"Welcome to the Temporal Crisis Hotline, this is Chris, how may I assist you?"
"Huh, it really worked..."
"'It?'"
"Nothing, I just didn't think you would pick up."
"Sir, you'll find that we 'pick up,' pretty much all the time."
"Oh, I guess you would... In that case, I have a little problem."
"Most people who call us do."
"But it's kind of dumb, and really it's all my fault..."
"Go on."
"You see, the company I work for does these Quarterly Evaluation things – it's just a lot of math questions, some programming stuff. They aren't hard, if you study, but I've been so busy planning this wedding – the cake, the flowers, the venue, the videographer... Did you know that you need to hire two cameramen?"
"Do you now?"
"Yea, apparently it makes it easier when you have a big venue."
"I would imagine."
"Anyway, the Evaluation is tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to do so well, and if I fail it, I'm not going to get my bonus this year..."
"Which might make all those new cameramen a little difficult to pay for."
"Exactly! Is there...is there anything you can do to help?"
"I think so. How many days do you think you would need to study?"
"I don't know...five? Could you do five? Is that too much?"
"We can do five."
"Seriously? You can give me five free days to study?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We can't give you 'free' time, there is no such thing. Even we can't just invent new days. What we can do is give you another opportunity to make better use of the time you already had."
"Huh. Will I remember everything that I know now?"
"Of course you will, it would sort of pointless otherwise."
"In that case, I'm in! So, what do I need to do next?"
"Quite a lot as you might imagine, but first I have to send you over to Billing, they'll take care of you from here."
"Wait...is this going to be expensive?"
"Well, depends on how much you think five extra days of your life should be worth."
"That's...probably a good point. Thanks Chris, I appreciate the help!"
"Don't thank me – you make time for us, and we'll make time for you."
"They pay you to say that, don't they?"
Call Two
"Temporal Crisis Hotline, Chris speaking, how may I help you?"
"It happened again!"
"I'm...sorry?"
"It's Larry..."
"You're going to have to be a bit more specific."
"I called here a few weeks back about that girl I was trying to ask out."
"Oh...I think I remember..."
"Then you'll also remember that this is the forth time I've called you guys...in a month."
"That can't be healthy."
"That's what you told me the last time."
"Sounds like me, but honestly I wouldn't know."
"Why's that?"
"I answer phones at a time travel company."
"Got it. Well, I need your help again."
"Larry, would you mind if we started from the top?"
"Fine...Like I said, I was trying to ask this girl, Hanna Metz..."
"...please don't give me names."
"Right, right. Well, I've tried to ask her out, but I keep messing it all up. This time I wanted to buy a bunch of flowers, but...I don't know, I must of filled out the form wrong, because they sent over a big pile of Lilies."
"That doesn't sound so bad."
"Lilies are funeral flowers Chris! I can't just give her a bunch of... Lilies. I might as well go out a kill her grandpa myself."
"Don't you think that's a little..."
"Three days!"
"What?"
"I need three days to try again. If you guys give me three more days, I promise I can get it right."
"I don't really see why you need to go back in time for this, can't you just order the right flowers today?"
"That prig Cal...right, no names. 'He' asked her out yesterday! So no, I can't order them today!"
"...Do you mind if I put you on hold for a second? I'm going to have to run this one up. We try to avoid stepping on free will when we can. The last thing we need is Hanna or this other guy calling us up and starting some big fuss."
"Yea, no problem."
...
"Still there?"
"I am."
"We can give two days, but that's it. If you can't manage it this time, you're on your own. Honestly Larry, you might be better off staying home – there are some things you just can't change, no matter how many times you go back."
"Two days? Perfect!"
"Were you even listening to me?"
"Don't worry, I'm going to get it right this time, I promise!"
"Of course you will... I'm going to send you over to Billing now, OK Larry?"
"Thanks again Chris!"
"Not a problem – you make time for us, we'll make time for you!"
Call Three
"Temporal Crisis Hotline, this is..."
"I need to find my keys!"
"What?"
"I lost my keys, and I need to find them – where are they?"
"I have absolutely no idea where your keys are ma'am."
"If this is about money, I'll pay you! I just need to find my keys so that I can get to work."
"I would love to help you..."
"Then help me! I thought this would be easy, it's just a set of keys."
"We don't find keys, we help send people back in time. Do you need to go back in time for anything?"
"Why would I need to do that?"
"I don't know, maybe you could go back to yesterday, before you lost your keys?"
"Would I know where my keys were?"
"Did you know where they were yesterday?"
"If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you now, would I? Could you please just transfer me to someone who can find my keys?"
"You do know that this is the Temporal Crisis Hotline, right?"
"Wait..."
"Oh, now I know what this is, you're looking for the Clairvoyance Crisis Center, aren't you?"
"I am?"
"Yea, this happens all the time – we have almost the same number. Try again, this time replace the last six with a...Wait, did you just hang up on me?"
Call Four
"Temporal Crisis H..."
"I need to find my keys!"
Call Five
"Temporal Crisis Hotline, if this is about keys, you have the wrong number."
"Wha...what?"
"I'm sorry, it's just been a long night. My name is Chris, how can I help you?"
"I just killed someone..."
"You did what?"
"I killed someone. He's dead, right in front of me. I'm looking at him now."
"And you're sure he's dead? Have you called the police? An ambulance?"
"He's dead and no, I don't feel like going to jail tonight, I haven't called anyone but you."
"Why did you do it then?"
"Does it matter? It was mistake, I want to go back and fix it."
"Of course it matters! You don't just go around killing people."
"If you knew Hen..."
"No names."
"That's right. If you knew him, you might not be so quick to judge."
"Right...sorry. Listen, it's beside the point anyway."
"Is it?"
"I'm guessing that you want to go back and instead of killing him, buy a ham sandwich or go bowling or something, yea?"
"That's the long and short."
"Right. Well, that's impossible."
"And why is that?"
"Because he's dead."
"I know, that's why I want to go back..."
"I get it, but that's not how this works. We can send you back, but he'll still be dead, that's what dying is. We can't bring him back to life, we're not god."
"But you can send me back before I killed him!"
"We can but the second you got back to now – he would just die again. He might fall off of a bridge, or choke on a Skittle, or decide to take up competitive Ski Jumping – I can't tell you how it will happen, but he will die, they always do."
"What the Hell is the point of going back in time if you can't change anything?"
"You can change plenty, just not that."
"And why not?"
"Dead things stay dead, it's the only thing they're good at."
"That's so..."
"...stupid? Tell me about it. A..are you OK?"
"I'm fine! If you can't fix this, then what can you do?"
"We can send you back anyway, keep you from getting arrested. He'll still die, but they won't be able to trace it back to you."
"...Will I still remember what I did?"
"Unfortunately..."
"And there is nothing you can do about that?"
"Again, not something we can do."
"And this happens every, single time?"
"Without fail. I'm sorry."
"That's... OK."
"How much time do you think you'll need? If you tell me that, I can transfer you to Billing and they'll get you squared away."
"I...think I'm OK."
"You mean, you don't want to go back?"
"I don't think so."
"I'm pretty sure if you stay there, you're going to jail. I understand you're probably upset right now but..."
"If I'll still end up responsible for this, what's the point?"
"The point is...is there anything I can do to convince you to take my good advice?"
"Not this time Chris."
"Wait, have we spoken before?"
"Take care."
"Wait! Don't hang up!"
"I appreciate all the time you've made for me."