Its been awhile since she died. We have a son. Yun nga lang hindi na kinaya ng katawan niya ang mag stay para tulungan akong magpalaki sa anak namin. I dont want to think that because of her illness siya ang nakatuluyan ko. She did wish na sana piliin ko siya, and even if its the hardest part i did. You know not minding the tears that the one you love the most outburst. Kasi siya din umiiyak para pakasalan ang taon noon ko lang minahal.
We're at her tomb. With my son Michael. Michael Isaac Ravena
"Mom? How are you there? Are you happy for me? Im the first in the class! And I excel in basketball now"
I just let him talk to his mom. Maybe he misses her alot. After all he's 11 when his mom passed away. He had a heavy roomed brain, thinking he understand all of that in that age. He even told her mom that we will be okay if she left us.
"Mom Im turning 13 on sunday! Im almost a Big boy now. I know you're always by my side. Love you mom!"
After that sentence I look at her tomb, thinking how my life go if I dont marry her, if I dont break up with Alyssa.
"Miks, musta kana? Baka nag vovolleyball kana kung san kaman ngayon. Nako magagalit talaga si michael!"
My son just laugh. And get some dried leaves that sorounds her moms tomb.
"No mom, I wont. Dont listen to dad. Haha. I know you're healthy now that you are up there !"
I mess his hair that earn me a death glare. Hahah, indeed my son.
"Miks ang laki na nito oh, sana masaya kana diyan. 2 years kanang wala. Iniwan mo kami agad eh. Pero okay lang, as what mike said for sure healthy kana diyan. Pagpatuloy mo na ang volleyball haha"
And with that the wind blows. I know shes here watching us. I just smile and put my arms to mikes shoulders.
" wag ka manakot, haha. Enjoy kana diyan e, ang daya mo. Hmm, Sige una na kami ha? Medyo gabi narin kasi at may recognition patong aatendan ang binata natin. "
I just get up and look at him.
"Tara na ?"
He just smile to me and once again look at her moms tomb.
"Bye mom, balik lang kami when we're free. Promise !"
I drive on the way home with my son just looking at the places we pass by.
Its been how many years but still, alyssa got my heart with her. She's now a successful model, volleyball player and business woman. If she's single? I dont know, and Im really dying to know. Ugh, sorry miks!
Just when we enter in our garage, my son just nods and run on his way to his room. Binata na nga noon magpapakarga payan palabas ng car eh.
--
Sleeping is not just my mood for this evening. Instead of tucking myself in my bed, I just get a can of beer in the fridge and proceed to the garden.
Deep thoughts. I miss her, yes I loved mika and our son but, its totally different story when alyssa's in the picture. She's the one I love the most. I was actually planning on getting her a year after mika died but Im also thinking of our son. Ugh, I just heaved a sighs.
If this garden can shoo me away, matagal nakong nakabalik sa kwarto dahil bagot nato sa kakahingang malalim ko. For all those days that those 2 years consist? This garden is my thinking place. Kung magsasawa nga ang mga halaman matagal na silang sawa sa mga mabibigat na hinga ko at sakin.
I just drink my beer and go back to thinking all stuffs that life gives.
"Dad?"
I was to consumed, I didnt notice mike is now at my side also siting in the grass looking at the sky.
