A MUST READ MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR
Okay, okay. I give you permission to unleash your wraths, torches and pitchforks upon me.
I've left you guys hanging by a thread over a cliff. To say I took extremely long to update was be an understatement. I took years to update. No, not years. I took centuries to update and I'll admit it. I know you may say no amount of apologies *sniff sniff* can make up for this, but trust me when I say I'm sorry, I really really really mean it. I can assure you my other books\ future book's updating time will be spot on. I appreciate each and every one of you who take the time to read my books.
I've been trying to survive without a stable wifi connection for months now and just recently got the chance to post this. I haven't been rejecting my books for any other appeal (website/app) of writing. As well as -
I had planned this book from start to finish and something came up resulting in me losing all of that planning informaiton. I was crushed to say the least and went into an isolation away from all things creative. Not to mention the lightbulbs in my head were just not clicking for writing and exams made it extremely difficult... and the motivation to write just wasn't there....until now. But I'm here now, today is my birthday and I'm feeling giddy and I'm going to make up for it.
Soo, everyone still alive?
How's everyone doing?
No broken bones?
Still fabulous as ever?
Good.
I've glimpsed comments here and there mentioning re-reading the book in the future due to my break and I fully recommend it. But if not and you decide to quit the book altogether then that's your decision. I respect it. We had a good ride while it lasted.
Thank you for being patient those of you who have decided to stick on the party wagon.
It is with my greatest pleasure, I bring to you - Chapter 48 of The Nerd Owes Me Cupcakes
*drops mic*
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Chapter 48: You're Sick And I'm Hopeless
The limo came to an abrupt halt.
The driver never said a word, but did he have to? We had arrived at the Woods's Residence. We were here.
I was here.
The short man who managed the vehicle exited his side and opened my door. I hesitated.
"What ever time you prefer, ma'm." was the driver's polite version of saying Are you gonna get out today or tomorrow, lady? Hurry up, I do NOT have all day.
I didn't meet his eyes and stepped out of the vehicle. As soon as my frail little feet made contact with the pavement, I shuddered at the impact. The house - if you could call it that - looked like it grew ten sizes bigger than the last time I had seen it, still towering over everything around it, intimidating me. Nevertheless, it was still every bit of beautiful. I went up to the door and my index finger connected with the glowing doorbell like before. A wave of memories came flooding in like a violent tsunami, devouring me whole.
Epic Deja vu
Then it happened.
The door to the Residence opened. But instead of seeing Carter's mother - the petite, polished and highly affluent woman with her luscious brunette hair usually found in a tight bun I see the exact opposite. A pudgy man with thinning hair who looks like he's had a buffet on his messy size too small singlet and beige beach shorts. He reeks of mustard, cheap alcohol and aftershave.
His dark brown beady eyes land on me. From his indirect eye contact I can register his lazy eye.
"What do you want?" He barks, spit flying from his mouth. I flinch at the drop of saliva that landed on my cheek, but I don't let this unnerve me. I adjust my glasses, gently wipe it off and regain my composure.
"I'm here to see Carter." I answer, my voice dripping with an ounce of confidence I mustered on the journey to the door.
The man scans me. "I'm Mark."
Carter's step - dad
I'm a hundred percent aware that I didn't ask him for a name so I just nod and give my name in return because it's the polite thing to do and how I was raised.
"Cerise Brookes."
"I don't know how that good for nothing turd gets girls coming to him like some sort of charity fair everyday." The man - named Mark - says awfully loud. "He's just like his old man. Can't keep their-"
Mark's sentence is cut short. His eyes move upwards to where I remember their staircase being and he glares heavily at whatever or whoever is there.
"You have a visitor." Mark smiled like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.
"I don't need a damn secretary." A familiar voice says roughly.
Then Carter appears, in all his V - Neck and sweatshirt glory. He looks tired, drained, exhausted, but he still manages to look handsome as ever. I feel like I haven't seen his face in a million years. A fulfilling wind rushes through me and I can't help smiling. It's an action I wish Carter would copy, but instead he and Mark are exchanging heated glares, boring invisible holes into the other.
This goes on for about a few more seconds until I clear my throat, submerged in the unbearable tension.
Mark pushes past him, bumping his shoulder and it doesn't take a genius to identify the bad blood between them.
"Cerise?"
I almost forget how nice it sounded to hear my name exit his mouth. It feels like I haven't seen him in weeks and it may have been that long and all I can say is -
"Hi."
His brow moves upward in curiosity. "What are you doing here?"
I then go on explaining how his mother stopped by the bakery with an order, recognized me and insisted that I bring him his missing school work since he was supposedly out sick. Afterwards, I patted my book bag on my shoulder for emphasis.
"Well, I'm glad she recognized you." He says, allowing me to enter inside.
This makes me feel like he hasn't developed any bad vibes from the whole Byron's trunk situation. And as if he read my mind as we ascend the steps he starts discussion on about that night and I just want to shrink into my shirt and disappear as each word leaves his mouth. He goes on as we walk the long hallway.
"In other words, I'm not mad at you." He finally says, turning to face me as we stop at his bedroom door.
"You're not?" I ask.
"No, I'm not. And being away from school has made me realize a whole lot." He pushes the door to his bedroom open and I follow close behind. It's neater than I remembered, still the home of numerous football related items.
I remove huge back breaking workbooks out of my bag that include all of the assignments he's missed. I even took the liberty of tagging the necessary pages with various colors of sticky notes. Once I'm done, I put the empty bag back onto my shoulder.
"Like what?" I ask as he frowns at my anxious movement.
He plops down onto his bed and lays down, inviting me to sit with a simple gesture of his hand. Hesitance finds me once more, but I flee from it again and do as suggested.
The sheet wrinkles beneath my sit, but the bed doesn't creak like mines does at home.
He rests his arms beneath his head for support and stares at me.
His emerald eyes that I remember constantly writing about in my letters bore into me. The way they sparkled the exact moment sunlight poured into our first period Chemistry class was magical. He repeatedly sat next to the window and would stare out every so often. The sun would fall on him and just knew how much to shine to make the moment right.
I on the other hand, sat further up wanting to be highly advantaged to clinging onto every word the teacher said. That never stopped me from cocking my head to the back of the classroom to steal a glance or two though.
Maybe three.
I've always wanted him to look at me this way. I've always wanted to feel like those girls he "dated". I constantly wondered what it felt like to have him supposedly look at you and no one else. To capture his attention like a flag.
Time faded slowly and my brain interrogated my heart - "But he didn't really feel anything for them, did he?
What they felt was false affection. Pawns in a player's game they were.
Did I want to be included in this game? Had I already been categorized as a pawn? Did the kiss and the whole getting worked up over everything, but nothing cast me as a pawn? Was I already apart of this all and just clueless? At the time, he had a girlfriend and I had thought it was actually possible for..
I cursed my thoughts for even trying to continue.
"I also realized that I made a lot of mistakes. With us."
The words bounced off the room walls and echoed in my mind.
Us?
I remember the day I used that word and he looked at me like I had two heads. He said there wasn't an us. That we were from entirely different worlds. I accepted that. He was at the top of the food chain. Popularity, riches, friends and I was below it. One main friend. Not as wealthy, loathed by many.
"You said there wasn't an us." I found myself defending.
"Forget what I said" he countered, sitting up straighter, "I want there to be an us. I was us to be more than just friends."
Then somehow, I lost it. My glasses fell off at how fast I shot up. "Since, when were we friends?"
He goes to talk, but I stop him. "No, Carter. This needs to stop. You broke up with Serena. You've cheated how many times?"
He's taken back by my sudden modification in tone. "We all know the kind of person Serena is."
"And are you any better?" I retort, "That's no excuse for cheating. You knew what you were getting into when you involved yourself with her."
"Listen, Cerise. Serena was just-"
I cut him off. "Another body on your mattress?"
His eyes flicker away from mine, slightly defeated. He starts again, "People change, don't they? I'm willing to change. Who cares what people say anymore?" He says, struggling to retrieve some sort of justice for his case. His unwavering eye contact returns.
Was it possible? Could Carter and I survive together? There was no way. With the combination of our polar opposite social lives and his hard to get rid of player tendencies, we would be destined for failure.
"I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to put a dent in your reputation. The playing with hearts ends now. I'm not going to continue being a pawn in your little game."
"And I won't let you," He says which is followed by a cough, "There isn't a game anymore."
I get up, bag on my shoulder and glasses in hand. He sits up to look up at me.
"I like you okay?" I breath exhaustively, "I have for a long time, but I really don't know anymore. I'm not going to be this girl who you hurt one minute, smile at and then forgive you and take you back in the next."
Silence.
"But what I do know is that you need to get your act together or else you're going to miss out on a lot and.."
"I no longer want you to have some sort of hold on me. Before, I saw you as everything, but you're not. I've come to terms with the fact that you do what you do because..." I struggle to find the right words, "It makes you feel like something."
I march towards the door.
Then hit my head directly into the wall.
What an exit.
His voice is faintly pained, but he speaks anyway -"Glasses." He says.
"And stop calling me that." I say through gritted teeth as I face the wall, a hundred swear words threatening to trespass my thoughts.
"No" He says. I can sense him standing up and making his way over. And for the second time in history, he slips my glasses on. His fingers brush back the fallen strands of hair behind my ears. "You should put on your glasses."
Engrossed in irritation, I tried to depart without them on.
I'm such an idiot sometimes.
My vision once slightly blurry restores to a more clear state.
Coming to a short conclusion that he doesn't deserve my thank you, I hold my head up with utmost pride and make my departure.
* * *
It was almost like a plague.
I had no idea how, but nearly all the popular kids at Lincoln Vale High school had an enormous house or a living space incredibly larger than mine. Sure, Serena didn't have limo service to escort me to her home, but the outside appearance was something out of a Home & Design Magazine. No doubt inside would be too.
Giant white gates loomed in front of me.
She wants to help you, do it - the voice in my head pleaded as I contemplated whether or not I should press the buzzer adjacent to the gate.
I'd been listening to that voice more often than not nowadays. After making contact with the buzzer, I put my lips close to the voice com.
"Um, hello?"
It didn't take more than a second. The gates flung open so quickly - as if they were terrified of my uncertain greeting.
I took it as an invite into the large yard.
It took me a solid three minutes to make it up to the two double doors. Upon my arrival, they opened and I was greeted by a well rounded woman, probably ranging in her early thirties. She had vibrant rosy cheeks and donned an ankle length black and white dress - a maid's dress. A quaint white cotton crown sat on her head of dark brown locks that were thrust into a bun.
She looked rather uncomfortable, slightly agitated before the door opened fully. However, when it did she speedily built a jovial facade.
"Good day! Miss Eagen is on the terrace. If you'd follow me."
I slipped in.
The moment the doors closed behind I sucked in a breath.
What had I gotten myself into?
There were people arguing. The volumes seemed to double as we made our way pass what I assumed was the dining hall. As I shadowed her, I could see the maid make a pained face. Her steps got faster and I hurried to keep up.
Then glass shattered.
As a self proclaimed, klutz, I knew the sound of glass shattering better than anyone. The maid almost paused, but she didn't. Eventually we approached spiraling steps, but someone called out.
"Miranda! I want Miranda!"
The maid twitched at this and I automatically assumed the name belonged to her. A foot that was about to grace a step paused midair.
A short woman appeared. She had a head of short orange curls that were thinning with what I concluded to be age. She was an elder after all and ever the optimist, I didn't want to deduce any other idea.
"Tell them leave me be!" She roared to the maid.
We were the only ones here but the whole them became transparent when another woman entered, accompanied with a man. The woman looked every bit of Serena so I decided that was her mother though I'd never met her mother before. She just seemed like an older version.
The man attached to her side was more lean, dark skinned with cropped black hair. He looked younger than the woman I assumed was Serena's mother, but there was still something about them that screamed couple.
"Mother, please come back." Serena's mother begged.
They even sound alike. Yup, that had to be her mother.
So the old woman was Serena's grandmother, I suppose. She had already made it to the opposite side of the room behind the maid and I.
I knew Serena's mother wanted to ask a question when her eyes landed on me, but asking who I was would take time and her facial expression said she needed every minute and could spare none on me.
"No, I don't know you! I need Miranda!" The old lady bellowed, picking up a vase off the stand near her. It looked insanely expensive. It had to be.
And when she threw it, I couldn't help but wonder where such a small woman like herself found the strength to. Serena's mother and the man moved out of the way almost immediately as if they had expected the deadly tantrum.
"Damon, get her please."
Damon which was the name of the man dodged over broken shards of the costly piece. Before I could see what else was to come, the maid shoved me a little urging me to ascend the steps.
I did as physically instructed.
Soon enough, I reached the terrace. It was high, overlooking Serena's gardened grounds and I couldn't help but stare in awe. She wasn't out here, but there was a peach towel sprawled out on the deck next to a rainbow colored water bottle implying she was. My eyes flickered from Tulip trees to shrubs of Perennials and Hydrangea.
Beautiful couldn't be more of a euphemism.
"You liking the view?"
I jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. Lengthy porcelain legs sauntered beside me. Her hair was darker than it had ever been before, now a copper gold that sat well with her red floral camisole and white miniskirt. She appeared at my side in sandals but by the refined way she entered, you'd think she was wearing heels.
"You have an amazing home." I breathed, releasing some of the tension from what bubbled downstairs only moments ago. I eyed the small boom box in her left hand suspecting it was to aid in her helping me with the routine.
"Well, you probably live in a cardboard box, I can see how you would think that. This is nothing compared to Carter's house." She sighed.
I bit my tongue.
I was not here to pick an argument with this girl and why'd she always find some way to reject anything good?
"Thanks for doing this." I muttered.
She simply nodded.
Then, we got to work.
* * *
I was aching in at least twelve different areas of my body. Sweat drenched the conservative lavender crop top Serena loan me for - well forever because she claimed after it touched my body, she wouldn't want it back. She had made me change out of my baggy jeans and blue set in sleeve shirt, declaring its inability to allow comfortableness for me during her teaching.
I was in the middle of a - what I hoped was a - suitable High V, a wide smile threatening to tear the sides of my face. Ensuring my elbows were locked and my wrists were aligned with my arms, I tossed the balls in my sockets in Serena's direction for confirmation.
She rolled her eyes at my efforts before commanding - "You should see your fists from the corner of your eyes!"
I huffed then went to checking. Thirty minutes in and she had been grunting and dismissing any of my best attempts to mimic her accurate motions. She'd lose her temper once or twice and when I managed to ruin a tumble for the millionth time, she swore.
"Damn it, Cerise. You're hopeless!"
I was panting, my back aching from the three to four falls on its surface. She saw me staring at a light purple bruise forming on my elbow and pursed her lips.
"You lack confidence, commitment and determination to say the least. The only thing allowing you to manage is your physical strength and that's barely enough."
"Thanks." I choked out sarcastically. My breathing steadied. I could feel my blood boiling and notions of my mediocre self sunk in.
It all came flooding out like a broken dam.
How naive I was - I got coaxed into believing Carter and I could actually happen. I was swindled by a stolen kiss, ungodly abs and an out of this world smile just like that.
How much of a total pushover I was - People walked on me like a welcome mat and once they got inside, tore the place to shreds.
I let the anger subside and I asked a question that even I didn't expect to flutter out.
"Are you okay?"
It felt as if the world spontaneously collapsed and rebuilt itself in half a second. As if the silence wasn't just in the atmosphere, it had became apart of us.
I wanted to retract the question, to leave, after a full on minute passed with her gaping at me as if I was a newfound species.
"What did you say?"
I don't know what it was that inspired me to ask again, but whatever it was, it would certainly be the death of me in the future.
"I asked - Are you okay?"
If I had thought I was the only one who was trying to repair a dam waiting to burst, I was wrong. The tears rolled in faster than I ever could imagine, but she didn't let go -
"What are you? My shrink?" She exclaimed, heaving.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry. After the scene downstairs with your mother and probably gr-"
"You saw my mother?" She asked, incredulously as if a plan she was hoping to work had failed.
"I think it was..her. I've never-"
She cut me off. "What happened?" Her tone was lighter now.
"Does your grandmother live with you?"
She nodded, hanging onto my every word.
"Well, she was trying to get away from your mom and this man." I started. Some flame in her eyes ignited when I mentioned the male. It was intense.
"She threw one of the vases and it nearly hit one of them..It was...rough."
Finally, it poured. They rippled down pale cheeks, tumbling over the other, fighting to the destination that was her lap. When she spoke, I regretted even mentioning the subject.
"She's a strong woman. Mom always said I got my kick from her; the traits of a natural born leader."
Which she was and more. Though, somewhat of a tyrant at times.
"I could go to her for anything really. Pep talks, relationship advice."
I never thought Serena Eagen would need pep talks. She seemed to be her own self motivator. I guess we all needed someone like that every once in a while.
She started to list on her manicured fingers, "Hypertension, arthritis, the loss of a kidney, and two miscarriages. She's been battling all her life and I never thought there was one war she couldn't win."
She licked some salty ears and continued, "But when Alzheimer's came along, everything changed. She barely remembers who I am anymore. She's more violent and unpredictable. I...knew this was one battle she would never come back from, never win."
In that moment, I no longer saw the self centered diva I had come to dislike. Sitting before me, weeping was a vulnerable girl like I was who lost her rock and decided to drag everyone else in the dirt because of it.
I did what my values were begging me to.
I hugged her, squeezing arms and lying my head on the crown of hers. This action made her once quiet sobs grow louder.
"It's okay, Serena." I comforted.
"I don't understand." She said, her voice utterly hoarse.
I went to speak but she stopped me with her words, "I've been nothing but cruel to you, making your life a living hell the moment we got into training bras." She laughed humorlessly. "Why?"
Truly I couldn't think of a better response and a scramble of a thought flit to mind.
"Because I believe you're still a good person."
She accepted that. "It's no wonder Carter likes you."
I paused at this statement, questioning her abrupt reference to her ex at a time like this. Somehow, I ate it up and decided to give my comment.
"Carter doesn't like me, Serena. I can tell you that." I said, hardened.
"What makes you say that?" She asked.
We were still hugging.
"I went to his house earlier before I came here."
I could feel her smiling a little though I couldn't see her face. "That explains your impeccable timing."
I continued, ignoring her sarcasm. "He said that he'd like me for a long time now and wanted to be in a relationship."
The word tasted bitter on my tongue.
She didn't say anything at that exact moment but when she did, I could hear the crippling laced in her tone. "You know, Carter has never mentioned wanting to being in a relationship with anyone before."
An eyebrow rose in confusion.
"Well to my knowledge." She said quickly, "And I have ideal knowledge."
"Usually, we throw ourselves at him and don't mind it when or if he uses us. He rarely makes the first move. No talk of a relationship." She toyed with the hem of her skirt, "The smart ones know when to walk away..." She trailed on.
I derived from the fact that she didn't complete her sentence that she didn't think she fit into that group of smart ones.
"Nothing you say will excuse Carter's behavior, Serena. What he does is bad enough. A heart shouldn't be trifled with."
I spoke up once more. "And if you ask me, about your grandmother - I wouldn't say she's lost any war. She has you and your family to help her, to stick by her side. How could you lose anything when you're surrounded by the people you love?"
She sniffed, "Cerise?"
I loosened my grip on her to indicate I was listening.
"You are so not hopeless."
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