On the walk back to the apartment, I try not to delve into my thoughts, fears, and suspicions. I intend to focus on the little things. His smell, his presence, the floor. The way his arm brushes against mine occasionally as we turn a corner.
The silence is tranquil and the only noise is the distant echo of the Dauntless in The Pit. He looks to his side, right at me. I turn up to meet his gaze quickly. His eyes look dark and worried.
I don't know why I'm going to talk to him, but forgiveness is what he wants. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to understand and accept what happens. If I'm able, then forgiveness is plausible.
I know this is just a bump in our relationship, but it's a big one. One that may be too large to get past because I don't know if I have the will to climb it. Hopefully, he'll tell me what I need to hear. That will give me the motivation to forgive him.
I'm doubtful of what will happen today, and in all fairness I'm still livid about what happened. Part of me wonders what it would be like to test the waters with other guys. He's my first boyfriend; I've never explored what other men have to offer. Why would I have to?
Was I too naive to think Tobias was going to be the only man I wouldever be with? People have told me how rare it is that you will actually end up with your first boyfriend.
I'm taken away from my thoughts when I feel a brush against my hand. A jolt of electricity runs on the skin of my fingers as his brush against mine. I look downward as he slowly moves his fingers to intertwine with mine, but I pull my hand away and start walking quicker.
My mind runs rampant once again with no boundary. This time I focus on the past and not the future. Did he plan to go out to the bar with Madison that night? She had visited earlier in the day.
I remember their little conversation, trying to recall anything that may serve as evidence. The sound, I think frantically. The one I dismissed. The one that sounded like a kiss but I decided to have faith. The one I tried not to jump to conclusions on.
Immediately afterward, he came back to me and had a heated make out session. I need an explanation. I will demand one. The silence urges me to just stop here and yell at him. But inside will have to do.
I look up at him with disgust, but he doesn't notice. His eyes are droopy and his lips in a fine line with worry. He seems to have aged by the second while I was gone. His face isn't carefree and his emotions not guarded. I can almost read everything on his face like a book.
Guilt. Depression. Anxiety. Nervousness. Sadness. All things that I would be concerned to see on his face at any other point in time. Instead, it almost makes me happy that he's feeling the repercussions of his actions.
He takes a deep breath as we arrive at the apartment door. The pronoun I use to think about the apartment makes me sad. 'The' not 'our'.
He quickly and expertly turns the lock. When the door swings open, he takes off his heavy jacket and places it on the couch. I stand with my arms folded and a stern look of my face.
He looks back at me concerned. I want to scream at him. I want to yell. But I don't.
"You okay?" he asks, his voice deep. He tentatively takes a step toward me.
I scoff. "Am I okay? You've got to be kidding me, am I okay?? That's what you have to say to me? That's how you want to start this? I'm obviously not okay, Four."
He holds his hands. "I'm sorry. It was a stupid thing to ask."
I bite my lip, starting to tear up. "Come get me when you have something of substance to say to me," I say back away toward the door. "Because right now you don't. And I don't like that."
He lunges for my arm, his grasp tight. "Stay, please. I'm just nervous."
I take a deep breath, stabilizing my emotions. "Fine," I relent. "And you should be nervous. Our entire future is riding on what bullshit you come up with tonight to try and fix this relationship, so go ahead," I spit out.
He leads me to the couch steadily. "I'm not making anything up. I don't deserve to have you back if you don't accept the truth. I just want to explain. It was pretty hard to come across to you when all you wanted to do was run away last time."
"Can you blame me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I can't. Because I understand what happened must've been really bad to walk in on. I was completely wasted and I didn't even know what I was doing. I'm really sorry--"
"People say that was someone is drunk, their actions reflect what's happening deep below the surface level of their sober actions and thoughts. How am I supposed to know if you are really looking for Madison and not me? How am I supposed to know that I'm what you want if--when you get an opportunity--you're willing to let some slut be all over you?"
He closes his eyes. "You're right," he states with his eyes closed. I throw my head back in shock.
"What?" I ask, shaking my head.
He draws in a breath with his eyes closed. "You're right to assume that. The only thing is, that . . . . I think I thought it was you," he whispers, his eyes seeing right through me. "The blond hair, the black dress. I was so wasted and everything was so hazy. Nothing made sense. I hardly even remember it.
"All I do remember though is that one moment I thought I was surprised that you had showed up so I started talking to you. I was so wasted that I didn't even stop to think why you would ask me to dance instead of just dragging me out to the dance floor. And then the next moment, the second you ran away. I sobered up a little bit after that, but I was still drunk when I chased you back to our apartment
"In that moment, I knew something wasn't adding up. And then I realized all along that they were two different people. I didn't understand that it was Madison until you told me. And I'm really, really sorry, Tris. I love you and you know I would never do anything to hurt you. Or at least I hope you do."
"I do know. But I do wish I could trust you about this. Because something's not adding up."
He shakes his head, unable to understand. "What?" he asks, concerned to know what he did wrong now.
"You're leaving something out," I say, hoping he'll take the hint and explain before I have to accuse him of anything.
"What did I leave out, Tris?" he asks desperately. "Tell me and I'll explain. Please."
"Madison's visit," I say sharply.
He seems taken off balance. "Oh, yeah. That."
"What happened?"
"She came to the door asking for help with training and I told her that she could do it on her own time. I was about to close the door and say goodbye when she kissed me. I told her that she couldn't do that, but then she told me that my girlfriend wasn't around. I slammed the door in her face and I was so mad that when I came back to you, I needed to prove to you how much I loved you. So I kissed you and I just tried to forget that she ha ever done that because it didn't mean anything," he explains quickly before I get too mad.
I open my mouth in shock. "She kissed you?" I ask him, vulnerable.
He bites his lip nervously, and puts a hand on my arm. I'm too still to bother to push it away. "It meant nothing," he assures me.
I look up at him and for the first time in a few days, I'm not angry at him. My eyes tear up. He told me everything. My chin quivers a little.
"Don't cry," he whispers, his thumb raising to my face and steadying it. "Please don't."
I worry my bottom lip, trying not to release the water accumulating in the corner of my eye. "I shouldn't have kept that from you," he whispers. "I'm sorry."
I'm silent as he whispers earnestly to me, "Tris Prior, I love you so much. I don't want you to worry that my feelings will ever go away. And I don't want you to worry that I'll ever choose anyone over you. This was all just a misunderstanding.
"I love you for now and forever. I want to wake up beside you every day for the rest of my life. I want to hold your hand and hear you whisper that you love me. I want a life with you. I want the kisses and the hugs and the arguments and the fights. I want it all. And I know you love me too. All I need is for you to tell me that you want that too. That you want me. That you forgive me, because you love me. You don't have to, but if you don't then I don't know what more I could have done or said."
A single tear traces down my cheek and before I can brush it away, he does it for me. My voice cracks when I try to speak. "I, um . . . . "
I look up at him, and his eyes are hopeful and his gaze intently fixated on me. All my anger and sadness and feelings of betrayal dissipate. I love him. I didn't expect to forgive him this easily, but I do. Because that's what two people who love each other do. They forgive and they love again.
I can't help myself from what I say next. "I forgive you," I whisper, barely audible.
He lets out a big breath and it's almost adorable how relieved he is. "Really?" he asks, searching my eyes.
I smile sadly and nod slightly, biting my lip. Where words fail me, I rush my lips in a firm kiss against his. With of us unmoving, it feels like time has truly stopped. A wave of heat courses through my body as I pull away slowly. I still feel the pressure of his lips against mine.
"I want that too, Tobias," I whisper, a smile overtaking my face. It comes unapologetically in relief. "I do want a life with you. I love you so much."
He searches my eyes once more before he smashes his lips to mine. I automatically react, the kiss deepening by the second. His hands frantically and desperately holding me as my hands shoot to his strong shoulder and neck. It's the most amazing moment of my life. And expression of the deep-running love we have for each other.
I know that if we had chosen differently, we would be doing the same thing in grey clothes instead of black. Because we are truly and perfectly meant for each other. Even the way our mouths and bodies mold against each other.
He holds me like he would fall apart if he wasn't. Like I'm more important than the air we breath or the earth we walk on.
I pull away slightly despite his protest. We sit here together, on the couch, our bodies entangled and breaths mixing as our foreheads touch. His skin feel heated to the touch from emotion and I know mine feels similarly.
"I don't want to wait any longer," I whisper quietly. "I want to be with you."
He pulls away, looking at me like he can't believe what he's hearing. He can't contain his excitement well. The expression on his face is priceless as his eyes look back and forth between my own, trying to make sure he heard me right.
I nod. "I'm sure."
He sits there, still for a moment before recapturing my lips and having his strong arms roam my body until he finds the right spots to pick me up. I ravel my legs around his waist as he carries me out of the room. I don't even feel the swaying of his body as he walks or the absence of his arms as he opens the bedroom door. The only thing I feel is when, moments later, we're on the bed.
"I love you," he whispers against my lips before continuing to kiss me. I moan into the kiss as he lowers his hands to my bum. His lips travel to my neck as I sigh out, "I love you too, Tobias."
And it's true. I'll love him now and forever. And he'll love me. I am his and he is mine. It has been that way all along.
A/N
Please leave thoughts in the comments about this chapter! Fourtris is finally back together and maybe a little better than ever ;)
I know many of you wish that I wouldn't stop there, but I don't feel at the liberty to write explicit stories. Just use your imaginations ;) I will have scenes that go slightly further than where I stopped here in future chapters, but honestly it sometimes feel uncomfortable for me to write like that. Especially since *awkward* I've never even kissed someone so...
The story is not over yet, don't worry! I hope you continue to read and enjoy my story. Leave a vote or a comment to let me know how you feel. It makes every day a joy to read all of your comments!
Oh and btw..... HAPPY EASTER!!!