Hi! Here's the second chapter. As said before, I am going to attempt to update this semi-regularly so look two updates in April so far. Woo.
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// i just keep hoping
// that your heart opens
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Alex Gaskarth didn't like combination locks. He wasn't good with numbers, he wasn't good with spinning the lock in the right directions, and he wasn't good at pressing it down hard enough at the right times. He didn't like seeing Jack watch as he struggled to open the stupid lock on his stupid locker out of the corner of his eye. Alex was almost waiting for Jack to offer his help, and that's just what happened.
"I can open it, you know. I know the combo." Alex didn't ask why Jack knew that, just stepped back and let Jack open the locker. Jack smiled at him, a gesture which Alex didn't return. Jack knew that Alex had messed up; Alex himself knew that he shouldn't have let that smile slip in gym class. Grabbing his bag, Alex walked down the hall and out the doors, with Jack at his side. Jack said goodbye to him, telling him to have a good rest of his day and left Alex standing staring at the car in front of him. It was his car, the faded turquoise Honda Civic that belonged to him, it was the same car. Of course, there was more rust on it, and a little dent right above the right front tire.
"Lexxxx!" The car pulled up to the curb, and Alex jumped inside, smiling at the smell, smiling at his half brother's face. He could smile here, in the soft seats of the car. Leather, cigarettes, and the familiar smell that Tom seemed to carry around with him everywhere filled the car, and Alex felt relieved and happy. He only felt that way for maybe fifteen seconds, until he realized that he was actually sitting in his half brother's beaten up turquoise car.
"Why are you here?"
"Don't I get a hello?" Tom started driving, automatically seeming to know that Alex had "therapy," or "counseling," or whatever the fuck it was called right after school.
"Why are you here?" Alex repeated, not wasting any time with greetings, getting right to the anxiety brimming in his chest. Tom didn't reply, and Alex got straight to thinking. Thinking was something he was good at, and bad at at the same time. Sometimes he just ended up thinking too much, thinking about things that he shouldn't be considering. Then, he could think about math. He knew math. Math was the only thing that he was really good at, there were no problems when it came to math. And then there was the thinking about reasons his older half brother had shown up out of nowhere to pick him up from school. Tom never visited unless he needed something. They were nearing the office of Miss Beatrice Emilia Lodonson, Alex's therapist or counselor or whatever the fuck she was called, and Alex needed an answer.
"You need money." There was no other explanation for Tom showing up other than wanting, or needing, money. He would always trick Alex into believing that he cared about him enough to spend time with him, get what he needed, and then leave without even saying goodbye. Too many times Alex had woken up, expecting Tom to be there with his sly smile and stupid nicknames, but only being left with the regular silence of the house that existed without the company of the only person that really acted like they cared about Alex.
"It's not like that-"
"Of course it's like that! You never come just to visit, you come for money! Money to buy you things that you don't even need. Don't you even care about us?"
"Of course I do, I just, I-" They were in the parking lot and Alex leapt out of the car, slamming the already dented door behind him.
"Fuck you," he spat behind him, kicking the door of the damaged car with fresh anger. Alex glared at Tom as he turned on his heel, marching up the stairs while he continued his thinking, positively fuming.
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Alex had a friend. Miss Beatrice Emilia Lodonson had advised that Alex should attempt at making friends, so Alex had picked a boy to become his friend. This boy was quite strange, but nice and quite amiable. He looked like an egg, as Alex had already informed him. He had short brown hair, tan skin, and lots of bright white teeth. Robert Rian Dawson was what the boy was called, but he preferred Rian. Rian was nice, and not very annoying at all. Speaking of annoying, in the three weeks that Alex had spent at the school, Jack had not once left him alone. Every day, Jack would provide Alex with a bright smile and words that made no difference to Alex's life.
They made no difference to his life except that he kept them all safe in his head. Two days ago, Jack said that his sister's boyfriend had broken up with her. She had eaten all the ice cream in the house and had soaked Jack's shirt from crying so much. Her name was May, and she had lay on Jack's bed, quite similar to a dog, crying all night long.
Yesterday, Jack's cat had died. His name was Jerry. Jack had found him out in the middle of the road, flattened by a car. He spared Alex the gory details, but Alex could tell that Jack was sad about the loss of Jerry. Alex wished he could say something, but only ignored Jack as he usually did. He felt better when he talked to Rian, though. Rian was nice.
Alex had had a bad night when he walked into the house to find Tom passed out on Alex's floor, cradling a bottle of whiskey in his arms. When Alex woke him up, all he could say was,
"Don't tell them I'm here, I'm not supposed to be here." Alex had reluctantly let Tom sleep in his beautiful green beanbag chair, hating seeing his sad, drunken form collapsed in the chair. Alex had found a way to go over to Rian's house most days after school, not wanting to go home to see Tom's pathetic self waste away until he would slowly become nothing. To say that Alex had been enjoying Rian's company was an understatement, Alex had been having so much fun spending time with the other boy. They had gone and sat inside of the huge loft building for the Museum of Visionary Art the previous Friday, enduring a long walk from school but quite a rewarding day, as there was a giant chess board inside. It was painted on the floor, with huge chess pieces, covered in dust and positively begging to be dragged around in a painful game of chess. Then they had gotten ice cream and rolled down hills. Another day, the pair had tried teeth whitening strips, resulting in Alex throwing up and Rian's teeth turning blue for the rest of the evening.
It was lunchtime, and Rian was talking about the fact that he had to decorate donuts for some event his mom was hosting. Rian had caught on to the fact that Alex was trying to spend as much time away from home as possible, but didn't question why. He tried to spend as much time with Alex as possible, knowing that the kid needed a friend and was happy to be that friend. Alex was weird, but Alex was fun. So as they were discussing donut icing techniques, Jack Barakat sat down at their table.
"What are you guys talking about?" Alex shut his mouth right away, glancing away from the dark haired boy.
"Donuts," Rian said to Jack, rolling his eyes at Alex.
"Donuts! Cool, donuts are great. Don't you think, Alex?" Alex got up, walking past both of them. Any eye contact he had been maintaining with Rian was lost, and he adopted the attitude that he knew neither of the boys. Rian scoffed, watching his friend go. Jack just smiled, he knew that Alex would snap soon.
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Rian crashed into Alex in the hallway. Neither of them meant to smash into each other, but Rian was looking for Alex and Alex was looking at the floor. Neither of them realized that they had hit each other, until Rian recognized Alex's navy blue hoodie and yanked him back. Alex had been attempting to step around Rian, eager to avoid him.
"Are you serious?" Rian demanded. Alex attempted to step past him once again, but Rian moved in front of him to make it impossible for Alex to get around him. "You're ignoring me now, too? Really fucking mature, thanks." Alex was having a staring contest with Rian's shoes, and wasn't planning on losing anytime soon. "Grow up," Rian muttered, shoving past Alex and continuing down the hall. Rian had never been good friends with anyone, and was just beginning to think that maybe Alex would actually be a genuine friend. He wasn't expecting to get dropped this quickly, and didn't hesitate in letting Alex know how he felt. Alex moved his gaze directly to the ground, since Rian's shoes were gone. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he heard the bell ring. He was stupid, he did need to grow up.
"You know, he's very over emotional. Probably delayed learning, as you've already realized. Key concepts, common sense, it doesn't really apply to him. He's not really the smartest kid. You've got to take special care of him."
Alex felt even more tears streak down his cheeks, but he didn't care. Turning around and walking down the hall, the one person he didn't want to see appeared.
"Oh hi- what's wrong?" Alex just shook his head, wiping at his eyes. Jack's cheerful expression had faded to one of concern, and now he was looking around the halls.
"You are gonna get so much shit for this! Come on, come with me." Alex followed him without a word, knowing that he was pleased to hear Alex's footsteps behind him. Jack had lead Alex to the back of the building, pushing the doors open and made sure that Alex was still following him. Alex didn't know where Jack was taking him but he didn't care at this point. The two ended up on the football field. Jack climbed over a short, black fence and found himself in a shady, tree-covered area with a small, muddy creek running through it. Alex sat down on a rock, glad that he had managed to stop crying. On the other hand, he was regretting the idea to go anywhere with Jack, who was staring at him as though he was an alien.
"What am I going to get shit for?" Alex asked in a small voice.
"Crying at school. It was a stupid thing to say," Jack replied, sitting down on a patch of ground that wasn't as muddy as everything else.
"What's wrong?" Alex knew the question would come sooner or later, but he didn't know how to reply to it.
"I'm not sure." Jack nodded, in a fake-understanding kind of way.
"Why are you talking to me all of a sudden?"
"Why not?"