Actually, no. I don't think so" I replied looking up at him.
"What? You seems like you're good with them so why not?" Leon asked.
"Well... Uhm, I was pregnant once, I had gotten so used to the idea of being a mom and then I miscarried" I told him. "I don't wanna risk going through that again"
"Oh I'm so sorry" Leon said to me.
"Yeah, its okay" I smile sadly at him.
"I know it hurts but it's not the end of the world you know" Leon said to me. "My sister had two miscarriages and after that she swore she didn't want kids anymore. She even refused to hold Emily when she was born and now she has two kids-twin. Boy and girl three year olds, and they're her world. What I'm trying to say is that you can't just give up on things or wanting to have kids because you've had one bad experience".
"I know but I just don't think I could face that again" I said to him.
"Lexi have you ever tried riding a bike when you were younger but fell off?" Leon asked.
"No, I never fell from my bike when I was a kid" I said to him. "My dad always catch me"
"What about a horse?" Leon asked.
"No" I said to him.
"Ever crash before?" Leon raised a brow.
"Nope" I smiled at him.
"Really damn, you must be lucky" Leon said to me. "How about boyfriends, how many have you had?"
"Two" I said to him. "Why?"
"You see, things didn't work out with the first one but that didn't stop you from dating" Leon said to me.
"Yeah,well maybe I should have given up on dating since things didn't work out with the second one either" I said to him. "I think that's a lesson, so now I'm giving up on boyfriends and trying things more than once if it fail at first".
"That mean I don't have a chance then" Leon said to me.
"What?" I asked confused.
"Don't start freaking out, I'm joking" Leon chuckle.
"Oh, but I don't think your wife would appreciate you making those jokes would she?" I chuckle too.
"Well that's the thing I don't have a wife" Leon said to me. "Not anymore".
"I'm sorry I didn't mean..." I started saying but he cut me off.
"Its alright, she walked out on us when Emily was three" Leon said to me. "She started being withdrawn, we started fighting alot and then she just got up one day said she was tired of this life. Being married and a mom and that she needed her freedom and left. I last got the divorce papers"
"That must've been hard on you" I said to him.
"Yeah it was sat first but then I realized that it was for the best. Emily and I are better off without her anyway if that was how she felt" Leon said to me. "But just because I had a bad experience with her doesn't mean I haven't forgiven her or that I'm going to give up on finding love once again"
"Wow that's deep" I chuckle.
"You think?" Leon asked.
"Yeah I do" I nodded.
"I believe in forgiving and move on as well as second chances in everything" Leon said to me.
Good for you Leon but I don't know if I have it in me right now to just forgive and move on. Maybe later on in life I'll learn to do that but right now the only thing I can think about is payback.