Hey, guys it's little ole me posting another chapter. I know it's been a little while but not as long as those other times but still a while. But hey what can you do. I hope you guys enjoy this one. I enjoyed writing.
Enjoy.
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I wake up thinking about Dylan. I can't stop thinking about Dylan. It's been a couple of days since our last encounter yet I can't get her out of my head no matter how hard I try.
I know I shouldn't be because I'm supposed to be moving on, but it's hard to when she keeps doing the things that she does. How can she literally not talk to me at all and still make it so hard for me to get over her?
But I want to so much. It hurts sometimes just thinking about how much I used to like her and how our friendship was then and how it is now. I want that friendship with her back more than anything.
Usually I try not to, but my mind keeps going back to that day that she effortlessly took the notebook back from Jet and Luther. It reminded me about how we used to be and the first time she ever saved me. Those are the times that I always cherished. But I really want to move on. It is just hard.
It's like as soon as I look at her or she does something for me, I'm back to square one of trying to get over her. It was a vicious cycle that I was hoping to break. Hopefully with Caroline.
I feel that I am not putting myself out there enough so that Caroline would actually like me and give me the time of day. I am not one to put myself out there for a girl, but I feel like this calls for desperate measures. But I don't even know where to start.
For a moment, I thought about the mystery writer. Even though I just "met" this person, I felt like I could trust this person and ask them anything. If I were to ask about anything, it would be about this.
I hadn't talked to the person in a couple days from receiving the last letter because school, my job, and the boys were constantly in the way and I had no time.
I realized that I needed to make time. Especially if I am going to get advice from the mystery person, I can't keep them waiting. I needed help as soon as possible and this is the only way I will get that. I need to do it for myself. Pining over Dylan isn't helping anything, especially my love life.
Though I did have a small worry that I might have been rushing into things because of my need to not be alone anymore, but I pushed that worry aside because I did like Caroline but I never went for her because Dylan had been a big roadblock. Maybe instead of still chasing Dylan, I should really start chasing Caroline.
And I would do just that. First thing this morning, as soon as I see her. But maybe after I can think of something to say. I'm not really good at pressure and Caroline is pressure times ten.
I will think about what to say to her when I see her. Maybe it is an in the moment type of thing. I can't dwell on it now because there are things that I needed to take care of before I headed off to school.
Last night my mother got in the house pretty late, due to work and she seemed dead tired. I could tell from the way that her feet stomped on each step as she dragged her body up the stairs and from the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep when she poked her head into my room when she thought I was sleeping. The hall light that framed her face accentuated her tired features.
Guilt kept me from sleeping as easily as I wanted to after that. I wished that there were ways that I could help her keep a stable income in the home. I used to think about quitting school all the time because then it would allow more time within my day to get another job but I made it my mission to make something out of myself so that I can pay it all back to my mother and set her up pretty so she would never have to worry about anything again.
But those are just dreams.
For now, I will just do the best that I can in helping her. With working harder to make more money and taking the boys to school, starting today.
I wake Alec first since he is younger and it takes him longer to get out of bed. Then I wake Joel with a slight nudge. Joel wakes with a small smile and groggy eyes, he hops out of bed and walks slowly to the bathroom. Alec takes a little bit more work than him.
I have to actually pick him up out of the bed to get him to wake up. He clings to me around my neck and waist as I carry him into the bathroom to get their teeth brushed.
About an hour later after eating and getting dressed, the two of them are ready for school and putting their shoes on by the door. They wait there for me rubbing their eyes and yawning occasionally, clearly tired.
I quickly ready their lunches as fast as I can while checking the clock. I really hadn't wanted to be late to school, but looking at the time after dropping them off at the bus stop, it would be cutting it close.
"Alright guys let's hurry." I grab my keys off of the small table by the door and book it out of the house with the boys trying to keep up behind me.
We climb into the car and start making our way to the bus stop.
The ride is never a long one but today since I was running behind it seems to take forever.
As we were nearing the stop, Alec pipes up from the back sit, pointing out the window. " Look Wren! There's Dyl Pickle's street!"
He was referring to Dylan. I had given her that nickname when we were kids after Dill Pickles from Rugrats after I had notice her crazy obsession with pickles as her snack of choice.
As we grew older, I had stopped calling her that but the boys never did. I hadn't heard that nickname in a long time.
Through a yawn Joel spoke, " I used to love her piggyback rides." He coughs awkwardly and then said , "Even though I'm too old for kid stuff like that now."
"What do you mean you're too old? You're seven." I comment, laughing at the way he sits up straighter, trying to seem taller.
Alec speaks then with a longing look, still looking out the window, " I miss Dyl."
"Me too bud." I try not to say it with so much emotion but my voice cracks a little just thinking about her. Knowing the boys seem to miss her as well just solidifies her absence.
Finally, we arrive at the bus stop. Kids mill around the stop impatiently waiting for the bus to arrive. I stare at the kids, remembering the times when Dylan, Derek, and I used to do the same thing.
I shake my head, shaking the memories from my head then unlocking the doors to let the boys out.
" You guys be good, okay?" I shout after them. They smile and wave to me then going off to talk to some other kids at the bus stop.
I pull off quickly, just hoping to make it to school on time.
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I make it to the school with a few seconds to spare. I don't even go to my locker to pick up anything instead I just make a beeline for my class.
I let out a relieved sigh making it into the classroom just as the bell rings. I never liked to be late if I could help it. I wasn't a star student or anything but if I could help being late I try.
I slide into my seat, my heart rate calming after racing to class.
"Are you always late?" A warm voice spoke in a hushed tone, clearly trying not to draw anyone's attention but my own.
My heart starts to race once again. Slowly I turned my head away from the board, not believing that the voice I was hearing was real.
Caroline sat beside me, beautiful as ever. Her light hazel eyes stare at me with interest and clear mirth. Her cheek lay in the palm of her hand with her elbow propped up by the desk. An amused smile graced her lips.
I am caught of guard seeing her sitting next to me. Of course I knew she was in this class with me since I am hyper aware of her 24/7 but I usually make an effort to sit far away from her so I could stare at a distance and not make a fool of myself.
But today since I ran in the classroom without paying attention, I have the luxury of staring up close. I tried not to but I really can't help.
I finally say something. "You want to know for our future date, don't you? Is this like a test? You are trying to see if I'm the late or earlier type, aren't you?" I say, recovering from the shock of seeing her. I am really surprised at how smooth I am. I think the pep talk I gave myself must have worked.
I'm even more surprised that I thought of anything to say to her at all since I can't hear my own thoughts over the sound of my drumming heart.
"Are you asking me out?" She replies quickly not missing a beat. I stop breathing for a moment. It hurts at how much I want that. I really wish I was.
"I feel like it's you who are asking me out." I twist the knife in my chest, continuing to play this game with her. She can't understand how serious I am about all of this.
She laughs quietly in her hand, before giving me a bright smile. " I always thought you would be the one to ask me out but I guess I can switch roles with you."
I raise an eyebrow at her feigning surprise. "Are you admitting to thinking about us?"
A coy and flirtatious look appears on her face then. " Maybe I am."
The conversation between us ends then because my mind literally flatlines and I can't think of anything to say after that. Caroline seems content with leaving me in utter disarray because she didn't even attempt to tell me that she was joking. She just went back to listening to the teacher satisfied with the outcome of our conversation.
I attempt to speak because I know how badly I wanted to continue it and find out if Caroline was being serious or not but I can't speak. So I don't.
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When I get home, I sit at my desk and quickly pull out my notebook. I had picked the boys up from school so I have little time to myself until my mother would want me to start helping her cook dinner and I wanted to get my thoughts out onto paper to my mystery writer since I was still reeling from talking to Caroline today even though that happened this morning. Moments like those have that effect on me. Similar to moments with Dylan.
But this isn't about her this was about Caroline and my mystery writer. No more Dylan. Or at least that's what I told myself.
Dear Friendly Neighborhood Friend,
Yes I do get that reference. I used to know someone who was an avid comic book reader and superhero enthusiast. Well I still know them, we just aren't as close as we used to be. But we can talk about that person some other time.
Honestly, fate isn't usually so kind to me. Fate is usually a bitch who likes to make sure nothing in my life is right. But maybe she was on my side a little today. This girl I have had my eye on has been giving me the right sort of attention as of late. Which is good because I had no idea how I was going to approach things with her.
Before I continue, I am bisexaul. Sorry to say, if you think that's a problem, we would have to stop our interludes which would be a shame because I like talking to you. If that's not to forward of me or weird for that matter. I don't have many people who do that with me these days. But you do. I hope that didn't come out awkward.
Actually now that I think about it, you might not even know that I am a girl or my name for that matter.
Anyways there is this girl. She knows me well enough but I never knew if I would have a chance with her or how to even near that topic, you know? But recently she has been doing all that. Even flirting with me I think and I don't know if it's a good or bad thing.
On one hand I want a relationship and someone to just be with but on the other hand.....well that's just it. There's another hand and by that I mean girl (the comic book connoisseur). I'm stuck in a war of what I want. I could use some advice. I thought you were the right guy/girl for the job.
Hopelessly At War With Myself (Long name I know).
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So Team Caroline or Team Dylan? I hope you guys liked this chapter.
~~ Athena