Okay, can we just get on with telling the story?" Kaos growled.
"Sure, Lord Kaos." Glumshanks said quietly, "You're starting, remember?"
Kaos groaned, "Of course I remember, fool! You're the forgetful clutz! Not me! Now, SILENCE! It all started one-"
"Is there really a story? I mean, we all know how this ends. You always come up with horrid plans of world domination; the Skylanders stop you, no matter how hard you try; and you always end up failing miserably in the end. So... there's REALLY no point." Cynder growled. "So, can you PLEASE COME UP WITH A PLAN THAT ACTUALLY WORKS FOR ONCE?! Like, maybe... I don't know... RIGHT NOW!!!???"
Kaos sighed then tapped Cynder, his hand glowing of black energy, clearly using the powers of The Darkness to get back at rude she-dragon. Cynder let out a big yell as to say "stop it, You lunatic!" Kaos gave a devilish sneer.
"So, ShUT UP!" Kaos yelled, shoving Cynder to the side, "Now... where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted. Ah, yes. It all started one dreary, quite boring morning in Skylands..."
The sun was starting to peak its brilliant rays of beautiful light into the soft pink, dim orange and faded yellow sky. Early morning in Skylands was always so calm and peaceful. Birds sang sweet serenades of chirping and the occasional squawking. Bugs buzzed around, flitting from flower to tree branch to basically anywhere indecisively, trying to find the best place to watch the sun edge higher and higher into the sky. Everything and everyone was happily dozing away in their beds, dreaming sweet dreams of light and happiness; eagerly anticipating the new day at hand... well, almost everyone, that is.
Kaos was wide awake, engulfed in the shadows of his room. He sat on the edge of his bed, the tips of his toes barely even touching the ground, his head resting in his hands, lost in evil, diabolical thoughts. But more than anything, Kaos was depressed. Miserable. Downcast. Dismal. Morose. Even sad. In the early morning light (which Kaos had blocked out of his room by boarding up all the windows) everything in Skylands was chipper, gleeful and as perfect as perfect could be. It made him sick to the stomach. Kaos had tried so many times to bring chaos and darkness to the order that the stupid Skylosers tried so hard to preserve; and every time he had tried, he always ended up slipping up, messing up, or landing flat on his back in defeat. Somehow, the Skylosers kept winning, and Kaos kept losing. Now, after a complete and utter defeat of his latest plan, Kaos felt washed up. Not a single demonic, dark, or even half- witted idea had popped into his mind in about a whole five hours. And it was starting to affect Kaos in more ways than one. It was as if his genius mind had just stopped functioning after the complete failure of his last hair-brained scheme of world domination. Kaos glared at the floor, a scowl spreading across his facial features.
"What's wrong with me!?" Kaos cried, falling backwards onto the bunched up bedspread; which was half on the ground and half on the lumpy mattress, "Not a single thought! Not a single idea! Not even a hateful comeback! Those Sky-lamos have finally broken me! HAPPY NOW FOOLS!?"
Kaos stretched out on his bed, lying rigid and stiff, like he was a - non-living - statue that had been upturned onto its back. The only motion he made was the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in short, shallow breaths, overcome by anger.
"Lord Kaos? Are you shouting to yourself again?" Glumshanks asked nervously, poking his head into the shadowy room, involuntarily letting a little light from the hallway stream in and cut through the eternal blackness. Kaos yelped, startled by the sudden luminescence flooding into his perfectly dark room.
"CLOSE THE INFERNAL DOOR, YOU IDIOT!" Kaos screamed at the top of his lungs, sitting bolt upright, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK WITH THAT IDIOTIC, GLISTENING LIGHT INFILTRATING MY SANCTUARY OF WICKEDNESS AND EVIL!?!?"
Glumshanks jumped in alarm. Finally realizing his blunder. Glumshanks stepped into the room and shut the door behind him abruptly. Kaos groaned, then flopped back down, consumed by self-pity once more. Glumshanks could tell something was off about his master. He hadn't even stopped to yell at Glumshanks and tell him how inadequate, substandard, injudicious and mindless he was at everything once this morning. Sensing his master's discontent, Glumshanks made his way over to the bed and sat down beside Kaos. Kaos looked up at his pitiful excuse for a butler and sighed.
"...What are you doing, fool?" Kaos muttered in a woeful, melancholy tone. His whiny, shrill voice quiet compared to the usual, ear splitting screech it was most of the time.
"You were shouting at yourself, weren't you." Glumshanks said, eyeing Kaos with a look of sorrow that almost mirrored Kaos' own feelings at the moment.
"What's it to you?" Kaos grumbled, turning over onto his side so he wouldn't have to look at Glumshanks' sad, grey eyes.
Glumshanks sighed, grabbed Kaos' arm, and turned him back onto his back. Kaos put up no fight whatsoever. Now Glumshanks was even more worried than before. Normally, Kaos at least put up somewhat of a fight. But right now, he seemed as wrapped up in his own sorry emotions to even care that his butler was forcing him back into his original position.
"Lord Kaos. Something's wrong. Please tell me." Glumshanks pleaded, disquiet and fretfulness glittering in his wide eyes.
"What are you, my counselor!?" Kaos grumbled, sitting up and slipping onto the ground with a quiet thump; in one, slick movement, "Why should I tell YOU anything!? Hmm?"
"Lord Kaos, please-"
"Nah! I don't want to hear you impotent excuses, fool! What if I don't want to tell you that I haven't had a single scheme for world domination pop into my simply staggering mind in over five hours! What if I don't want to announce to the entire world that I CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A SINGLE WITTY, YET SIMPLY CRUEL AND HEARTLESS REMARK SINCE MY LAST BIG SLIP UP - which was totally your fault, Glumshanks - OF A PLAN!" Kaos yelled, thrusting his hands into the air dramatically.
Glumshanks was taken aback. Out of all the things he had thought would be plaguing his lord, he never would have even fathomed the idea that Kaos was 'out of ideas' for total conquest of Skylands and every other universe that followed. Glumshanks got to his feet and walked over to Kaos, who was now pacing around the room, glowering at the floor as if it was the source of all of his problems.
"W-What do you mean you can't come up with-"
"MY MIND HAS STOPPED WORKING! MY PLANS HAVE BEEN FOILED SO MUCH AND DESTROYED SO OFTEN THAT I GUESS MY MIND HAS JUST GIVEN UP!"
With that, Kaos stopped pacing and crumpled to his knees, overcome by rage and sorrow again. Glumshanks gasped, then knelt down beside him.
"I need to come up with something! No matter how doomed it is to fail, I need to come up with SOMETHING evil or diabolical! I need to get my mind working again..." Kaos said quietly, his eyes closed tight
Glumshanks put his hand on Kaos' back and tried to manage a small smile.
"If you're willing to listen... I might have an idea..." He muttered in an undertone.
Kaos looked up at Glumshanks, glaring, "Well, don't just sit there, then! Tell me, Fool!"
Glumshanks took a deep breath, fear coursing through him. Kaos had never voluntarily let him explain one of his plans.
Lord Kaos must be quite desperate... Glumshanks thought.
"It's to capture one of the Skylanders, and get them to tell us all the secrets and plans that the Skylanders have." Glumshanks said, trying to sound like Kaos whenever he was explaining a plan to the trolls forces.
Kaos was silent, his gaze unchanged. Glumshanks was nervously anticipating his master's input. Or for Kaos to shout something like, "YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU PROPOSE SUCH A MORONIC IDEA!" or "HOW DO YOU EVEN CALL THAT FAILED ATTEMPT AT A SCHEME, A PLAN!?" or for him to at least call Glumshanks a dunderhead or an ignoramus. Finally, Kaos shook his head, blinking.
"What did you say, Glumshanks? I zoned out. You were taking too long"
Glumshanks' face fell, "Oh, n-n-nothing Lord Kaos." he stammered
"Didn't you have a plan or something you were going to tell me about?" Kaos asked, getting to his feet.
"Oh... yeah... that... " Glumshanks muttered, following Kaos' lead, "Now that I think about it, it's way too foolish and idiotic for you to even consider using..."
"Should have known that..." Kaos growled, the depressed look returning to his eyes. All of a sudden, a small, crooked smile spread across Kaos' mouth, the sorrow in his brownish-red eyes.
"What is it master!?" Glumshanks asked frantically, "Do you have an idea?!"
Kaos glared up at the troll, "No, fool. I just remembered that I'm secretly a good guy. DUH! OF COURSE I THOUGHT OF A PLAN! But not just any plan, my thick-headed troll; a plan so evil, so diabolical, so completely and utterly AWESOME that not even YOU could bungle it up!"
"What is it, then?"
"I'll tell you what it is, moron! My latest plan is to penetrate the Skylosers' stupid headquarters, capture one of their commanding forces and force that fool to spill ALL of their deepest and darkest secrets. Their weakest link, how to defeat them, their most unprotected part of their base, etcetera... etcetera... so on, so fourth... you get the main gist of it. Then, I'll use those weaknesses to my advantage and finally have something on those blundering buffoons! MHAHAHAHA!!!"
Glumshanks was silent for a few seconds. Then muttered, "...that was my plan too..."
"Eh? What was that, Glumshanks?" Kaos said, his voice had hostility buried deep within it.
"Oh, I was just commenting on how remarkable that plan is." Glumshanks fibbed.
Kaos eyed his butler suspiciously, clearly not buying the lye Glumshanks had uttered. Finally, Kaos shrugged, giving up trying to figure out what Glumshanks had really said.
"But, Lord Kaos?" Glumshanks asked, "Who are we going to capture?"
At this question, Kaos' small smirk turned into a wide, maniacal grin. "Well, Glumshanks, let's think of it this way. Who is high enough in the ranks to know everything; has developed a close relationship with our personal enemy, that meddlesome purple dragonfly; and has a history with once being a servant of the original host of The Darkness, before I came along, of course."
"Um... Hex?" Glumshanks guessed.
Kaos rolled his eyes, clearly unamused. "No, fool! THAT GOODIE-TWO-SHOES-WEARING, INTRUSIVE, INTERFERING, FOOLISH BLACK SCALED DRAGONFLY WHO HAS A THING FOR SPYRO! CYNDER! DUH!"
"...Oh..." Glumshanks muttered, hanging his head in shame. Now that he thought about it, that was the most logical explanation, not Hex.
"I DO NOT HAVE A THING FOR SPYRO!" Cynder screamed at the top of her lungs, interrupting Koas, trying to claw his eyes out with a few foul swoops of her talon-like claws. " I want to KILL him you stupid little human"
Kaos leaned to the side, avoiding Cynder's fretful fury of failed attacks, "SHUT UP YOU STUPID DRAGONFLY" He yelled, exasperated.
"Fine... continue." Cynder said, clearly vexed.
"As I was saying-" Kaos explained, "before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED... YET AGAIN!"
"Well, come along, FOOL! Let's get this show on the road and teach that treacherous she-dragon a lesson or two about betraying The Darkness!"
With that, Kaos turned and strode towards the door, throwing it open with a flick of his wrist. Glumshanks followed his master like a faithful, clearly in over his head, puppy. The two exited the dark, dreary room and out into the light-flooded hallway. Kaos was back to his normal, psychopathic, maniacally evil self.