The Los Angeles sun never felt so cold. I'm in a car taking me back to my place from the TV station. I've officially announced to the world I am one of the love children brought into the world from Rickie Franko, a rock legend that was killed my Jamie Jones, my junkie mother, over drugs and cheating accusations. My brother has refused to comment publicly about it, but gave me permission to tell that he is also their child to the entire country on national television.
It has been a couple weeks since I've last talked to Ronnie, but that's understandable. No one close to me is talking to me besides Zed and my brother. I didn't get my phone back until we were leaving Warped Tour. By then everyone was mad at me for ignoring them, but that is understandable also. I look down at my phone, wishing that he'd just text or call me once more.
I arrive home and stretch out on the couch. I feel weird in many ways. I want to cry and my boobs are sorer than usual. PMS probably. Zed strolls in and smiles down at me.
"You did well on TV." He told me.
"You were stoned while watching it." I rolled my eyes and turned to my side.
"Maybe true." He sat down next to me on the couch. "You look upset."
"I want to cry."
"I'll take it Mr. Radke hasn't talked to you."
"It isn't that." I sighed and rolled over. "I don't feel well."
"Maybe you are pregnant." He smirked.
"Don't even joke about that! My boobs hurt."
"No shit?"
"No shit."
"Give Ronald McDonald a call." He said seriously. "Because if you are..."
"I'm not." I said firmly. "I'm on birth control and we use condoms."
"You never know." He shrugged.
"Shut up." I hit him with a pillow.
Zed sighed, snatched my phone, and unlocked it.
"What are you doing!?!" I launched at him.
"Here. It is dialing!" He tossed me the phone then ran.
"You little shit!" I yelled and went to hang up, but he answered.
"Hello?" I heard him say.
"Ronnie... Hi." I said nervously.
"What's up?" I twisted the ends of my shirt.
"In the studio. We are recording some new tracks."
"That's great."
"Yeah, so why are you calling?"
"I was wondering if we could, maybe, meet up...?"
"I'm busy, Adrianne." He sounded tired.
"Oh... I-I get that."
"I'll text you later though. I have to get going."
"Alright. Bye."
He hung up. It hurt so bad. So fucking bad. Its like my chest is being ripped open. On top of it, my stomach starts to feel like it is cramping up. I go in my room and cry myself to sleep.
***
Ronnie still hasn't texted me. I don't want to bother him. Zed is worried about me. I've been throwing up, but I've written it off to stress. Zed is shaking me awake.
"I heard you throw up last night. You need to go to a doctor."
"No, I don't. Go away." I push him off. My depression is hitting hard.
"I'm telling you, YOU ARE KNOCKED THE FUCK UP! Get out of bed."
"Zed, knock it off." I said firmly and sat up. "I am not pregnant."
"Look, I've seen you all stages of fucked up and pre-period rage, and this is not it."
"I'm going to be needing tampons any day now. Why don't you go out and buy some for me?"
"I'll go buy you a pregnancy test."
"No!"
"Then I'll call Ronnie and tell him what's up!"
"Don't you fucking dare!"
"I will!"
"Fuck off! If you do then I'll quit the fucking band."
"You wouldn't. Music is your life."
"I will." I looked him dead in the eyes. "I'll call everyone up and tell them the news. Then I'll email Alternative Press and give them an official statement. After that I'll go get blast out of my fucking mind in Vegas. You can decide the fate of your music career right here, right now. You can go back to selling drugs while dreaming out the stage while I go OD in someone's apartment."
He laughs humorlessly. "Fucking drug addicts. Tell me, why are you guys always looking for a reason to kill yourselves?"
"Fuck you."
"No, fuck you. Go get a pregnancy test and call Ronnie." And with that he left the room.
"Fuck!" I yelled into a pillow as Zed's car is herd leaving the driveway.
Something must really be wrong with me for snapping at Zed. It just freaks me out. I go into the bathroom and find my stash of pregnancy tests. My doctor gave them to me because sometimes the pill doesn't work and sometimes condoms break. I took my phone and dialed Ronnie's number. Zed's right.
"Hey." Ronnie's voice came over the other line.
"Can you please come over?"
"I don't know..."
"Look, I've been avoiding you, but fuck! I need you right now in so many ways right now. I'm so alone and I keep fighting with Zed over stupid shit."
"Whoa. Take a breath." He interupted me. I did. "What's your address?" I told him. "I don't live far actually. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay? " He said.
"Thank you." I sighed.
"Just hang on." He hung up. I looked at the pregnancy tests.
"Fuck..." I grabbed one.
I followed the directions and waited. Soon I had my results.
Ronnie knocked on the front door, so I ran and opened it. He gave me a big hug and laughed.
"Its okay, Addie." He chuckled.
"No... It really isn't."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know how you are going to react to what I have to say next."
"And why is that?"
"Because everything is so complicated. I'm going through some really rough shit and you are just getting a new band started."
"So?"
"So... This is something really scary, Ronnie."
"I bet you and I have gone through worse."
"I doubt it. And if you want to run, do it. I won't think badly of you."
"You are freaking me out, Adrianne."
"Well, then you are probably about where I am."
"Tell me now."
"I'm pregnant."