This rant is by popular demand: Things that Aren't Actually Romantic (Part 2!)
1. Hospitals/Being Sick
This was actually the most popular/most requested thing brought up by you guys in the last one of these and I could not agree more. Who wants to be all romantic and lovely when they're sick? Seriously. Let's be honest. Sick days are days when you don't look or feel your best. And yeah, it's great to have someone that is willing to help you out and put up with your crabbiness during these times, but come on. If you're sick enough, you're not going to enjoy it like you should. And you should pamper each other under no conditions, not just because one of you is sick.
A lot of people also brought up the fact that hospitals are not romantic and I couldn't agree more. Like, I've never had a baby, so I can't speak for that portion of hospital visits (because I bet that's actually kind of a disgustingly beautiful moment), but the times I've been in the hospital have been less than romantic.
And that's a big thing. You aren't yourself when you're sick or injured and needing to go to the hospital. This isn't a chance to make a hugely romantic moment or gesture in your story. This is a moment to show a different side of your character. If it's not a serious sickness (because we all know common colds aren't serious outside of seriously sucking) this is a chance for some comic relief. Let your character act like a fool. Let them lose control.
Don't make it so pretty that someone is there to care for them. You don't have to be a helpless baby when you're sick. You can still function. Don't let the world stop because your character sneezed.
2. Vacations/Getaways after a Week
This is more for the insta-love scenarios, because I see it all the time there, but if you've been dating less than, let's say a month (even though I still think that's kind of quick, but I'm a slow mover), you probably don't need to be travelling cross country with the guy. Okay, if you were friends first. If you've known each other for a long time, fine. Go on some wild vacation with him. But if you've only just met, maybe don't. It might be nice to, I don't know, meet his family. Meet his friends. Meet his co-workers. Spend a little time together. Actually get to know each other. Run a background check. Just the little stuff before you go around the world with someone.
Because what if this dude is a serial killer? What if he's actually a jerk and you get stuck with this dude for an entire week because you can't afford plane tickets back home? What if he is actually married and just trying to get you away from his wife so she doesn't find out about you guys? Any one of these would make a pretty awesome story, actually. Someone write it and I'll read it. You know what to do, write it up, leave it in the comments, and I'll be your avid #1 reader. I always do.
Anyway, my point: I'm not saying vacations can't be romantic. I love vacations. I go see my best friend on weekends where he is as often as I can and it's great. Even just a day at a motel or his apartment or a friend's place is great. If I didn't know him? Not so much.
My rule of thumb is that I don't travel with anyone I've known less than six months. I just don't. Honestly, I won't even get in a car alone with them to drive over to the next town if I've known them less than six months. And I know that's obsessive, but 1. I have this weird stranger complex, 2. I move slow in relationships (even friendships), and 3. If it's just the next town over, I could probably run there just as quickly.
But these characters will go anywhere with anyone at anytime. Didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers? Don't get in their van! Even if they say they have candy!
And these MCs are teenagers. What parent would let their teenager go somewhere for even just one night with their boyfriend? A pretty cool one, I guess. I didn't get to go anywhere. If I was going to be bad, I had to do it before curfew.
How do they travel to another country with their significant other? What about school? This confuses me so much. But anyway, my point is: random vacations aren't romantic if your characters don't know each other. Vacations don't work with insta-love.
3. Fighting for Each Other
This is always that scene where some dude wolf-whistles (or is it cat-calls?) at the MC and her love interest goes and beats him up. That's not cool. At all.
You need to learn to take care of your own problems. If you need help, that's fine. That's what significant others are for. That's what friends are for. That's what family is for. They're all there to offer you help and support in your decisions. They aren't there to do things for you.
So when I see a male MC step in and take charge like that, I hate it. That's effectively saying one is submissive and the other is dominate. And it works in some relationships, I guess. But when the MC goes from super badass to needing the love interest to do everything for them (even just flip off some annoying whistler) it's too much. You're regressing then.
So, my suggestion: let the MC handle their own problems. They can get advice from other characters, but they can't ask other characters to do the work for them all the time. If you ask me to critique something and you have a scene where Person B defends Person A without Person A's knowledge, blessing, or request, I'm going to call you out on it. It's in my nature. Especially if Person A was totally independent and self sufficient before Person B came along.
If you want to have a scene like that, because maybe Person B has this strange protection complex, fine. But don't write it off simply. Explore it. I know for a fact it would cause a conflict between my best friend and I if I knew he went a beat up some guy for me. 1. I wouldn't ask him to do that. 2. I can take care of myself. 3. I don't need him thinking I'm helpless.
So if this happens in your story for whatever reason, make it more complex. Let it develop a conflict. Let it be a point of departure, not a destination. It should be that the characters are trying to learn to support each other more, not that defending someone without permission is the ultimate relationship goal.
4. "You look better without makeup"
I know this is supposed to be one of those big, aww moments, because someone is telling you that you look beautiful just the way you are, but I don't enjoy it. I don't wear makeup for other people. I do it because I like to. Because I have a scar on my jaw and if I don't cover it up, people won't make eye contact with me. Because I think it's relaxing to put on makeup. Because I don't always like my complexion and I just like to blend it all in. I don't do it to impress people. I'm not wearing makeup for it to be easy for others to look at me. I wear it because I like it.
So, fine, you think I'm wasting time putting it on. But fuck you, dude, because I don't care which way you think I look better. I like the way I look with makeup. And since it's my body, my face, my life, I win. Conversation over.
And that's how I feel about that.
5. Stalking
This one has a little bit of a backstory. So, a little while ago (wow, guess it's been a year. Shit) my ex got engaged to the girl he was cheating on me with. Well, correction, the one he left me for to "teach me a lesson" about how he should be treated. And when it happened, he called and left a billion voicemails about how he didn't want to hurt me or break my heart, but he thought it was a better life choice for him to marry her than me. But I didn't reply, because, dude. It had been two years since we'd even spoken anyway, so I honestly could not have cared less.
So a few weeks afterwards, he shows up at my house, at two in the morning, telling me he loved me and he didn't want to hurt me, but he just felt like he had to marry the other girl. So I was telling some friends about it (and they don't know the guy or what our relationship was like in high school) and they actually thought it was romantic. Like, what part of some guy driving an hour away from his house, to yours (which is in the middle of nowhere), to tell you he loves you but he's marrying someone else, even though you two haven't spoken in two years, is romantic? Seriously? Which part of that?
And the more I thought about it, and tried to see what was so great about the gesture, I realized just how often this type of thing happens in Wattpad stories. The guy always comes around after a long time and has a bunch of shit to tell her about why it didn't work out and how he wants her back and blah blah blah. And I guess there's a time and a place for it. But that time is not at two in the morning two years after you last spoke. That place is not the house she shares with her best friend. That moment was not right.
And it was just weird that he kept my number. He kept trying to contact me after we both had lives. Like, he knew where I was going to school, what degree I already had and which one I was going for. He knew my work schedule. He knew where my apartment was. He even knew about a few times I'd gone to see my best friend. He'd gathered all this information from other people and I find that creepy.
I also find it creepy when Wattpad characters stalk each other. The love interest probably shouldn't go to the office and go through the MC's personal record to find her address, her class schedule, and her phone number. That's just weird. That's extremely unhealthy.
The super hot, young CEO shouldn't stalk his employee and buy her nice things to make her like him. That's controlling.
Maybe that would be a cool aspect to explore. Maybe this whole stalker mentality should be discussed. What if they guy tries to pass off all these activities as being oh so sweet and thoughtful and caring, but really, he's a creep. What happens then? How do you get out of a relationship like that when it's obvious how possessed he is? There's no way he'd do all that work, be that obsessive, and just let her go. What happens then? Someone write that. It starts all sweet and ends up super creepy. I'll read it.
That's it. That's my rant for this time. If you guys can think of even more, add 'em below! If we get enough, we'll make a part three!
Anyway, how have you been? I was away with stuff. But I'm back for a bit. I got all the critique requests of 2015 done, so that's cool. Starting on 2016 now (if you've ever gotten a critique from me, you know why it takes so long. Don't be shocked.) Guess I'm supposed to tell a funny story now, huh?
Let's see. Well, I'm thinking about hospitals and being sick and such and I keep thinking about the time my best friend tore his ACL and didn't go to the doctor for about two weeks (seriously, he's a medical anomaly. He does the weirdest shit he's not supposed to be able to do. He broke his wrist when he was twelve and never went to the doctor, so when he was sixteen, they had to rebreak it because it didn't heal right. And he never complained once about it hurting, but it must have sucked). Anyway, he was still in high school, so my dad finally made him go to the doctor because it was obvious something was wrong.
So he gets to the doctor and they find out he has a torn ACL and the doctor was just amazed and asking him why he didn't come in sooner and how he didn't seem to notice anything was wrong other than a slight pain. And my best friend was explaining how our athletic trainer always says there's a fine line between pain and injury and you better know the difference. And the doctor gave him this big speech that my best friend had to repeat to my dad the next day as an explanation for his brace or whatever, and it went something like,
"Son, you crossed that line, took injury out to dinner, knocked it up on the first date, asked it to marry you, got left at the alter, and now you're paying child support on triplets. That's not just pain."
And my dad thought it was so funny he made my best friend tell the story to the whole coaching staff. My dad still tells that story. He likes a doctor with a good sense of humor. So see what I mean about the comic relief thing? It would work.
You guys probably don't find that funny. But I find it amusing. So there.
Anyway, you know the drill. Leave your comments, opinions, ideas below. I love hearing from you!