We Have an Accord
Wednesday
I got to school extra early for the first time EVER. I didn't get any sleep. At all. Looking like a wreck wasn't something new though. But not even the fact that I woke up early was as strange as having the red eyed little five and a half year old-she made it very, very clear.
My mom's a little wacky so when I came home with Caroline, she just told me how cute the little girl was, why she was with me of all people, and whether or not we were going to keep her. My answer: "See you later mom!" Her very motherly reply: "Alright, just tell me about the kid tomorrow! Wait! Is she yours?"
Most moms would have assumed it was mine right away. But not my mom. She's always been really weird. Especially for marrying my dad and still being married to him after what he'd done. But that's for another time.
I waited and waited for Calvin. I never let go of Caroline. She squeezed my hand so hard it eventually went numb. For a girl her age and how skinny she was, she still had a great, strong grip. We walked around school all day. We checked classrooms through the door's windows. During lunch, we hid in the janitor's closet.
Calvin never came. So I went back home. Mom would be at work while I was supposed to be school. I carried Caroline to my house. She was exhausted from crying, being stressed, and not getting enough sleep. She cried so hard she couldn't talk. I'd never felt the way I did when I looked at Caroline. A mix of pity, helplessness, concern, and anger.
I had so many questions. None of which I would ask a five and a half year old.
I skipped school completely. Usually I tried to keep my max at five periods (I had six). Homeroom didn't count. It was useless. Plenty of kids ditched it.
Caroline woke up when I set her on my bed. "Where's Calvin?"
"He's...busy," I murmured. Technically, he was. "Go to sleep."
Caroline sat up and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thanks..." She looked up at me with eyes that said, "I don't know your name."
"Rachel," I murmured.
"Can I call you Ray?" Caroline sniffled.
I hated that nickname, but when she said it, it was so different. It was like a lullaby. Sweet, soft, short, and perfect.
"Yeah," I murmured gently. "As long as you go to sleep."
"Will you sleep next to me like Calvin does when there's fight?" Caroline asked quietly.
I nodded and laid down next to her. She looked so small and vulnerable on my twin size bed. Other than her facial bones, she was nothing like Calvin. She had blonde hair, not dyed jet-black, and I began to wonder if Calvin was a natural blonde. Her eyes were a light but bright blue, almost like neon, while his were black-brown like when you burn your toast. She was so small, while he was sooo freaking ridiculously tall. They were both too skinny, and for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to care for someone.
~
The doorbell woke me up. I slowly got up, making sure I didn't wake up Caroline. I shut my bedroom door, stretched, and walked over to the door.
With a groan I wondered, Did Mom forget her keys again? Jeez, Mom! It's like the hundredth time! What the fudge?!
When I opened it, a bloody Calvin stood on my porch. His lip was split right in the middle. His mouth hung open like his jaw didn't have the strength to keep it shut. He held his right arm close to himself.
Why did I never see him like this at school? Is he that good at hiding it? He always has his hoodie up, and sleeves pulled over his hands. Or am I just the blind? I thought as I gawked at him.
"Caroline? Can she stay just one more night. That's all. She has nothing to do with it," he murmured slowly, winced, and sluggishly shifted on his feet.
I wasn't sure whether he meant the pranking deal of nothing personal or the fights within his family, but I'm pretty sure it was both.
"Okay," I stated calmly after a long moment of tensed silence between us.
Calvin nodded his thanks. "See you around then." With that, he walked off the porch and down the street. I didn't call after him. I watched him until he turned the corner and was out of sight. Then I went back inside and shut the door after me.
Nearly 2 whole hours later, Caroline woke up from a nightmare. She screamed herself awake. Then we watched The Fox And The Hound and she cried some more. She told me how she sometimes knew how sad they felt because she was as sad as them. It made me want to cry. But I still had control over myself, and I didn't cry.
"When's Calvin coming?" Caroline asked.
I opened my mouth to tell the truth then shut it, thinking better of it. "He's working."
"But it's raining, and he never works this late. Why hasn't he come? Is he fighting with Daddy again? Mommy says Calvin doesn't understand Daddy, but Calvin told me he's just another asshole," Caroline stated in a matter-of-fact tone and my eyes widened.
"You're allowed to say that?" I asked her.
"Well, no, but I didn't say it. Calvin did," Caroline said pointedly.
"Yeah, okay," I murmured. She technically really wasn't my problem so I technically really didn't have to care about her getting in trouble.
But then again she is little, I began to think, even if she's related to Calvin. Still! Swearing isn't my problem. I just have to watch her for today then she's Calvin's.
"So, what about Calvin?" She asked.
Damn you're one persistent little child, I thought.
Caroline was right. It was raining. I could see the drops pounding on the window and hear it too. According to her, Calvin didn't work this late, and I believed her. And that's when I realized Calvin hadn't walked away in the direction of home, and had nothing with him. Not even his work uniform.
Something new crept up inside of me. It was similar to guilt, but stronger. I felt pain, guilt, and regret all at once. The feeling was strong enough to stop a semi. It was remorse.
Damn you, Calvin. Because of you hatred, irritation, and anger are no longer the only feeling I have, I thought.
"Do you stay home alone a lot?" I asked her and she looked surprised by the question.
"Yep! All the time!" She announced proudly, and her answer did not surprise me at all.
"Eat whatever you want-just not the bag of candy! That's mine!" I told her, grabbed a jacket, and ran out.
As I raced out, I flipped up my hood. It was pouring, and I wished I'd taken an umbrella with me, but I was already running down the street.
First stop would be the one I had to get over with and one of the more likely places Calvin would be. Calvin's house. I figured he had walked back by now.
I shook myself and pushed off my hood once. Was on his porch. I doubted but still hoped Calvin would be the one to open the door when I knocked. My second knock was cut off as the the door opened. Mr. Eaton stood there. He didn't recognize me. After all he was drunk when he did meet me.
"No solicitors, Kid," he snapped and just about shut the door.
"Is Calvin there?!" I yelled just in time before he slammed the door in my face.
Mr. Eaton opened the door. He looked down at me with disgust. With my teeth chattering from the cold, I brushed my bangs out of my eyes. I shoved my hands into my pockets and stared into his ebony eyes. The only similarity he shared with Calvin was their eye color. That burnt black-brown. Not even the feelings expressed in their eyes were the same.
"Ha! A human-let alone a girl is looking for my son?" he sneered mockingly.
Now Mrs. Eaton was at the door in a flash, and that's when it went down hill.
"You!" she snapped. "You took my baby! Caroline! Where is she you kidnapper! I'm calling the police! I'll sue you! I'll send you to jail!"
"Bitch!" shouted Mr. Eaton.
"Car-" I began uselessly.
"You! I'll kill you!" Calvin's mom shrieked as she snapped out her phone and Mr. Eaton grabbed my arm.
"You're dead," he snarled.
"You first!" I snapped, kicked him in the shin, and raced off their porch. I ran down the street in the pouring rain and glanced back before turning the corner.
Mr. Eaton had stopped at the edge of their dead yard while Mrs. Eaton was talking on the phone.
Fuck!
I ran all the way out of the neighborhood into the more average houses. I glanced back and looked around before stopping and listening. On the other side of the houses to my left was a busy road and I could heard the cars. Their tires splashed in the rain. I could hear a group of teenagers coming down the street as they complained about the rain. Other than that the only other sound was the rain itself.
I staggered over to the rain. My teeth chattered loudly in my head. It felt like even my bones were shaking. I shivered the entire time. I was effing cold and soaked.
I slipped into the closed, spiraling slide at the park to get out of the rain. I was small, and fit better than I expected. I only had to hunch slightly. I began to climb towards the middle. I could hear the rain hitting the slide.
I looked up as I turned one of the spiral slide's corners. and shrieked, falling back. I felt myself sliding down and i tried grabbed something as I slipped down the slide head first. But it was a slid. There was nothing to grab.
A hand wrapped around my ankle and I looked up at Calvin. From shoulders up, I was in the rain, but I hadn't fallen off of the slide and I sighed in relief. I had been scared to fall off the slide and onto my head before Calvin caught my ankle.
"Calvin, you bastard! Why in the hell did you scare me?!" I shouted to get the feeling of fear out of me. "Help me up!"
Calvin reached over and grabbed my wrist. He helped me sit up. Normally I would have let myself fall, kicking him in the face so he would have to let go of me and I wouldn't have to accept his help. But right now normal wasn't on my mind because neither Calvin nor I was normal.
We both sat in the slide in awkward silence for a long moment. He was scrunched up. I wasn't. We were both using the first corner to keep up from sliding down into the rain and wet wood chips. I'd never been more close to Calvin.
I saw the scars now. He wasn't bleeding but there were scabs and bruises that covered his face. His eyes were red like he'd been crying, but he wasn't crying since I had arrived at the slide. He didn't even sniffled. His cheeks were red and flushed from the cold. He had hair on his chin but other than that his face was well shaved. His ebony eyes avoided my green ones as he stared at the graffiti on the inside of the slide and I stared at him, not caring.
Yep, that was me. Not caring how awkward it got for others as long as I was fine. This time was different though as I wasn't fine, but curious...and sad...for Carrie...and Calvin. My eyes widened in realization.
Great, now I'm actually starting to care about a basket case goth and his little sister, I thought. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself, but didn't want Calvin to question why so I just didn't do it.
I cleared my throat and blinked so I wasn't staring at Calvin like a total freak, being very close with very widened eyes. No thanks! I don't want to be thought of as crazy, but I was contemplating being thought of as caring without really knowing it.
"What are you doing here?" I finally asked and he finally looked at me.
"I should ask you the same thing," he replied, his voice cracking, making him look away in embarrassment.
Like I'd tell you the truth anyways, I thought. No way in fuc-
"I came looking for you," I blurted out.
Okay, so maybe there was a way in fucking hell that I would tell him.
Dammit, cold. I blame you for my bad thought process and thought-to-mouth filter, I thought as I gritted my teeth anxiously when Calvin's eyes practically popped right out of his head.
"What?" he asked.
"Uh-uh-I-uh-It was for Caroline!" I shouted awkwardly.
Way to go, moron, I scolded myself mentally. What the fuck is with me admitting all of this all of a sudden?
Calvin furrowed his brow in anger and stared hard at me. "What. Happened?"
"Nothing," I answered honestly. "She asked where you were, I-felt-bad"-I said it really fast and hoped to God he didn't understand-"so I-"
Calvin laughed. "You? Felt bad? As in for me? You're kidding? Even if it was for Caroline! And you actually looked for me!"
I socked him in the arm. "Shut up!"
"Don't punch me you-" Calvin snapped, realized he'd snapped, and shut it. Then he reopened his mouth only to shut it.
We were engulfed into an awkward silence once again. I'd been stupid enough to punch so no how I avoided it, it was my fault he'd snapped. And I wasn't comfortable enough with Calvin to apologize to him. I thought I never would be.
"Suppose we should change some of the rules? We've already broken so many," stated Calvin, breaking into the silence.
I shrugged. "I suppose."
"First, personal?" Calvin decided which topic to talk about first. "You know enough about me."
I instantly knew what he was talking about and I turned around slowly, trying to escape. "I'll see you Mon-"
Calvin caught me by the back of my shirt, stopping me from sliding down into the rain. "I don't think so."
"Look, I found out about you by accident. Plus, Caroline is back at my house asking about you, so-"
"Now. Don't give me a freaking bio. Just parents and siblings," he told me and I slowly turned to face him.
Would it make me feel better to finally get it out or make everything worse? What would Calvin's reaction? No doubt he'd think I'm like dad and instantly take Caroline away. He wouldn't he me get back Will or Henry. Calvin would-
"Hey! Moron!" He clapped in front of my face.
Calvin would leave.
"My mom...is weird," I muttered.
Calvin chuckled. "That's all you've got? You're fucked up if that's what you think."
I took a deep breath.
"Alright, I'll say something, then you will." Calvin suggested, and I barely managed a nod. He continued. "My mom is uptight, and my dad is beats me physically and Caroline verbally."
"My mom..." What. Am. I. Doing?! "married my dad, and is still married to him. He's in jail ffooorrrrr...."
"For?" One of Calvin's eyebrows raised as he encouraged me to hurry and answer. I had never told anyone my entire life what I was about to tell Calvin:
"Murder."
The silence now was not awkward. It was not comfortable. It was not uncomfortable. It was there but it wasn't. It was silent.
"Oh. Shit." Calvin's reaction was probably at least 5 minutes.
I didn't respond.
"So...um, how about you decide when we meet up, huh?" he offered softly like I was Caroline's age.
"Don't baby me!" I fumed. "I'm 16-not five! I have never seen my dad. I was born after he was sentenced to life imprisonment! And i certainly do not want to see the one man whose still known as The 50 Killer!"
Calvin gulped. He had good reason. My dad got his nickname The 50 Killer because weekly he killed exactly 50 people. Race, eyes, hair, ethnicity, none of it matter to him. Only numbers did. And my mom was still married to that thing.
After Calvin gulped, I experienced the most strenuous ten minutes of my entire life.
"Sorry," I muttered after the ten minutes of silence. "I've never told anyone...Let's just meet before school since you work. Monday to Thursday and Sunday? Friday and Saturday we can just ignore each other or something."
Calvin pondered before: "Then we have an accord?" Calvin agreed, sounding like Hector Barbossa from Pirates Of The Caribbean.
He stuck out his hand. I had to admit, he did a great impression, and I got the feeling that maybe-possibly...he'd done it to make me feel better.
Hesitantly, I shook it, and the weight on my shoulders was lifted just like that.
* Comment and criticize please! *