《 trigger warning: suicide mentions, self harm 》
Ever since the war Harry had noticed many things about Draco Malfoy. Right from the beginning Harry knew that the blonde git was upto something and he had kept a suspicious eye on his arch nemesis.
Harry was frustrated when realizing that the stupid git wasn't really doing anything, he was literally doing nothing, NOTHING?!
In fact, Harry had started noticing that the silver eyed boy would avoid anyone, he seemed to always have a look of caution when walking in the corridors alone not wanting to get hurt.
That wasn't the only thing he noticed, the blonde would never join the eighth years in the common room to talk about stories or anything at the matter, he didn't go to the Great Hall to eat either.
Harry had only gotten glimpses of him in class and even then the blonde seemed to disappear in the shadows of darkness, working lonely, never making eye contact at all.
Those things weren't the only things that Harry had noticed, after watching him so many times Harry was astonished at the beauty that the blonde had.
His silver pools would carry a glint of blue specks and if actually looked at closely he could see some green hidden in the eyes, not that Harry ever looked at closely.
He also took notice of the pale porcelain skin that seem to reflect the moonlight in person, his pale blonde hair so soft seem to balance the hidden gorgeousness that God had given him.
Harry loved the way the silver eyed boys lips looked so pink and full, the way they would call Harry's cherry red lips.
The blondes features were what made him so uniquely beautiful, his pointy nose that trailed pale freckles gave proportion to his hooded shaped eyes, his eyelashes thick and too dark for someone with blonde hair.
The cheekbones set in a way so symmetrical that it could be defined as perfection, his trimmed eyebrows looking so perfectly natural.
And his body, Harry couldn't help but notice the lean fit body he had, his broad chest and long legs made him even more perfect and longing.
His long skinny fingers mesmerized Harry in a way he couldn't describe what he felt anymore. He was perfection.
Harry noticed this and he commented it to Hermione who looked at him with a smug face and shrugged her shoulders before returning to her work.
Fall was leaving and winter approaching them, all the while Harry's thoughts were invaded by the blonde. All of Harry seemed to be focused on one person, Draco Malfoy.
Harry would scowl at those that looked at Draco with disgust and many times had he encountered students about to hex him before Harry would step in and make them cower with the glare he would send them.
He started to imagine what those pretty pink lips of Malfoy would feel like when touched by his, the fantasy would always leave a tingling sensation, but Harry would push those thoughts and bury them inside himself.
Time was passing by quickly and Christmas break was soon there. Harry noticed that Malfoy had been the only eighth year to stay behind and although Harry wished he could stay and accompany him he went along with Ron and Hermione.
This would actually be the first time he would encounter the family after breaking up with Ginny and so he was quite nervous as to how they would act with him.
The family though much to Harry's relief, had greeted him with warm open arms and even Ginny didn't seem to mind his presence. But while there his mind couldn't let the blonde escape, 24/7 his thoughts were clouded with silver eyes and blonde hair.
January came Harry still couldn't get rid of the blonde. One day while walking with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny they all stumbled to see 5 sixth years who were all in Gryffindor house. They were surrounding Malfoy and had disarmed him.
"Why would the Headmistress McGonagall allow such filth like a death eater come back. You disgusting lot should be rotting in Azkaban, I'm glad your father was kissed by a dementer. It was the least the ministry could do to someone like him after all. Your mother should fit there too." The tallest of the group sneered at Draco.
The reactions to the event were immediate, Draco looked up and made eye contact for the first time with anyone and let a lone tear escape his mercury eyes that screamed regret, he pushed past the group and sprinted away to the opposite direction.
Hermione scowled at the students and lectured them for what they had done, Ginny as the new head girl took 50 points from each of her peers, even Ron who disliked Malfoy looked at his housemates with something between disbelief and disgust.
It took all of Harry's power to not hex them all into oblivion and hurt them in ways that would end him straight to Azkaban. Although it hadn't been Harry who said those words he felt the guilt eat away his aching heart to Draco's sad face.
Ron and Ginny both turned to look at him, "Go after him Harry before it's too late." Determined Harry went after Draco to apologize for what was said to him. It was in that moment that reality hit him hard.
Harry Potter was head over heels in love with the beautiful blonde who went by the name Draco Malfoy.
Not wanting to waste time away from the man he loved, Harry accioed his Marauders Map whispering 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' and looked for Draco's name.
He saw the dot on the astronomy tower and Harry sprinted his way up the stairs. Scanning the area for the signature blonde hair and spotting it he made his way to him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the scene.
Draco's pale arms had blood rushing out that standed out too much with his moonlight skin, the blonde was leaning away from the rails and seem to be contemplating whether to jump or not. Just as he was loosening his grip to the railings did Harry speak.
"NO DRACO STOP! WAIT! PLEASE!"
||D||
The first thing that Draco noticed when he returned to Hogwarts weren't the scowls or glares he would receive, it wasn't the disgusted faces that thrown at him.
No, the first thing he noticed was that Harry Bloody Potter would stare at him in a way that made Draco feel very uncomfortable if that was the least bit to say.
It was the first day in the Great Hall that he would feel those green eyes burn a hole into him the first time, that was when Draco decided that he would not whatsoever enter the Great Hall.
He thought that if ignoring and avoiding the name calling and Potter that everyone would forget his existence. It may have worked with with many others, but Draco kept noticing that Potter would stare at him.
In the library while studying Draco felt someone stare intently at him, he turned scanning the room to see who those eyes belonged to and his silver eyes fell upon a certain green eyed boy with messy black hair and golden tan skin.
When Draco noticed him he knew right then and there that it was Potter that would look at him, so to prove his theory Draco went back yo his book and pretended to 'study', but was actually peeking looks at Potter.
Sure enough those green orbs were staring at him and they had a suspicious glint that clearly spoke mistrust.
Draco sighed and rubbed his eyes tired of receiving looks like that, he didn't need to be reminded every second of his life for his mistakes, especially if that someone was bloody Potter.
Because of all this Draco couldn't help but notice that Potter had changed from being a scrawny skinny boy to a good looking lad.
He noticed that Potter was still on the short side, but it fit him rather nice. He noticed the broad shoulders and strong collarbones, Draco could tell he had leg muscles and his arse was so rounded that he was tempted to grab it many times, not really though its rather nice Draco would say if you asked.
His skin could be compared to that of a snitch, a golden color that reflected sunshine itself. His hair hadn't changed much, if only getting messier counted, black curls would hide his scar while framing his square face.
Draco loved his strong chiseled jaw, his perfect full brows and his plump red lips. He notice his thick voluminous lashes that hid behind his round glasses.
Draco noticed this and much more, he noticed that when fully concentrated Potters cute button nose would glisten with dots of sweat and his red tongue would stick out just a teeny bit between his teeth.
Out of everything Draco noticed was that Harry's lopsided grin would seem to lighten everything in the room except his green eyes. Those eyes.
They would be the very first thing one would notice when seeing Harry Potter and Draco remembered getting lost in them countless times before.
Draco hadn't been able to notice his eyes anymore since the war because he was afraid of what they would tell him, but even if not seeing them he remember them so clearly.
Those stupidly perfect green eyes, Draco would think to himself. They were the color of a dark forest that kept hidden secrets, withing them were hazel specks and the pupil was surrounded by a yellow band, his irises encircled an inky black band. Draco noticed this all and was surprised at how well memorized he kept of Potter.
November was reaching its end and Draco started noticing that Potter would -if you can say that, Draco thought- protected him from most of the school population. Draco had blessed the Gods above that at least there was one person in the world that seem to have faith and hope in Draco even if he didn't have it in himself.
Countless times Potter had saved Draco from being hexed and Draco also noticed the glare he would send to many students that would bully him. Looks like a Malfoy glare to me, Draco thought every time he noticed
Potter from the corner of his eye. The weeks that followed Draco, he noticed that Potter would try to make eye contact whether it be in the corridors, hall, library, class or anywhere really, he seemed desperate to look at Draco in the eyes and even though Draco wanted to look at him into his green eyes he couldn't bare the thought of seeing hate in them.
It was during break that it happened, something inside Draco triggered and broken him into even smaller pieces. Christmas was a day away and Draco had gone outside to enjoy the beauty of nature and think about green eyes. A group of about six or seven sixth years approached Draco throwing him killing glares.
"Aww isn't it little death eater Malfoy sitting here all alone." A girl with brown hair from ravenclaw spat at him.
"Tell us Malfoy, how does it feel? Huh. It feels horrible right when people spat at you, you dirty git." This time a ravenclaw boy sneered at him.
A gryffindor boy he hadn't seen before spoke up next, "You don't have your golden boy here to defend you anymore Malfoy. I don't even know why he bothers with you, all I see is a coward that should be long gone dead. Do us all the favor and die Malfoy, the universe will thank us for getting rid of you." Smirking the group left a teared eye Draco laughing maliciously at his weaken state.
Draco ran his way to Moaning Myrtles bathroom and pulled out his wand, he accioed a knife and didn't hesitate to cut a deep straight line to his wrist. Draco saw as the red blood was exposed to his pale white skin.
Needing more pain from the words he had received Draco cut himself some more thinking that those students were right and that Potter would be very happy indeed if he died. No one would miss him, no one would notice.
It wasn't until he saw a pool of red did Draco realize something.
Draco Malfoy had fallen for the chosen one, he was head over heels for the savior of the wizarding world, he was in love with the golden boy, he had clumsily fallen deeply, maddeningly, frustratingly, sadly, in love with Harry Potter.
It didn't matter how you put it, Draco for the first time was in love and he hated it. He hated it with such a burning passion that he loved it so much. He laughed bitterly and kept cutting.
Darkness was growing in his eyesight and he heard someone screaming, he very vaguely remember someone running to him before he was welcome to the arms of darkness.
****
Bright light hit Draco's face, slowly opening his eyes he looked at the room he was currently in. He recognized it as the hospital wing, he saw a blurry figure walking towards him.
"I see you're awake Mr Malfoy, you gave us quite a scare there. Now if you would please tell us what made you bring pain upon yourself Draco?" Draco recognized the voice of his headmistress.
He recalled the events before being in the hospital wing and he remembered it all. Disappointment creeped into Draco, he couldn't even bring death to himself how pathetic, he thought.
"I'm not dead am I?" Draco said with much venom and disgust in his voice. His eyesight cleared giving him a better look, he took in the depressing faces of his professors and it chocked Draco.
McGonagall shook her head and gave him a sympathetic smile, " No you're not dead Draco. Tell us please what happened?"
Draco didn't look at them instead focusing in his wrists that had been strapped with bandages, he wasn't about to confess his undying love for Harry Potter and how disappointed he was that death hadn't accepted him either.
The teachers saw that Draco wasn't going to give details and McGonagall had told him before leaving to seek her when he was ready to explain. Draco nodded and let Madam Pomfrey do her work.
The day before classes Draco was released promising Madam Pomfrey that he wouldn't be doing it again. The golden trio had returned and they seem to always be accompanied now with the female Wealsey much to Draco's disapproval.
His stomach would flip with jealousy whenever he saw her with Harry. This and his attacks from his peers would always lead him to cutting, but Draco didn't dare cross the line like last time. Draco thought that since a new year had started Potter would forget him, but instead Potter now seem more determine to get a reaction out of Malfoy.
Draco of course tried his best to avoiding Potter and would simply change directions if they were crossing the same place or he would gaze somewhere else that wasn't near Potter.
He had been doing great in fact with ignoring everyone, but the universe seem to hate him and bring more karma to his soul.
It was a Saturday evening and for the first time Draco was going to make his way to the Great Hall, he was walking minding his own business when the same group from before stopped him. They disarmed him and shot daggers at him.
"Why would the Headmistress McGonagall allow such filth like a death eater come back. You disgusting lot should be rotting in Azkaban, I'm glad your father was kissed by a dementer. It was the least the ministry could do to someone like him after all. Your mother should fit there too." The same gryffindor from last time said to him.
Looking up he saw Potter and his friends. They made eye contact and it had felt like forever since seeing great eyes meet green. Draco's heart swelled and his walls crushed tumbling him making them fall down with them.
He felt himself grow weak and let his façade fall. What he saw in those green eyes was what he had feared to see. It was hate. Pure hate. Suddenly breathing became hard and he pushed his way out of the group running up to the astronomy tower.
That was all it took for the single piece that hooded him together break. He ripped his robes off and rolled his sleeves to reveal his cuts.
Taking out his silver blade with a dragon embroider on it he made two deep cuts on both his wrist. He swung his feet over the railings thinking how badly the fall would leave him. He was feeling lightheaded and was about to jump when he heard an all too familiar voice.
"NO DRACO STOP! WAIT! PLEASE!"
||H||
Harry screamed, petrified to what was happening. He saw as Draco jerked his head to him and Harry noticed the tears falling down his eyes. He felt tears starting to rise in his eyes and he made his way back to Draco.
"Draco, listen to me. Do. Not. Jump. Please, let me walk there and get you off okay? Don't move." Harry's voice was soft and lovingly, he slowly made his way to Draco and as they made eye contact Harry's heart broke into two pieces, the beautiful blondes eyes had fear.
It was the kind of fear a child would give someone they looked up too that had yelled at him, such an innocent look. He heard his friends making there way up the tower, they all stayed stunned at what they were seeing.
Draco had gotten scared at the sound and lost his balance. Time stopped, he looked at Harry and Harry looked at him eyes wide, breaths hitched in they watched Draco fall.
"Harry!" yelled Draco.
Immediately Harry ran to Draco and grasped his bloody wrist, the blond looked at him through hooded eyes and Harry rose him to the ground. Once back up Harry brought Draco into his arms and whispered okays' and 'nothing' never letting him go. Draco audibly whispered to Harry's ear, "I love you."
"I love you too Draco. Don't leave me please." Harry let out a sob and ran with Draco in his arms screaming, yelling, cursing someone to help him. People made way to let Harry pass and stared shocked as they saw the ex Slytherin in the golden boys arms looking almost dead.
Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had made a head start to get help and Madam Pomfrey went to work giving Draco potions to help him with loosing so much blood and putting spells on him to help with his injuries.
"Please tell me that he'll be alright." Harry spoke in between sobs and tears.
Madam Pomfrey gave him a sad smile, "I'll do everything in my power to help him."
Harry barely gave back a nod and held Draco's hand never wanting to let go. It was in that moment that Harry noticed that he wanted to marry Draco, he noticed he wanted a future with him, he noticed he wanted children, he noticed his unconditional love for Draco Malfoy.
*****
When Draco woke up he thought that everything that had happened from him jumping off, to saying he loved Harry, and Harry saying it back that it was all a cruel dream fate was playing on him.
But those thoughts were interrupted when he saw Harry's body curled up in a chair that made him look awkward. Draco stood up and winced that the pain in his wrists, Harry stirred and sleepily opened an eye and when he saw Draco awake he woke up and ran to his side sitting next to him.
"You're awake beautiful." Harry said with that crooked smile Draco could fall in love with everyday. Smiling back he responded his voice hoarse and weak, "Yea I am and it wasn't a dream what you said was it?"
Harry laughed a sound that made Draco's heart skip a beat. "No Draco it wasn't a dream, I love you and I wish I had realized sooner and tried to protect you. I'm sorry Draco, Madam Pomfrey told me it was the second time you did this."
Harry grabbed both of Draco's arms and looked at the fresh cuts, most of them were make on the dark mark, Draco looked away ashamed of his past.
What Harry did next surprised him and made him gasp. Harry leaned to Draco's arm with the dark mark and kisses it, he kissed every scar and bruise, he kissed Draco's face and pecked his lips, he kissed Draco's neck, he brought his lips to Draco's pale thighs and kissed him
"I love you Draco and I will always love you." He repeated these words to the blonde making him smile knowing that he was being loved back.
Harry looked into his those silver eyes he had fallen for ams Draco stared at those emerald eyes back with as much need. They both leaned in slowly closing the gap and kissing.
The kiss was deep and passionate, it spoke all the words that couldn't be said. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's petite waist carefully, holding him like something fragile that would break with a harsh grip.
Draco's hands tangled into Harry's messy hair and he ran his tongue tracing Harry's bottom lip begging to be let in. Harry opened eagerly and let Draco dominate the kiss, he loved the way Draco's tongue darted inside his mouth and they way there tongues would feel when caressed by each other. Harry couldn't help the moan that came out and they soon broke apart gasping for air.
Harry smiled at Draco and Draco saw that Harry's smile had finally reached his green eyes. "I love you Draco."
Draco looked at Harry and Draco for the first time in forever felt safe from everything. "I love you more."
Harry chuckled and whispered to his ear, "Not possible."
Harry Potter finally noticed Draco Malfoy. And Draco couldn't help, but notice him too.