A/N: I hope the flashbacks arent confusing for anyone. Andrew Belle's song, In My Veins, got me through this and it helped me get really emotional. I love you guys. Read the A/N at the end for important news. Enjoy! (:
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December 2013
“Give it back to me!” I tried jumping up to catch my notebook that Thomas had in his hand, he was teasing me about having to study for my last exam before Christmas break.
“Not until you say it!” He waved the purple notebook in the air and it suddenly became way out of my reach so I sighed in defeat and crossed my arms against my chest, “say it, Bay.” He teased again as he lowered the notebook down only to bring it back up again.
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“You can’t do that!” He extended his hand outward trying to stop me.
“Do what?” I teased as I came closer to him, our bodies only inches apart.
“You know exactly what you’re doing,” and he was right, as I put my hands against his chest and leaned on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his, I knew exactly what I was doing.
“Got it.” I smiled in victory as he opened his eyes slowly, his eyelashes fanning on is cheeks, his eyes immediately diverted from my eyes to my hand holding the beanie that he took from my room.
Three words fell from his lips and it sounded like an invitation to kiss him again, “I let you.”
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“No,” I shook my head, my lips pouting and I was ready to go inside because I was freezing and sad and trying my best to not think about the day like this and I’m wearing only a long sleeve shirt that was not a good idea on my part, knowing that December is the coldest month of winter and well my brain doesn’t know how to work sometimes.
“I’m not giving it back to you until you say it,” I know that I should enjoy all the small moments with Thomas because he’s here until New Years but I can’t seem to keep myself focused on the present. Everything that happens reminds me of everything I miss. It’s always been constant teasing like this and I’m not giving him any satisfaction so I just pulled on his scarf, tugging him a bit, and made a run for it, laughing for everyone to hear.
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“Bay! Wait! I didn’t mean it!” I kept walking at a faster pace, my bare feet hurting from the heels and the gravel beneath my skin.
It was dark and a single streetlamp lit the dark street as I turned away from my house. He did mean it; he meant it when he said he didn’t regret hooking up with that skank Olivia. How could I be so stupid as to think I could trust him? I was drunk and under the influence with Josh but he was perfectly coherent and he knew what he was doing. Why is this hurting so much?
It shouldn’t hurt so much. It’s not like we’re emotionally attached; it’s not like he’s emotionally attached. I correct myself.
“Bay, wait,” the little tiny pebbles beneath our feet crunched as he stepped over to follow me, “you have to listen to what I have to say! You can’t just run!”
I turn around to see him standing there only a couple of feet away, his jet black hair slicked with shiny hair products, the stubble on his chin made me go crazy and I had the urge to take him home and hand him my shaver but I knew there was a more important matter at hand, “and what? Just stand here and let you lie to me again? You think I enjoy having a constant reminder that you’re not mine?!”
The world was silent, not even crickets dared to chirp, the city life was out of hearing distance and the wind stopped dead in its tracks. I didn’t say that. Please tell me I didn’t say that.
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His arms wrapped around my waist from behind, pulling me back to his chest, the warmth of his body instantly washed over me and I couldn’t help but fold myself into the space as my head leaned back against his chest, sighing as his arms tightened around me, his nose at the shell of my ear and his breathing staying the same pace unlike mine.
“Gotcha,” he whispered in my ear as his hand took his scarf from mine and wrapped it around my neck, “should’ve worn something warmer.” His smile brightening his face, giving his blue eyes a little shimmer like glitter, it was nice.
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“Don’t walk away,” his voice sounded defeated, as I got further away, the tears silently fell from my eyes.
“Walking away is easier than facing the fact that I can’t have you,” I said in a hushed voice because I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to hear.
My feet were really sore and the silence from before seemed to fade into loud street noises and wind chimes and it really felt like an eternity to reach the end of the street.
I felt a hand on me as I set my foot on the road, ready to cross, but the hand pulled me back. His eyes always amazed me, it was a color I’ve never seen and yet it was the most beautiful and now my favorite shade of brown.
“Don’t,” he spoke soft, his hand traveled down to mine and intertwined our fingers.
“Don’t what?” I asked confused and annoyed and to the point of boiling but he paid no attention to my temperature but my lips, his eyelashes closing in as he looked down at my lips.
I felt intimidated all of a sudden, he was so smart, so good looking and this is the guy that has such an effect on me and I’m scared of what he’s capable of doing to me. His lips parted as his thumb came to rest on my lips, time seemed to slow down. Like you see in movies, everything in slow motion that I almost miss the loud car honking on the street and I’m pulled away from any kind of thought of Zayn kissing me.
“Stop acting like you care, ok. Save us both the time.” I pulled away and started to walk across the street and thunder rolled above me, loud booming and dangerous just like the person behind me.
“Wasting time is what I do best,” I was pulled back and with a grunt my chest collided with his, as did our lips and as did the raindrops from the sky.
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He handed me my notebook when it started drizzling but soon the raindrops turned into tiny specs of white and we headed back to my dorm building, where he has been staying. The weather has changed dramatically from the past month, it seemed pretty odd to have it still raining in November but as the month passed, the raindrops froze.
I turned the knob of my dorm once we walked down the fourth floor, I was expecting to see Cassie sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap and eating it mindlessly as she stared at the moving screen but I was not expecting to see Matt and his mop of curly blonde hair sitting on the edge of the old couch, his elbows leaning against his thigh as he rested his chin on his hands.
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I just needed to get home. I just need to tell him that I quit. I can’t do it anymore. The pay sucks and I didn’t sign up for that shit. I know that he’s the one who helped me find this job but I just don’t think I can go another day in there.
I reached my house and opened the door, sighing home sweet home
“You’re home early,” a smile instantly formed on my face. Seeing him after a long day is the best part of my days, “did something happen?” and I still cannot get over how good he is with knowing when something is wrong. Am I that easy to read?
“Work,” and he seemed to understand when his arms wrapped around my waist and his lips kissed my forehead.
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I was glad he came around and forgave me for ditching Aria last month, it was not that I did it deliberately, maybe I did, but still I wasn’t really thinking straight and he knew that. Matt understands me; Thomas understands me and I feel like they’re the only guys I can really see myself getting along with in the long run.
“Did Cassie let you in?” I set my bag on the small end table next to the door, Thomas going straight to my room.
“Uh, yeah, she left like not too long ago,” he grabbed the control and turned the volume down, “said she was going to catch up with some reading over at the Dinning Hall.” His shoulders slumped and he looked down at the floor.
“Is something wrong?” I stepped closer to him, noticing that he hasn’t made an effort to make conversation.
He shook his head, “na, just stopped by, Ar wants to see you though, and Preston wants to apologize,” Matt’s step dad wasn’t very keen on me leaving her daughter stranded with no way to get home so I understood that he didn’t want to communicate with me for the month and my father wasn’t very happy when Preston told him about my stunt, “he didn’t mean what he said, you know that, right?” He finally looked up at me.
“Right, yeah, of course.” I tried to shake my head, maybe that way I can forget that Preston didn’t really say anything he just got mad and stopped coming to check on me but it was Matt who said he never wanted to see me again and that I was irresponsible and selfish. It’s fine, though, he forgave me. Everyone forgave me. I just wondered when the time will come that everyone will stop forgiving me.
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“Zayn! Wait!”
“What, Bay? What do you want?! Do you want to explain what happened? I don’t want to hear it!” I was desperate for him to understand that what he saw was not what he thought it was.
“Zayn, please. Just--” I was cut off by the slamming of the door to his room. I knocked once, twice, three times but nothing. No matter how much I begged for him to unlock the door, he wouldn’t do it. So, I slumped down, my back leaning against the door, “I tried telling you last week,” I exhaled the breath I was holding in since he slammed the door.
“You didn’t tell me anything,” his voice low and hurt from the other side of the door and I didn’t want him to feel like that.
“I tried to Zayn, I really did,” I shook my head, “I wanted to tell you that I wanted to quit working there,” it was frustrating to be talking to air and a blank white wall but I kept my words coming, “but I saw how proud everyone was that I finally got a job and I finally have money and nothing was going wrong except that,”
I let silence linger for a fraction of a second before I continued, “what you saw, it was nothing. Zayn, I promise. I wouldn’t do that to you. My co-workers are dicks and I want to quit.”
There was no response after another long minute of silence so in defeat I stood up but turned around when I heard a soft click from the door.
His cheekbones were more evident from the tightness of his face as he held in his anger, “you’re quitting tomorrow.”
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I went to my room to join Thomas, leaving Matt sitting on the couch, I trusted him enough to know that he wouldn’t try to steal anything, not that there’s anything of value around here, “I think I’m going to join Cassie in the library,” I tell him as I grab the rest of my books on my nightstand, “you’ll be okay for a couple of hours, right?” I never actually left Thomas alone so I wanted to make sure it was okay.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I’ll just sleep.” His chuckle muffled by the pillow below him, he looked so peaceful so I didn’t bother to ask him if he wanted to chat it up with Matt.
To: Louis
Library?
From: Louis
Already here ;)
I looked around the large room with scattered wooden tables at each corner and white walls and hushed whispers, I’ve seen so many faces but I couldn’t put names to them except for one that really stood out, Louis.
He was sitting sideways, his legs propped up on the chair next to him, his arms leaning against the wooden surface, and his face scrunched up as his face got closer to the textbook open in front of him. He pulled his glasses out of his pockets after he let out a frustrated sigh loud enough for me to hear and I couldn’t help but chuckle and of course it happened to be loud enough for everyone to hear. I felt eyes burning my back as I walked over to where Louis sat, giving him a flat smile as I sat down across from him.
“I don’t know what you find so amusing.” I say as I set my book down in front of me.
He raised his hands in defense, his glasses falling low on the bridge of his nose, “oh nothing at all, I guess, you getting shunned by the whole student body just now was not entertaining at all.”
“Whatever,” I roll my eyes and open my textbook, we came to an agreement before Thomas came that we would meet up so he could help me with my English for the exam we have coming up because we both know English is not my strongest subject and I cannot afford to fail the exam, “what page?”
“350.” We both sigh and flip to page 350, hoping that we both get what he’s trying to teach me.
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“This is so easy!” He kept saying as he flipped through my notebook scribbled with my notes from class.
My head fell back as I laughed at his choice of adjective, “If it’s so easy why don’t you do it for me?” I challenged him and Zayn kindly accepted.
“If I get this problem right, I get a kiss,” he spoke to the paper as he held the pencil tight in his and, focusing on the Trig problem that my teacher left us for homework, “and if I get it wrong,” he paused, “I still get a kiss.” He smirked before licking his lips and writing an answer down.
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I stepped back into my dorm to find more people than I left it with. I spotted Thomas in the little kitchenette with his back to me and he seemed like he was talking to someone. Someone noticed my arrival and called my name and I turned around to see it was Aria who also made an appearance at the small party I had no idea was going on.
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“You don’t get to chose who gets the walk in closet!”
“Don’t be stupid! I’m the oldest so I get the walk in closet!” I can’t believe I was arguing with a fourteen year old about a closet.
“Girls! No need to be fighting. We’ll draw from a hat,” my mother smiled down at both of us as she grabbed a piece of paper from the desk beside her, ripping it in half and scribbling our names on each individual piece, “now, who wants to pick?”
My mom’s skinny fingers folded the paper and held it out in front of us, “I will!” Ashley took the piece of paper that was in my mother’s left hand and she squealed in joy.
“That’s not fair! She cheated! Mom! Are you serious?” All my mom did was shrug her shoulders and laughed quietly as she headed up the stairs, “Ashley! There’s no way you’re getting the walk in closet.”
I didn’t let her start a sentence because I was already up the stairs and headed to the room with the big closet I’ve always dreamed of. There was a soft knock at the door, “Bay? I’m going to drop your sister off at dance class, ok?” there was another knock as I sat in the middle of the floor staring at the empty closet, “would you like to come?” It was so big, “ok, I’ll take that as no, right. I’ll be back in a bit, your father is out until tonight, don’t answer the door for strangers.”
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“Forgive me?” It was the first two words that fell from my lips as Aria gave me a hug so warm that it was hard to believe that she was ever mad at me.
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I know my mom said not to answer the door for strangers but I refused to close it after answering for Police officers, they were my friends. They were there to make us feel safe.
Mom is going to kill me
She didn’t, though.
I never saw her or my sister again
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“I already did, silly,” she ruffles my hair and kisses my cheek, “Preston is with your dad chatting it up over there.” She pointed to where Thomas was standing. Oh boy.
“Dad?” I haven’t seen my dad since I left London. I understand why he couldn’t come visit but maybe a few phone calls checking in other than the one last month to only yell at me for leaving his co-worker’s daughter stranded in New York City.
“I like what you did to the place,” he placed his large hand on my shoulder, “why didn’t you introduce me to him,” he pointed to Thomas, “says he’s here from London, too.”
“You were never there to introduce to,” I said in a cold tone, I don’t know why I was so mad, it was just like this wave of emotion that rushed through me without control, “and yes, he’s been here for a while, you would’ve known that if you called.”
My dad huffed in disbelief, “I’m not the only one with a phone,” the room seemed to go quieter, “don’t be rude and greet Preston.”
“Bay!” Preston came closer to me and gave me a hug, a tighter one than Aria could’ve pulled, “I’m glad you’re doing well, Aria wanted to see you.”
I turned back to my dad, “what are you doing here?” I couldn’t say that I wasn’t surprised because I really was. I wasn’t expecting to see so many people in here. Well not many just my father and Preston and Matt and Thomas and Aria but it’s a small dorm so it gets crowded with no effort.
“What do you mean ‘what are you doing here?’ I’m here to see you,” he ruffled my hair, it was getting really annoying so I turned around and headed to my room and closed the door behind me, not wanting to associate myself with the people outside my room right now.
I just want to feel all right again, none of this is helping. No one understands how hard it is to have the constant reminder of not having the one you still love by your side to make small witty comments or give you little compliments or kiss you good morning or even goodnight or at least have their arms wrapped around you.
I sighed against the pillow, exhaling with force because this is all frustrating. I didn’t even know what he was doing or where he was and its not like I’ve talked to him recently but here I am, helpless with the thoughts of him and wishing I could take it all back and not have come here.
I just can’t bring myself to accept the fact that he’s not mine anymore and there’s nothing I can do to change the past.
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A/N: Trailer for Super Rich Kids is coming soon (: Who's excited? Because I am and I have to say wow. Just THANK YOU to everyone who's reading and commenting and voting like you have no idea how much it means to me. I thought I wouldnt be capable of success but seeing how you guys like it so much, you proved me wrong. Kisses to everyone, both chocolate and carnal ;) MUAH! xx