Its been awhile since she died. We have a son. Yun nga lang hindi na kinaya ng katawan niya ang mag stay para tulungan akong magpalaki sa anak namin. I dont want to think that because of her illness siya ang nakatuluyan ko. She did wish na sana piliin ko siya, and even if its the hardest part i did. You know not minding the tears that the one you love the most outburst. Kasi siya din umiiyak para pakasalan ang taon noon ko lang minahal.
We're at her tomb. With my son Michael. Michael Isaac Ravena
"Mom? How are you there? Are you happy for me? Im the first in the class! And I excel in basketball now"
I just let him talk to his mom. Maybe he misses her alot. After all he's 11 when his mom passed away. He had a heavy roomed brain, thinking he understand all of that in that age. He even told her mom that we will be okay if she left us.
"Mom Im turning 13 on sunday! Im almost a Big boy now. I know you're always by my side. Love you mom!"
After that sentence I look at her tomb, thinking how my life go if I dont marry her, if I dont break up with Alyssa.
"Miks, musta kana? Baka nag vovolleyball kana kung san kaman ngayon. Nako magagalit talaga si michael!"
My son just laugh. And get some dried leaves that sorounds her moms tomb.
"No mom, I wont. Dont listen to dad. Haha. I know you're healthy now that you are up there !"
I mess his hair that earn me a death glare. Hahah, indeed my son.
"Miks ang laki na nito oh, sana masaya kana diyan. 2 years kanang wala. Iniwan mo kami agad eh. Pero okay lang, as what mike said for sure healthy kana diyan. Pagpatuloy mo na ang volleyball haha"
And with that the wind blows. I know shes here watching us. I just smile and put my arms to mikes shoulders.
" wag ka manakot, haha. Enjoy kana diyan e, ang daya mo. Hmm, Sige una na kami ha? Medyo gabi narin kasi at may recognition patong aatendan ang binata natin. "
I just get up and look at him.
"Tara na ?"
He just smile to me and once again look at her moms tomb.
"Bye mom, balik lang kami when we're free. Promise !"
I drive on the way home with my son just looking at the places we pass by.
Its been how many years but still, alyssa got my heart with her. She's now a successful model, volleyball player and business woman. If she's single? I dont know, and Im really dying to know. Ugh, sorry miks!
Just when we enter in our garage, my son just nods and run on his way to his room. Binata na nga noon magpapakarga payan palabas ng car eh.
--
Sleeping is not just my mood for this evening. Instead of tucking myself in my bed, I just get a can of beer in the fridge and proceed to the garden.
Deep thoughts. I miss her, yes I loved mika and our son but, its totally different story when alyssa's in the picture. She's the one I love the most. I was actually planning on getting her a year after mika died but Im also thinking of our son. Ugh, I just heaved a sighs.
If this garden can shoo me away, matagal nakong nakabalik sa kwarto dahil bagot nato sa kakahingang malalim ko. For all those days that those 2 years consist? This garden is my thinking place. Kung magsasawa nga ang mga halaman matagal na silang sawa sa mga mabibigat na hinga ko at sakin.
I just drink my beer and go back to thinking all stuffs that life gives.
"Dad?"
I was to consumed, I didnt notice mike is now at my side also siting in the grass looking at the sky.
"Hmmm?"
Mu little boy cant sleep din.
"Do you miss her?"
Now his asking questions. Probobly his mom.
"Your mom? Ofcourse! Wala ng makulit eh"
Yes mika is very hard headed patient. thinking that she had a cancer yet she will do the household chores, na dapat ang mga maid, and she still go to the gym for a training. Haha. Sabi niya gusto niya lang daw enjoyin ang buhay bago siya kunin so we just let her.
"No dad, her. Alyssa Valdez right?"
*sighs* iba pala tinutukoy niya. He know alyssa. Alam niyang minahal ko si Alyssa bago ang mom niya. Si mika din nagsabi sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko si alyssa, but luckily nakuha niya daw ako, na kahit labag sa loob niya, pero tinaya nalang daw niya yon para sumaya siya.
Yes, when we were 23 mika got diagnosed with cancer. Its stage 1 but knowing cancer, it can damage too much.
1 year and 2 months na kami ni ly non. When she tells me and beg. At first I dont want to, but when ly knows, she tells me to go with mika. Still the giving person right? Even me. She can sacrifice me for mika.
Sinunod ko siya kahit labag sakin. Luckily natutunan ko namang mahalin ulit siya pero not the same intensity that I have for Alyssa. 2 years after lumala ang cancer niya kasal na kami non, at 2 years old na si mike. Nung una kasi nakakaya pa niya. And nawala ulit ang cancer niya. 4 years bumalik ulit at don lumalala. 3 years nakaya paniya ang treatments, hindi tumaas ang stage niya at nanatili sa 1, not until umiyak na siya dahil sa sakit and just accepted her fate na para daw talga sa kanya ang sakit daw na yun. She accepted it and just decided to deny all meds and therapys shes taking.
1 and a half year, shes getting weaker pero matigas parin ang ulo. Nat until after 3 months, tinaningan na siya with 3 month and with the exact month pinikit na niya mata niya.
"Naalala mo nanaman si mom, dad? Because I asked you about tita alyssa?"
Nak ayaw kong magalit ka sakin.
"Hmmm, bakit mo natanong anak?"
He look at me in the eyes.
"Dad, I know you still love tita ly, I can see it in your eyes and everytime you ask tita dani about her? I know your still into her. You still love her all thid years"
Napapansin pala niya yun. Maybe next time hindi ako masyadong magpapahalata.
"Hay. Wag mo nalang akong intindihin nak. Hindi nako magtatanong sa tita dani mo"
Even though sinabi ko, alam ko namang magtatanong at magtatanong pa din ako kay dani.
"No dad, okay lang."
Really?
"Okay, this is getting me knots, why sudden ask of my feelings for her little boy?"
Tinaasan niya ko ng kilay.
"First of all dad Im 12 na. Im not a little boy anymore. Second is I was just thinking na bakit di ka gumagawa ng move to get tita ly. You can have her naman kasi sabi ni tito thirds shes single"
Shocked. Yan ako ngayon. Okay lang sakanya na palitan ko ang mommy niya?
"Dad i know your thinking of me hating the fact that you will replace mom, but dad if you love her, why not? Im always at your side dad. At isa pa sabi ni mommy sakin na kung may ipapalit kadaw sa kanya, wag daw ako pumayag unless its tita alyssa"
" your mom told you that?!"
"Yeah, and while Im having infos of tita ly, shes totally amazing. Ang humble niya dad. Shes a millionare and all pero still you see her at a not so high standard events. Not like others na hindi pinapansin ang fans nila. Ang bait pa"
" okay, bat ang dami mong alam sa kanya??"
" kasi nung isang araw may feeding program na nacater ang school namin. Meron ding free check ups and free foods for adults. Sakanya galing yon lahat, and hindi gaya nung ibang sikat na hindi na pupunta sa event basta makapagbigay lang ng pera? Not her. Andun siya dad the whole day. And when I meet her at the CR palabas na kasi ako non, medyo natalisod ako kaya she help me go to the nearest bench well infact pwede lang naman niya akong tulungang tumayo but she really assisted me and talk to me and sinabing mag ingat ako. My teachers and schoolmates are dying for her signature and begging for having picture with her, pina unlakan niya yun lahat at kinausap pa niya. Imagine her staying at the bench for almost 2 hours just to give all of them what they want."
Amaze na amaze siya kay alyssa, hayy after all this years, still the alyssa that I used to love and still love.
" Im just thinking about you. Baka magalit ka sakin kasi ganun ko lang kadali pinalitan mom mo"
"Dad 2 years! Anong madali don, malapit kanang maging matanda di kaparin nakakagawa ng move"
Okay, nasaktan ako konti dun sa malapit nako maging matanda.
" is it really okay with you? And Im not yet old little man."
He laugh.
"Why not? She can make you happy, and I think she can be an ideal mom!"
I just hug him but cutted a couple of munites after. Because he laugh again.
"Tara nanga dad, Im sure you'll make a move tomorrow hahahah. Ravena moves"
Mika thankyou for giving me a little man like him. Dapat ko na yatang gamitin ang Ravena powers ko, we are not getting younger. Since okay naman kina mike, ill make a move. Sana may space pako sa puso niya.