"Why do you always lie about your whereabouts?" Mom yells. Oh no, they're fighting again.
"Mind your business. Does it matter? Charlotte already knows we're not together!" Dad yells back. Technically, I do know but Mom acts as if I'm deaf and have no idea that they can't stand each other. I sigh and leave the living room. I head towards their room.
"I hate you! I swear I hate you! If not for Charlotte, oooo I would have left your sorry ass a long damn time ago!" Mom shouts. She's probably pointing a finger in his face. I get closer to the bedroom, I feel the tension in the air and their voices get louder. As if they weren't loud before, dammit.
"I can't believe I ever loved you. I can't stand you! I wish you'd just drop dread!" Dad cries out in frustration. He's probably clenching his fists at his sides. I reach the doorway and just stand there watching them. They don't notice me, they practically never do.
"Why do you have to say that so loud! Charlotte is home and she can hear you stupid," pftt yeah no kidding,"Lower your voice! I should have never let you save me in that alley! I was committing suicide to get away from you! Did I ever tell you that Derek?" Mom lashes out. She made dramatic gestures the whole time. My body goes cold. Wait, what? Dad found Mom trying to commit suicide?
"No you didn't! That's all you do is ruin a man's life! Why don't you just go back to bouncing on Richard's-" Dad shouts, throwing his arms up in the air. I had to interject.
"DAD ! MOM ! PLEASE !" I plead with them to stop. They both look at me with crestfallen faces. Usually when they argue it doesn't get to the point where they bring up the past, I never would have thought that... Did they ever even really love each other in the first place? What about me? They swore they were in love once and now it's dead. They swear they love me but has that love gone out the window too? I can't even deny this thought.
"I'm going to go for a walk. Anything I should know before I go?" I ask softly. This is their chance to redeem their-selves. I don't know why I bother asking, they always look ashamed yet they make no effort to vindicate their actions. I sigh, tiredly and exit their room. When I'm a few steps from the front door, I hear Mom. I turn to face her just as her first few words come out.
"Honey our divorce was just finalized. We're both moving out and going our separate ways. Your Uncle will stay with you and watch over you. I'm so sorry Baby." Mom sobs out, her voice cracking at the end. She moves to hug me and I step back. I put up my hands, signaling for her not to touch me. She cries more and Dad appears.
"Babydoll please don't hate us. We need to do this. You'll be on your own soon and we just can't take each other anymore. We did all we did for you, for 16 years. Sorry we couldn't stick out the last 2. Please write us both and keep us updated. We really do love you Charlotte Marie." Dad says. He rubs my mother's back as she sobs in his arms. It amazes me how they fight, they bicker, scream and curse at each other but yet they're so gentle when the other is in need. How the fuck can they stand here in front of me and act like they don't have any problems at all? My shoulders immediately tense. I hate my name. I hate myself. Everything is part of them. Their war continues within me. It's why my emotions are so all over the fucking place. Why can't I get a break? I dash out the house, leaving them alone together. I run to the park and sit on my favorite bench. I bring my legs up and cry into my knees. I just let everything out. Everything I can't express verbally comes out in this very moment.
"Charlotte?" I hear a familiar voice ask. I look up to see Jasper, his face immediately drops once he sees my tear-stained face. He sits down quickly and hugs me, comforting me. I resume crying my heart out, this time into my hands.
"They got a divorce. They're leaving me. They don't love me. I hate them. It's all my fault." I croak out through tears. Jasper just hums a song, rubs my back and lets me cry. Soon enough I run out of water, feeling drained, I stop.
"You cried so much, it was like your nose parted the Red Sea. Ooooo, you could've filled a whole bucket. I'll get you a crying bucket okay? I'll bring it to you tomorrow?" He looks at me with so much hope and happiness in his eyes. I nod and he gets up, filled with joy.
"Thanks Jasp. You're the best." I manage to say softly with a smile in my tone and my eyes yet not on my lips. He smiles like a doof and walks off. I take out my phone to see my face. My eyes have that reddish pink color in them and are still glossy. My throat is really dry from my stupid loud sobbing. My face looks dry from all the tears. My nose has a red tint and I look terrible. I wipe my face just to clean myself off. Then my phone rings and I pick it up.
"Hey kiddo, you okay? You've been gone for an hour, your parents told me everything and they already left." My Uncle's voice says. Of course they're already gone. I've been gone for an hour? I fucking cried for an hour? Damn.
"Okay Uncle Rosco I'm coming home now." I say. I stand and start my trek home.
"Alright well I gotta leave soon. I gotta go to work. Someone has to support us now right?" He asks and I can just hear the stupid smile on his face.
"Alright Unc. Give me a few minutes, I'll be there." I say and then hang up. Maybe I'll finally get some peace at home. I hurry home and enter. I lock the door behind myself and listen but it's silent.
"Uncle!" I call out. I walk passed the living room and head straight for the kitchen. I hear rummaging as I get closer.
"Uncle Rosco" I call his name. He stops and stands, turning to look at me with a piece of celery on the side of his mouth. A small smile breaks out on my face.
"Hey girly, y'all ain't got no food huh?" He asks and I laugh. I walk up to him and wipe the side of his mouth, he looks at me a little embarrassed.
"No we don't, sorry." I say lightly and he shakes his head.
"That's not your fault babygirl." Unc says. My heart cracks. His eyes look at me and show immediate regret.
"Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have used that name." He says engulfing me in a hug. I find myself crying my eyes out, sniveling as well. I muster up the strength to wipe my eyes and lift my head.
"It's okay, you can use it. It sounds good coming out of the mouth of someone that actually cares." I say sullenly. He pulls away and smiles sadly at me. I smile sadly back.
"Alright well green pea I gotta go now. I go on break around 9 so come to my job and we'll have dinner. I'll drop you home but do you have anyone who can bring you there?" He asks me. I shake my head.
"I'm not really hungry and besides I wouldn't have a ride there anyway. Just save something for me and I'll eat it tomorrow." I say and walk out the kitchen. I head upstairs to my room and I softly open and close my door. I plop on my bed and just lay there for a few minutes. I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
Do they really expect me to write them? Should I even care about them? Ugh, why do I still care? Why can't I just forget them like Casey did? 'Cause they're family and no matter how much I want to turn my back on them I can't. Fuck. But they left for a reason, I know it was cause I was too much for them to put up with on top of their disliking for one another. I can't be bothered with them. I will not let this affect me, I can't. School is going really well for me and if I dwell too much on my home life then school will be messed up. School is my ticket, my one way out. My eyelids feel heavy. I close them just to relax.
I wake with a start, it's dark and I can't see. I close my eyes and lay motionless. I feel for my phone and open my eyes when I can't find it. I turn on my screen to see it's 3 a.m. Thank goodness, I can get in 5 more hours of sleep. I unlock my phone and check my messages. 2 from mom, 1 from dad, 1 from my sister and 1 from Jasper. I get up and use my phone's flashlight to find my iPod. I turn on my iPod to see that it's dying and I have 4 missed face-time calls from Jasper. I plug my iPod into its charger by my dresser and return to my bed to sit. I look at my messages.
Mother Hey girly, I hope you're not too mad at us. Your dad and I weren't supposed to be together long if at all, but we stuck it out for you albeit very poorly. I'm so sorry Baby.
Please don't hate us. I hope we can all move on from this and just be happy. Call me whenever you want. I'll always answer. Love you
Father Babygirl I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me and don't hate your mother. We both do love you very much, things just weren't meant to be for us. Oh fuck that. I should have done more to make it work and I promise, once I get the help I need I'll be back in your life just like a father should.
I don't doubt for a single second that a custody battle will breakout soon, maybe after a couple of months. Although Dad does want me all to himself, he wouldn't prevent me from seeing Mom if I wanted. Mom has always expressed to me that we'd be better off without him in our lives and she should've left ages ago.
Casey I heard what happened. I'll allow you to live with me if you want. Only if you want to.
Ew no, I'm not moving and definitely not to live with my sister. I'm only slightly fonder of her than I am of my parents. I wouldn't really be happy.
Jasper I got you 2 crying buckets. They're actually really cute and tiny! I got mini buckets! You aren't answering so maybe you're sleep. Anyways feel better and see you tomorrow. MINI BUCKETS I SAY!
I smile at Jasper's text. He still hasn't gotten over buckets. It's kinda cute, over time I've developed a minuscule admiration of buckets 'cause of him.
I plug my phone in the charger by my bed and turn it off, placing it under my pillow. I sigh and take off the clothes I had on today. I get up and grab some pj's. I put them on and lay back down. I get under my covers this time and go to sleep with the comforting hug from the blanket.