Camila felt so warm. Not in an uncomfortable kick-back-the-sheets-and-sprawl-across-the-bed-to- try-and-keep-cool sort of warm, but a relaxed, pleasing curl-up-and-snuggle-into-it kind. She was still half asleep and part of her didn't want to open her eyes and fully wake. But something outside of herself kept lulling her toward consciousness. A light touch feathered through her hair and soft, nearly silent lyrics floated through the air surrounding her.
Oh Florida, please be still tonight,
don't disturb this love of mine.
Look how she's so serene.
You've gotta help me out.
And count the stars to form the lines.
And find the words we'll sing in time.
I want to keep her dreaming.
It's my one wish, I won't forget this.
Camila smiled and opened her eyes, her surroundings coming into clear focus. She lay on her side, her face nestled against Shawn's chest. One of her hands splayed across his abdomen and the other tucked between them. Her head lay on his arm which wrapped around and held her tight to him. His fingers pulled lazy lines through the curls just above her ear and vibrations from his quiet singing rumbled beneath her.
So I'll sing a melody
And hope to God she's listening,
Sleeping softly while I sing.
And I'll be your memories,
Your lullaby for all the time,
Hoping that my voice could get it right.
She held perfectly still, at war with herself because on one hand she wanted to tighten her grip and hold him closer, but on the other, she wanted nothing more than to lie there and continue listening to him. Hearing him make music in any capacity had become one of her favorite things, not only because he was so good, but also because he put so much of his soul into it every time. She loved being able to witness that part of him.
If luck is on my side tonight,
My clumsy tongue will make it right.
And wrists that touch, it isn't much, but it's enough.
To form imaginary lines
Forget your scars, we'll forget mine.
The hours change so fast, oh God, please make this last.
She thought back to the night before and to how much pain had been in his face. How exposed he'd been before her. Some people considered vulnerability a weakness, but to her, it was probably the bravest thing she had ever seen. To be able to bare himself so completely, to show her his scars—both the ones on the inside and the outside—took more courage than she thought she could have mustered herself.
Camila closed her eyes once more and just let herself feel. The warmth of his skin against hers, the feel of his voice moving through his body, and the sound of the words reverberating through the room. After a few moments, Shawn tightened his hold on her, buried his face in her hair, and—if possible—sang even quieter, his voice almost a whisper.
You could crush me.
Please don't crush me.
'Cause baby I'm a dreamer for sure
And I won't let you down.
I swear this time I mean it.
Camila's breath caught in her throat and Shawn stopped singing.
"How long have you been up?" he asked. "Did I wake you?"
She shook her head. "Not too long."
"Sorry." He leaned down and brushed his lips on the top of her head.
She snuggled herself in closer, tightening her hold on him. "I'm not. I love hearing you sing."
He chuckled and hugged her to his side. "I know you do."
Camila moved her hand slowly from his stomach up to his sternum, tentatively allowing her fingers to ghost over the raised lines scattered over his skin. Small scars dotted the expanse of his chest, some looked shallow and others particularly deep. A couple of others—one stretching from his breastbone to his side, and another a few inches below his collarbone—were larger and darker. She ran her thumb along the one extending over his ribs.
"How did this happen?" she asked quietly.
He raised his hand and placed it on top of hers. "That one was my own fault. I got caught up with the wrong people back in the city. They liked playing with knives."
Camila gasped and propped herself up on one elbow, her eyes meeting his. "You were stabbed?"
He grinned. "Cut is more accurate." He shrugged. "I picked the wrong moment to mouth off."
"Is there ever a right moment?"
"For me? Every moment is the right moment."
Camila rolled her eyes and shook her head, lowering her gaze and moving her hand up to the one under his clavicle. "What about this?"
"Angry foster-father." He didn't elaborate and his eyes conveyed he didn't want to. Camila didn't want to push him to tell her more than he was ready to, so she let it go.
She moved down to the center of his chest and laid her palm flat against him, her fingers spread.
"And these?" she whispered.
He took in and released a deep breath. "Those are from the night my mother died."
Camila looked up and met his eyes, the pain and vulnerability from the night before shone through once more. She bent down and touched her lips gently to his. Closing her eyes, she whispered, "Will you tell me about it?"
Shawn raised his hands to cup her face, their foreheads touching. He let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay."
__________________________________________________________
Camila sat at the Jauregui's kitchen table, her eyes fixed on the back wall and her cereal getting soggy in front of her. The images of all the things Shawn told her moved through her mind, overtaking her own painful memories. To think he'd had to endure all of that at such a young age. Hearing his mother die right in front of him and watching his father arrested for her murder was more than any child should have to suffer.
Then, the sickening array of homes he'd been placed in afterward—Camila had never felt so disgusted about anything in her life. She'd heard of the injustices thrust on young children before, but never had she actually seen the results. Seen how horribly it affected them so much later in life. And if she were honest, she'd never really taken much time to think about it at all, which in turn made her not only sickened by the actions of others, but for her complacency in a world where things like that happened.
Camila lifted the spoon to her mouth, only to drop it back into the bowl, her appetite gone. Pushing her chair back, she stood and walked over to the sink, dumping the rest of her cereal down the garbage disposal. She placed her hands on the edge of the sink and bowed her head, feeling her throat tighten and her eyes begin to sting. Nothing could ever take away the past Shawn had been forced to endure, but if she had anything to say about it, his future would be filled with nothing but good memories. She knew nothing she did could cover the things that had already happened, but if she could help fill his life with at least some goodness, maybe the sting of the awfulness would fade with time.
"There you are." Lauren's voice came from behind her.
Camila whipped around, sucking in a sharp breath and blinking rapidly to ward off the tears forming in her eyes. "Hey, Lauren. You scared me."
Lauren narrowed her eyes and moved forward cautiously. "Are you crying?"
Camila shook her head and waved Lauren off. "No. I'm fine."
"You're lying. Yes you are." She came closer. "What the hell did my ass of a brother do to you?"
Camila couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they rolled over her cheeks. "Nothing. He didn't do anything to me. I'm fine."
Realization dawned in Lauren's eyes. "Is he okay? Where is he?"
"He went running." Camila wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And he's as okay as he can be, I guess."
Lauren grabbed Camila's hand and led her back to the table, guiding her into a chair before taking one herself. Her large, concerned eyes bored right into Camila. "What happened last night? I waited up for you but fell asleep after a while."
Camila bit the inside of her mouth, unable to meet Lauren's eyes. "Sorry. He, uh, he needed me so I—I stayed." She stared at the floor.
"You stayed? Like—all night?"
Camila nodded and peeked up under her lashes. Lauren's expression was fixed in surprise.
"You slept with my brother." It was a statement, not a question.
Camila finally looked up. "In the very literal sense, yes." She squirmed in her seat. "Just sleep, nothing else. I swear." Her face heated.
Lauren grinned and looked away.
"What?"
Lauren met her gaze, still smiling. "For not doing anything but sleeping you sure do look guilty."
Camila rolled her eyes and lowered her forehead to the table. "Shut up. I'm not guilty, I feel weird."
"Why? Is being with my brother grossing you out like it does me?"
"No." Camila looked up. "I love being with him. It's this," she gestured between herself and Lauren, "this dynamic between us. I don't want that to get uncomfortable. I mean, most girls can talk to their best friends about their boyfriends, but it's strange because he's your brother, and well, I don't know when it might get to be TMI for you."
Lauren stared, her eyes wide.
"What?" Camila furrowed her brows.
"Did you just call me your best friend?"
"Well, yeah. Duh. You and Michael are my best friends."
Lauren launched herself forward and thrust her arms around Camila's neck. "Thank you!"
"Geez Lauren, your hair seriously could kill." Camila rubbed her eyes, blowing out Lauren's hair out of her mouth. She then untangled herself from Lauren's grip. " What is the thank you for?"
"For saying that. For thinking that." Lauren sat back in her chair. "For liking me for more than just my brother."
"I would never do that, Lauren. Besides, I knew you first."
"Yeah, but it's happened before ..."
"Well, I'm not like those other girls," Camila said. "You should know that by now."
Lauren smiled and nodded. "I know. And just so we're clear, you can tell me anything you want. I'm your friend and I think it would totally suck if I felt like I couldn't talk about my boyfriend with my friends. Just as long as you don't tell me about any birthmarks or freckles that may not be public knowledge, I'm good."
Camila laughed. "I think I can handle that."
The front door slammed, causing Camila to jump in her seat. Lauren lifted her chin and shouted, "Shawn!"
Heavy footsteps thudded through the foyer and into the kitchen. Shawn poked his head around the corner, sweat dripping from his brow. "Hell, Lauren, do you have to shriek so loud? I heard that even with my headphones still in. What do you want?"
She shrugged. "Nothing. Just wanted your girlfriend to see you looking all disgusting. You know, so she wouldn't always have that picture perfect view of you in her mind." She smiled, showing off bright white teeth.
"For your information," he stepped fully into the kitchen, "she's already seen me like this—yesterday, in fact."
"It's true," Camila said, flashing him a grin. "I think it's kinda hot."
Shawn's eyes moved to Lauren as he bit his lip and smirked, quirking his brows.
"Ugh. You guys are sick." She turned to Camila. "You actually like that?"
"What?" Camila asked, raising her brows innocently then returning her gaze to Shawn. "What's not to like?" She stood and walked over to him, laying her hand on his damp chest and rising on tip-toes to chastely kiss his waiting lips.
"Oh, God. Seriously. I'm gonna puke."
Shawn looked down at her with amusement. "Spilling the truth of our sordid affair to my sister has really made you quite bold—and mildly gross, considering you like this." He spread his arms wide and gestured to his sweaty body.
Camila allowed her eyes to wander over his form, taking in the damp clothing clinging to him in all the right places. She bit her lip. "It has its advantages."
He grinned. "My, my, Pippi. If I didn't know better, I'd think your mind just went straight into the gutter."
She reached up and twisted her hand into the front of his shirt, pulling him down to her. "Maybe you're right."
Just before their mouths touched, Lauren cleared her throat. "You know, he has a perfectly good bedroom upstairs where you can do whatever you want without making me want to gouge my eyes out." She picked at the piece of toast in her hand.
Camila laughed and released Shawn's shirt. "I was just screwing with you, Lauren. I really can restrain myself, you know."
She huffed and glanced over with one raised brow. "Not from what I've seen. Since I found out you two had a thing, you've sucked faces in the piano room, made out in the hall at school, and then just now you practically ripped his clothes off in front of me."
"She's right, Pippi." Shawn leaned against the counter and grabbed a green apple from the fruit bowl. "I know I'm irresistible and all, but hell, learn to control yourself a little." He winked, his mouth pulling up into a half grin, and took a bite.
Camila thrust her hands onto her hips. "Okay, first of all," she glared at Shawn, "you were the one who kissed me in the piano room. Second of all, that display in the hall at school was to get Roxy off your back. And third—well, I really was screwing around just now."
"Which time in the piano room?" he asked, his smirk widening. Camila's face heated at the mention of the other time.
"What? You mean there was more than one piano room face suckage? Was I here?" Lauren asked before shaking her head and waving her hand in front of her face. "Wait. Wait. I had a short brain lapse there for a moment and forgot I really don't want to know. Forget I asked."
Shawn chuckled and lowered his hands to Camila's waist. "In an effort to keep the peace with Lauren, I'm going to go clean up and leave you two to—whatever it is you do together." He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "See? As much as I don't want to, I can share too."
Camila grabbed his hand as he started to move away. "Wait." He glanced back at her, his brows pinched together. She leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Are you all right?"
A small grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Yes. I'm fine."
"You promise?" Camila couldn't help but worry given his reaction the night before.
Shawn entwined his fingers with hers. "Promise." He bent down and kissed her, his lips tasting faintly of apple. "Now go entertain my sister before she starts whining about unfair time privileges."
"I heard that," Lauren said, her nose buried in a magazine.
"Okay." Camila pulled him down to her once more not getting nearly enough of his kiss before. When he tried to draw away, she tightened her grip on his hand and pouted against his mouth.
"As much as I'd like to continue this, possibly all day, I'd prefer to do it when I didn't smell like a locker room and when my sister wasn't sitting three feet away," he mumbled into her lips.
"Heard that too," Lauren said.
Camila sighed and stepped back. "Yeah. Okay."
Shawn grinned and turned around calling, "Later, Dizzy Laury," over his shoulder.
Lauren's head shot up. "I told you not to call me that, assclown!"
His laughter followed him up the stairs.
Camila sauntered back to the table and sat in the chair next to Laurern. "Dizzy Laury?" She couldn't help the curiosity coursing through her at the origin of the nickname.
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Shawn and his damn stupid nicknames." She looked up and met Camila's eyes. "One time, just after he moved in with us, we were playing at the city park, and he and Austin thought it would be hilarious to spin me as fast as they could on the merry-go-round. Suffice it to say, I got so dizzy that once it stopped, I staggered all over until I fell, hit my head on the cement, and puked all over the place. Ever since then, he and Austin have called me Dizzy Laury. They think they're so amusing."
"That's terrible," Camila said, a smile threatening to break through.
"Yeah, well, no one gets away without being nicknamed by Shawn." She glanced up. "He gave you one, right? Peppy, or something?"
Camila grabbed a piece of toast off Lauren's plate and took a bite, swallowing before she answered. "Pippi."
"What the hell's a Pippi?"
Camila snorted, coughing after nearly inhaling the bite of toast she'd just taken. Lauren smacked her back. "Pippi is a person." She cleared her throat and grinned. "You know, Pippi Longstockings?"
Lauren gave her a blank look.
"You don't know who Pippi Longstockings is?"
She shook her head.
"Oh, well, it doesn't really matter." Camila went back to eating her toast.
"Nuh uh." Lauren set her magazine down and leaned forward on her elbows. "I told you the reason behind my stupid nickname, now you tell me yours."
Camila rolled her eyes. "Fine." She threw the toast back down on the plate and brushed the crumbs off her hands. "Pippi Longstockings is just this annoying girl with red hair. On like, the second day you lived here, I came over to see you but only Shawn was home. I happened to have put my hair in those double braids I wear sometimes—which is exactly how Pippi Longstockings wears hers. So, that's it, he started calling me Pippi."
"That's actually," Lauren paused, "kinda cute."
Camila laughed just as Shawn walked back into the room, freshly showered and dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. "What's cute? Me? I thought we'd already gone over the undeniability of my hotness."
"You know, we do have better, more important things to talk about besides you, Shawn," Lauren said. "And how the hell do you shower and dress so fast?"
"Oh, I doubt that." He grabbed a bowl and poured himself some cereal, then sat down beside Camila. "And, I'm extremely talented, that's how."
"We were talking about your annoying habit of giving everyone you meet a nickname."
Shawn turned to Camila, his brows raised. "Did she tell you the origin of Dizzy Laury?"
Camila grinned and nodded.
He tilted his head back and laughed. "God, that was classic."
"It was not funny at all." Lauren fumed. "I ruined my brand new shoes because of you."
Shawn shrugged. "You should've just said it."
Lauren narrowed her eyes. "There was no way I was going to say it and you guys knew it."
"That's not my fault," he said, taking another bite of cereal and looking all kinds of innocent and adorable. "We would've stopped if you'd said it."
Camila's gaze drifted between them, having no idea what they were talking about, but enjoying the sibling banter. She'd almost forgotten what it was like. Even though she still missed Carlos every day, being around Shawn and Lauren and watching their interaction sort of helped fill the void of Carlos's absence. It felt good. It felt normal.
"What was she supposed to say?" Camila asked, more than a little curious at that point.
Lauren crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. "Ask your boyfriend."
Camila turned to Shawn, her brows raised.
He grimaced slightly and put his spoon down. "Okay, well, remember, I was twelve and kind of a little douche."
"Kind of?" Lauren scoffed and turned back to them. "You were such a jerk." She turned her gaze to Camila. "He and Austin thought it would be hilarious if I stood on top of the jungle gym and shouted that I was in actuality a genetically altered gorilla and that they were my masters and had instructed me to perform whatever act anyone wanted to see."
Camila snorted and hurried to cover her mouth with her hand. Shawn laughed beside her and Lauren gave her an incredulous look.
"Seriously? You think that's funny?" Lauren asked.
Camila pressed her lips together hard in order to stop any more giggles from escaping and shook her head. "No—well, kinda, but only because it sounds like something Carlos would have done."
Lauren's angry expression faded from her face at the mention of Camila's brother. Her gaze shifted to Shawn and Camila's followed. He eyed Camila carefully and offered her a small smile. It wasn't one of pity or sadness, but more like one of understanding and if she weren't mistaken, pride. He looked proud of her. She grinned back.
"Well, whatever," Lauren added, sinking back into her chair. "So, what are you guys doing today?"
Shawn shrugged and started back in on his cereal.
Camila sighed. "My mom got Alejandro to run her store for her today in exchange for me going over to his bookstore and unpacking some inventory." She rolled her eyes. "Fun."
"Do you need help?" Lauren asked.
"You wanna? I mean, Michael's already coming—he was there when my mom talked to Alejandro and apparently she volunteered us both."
"Sure," Lauren said, rising from the table. "Shawn, you're not doing anything, you should help too."
He looked up and scowled. "Like I want to be stuck in a dusty book store with you and the gamer dork all day."
"But I'll be there," Camila said and leaned forward, whispering in his ear. "And there's a back room, you know."
He raised his brows and stood, pushing back his chair with a loud scrape against the tile. "Well, if you put it that way ..." he said.
Lauren raised her palm. "I don't even want to know what you bribed him with."
Camila laughed and stood. "I'm gonna go home and get ready. Meet you both in a little while?"
Shawn leaned over. "See you in the back room, Pippi," he breathed.
A shudder ripped through her, and he grinned before straightening up and leaving the room. Camila slumped against the table, one hand flat on the top while trying to catch her breath. How he still managed to do that was beyond her.
"Damn, girl." Lauren wrapped her arm around Camila's waist and chuckled.
Camila threw her arm over Lauren's shoulder and bumped her with her hip before smiling. "Shut up."
____________________________________________________________________
An hour later, Shawn stood outside, leaning against his car waiting for Camila and Lauren to make an appearance. It was a little past noon and the sun sat high above. Though, it may as well have been cloudy since no warmth seemed to emanate from it at all.
The crunch of leaves under shoes drew his attention to an approaching figure. Michael crossed Camila's yard and neared Shawn with a frown. Shawn returned Michael's look with a glare. Michael's eyes widened slightly and he slowed his advance. Shawn smiled inside at his ability to intimidate gamer nerds with too much time on their hands with just a look.
When he got close enough, Michael stopped, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stared at the ground. "So, they roped you into going too?"
"Nah." Shawn shifted his feet. "Mila promised some back room action. How could I refuse?" He grinned.
Michael's head snapped up. He narrowed his eyes, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. "You're an ass."
"Thank you. Your compliments are much appreciated, nerd boy."
"Why she likes you I'll never understand."
"Likewise."
Before either of them could say another word, the slamming of a screen door drew their attention to Camila's porch where both she and Lauren were coming down, laughing at something. As she drew near, Shawn groaned.
"What?" she asked.
Shawn raised a hand and gestured to her head. "The braids. Did you have to wear the braids when we're going to be stuck with these two all day?" He thrust his thumb over his shoulder toward where Lauren and Michael were conversing. "Are you trying to torture me?"
Camila giggled. "Maybe."
He rolled his eyes and stepped back, walking around the car to the passenger side and opening her door for her. As she passed he whispered, "You know, two can play at your little teasing game."
She met his gaze and smirked. "Bring it on then, sweet lips."
"Just get in, Pippi."
She giggled again and pecked him lightly on the lips. After she climbed in, he closed the door and jogged to his own side, shaking his head and trying to force back a grin.
Alejandro's bookstore was located several blocks away, nestled between Sinu's art supply shop and an old hardware store. Shawn pulled around back where "employees" parked and the four of them poured out. Camila led them to a bright purple painted door. She pushed it open, a bell tinkling over their heads.
"Don't they normally only have those bell things over the front door?" Lauren asked.
Camila closed the door after they all entered what looked like a store room. "Yeah, but Mama works alone a lot and doesn't want to be caught unaware of someone being in the store."
"Camila? Is that you?" A gruff male voice sounded from the front of the room.
"Yeah, Alejandro. It's me."
Alejandro stepped into Shawn's line of vision. He had slightly stocky build, a ruddy complexion, and a pair of glasses that kept sliding down his nose. "Oh, good. You brought friends."
"Yep." Camila grinned and stepped forward. "I figured if I had to suffer in the dust all day, I could at least not do it alone."
Alenjandro grinned and gestured them forward. "Well, come on then."
He led them through a door and short hallway on the left side of the room. Opening another door, the group filed into a dusty space piled high with boxes and stacks of books, and lined with bookshelves. The whole store smelled of old paper and ink. Shawn didn't necessarily like libraries but the scent was comfortable in its own way.
"Okay," Alejandro said, gesturing to a stack of boxes piled up near the entrance to the front room. "These three need to be cataloged into the inventory logs and then filed on the shelves out in the main room. But these," he pointed to three more that sat near a cluttered desk, "need to be catalogued and placed on these shelves back here. They're the older, rarer volumes that I don't care to have just anyone pawing through."
Camila nodded and rummaged through her pocket, pulling out an iPod. "Is it okay if we listen to music?"
Alejandro shrugged. "Fine with me." A faint tinkling wafted through the open doors connecting Alejandro's store to Sinu's. "Oh, I better go. Come get me if you need anything or have any questions."
"Sure thing, Alejandro."
Alejandro disappeared into the hall, closing the door behind him. Camila exited into the main room. She placed her iPod on a dock situated near the cash register and turned up the volume. Strains from an old 80's pop song filled the quiet space.
"Oh my God!" Lauren squealed and started dancing and belting the lyrics.
We're no strangers to love.
You know the rules and so do I.
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of.
You wouldn't get this from any other guy.
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling.
Gotta make you understand.
Camila laughed and danced over to Lauren, grabbing her hand and twirling her around before they both sang.
Never gonna give you up.
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry.
Never gonna say goodbye.
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Michael groaned. "Rick Astley? Seriously?"
Both girls surrounded him, grabbing his hands and making him move with them.
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but
You're too shy to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on.
Michael jerked out of their grasps and plopped down on the floor, his arms crossed over his chest, a pout on his face. Camila turned to Shawn, her brows raised. He held up his hands. "Oh no, I don't care what you bribe me with. There's no way I'm dancing to Rick Astley."
Camila stuck her bottom lip out, causing him to bite his in an effort to hold back a smile. "Spoilsport," she said. "How about this?" She walked over to the iPod and scrolled through the songs, hitting play when she found the one she wanted.
Turning around, she had a mischievous look on her face.
I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
'Cause I, I'm capable of anything
Of anything and everything
She lifted her right hand and held it in front of her, and placed her left behind her back in standard Egyptian style. Shawn shook his head and grinned, watching as she and Lauren danced around the room.
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
But don't make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy.
"You sure you don't wanna?" Camila smiled and motioned for him to come forward before donning her Egyptian stance once more.
"Quite," he said with a smile. "Come on nerd boy, let's get these boxes."
Michael stood in a hurry and rushed over to where Shawn stood.
"Spoil sports," Lauren said.
Michael leaned over as they walked toward the back. "Those girls are crazy."
Shawn laughed, thinking he quite liked it.
After a few hours, Michael and Lauren had settled on unpacking the boxes for the front of the store and Shawn stayed in back going through the old volumes from the second box. Camila divided her time between them, cataloging each box into the inventory book.
Shawn moved toward the wall to collect the last box, but when he picked it up, he knocked a small leather-bound book from Alejandro's desk. Setting the box down, he bent to retrieve the volume. The title suggested it was a book of poetry. He furrowed his brow and flipped it open, skimming the words on the pages, until he came to one poem that seemed familiar to him, though he didn't know why. His eyes followed the words, the meaning sinking deep inside, resonating in a way he didn't understand.
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots.
Remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
"What're you reading?" Camila's soft voice came from behind him, startling him so he almost dropped the book.
"Um, a poem." He glanced at the title. "If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda."
"Oh, that's a good one." She nodded. "One of my favorites."
He furrowed his brows and looked back at the page. "Yeah. It seems really familiar. Like I've heard it before somewhere."
"Maybe you have. I especially like the last part." She closed her eyes and recited the ending of the poem, word for word:
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine
Shawn stared at her, his eyes never moving from her face until she opened hers.
"What," she asked.
"I'm impressed, Pippi."
"Why?" Her cheeks grew pink under his gaze.
"I just never figured you for a closet poetry lover." He grinned.
"Yeah, well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me, Shawn Mendes." She reached out and poked him in the side.
He flinched to the side, dropping the book and laughing.
"Did you—" Camila stepped forward, her brow arched. "Did you just giggle?" She poked him again.
"Guys don't giggle, Pipi." Shawn held his hands out in front of him and leaned away from her, backing up.
She shook her head slowly from side to side, a large grin stretching over her lips. "No, I think you did. I distinctly heard a giggle come out of your mouth." She lifted her hand, finger out and poised to poke him again. "I also find it downright sexy that you're ticklish."
Camila thrust forward, faking him out but still making him flinch away.
"You'd better stop," he said, laughter tingeing his voice.
"Oh yeah?" she asked. "You gonna make me?"
"If I have to."
Camila raised her brows and lunged at him, but he caught her wrists before she made contact with his side. She struggled against him, trying to loosen herself from his grip, but he made sure to hold on tight enough to keep her away but lax enough not to hurt her. Somehow, in the midst of their goofing around, Shawn backed her up into one of the bookshelves, holding her hands firmly against the books next to her head.
"Are you done now?" he smirked.
"Maybe, maybe not. Guess you'll just have to let me go and find out." She peered up at him from under her lashes, and smirked back.
Shawn leaned down until his face was right in front of hers. "Then maybe I won't let go."
The smile on Camila's face slowly dissipated and was replaced by a soft pink flush on her cheeks. She drew her lower lip between her teeth and her eyes dropped to his mouth. Shawn removed his hands from her wrists and entwined his fingers with hers—still holding them to the books on either side of her face. His pulse quickened and his body moved instinctually toward hers, pressing her harder against the bookcase.
Camila's breath came shallow and quick, her little shoulders moving faster than before. Shawn leaned in, slowly inching his way toward her. The heat between them flickered and flared the closer he got. Her mouth parted slightly and her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. He was so close he could almost taste her as her warm breath spread over his face. It felt like miles instead of millimeters, hours instead of seconds before they would touch.
But Shawn didn't rush. The anticipation made that moment when they'd come together even more fulfilling than if he hurried along. He'd never been one for delayed gratification before, but with Camila, it only made it better.
Camila let out a small gasp when their lips finally touched. She tightened her grip on his hands as she moved her mouth with his. He could feel every inch of her body against his which only made him press into her harder. It was almost as if feeling more made him need to feel even more than that. A small whimper escaped from Camila's throat at the contact which only made him want to move in closer.
Shawn let go of Camila's hands and cupped her face, pulling her lips harder against his. Camila dropped her arms and grabbed his hips, keeping him pressed flush against her. Sensation flared through his body and he kissed her harder, deeper. She dished back what he gave her and beyond. Her hands slipped up under his shirt, her fingers digging into the flesh at his side. He couldn't stop the groan that built in his throat, and without giving it another thought, he lowered his hands to under her behind and lifted her to his hips. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Shawn knew they probably shouldn't be doing what they were doing, especially there. But God help him if he couldn't stop. She clung to him, her kisses never slowing or decreasing in intensity. Her hands found their way to his hair, tugging at the strands. The more they kissed, the more they pressed themselves together, the more he wanted. She wasn't close enough, never close enough. She squeezed him with her thighs and he tightened his hold on her. His mind spun, not a single rational thought settling in his brain. All he knew was he wanted her, more than he'd ever wanted anyone before.
"Alejandro, I told you before I left that I put the combination on your desk."
Shawn and Camila froze for a split second before both let go and Camila dropped back onto her feet, bumping into the bookcase behind her and causing several volumes to crash to the floor.
"Karla? What in the—"
Sinu and Alejandro rounded the corner and stopped immediately when they saw the two of them.
Shawn realized at that moment that, even though he didn't have his hands on Camila's ass any longer and his lips weren't plastered to hers, he still stood entirely too close to her, her body still flush with the bookshelf behind her.
Sinu furrowed her brows and took a step forward. Shawn thought he should move away, but at that point, figured it may make them look more guilty than they actually were.
"Karla Camila Cabello," shock and maybe a small bit of anger laced Sinu's voice, "what's going on here?" Her eyes shifted between Camila and Shawn.
To Shawn's surprise, Camila reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it one short squeeze. Sinu's gaze dropped to their hands and her eyes widened. He didn't know what Camila was doing but hoped to hell she did.
"Um, this is kinda what I wanted to talk to you about the other day." Camila's voice came out quiet but stunningly strong.
Shawn drew in and let out a slow breath.
Sinu's eyes slowly rose from their clasped hands and met his. A look he'd never seen before flashed over her face. He couldn't tell what it was, but he knew without a doubt, it wasn't a happy expression. In fact, if he had to guess, it would have had to fall somewhere between appalled and livid. Hell, she was going to kill him right there in the back of Alejandro's dusty old bookstore, and there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it.
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Author's Note:
Oh no Sinu didn't just barge in the middle of their make out sesh! Someone is in TROUBLE!
Stay tune to find out what lay in their path after this!
Final update for today. Holy mother of Shamila, I'm beat!