Lauren's POV
"How was your weekend?" Dr. Sweeney asked me during therapy the next Monday.
"Pretty good," I nodded.
"Tell me about it. Did you see her?" she wondered, referencing "her" to Camila.
"Nope," I shook my head. "But I did see a few pictures of her and Taylor on Facebook and Twitter. I saw them on my friend's accounts since she blocked me from hers."
"How did that make you feel?"
"Sad," I sighed, looking down. "I mean, I had a good Friday after I left here since I hung out with my friends but when I looked at her online, I just felt depressed again," I said.
"But that's okay. It's only been two weeks since the breakup. It's still fresh. And the breakup was a big thing, a lot of harsh stuff went down...Did you write about it?"
"Actually, I wrote a song," I grinned.
"Oh right, about her and Taylor?" Sweeney knew about how I saw Camila and Taylor flirt in the hallway and how upset I got. So, I told her about Brad and I's new plan to write a song about it and she was proud of me.
"Yeah, we finished it on Saturday and it's really good. Tomorrow's the assembly for the performances and we're gonna sing it," I smirked.
"That's great!" she beamed. We talked more about it until we moved on to a more serious topic. "Did you talk to...Keana?" she asked.
"I did," I said softly. That was another thing Sweeney advised me to do. Talk to Keana about...everything. "We FaceTimed for like five hours just talking and even crying about all the things. We talked about everything you told me, everything that's happened between us, our feelings and secrets. I think absolutely everything was laid out there and nothing was held back."
"Five hours. That's amazing, Lauren," she smiled.
"Yeah, it was huge," I breathed. "And she agreed with the fact that she could see herself in me. But she was too afraid to tell me. I mean, she was in love with me and just wanted me to love her back not upsetting me more than I already was. It's true, she protected me like how I protected her. She blamed herself big time for 'ruining my life' but I blamed myself just as much. It was both of our faults, like you said. Before, I was too vulnerable and she was too influential. And then, I became too influential and she became too vulnerable. And we just realized we were both of each others biggest influence. But we forgave each other for everything we did to one another and we can finally and officially begin to move on.
She said she'll always have feelings for me deep down and to be honest I will too like what you told me. But she wants the best for me in the end," I smiled. "We're gonna be good friends. Like I said, that whole incident on Valentine's Day was terrible and I've felt incredibly shattered from it, but it did actually help Keana and I. We've wouldn't have now fixed our long term issues without it. I can't believe I'm saying that but it's true," I chuckled. Maybe things really did happen for a reason. "But yeah, Keana wants me to be happy with who I love and what I do. And I want that for her too. Keana and I have such a weird yet very special friendship but I think that's what makes us so great. And by talking about it with her really helped me with everything."
"And it's only going to keep getting better. But next, Camila..."
____________________
It was Tuesday and the day for our Advanced Songwriting class to perform our songs. It was going to be a school wide assembly so everyone was going to hear us.
It was also March 3rd, Camila's birthday. Our friends excluding me, wished and sang her happy birthday. I wished I could've done that too but I couldn't. I just watched from a far, softly smirking at her bright smile and her cute little 18th birthday tiara.
Anyway...for the song that was being performed today, Brad and I rehearsed non stop and felt good about it. Our song was called "Somebody Else" and it was basically about a person who broke up with their significant other but when they heard that they've moved and found someone else, they become jealous and sad. That's kind of how Brad and I were feeling. Brad had a girlfriend a little while ago who he broke up with because of reasons. With me I didn't know what Camila and Taylor were right now but I heard they kissed and that saddened me. So, I was still down about my breakup while Brad has moved on and wanted to just be his single self. And with that, we combined both of our feelings and put it into one song.
Since Brad and I also both liked The 1975, we decided to make it like their style. It sounded calm, slow, and unique with similar vibes to the band. We got Tristan and Connor to help us out on the drums and bass too.
"Guess who's number one, Jauregui?" Ariana asked with a smirk, walking over to me. We were backstage and about to perform for the school.
"Let me guess. She's a little diva who always gets what she wants?" I teased. Ariana and I have been talking a lot more which was weird but not at all bad actually. Since I've been going to therapy we would talk a little bit before and after the sessions and I got to know more about her life and what she's been working on for her career. It was nice.
"You nailed it," she grinned. And Ariana wasn't that bad either to be honest. She was just a little brat because well, she basically had to look after herself. Her parents were always out of town and she didn't have many friends because she just treated them like shit. But only at first because of the rich stereotype she fell into. But when you really got to know her under all that petty stuck up shit, she was cool. We joked about how she always brags and talks so highly about herself. It's just a laugh now between us.
"What's your song called again?" I asked.
"'Love Me Harder,'" she said.
"Oh yeah. What's that about?"
"Well, I wrote it a while ago and since Jai isn't much of a songwriter, we just used one of my oldies. It's about loving someone more than just physically in a relationship." Ariana was actually a great songwriter too. She knew how to make a hit.
"At least you didn't do what Dinah and Kian did," I chuckled, shaking my head at my dumb friends. "They got Justin to write their song for them."
"Really? Oh my gosh!" we laughed.
"Okay, class! Everyone's here and now we're going to start. Jai, Ariana, are you ready?" They nodded and went out onto the stage. I thought it must've been awkward for them having to work together since they dated for a little while last year but it really wasn't since they were pretty cool now.
They performed a song called "Love Me Harder" and damn it was a bop. She had a band, backtrack, production, and everything. I mean, Brad and I did too but hers was really great. Ariana was just a natural born talented performer even though she's been trained intently in musical theater since she was a toddler. And not gonna lie but Ariana looked hot up there with her short, tight dress, fuck me pumps, and cat ears. Plus, singing a song like that was really putting me in the mood. Her voice was not only flawless, note and pitch perfect but sexy too. Wow, I couldn't believe I was thinking this about Ariana since I used to be negatively attracted to her. She was always hot but her attitude was a total turn off. But I guess being her friend now boosted her beauty and attractiveness rapidly.
Up next, was my girl Normani and Jacob Whitesides. They were singing a song Jacob mostly wrote called "Let's Be Birds" and it was really good. I didn't know Jacob was such a great songwriter and Normani was such a great singer. I mean, I knew she could sing well but she killed it. I was so proud of her.
After that, was my boy Justin and Alexa Ferrer singing "The Feeling." Justin was another great songwriter too. I think everyone is, damn. But they did amazing and Justin actually liked Alexa so maybe he'd ask her out.
After that, was Brad and I's turn. We went out on the stage with Connor and Tristan following us, getting into their positions. Brad went to his keyboard with the mic and I went to the microphone.
"Hi, I'm Lauren," I introduced.
"I'm Brad," he waved. "And this is a song called 'Somebody Else.'" The backtrack and band started and we began.
A/N: "Somebody Else" by The 1975
[Lauren]:
So I heard you found somebody else
And at first I thought it was a lie
I took all my things that make sounds
The rest I can do without
[Brad and Lauren:]
I don't want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold
You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
And then leaving with somebody else
No, I don't want your body
But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
[Brad:]
Come on baby
This ain't the last time that I'll see your face
Come on baby
You said you'd find someone to take my place
Oh I just don't believe that you have got it in you cause
We are just gonna keep "doin' it" and everytime
I start to believe in anything you're saying
I'm reminded that I should be getting over it
[Brad and Lauren:]
I don't want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold
You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
And then leaving with somebody else
No, I don't want your body
But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
[Lauren:]
Get someone you love?
Get someone you need?
[Brad:]
Forget that
Get money
I can't give you my soul
Cause we're never alone
[4x]
[Brad and Lauren:]
I don't want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold
You're intertwining your soul with somebody else
I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone
And then leaving with somebody else
No, I don't want your body
But I'm picturing your body with somebody else
The school applauded and we left the stage, smiling about the performance.
"That was great," Ariana high-fived me.
"Thanks," I slightly blushed which was a weird thing. What was happening to me?
"Yeah, you're super talented, Lauren," Ariana smirked and gave me a wink. Oh my God.
Camila's POV
Shawn and I were backstage listening to our peer's performances but we were also focussing. We were kind of nervous about our song but more so me. I was nervous about what Lauren was going to think of it. But whatever it was my song and it was how I felt.
I wrote those lyrics straight from the heart. When I said it was a conversation between two people in a relationship, it was me (Shawn's part) conversing with Lauren (my part). I knew where she was after she left my house or at least had a feeling. And also what she did last summer when she reached her limit.
To be honest, it took everything in me to break up with her. I know it looked like I did it instantly but it was really hard. When I was crying in the bathroom, I almost went back outside a few times to look for her and apologize. Even the day after. I knew she didn't mean what she did but I was stronger and knew we just couldn't be together. Lauren had unresolved issues that she needed to fix without me and that was the "I can't hold you close" part. So, I ultimately let her go. Those lyrics broke me but healed me at the same time.
I listened to Lauren's song with Brad and wondered if she was singing about me. She was singing something like "I hate to think about you with somebody else." That made me think if she was referring to Taylor and I. After the beach on Friday, we just said we were going to take it very slow. We weren't in a relationship but I guess you could say we were seeing each other kind of like what Lauren and I did before we actually dated and made it official. But this was a lot more subtle.
I hung out with Taylor again last night with Shawn and she watched him and I rehearse the song at his place. She enjoyed it and told me she was looking forward to hearing it on stage. When I looked out in the audience, she was in the second row with her friends eager to see me. It was so cute and you know what? I think this was what I needed. Along with the song, Taylor too has helped me through this breakup and every day I think I've been feeling more feelings about her. So, it was just a matter of time before we became something more.
Now that they were done, it was Shawn and I's turn. We were about to make our way onto the stage until I saw Lauren and Ariana talk...very closely. What in the hell were they doing?? They hated each other. At least that's what I thought. I also saw Ariana wink at her and got totally confused. Okay, enough, don't pay any attention to them, Camila. I had a song to sing and I was going to sing it loud and proud.
"Hi, I'm Shawn Mendes," Shawn introduced.
"I'm Camila Cabello," I smiled and waved.
"Our song is called 'I Know What You Did Last Summer,'" Shawn said. I took a deep breath and looked into the audience and saw Taylor. She was smiling brightly at me and I blushed instantly.
"Go, Shawmila!" she yelled and we laughed as the band started playing. We were then focussed and ready to go.
Lauren's POV
I wasn't so sure what Ariana was doing because she was being rather flirty with me. I was totally confused. Was she just being really friendly? Because I believed she was straight. She's dated many boys in the past so I could only assume. But the look she was giving me made me think otherwise.
I then heard Camila and Shawn's voice from on stage. Dammit. I wanted to walk out of the theater right now but needed to listen to what she was going to sing. Standing in the wings, I watched my ex-girlfriend and best friend start singing.
A/N: You can watch/listen to the video while reading or not. Lauren shares her thoughts throughout.
The first thing my mind thought of was damnnn she looks hot as fuck. Her outfit was sexy with that white collared one piece and black tie, showing off her amazing legs. Not to mention her high ponytail that always made me weak. She also had fuck me pumps on too! Looking at her made me miss her so much and that body of hers. God, she was the death of me. Lately, I've been feeling sexually frustrated and this only made it worse. At least I still kept her nudes.
But I had to focus and listen to her.
...D-d-does he know
Another's hands have touched my skin
I won't tell him where I've been
He knows, he knows, he knows
[Shawn & Camila:]
It's tearing me apart
She's slipping away (I'm slipping away)
Am I just hanging on to all the words she used to say?
The pictures on her phone
She's not coming home (I'm not coming home)
Coming home, coming home
This was interesting.
[Shawn (Camila) {both}:]
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Just lie to me there's no other
(he-ey)
I know what you did last summer
{Tell me where you've been}
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Look me in the eyes, my lover
(He-ey)
I know what you did last summer
{Tell me where you've been}
Wow, very interesting. And too interesting, this was so about me. She knew what I did last summer? Like hell she did!
[Shawn:]
When she looks me in the eyes
They don't seem as bright
No more, no more, I know
That she loved me at one time
Would I promise her that night
Cross my heart and hope to die
Okay, that was a stab in the heart.
[Shawn & Camila:]
It's tearing me apart (It's tearing me apart)
And she's slipping away (I'm slipping away)
Am I just hanging on to all the words she used to say?
The pictures on her phone (the pictures on my phone)
And she's not coming home (I'm not coming home)
Oh, na, na, na, oh yeah
[Shawn (Camila) {both}:]
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Just lie to me, there is no other
(he-ey)
I know what you did last summer
{Tell me where you've been}
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Look me in the eyes, my lover
(he-ey)
I know what you did last summer
{Tell me where you've been}
How fucking dare she write and sing a song about this?! She was putting me on blast and now people were going to know. The whole fucking school was watching this.
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know (no, no, no)
Can't seem to let you go,
Can't seem to keep you close
(hold me close)
I can't seem to let you go,
I can't seem to keep you close
(you know I didn't mean it though)
Tell me where you've been lately
Tell me where you've been lately
(just hold me close)
She had the audacity to use our argument and my own fucking feelings to showcase her little performance? I couldn't believe her. She liked seeing me hurt, didn't she? She was kicking me down while I was already. And I was so damn embarrassed.
Tell me where you've been lately
Tell me where you've been lately
(don't, don't, don't, don't let me go)
I can't seem to keep you close,
I can't seem to let you go
(I didn't mean it, though)
I know you didn't mean it though
I know you didn't mean it though
(I don't wanna let you go)
Tell me you didn't mean it, though
Tell me you didn't mean it, though (no, no, no)
(can't seem to let you go, seem to let you go)
I know you didn't mean it, though
I wanna know you need it, though
(hold me close)
I know you didn't mean it, though
I know you didn't mean it, though
(just hold me close)
I can't seem to let you go,
Can't seem to hold you close
[Shawn & Camila:]
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Just lie to me there is no other
(he-ey)
I know what you did last summer
Tell me where you've been
I know what you did last summer
(ah-ah)
Look me in the eyes, my lover
(he-ey)
I know what you did last summer
Tell me where you've been
[Shawn & Camila:]
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know (ah-ah)
(he-ey)
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know (ah-ah, ah-ah)
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know (ah-ah)
(he-ey)
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know (ah-ah, ah-ah)
I know
After the song ended, I was furious. I was more than furious and she was not going to get away with this.
"That was amazing," I heard her say, hugging Shawn while she was off the stage now. I glared at her wanting to just tell her off right then. "I'm gonna use the restroom." She went out the door and into the back hallway toward the restroom and I couldn't help but follow her. This needed to be talked about as soon as possible.
I walked out the door and went into the bathroom, "Hey, quite a song you got there," I said to her.
She turned around but quickly turned back to wash her hands. I just stood there with my back against the door to block her from leaving.
"Can you move, please?" she almost whispered, coming over to me.
"No," I stated with my arms crossed.
"I can't talk to you," she said, not meeting my eyes.
"Well then listen," I unfolded my arms. "You have the fucking nerve, Cabello, to write that shit about me and sing it to the entire school."
"It's not like everyone's going to know it's about you. Not everyone knows we dated and I'm sure they wouldn't even care. I covered it up too, it was between a guy and a girl."
"Still. I know what it was about and I'm sure at least our close friends do too. That's fucking embarrassing. You used my feelings and my words into your song without my permission," I argued.
"Also my words and my feelings. It's how I felt too. This is my song and my art. I can write about whatever I want. And this song was how I expressed how I felt about us after that day. It's really helped me get through it."
"Okay but you could've done it in a better way without hurting someone," I was starting to get angry. "I'm furious about this, Camila."
"What about your song? You wrote yours about me too," she defended.
"Yeah, but I didn't talk about our breakup and intentionally hurt you!" I raised my voice.
"I didn't intentionally hurt you either and you actually did imply that we were broken up."
"But you wanted to make me feel like shit. My heart was already damaged enough and then you go and do that. And I for one only said that you were with somebody else. I didn't even mention anything other than that."
"If you're talking about Taylor, then you're making assumptions."
"Oh yeah? How? I know you two kissed."
"That doesn't mean we're dating, she's just my friend. You jumped to conclusions way too soon. And you can't even talk when you and Ariana were flirting backstage," she argued.
"Ariana? That was nothing," I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Uh that wink she gave you? Looked like it was something. And that's so weird, I thought you hated each other."
"Well, we're friends now. She's sweet and not a bad person once you get to know her."
"Oh yeah, I bet you really got to know her." I could tell what she was implying.
"Now who's the one jumping to conclusions way too soon. Don't make assumptions about my life.
"Don't make assumptions about mine."
"Just know this was your fault, Camila. You embarrassed and disrespected me."
"Like what you did to me?"
"Oh so was this like your revenge?" I widened my eyes and smirked.
"Well, when I sang it, it felt pretty damn good. So, maybe it is my revenge."
"That's cute. And that's so mature. I'm glad you know what level you're on."
"You're gonna talk to me about maturity? Oh because last time I checked, I was honest and loyal to my girlfriend and I didn't need to see a therapist for my problems."
"There you go again talking about shit you don't know. And yeah I'm going to talk to you about maturity because I know personally that people make mistakes in their life, Camila. Not everyone's perfect and when they mess up, they can learn and get better. So, maybe you think you're perfect and can handle everything fine and dandy, but there are actually some people that aren't and don't. And believe it or not, there are some people out there that deal with things in a different way than you. Who would've thought? There are people that are different than you and don't have such a fun, clean, and happy life all the time like little miss butterfly queen Camila Cabello."
"You're the last person who I thought would say that I think that I'm perfect and have a happy, clean life."
"Well, what do you want me to say? You don't want to be called perfect and told you have a great life but then get mad when someone else isn't and doesn't?" I squinted.
"That's not what I meant, Lauren."
"No, that is what you meant. You just slammed me and my issues that you don't know about. So, you can't talk to me about it. You know some things because for some of it, you were the problem but collectively you don't know. That's something I'm dealing with in a different way than you might."
"Okay. I'm sorry for saying that. I know I'm not perfect. I never believed I was ever in my whole life and I never will be. No one will ever be, obviously," she was getting sentimental. "I'm so far from it and you and I both know that my life isn't happy and fun all the time." I nodded. "And I know you're going through a lot and you're dealing with your issues. Actually, I'm really happy for you. I'm so sorry for slamming that, I-I just...I'm...I'm not over you." Camila started tearing up, making me as well. "Clearly I mean, I just wrote that song. And I'm sorry for it," she looked at me, shaking her head. "I'm sorry that it hurt you."
"I'm sorry for mine too," I whispered.
"No, yours was fine. It wasn't bad at all."
"Well, you know, if it did help you express your feelings th—" I started.
"It's okay, Lauren. It did help me get my anger out but I shouldn't have hurt you. I really apologize for that disrespect."
"Thank you. I accept your apology."
"And, Lauren...I'm really sorry that I've caused you...more problems in your life," she cried harder.
"No, you didn't cause them. I don't know why I said that," I wanted to comfort her.
"Well, I must have for you to go to therapy. Lauren, I made you angry, I made you get back into drugs and alcohol, and I made you depressed."
"Camila, it wasn't exactly your fault. I have had baggage long before you that has led me to do those things. Like I said, things you don't know about. But that's okay because that doesn't mean it's your fault. I'm getting the help I need to deal with that shit," I explained. "It's all on me. And I'm getting better...I'm getting better for you," I started to cry again.
"You what?"
"I'm...I'm still fighting for us."
"Lauren."
"Camila," I looked deep into her eyes. "I still love you," I sobbed.
"Y-you do?"
"Of course I do. That's why I was so jealous of Taylor. Camila, I'm so incredibly sorry from the bottom of my heart for what happened two weekends ago. And I will keep fighting to get better for you and for us. I love you and I'll never stop."
"I..."
"Don't say anything. I know you don't in return but that's okay."
"I didn't say I didn't." My ears perked up. "But I'm not saying I do." Oh. "But...the feelings are obviously still there," I looked back at her again, adoringly. "Look," she wiped her eyes, "we're still not over each other. And maybe we don't have to get over each other. But we still need time. I do and you do too." As much as I didn't want to agree, she was right. "We need to keep healing and then maybe we'll find a way back."
Just then, our teacher came into the bathroom. "There you are, Jauregui and Cabello. Quit making out in here and get backstage," she instructed then left.
"So, are you gonna date Taylor?" I asked her.
"...I don't know. She's really nice and cute but to be honest...I can't see myself really dating her," she explained sighing.
"Are you gonna tell her that?"
"I don't know. I've never rejected anyone before, what should I do? We're only kind of seeing each other."
I thought for a few moments. "Keep being friends with her," I advised.
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course. If you like her, then keep at it."
"I like her but I don't think I'm gonna date her."
"Still. Either you like her as friend or you like her romantically, she's a nice girl. Keep her around."
"And you too with Ariana," she said.
"Really?" Now I was surprised.
"Yeah, if she's a good friend or more than that, keep her."
"Okay," I softly smiled.
She smiled back at me and I haven't seen something as beautiful since before we broke up.
"Alright, let's get out of here," she nodded kindly.
"Okay. And by the way, happy birthday," I grinned.
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