Fourtris Now and Forever: Divergent No War

| c h a p t e r 60 |

Say  s o m e t h i n g, I'm giving up on  y o u . . . .

The moment the light hits my eyes was quite possibly the single worst moment of my life. I groan, rolling over on the couch and stuffing my head in the pillow. The light only reminds me of what I quite possibly lost last night. Trust is completely gone and I know it will never be easy for me to open up again. Either to him or anyone else. Our love is quite possibly gone. I know that I will always love him, but maybe after a while that love will shrink to caring. Then further and further away from the four letter word all the way to strangers.

But what hurts me most about last night is that I thought he was my person. I thought he was the one I'd grow old with no matter the circumstances. Maybe, just maybe, that would be possible. I need time. Time to think and time to be away from him. Time to decide whether what we have is right.

I once thought that we were like magnets, thoroughly attracted and inseparable. Now I say that we are for another reason. If you switch the polarity of one of the magnets, they instantly repel if they are close enough.

For a moment, I think through everything we've been through, everything we've experienced. Painfully, I remember the spray of the water in the chasm as we had our first kiss. This time, instead of tickling my feet, I feel like the water burns holes through them.

No, I stop myself. It's too painful. I begin to think if I've lost Tobias forever and that's when the tears come in earnest, silently killing me. It's excruciating.

I feel a familiar dip of the material I'm laying on, only when a hand is placed on the back of my thigh, I know it's not his.

"How are you doing, Tris?" she asks soothingly.

"I've had better days," I murmur, completely making an understatement. My wet pillow will be my witness if I ever have to defend that statement.

She clicks her tongue sadly. "I'm so sorry, Tris. If you need anything, just call for me."

I nod, still with my head buried in my pillow. Just then, my stomach growls and I'm sure she heard. It was embarrassingly loud.

"You hungry?" she asks as I lie still.

I nod against my pillow once more. "What time is it?" I mumble.

"Ten," she answers after a pause.

"Ten?" I reply, astounded. How late did I stay up?

"Yeah," she replies softly. "I didn't want to wake you because I knew you would want a lot of sleep. Especially since we finished our conversation at midnight."

"Thanks," I say, my voice choked. "For everything."

"No problem," she says sweetly. "I'm here for you. You're my best friend and I love you to death."

I hiccup to stop a cry that comes with those words. I love you to death.

"You want me to get breakfast for you?" she asks hurriedly as she realizes her slip.

"Please," is all I manage to get out.

"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes. Get up whenever you feel up to it," she says, slowly closing the door behind her.

It takes a few moments for me to painfully get up from the couch and walk around. My body literally feels drained. My eyes feel heavy, my muscles sore, my heart shattered. I'm a mess.

"Okay, Tris, I've got a muffin, some cake, and pancakes," she states semi-cheerfully. I attempt a smile in appreciation but utterly fail.

She places a ready plate before me and I eat minimally despite my ravenous hunger. I pick at things with the fork for a few seconds before I take a bite. And when I do, it's smaller than usual.