I'm woken up by loud whispers and giggles coming from the doorway of (y/n)'s room. I shot up once I saw half of my teammates watching us, accidentally pushing (y/n) off me in the process.
"What!?" She yelled, her eyes wide open but still clearly asleep. She let out a yelp, her head darting back and forth as she took in her surroundings.
"Is everyone okay?" She yelled, seemingly still unaware that there wasn't any danger. She was standing on her knees, her hands falling to her chest as she began to calm down. "Oh my god, I thought someone was hurt."
She let out a laugh, but then seemed to realize the actual situation- everybody staring at her and I, where we clearly fell asleep together. A deep shade of red crept behind her ears, spreading across her cheeks as she started to panic.
"It's not what it looks like!" She cried, covering her face with her hands. "Oh my god, get out. Everyone get out please." She was beyond embarrassed, looking like she might actually start crying as everyone quietly left the room except me. I reached my hand to place on her shoulder but she jerked her body away from me.
"You too," she whined. "Get out. I need a minute alone."
I wanted to protest but I didn't understand what she was so mortified about (it's not like we were found naked), and I got the vibe that it wasn't the time to ask. I silently left to face everyone alone, my heart racing in my chest.
Noya and Tanaka tackled me to the ground, their questions fueled with fake anger and curiosity. I pushed them off of me, trying to explain that what they saw was innocent and really not as exciting as they wished it was.
Hinata seemed more jealous than anyone else, pouting at me even though he intently listened while I told everyone we just happened to fall asleep next to each other.
"Next to each other?!" He shouted.
"She was half on top of you! You got to keep her all to yourself and it's not fair!" Noya and Tanaka began to get rowdy too, yelling in agreement that (y/n) was off limits and that if anything we had to take turns. I started tuning them out, noticing Daichi and Asahi in the kitchen speaking quietly to each other. I got up to join them but at that moment (y/n) came out of her room, her expression blank. Silence spread over all of us instantly.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'll take you all home now." She'd changed into a different t-shirt and a pair of shorts; I felt guilty for taking note of how her legs looked when she was clearly feeling so bad. Everyone shuffled out of her apartment, Asahi walking across the street to his house, only saying goodbye to (y/n) and giving the rest of us a solemn wave.
"Uh," she said as we stood in front of her car, waiting to get in. "I can't fit all of you..."
Everyone sensed her change in attitude, and Noya and Tanaka volunteered to walk home despite (y/n) insisting she could take two trips. Once they were off, Daichi sat in the back with Kageyama and me, while Hinata sat in the front with (y/n). She let him be the guide for about ten minutes before we ended up completely across town from where we were going. She tossed her phone back to me and I began reading her directions, when a text message came in.
Asahi: Can we talk please?
I felt guilty reading it even though I couldn't help seeing the notification pop up. I continued reading directions, while Hinata babbled on to (y/n); she didn't seem to mind though, a small smile as he made sound effects to go along with his stories, Kageyama chiming in with "Dumbass Hinata" every now and then.
She dropped Kageyama off first, Daichi quickly scooting away from me.
"Thank you, (y/n)- senpai," He said once he got out, falling into a deep bow.
"Just call me (y/n) please!" She called as he walked inside. Next she dropped off Daichi who thanked her and also apologized for any trouble the team caused. His goodbye to me was awkward and almost strained, his expression hard to read.
Once it was just Hinata and me with her, I felt a little more calm.
"Hey, (y/n)- chan?" Hinata said, leaning his head on her arm while she drove.
"Yeah Shouyo?"
"Can I come over again?" He asked innocently, his voice seeming a little sleepy.
"Of course you can," she smiled, ruffling his hair. "You can come over whenever you want. Just text me and I'll pick you up as long as your parents don't mind."
He snuggled closer to her across the console, looking more at peace than I'd ever seen. It blew my mind that she calmed him down without even trying, his usual hyperactive nature taking a complete turn around. She did that to everyone though; she just had this aura around her that made you feel like nothing bad could happen and if it did she would take care of it anyways.
She slowed to a stop in front of Hinata's house, rubbing his shoulder as he sat up and smiled at her. She grinned and I felt relief wash over me to see her smile again, even if it wasn't for me. He got out, making her promise to come to a practice sometime soon so he could show her his amazing quick attack, saying he'd show her how to play even as he shut the door behind him.
"You wanna come up front?" (Y/n) asked, looking at me through the rear view mirror. I nodded and switched seats, but she didn't begin driving right away. I let a silence fall between us despite desperately aching to somehow comfort her, knowing I wasn't as good at always saying the right thing as she thought I was.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her head leaned back against her seat. I had the perfect view of her profile from where I sat; the way her eyelashes rested on her skin when her eyes shut, and how the bridge of her nose dipped down perfectly into the curve of her lips, which followed into her jawline that I couldn't help but think about showering with kisses someday. I took a sharp breath in when she turned to face me, her expression sad.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I care too much about people liking me. It's just when I saw everyone's faces I was petrified that they'd lost respect for me and for you, too. I didn't want them interrogating you about it and I was scared you would be mad at me and I thought that you guys wouldn't want to be my f-friend anymore and-"
She'd started crying, her voice cracking while she spoke.
"I'm sorry," she hiccuped. I struggled to figure out the right comforting thing to do. Should I hold her hands? Should I rub her back? Put my hand on her leg? Touch her face? I know I'm losing my chance and my hands move on their own, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear then drifting down to her shoulder, rubbing small circles on her skin with my thumb. She gives me a weird, breathy laugh and I find myself leaning in closer to her, wanting to get a better view of her smile.
"I'm no match for you," she whispered, her voice soft. She picked her head up, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath with her eyes closed. I let my hand slowly drop from her shoulder, sliding down her arm until I made myself pull away. She glanced at me as I did so and I wondered if she wished I'd kept my hand there.
"Do you wanna go home? Do you wanna get food? Actually just kidding, I don't have enough money on me. I don't know what to do," she laughed. "I don't wanna bring you home yet."
My face heats up at her sudden boldness which she doesn't even seem to realize, and I have trouble forming any sort of coherent response. She lets me stay quiet, reaching back to grab her phone. I force myself not to look at what she's doing, focusing on my hands in my lap instead of the gnawing thought that's she's most likely texting Asahi who she's probably closer with and likes more than me. These feelings of jealousy and anxiety eat away at me like nothing I've ever felt and my heart keeps telling me to make a sure move before it's too late.
"Hey," I say, turning to find her frowning at her phone. I pause and wait for her; she tosses her phone in the backseat, clearly upset at whatever she was looking at, then gives me her attention.
"Thanks for opening up to me," I say quietly. "I know I said it before but I really like that you're not afraid to be honest with me."
Her face flushes which makes mine do the same, both of us turning away from each other. She lets out a breathy laugh, and turns the keys in the ignition, letting our feelings remain unspoken.
"Your mom probably wants you home," she says as if she's trying to convince herself that the words are true. "I should bring you home now." She starts driving and I want to protest but what she's saying isn't wrong; my mom was probably beyond curious about how my night went and I quietly directed her to my house instead of begging to stay.
-
"You slept in the same bed with her!?" My mom squealed, only a hint of anger in her voice. I laughed, covering my blushing face with my hands.
"Yes mom!" I squealed back, not worrying about keeping my cool at this point. "She curled up right next to me and fell asleep right there! And then in the morning everybody saw us and it was so embarrassing!"
She laughed loudly as she made us lunch, shaking her head.
"Well that's what you get for sleeping in her bed with her! What did you expect?" I slumped against the kitchen table from where I sat, letting out a long sigh. My mom placed a sandwich in front of me then sat across the table, taking a bite of her food.
"Mom," I whined, my head whirling just from retelling the past twenty-four hours. "Is it supposed to feel like this?"
"What is?"
"Liking someone so much. I feel this tightness in my chest when she's not paying attention to me and I feel like my chest is going to burst when she is. I want to talk to her about everything but when I have the chance to talk it's like my mind is closed off for maintenance. It's torture but all I can think about is the next time I'll get to see her."
She gazed at me fondly and I suddenly felt like a dork for falling so hard for a girl I hardly even knew.
"You've got it bad," She sighed, standing to get a glass of water. "My best advice is to just let it happen naturally. These sort of things have a way of working out the way they're supposed to." I smile up at her, feeling lucky that my mother doubled as a friend and also didn't seem to mind me sleeping at a girl's house. We ate lunch together, her gentle teasing more of an endearment than anything else. I headed up to my room to finish the homework I'd abandoned yesterday to find my phone blinking with a notification.
(Y/n)- senpai: when do u guys practice usually? ill try to come by sometime this week
I couldn't believe how my heart soared at such a simple text message she could've sent to anyone on the team. Maybe that's why it made me so happy, because she chose me to ask over everyone else (or at least over Asahi). I forced myself to finish my homework before responding, not wanting to seem desperate. I finally sent her our schedule and she promised to stop by, adding a thumbs up emoji, which I thought was adorable for some reason.
I went to bed that night unaware of the light blinking on my phone still, an unread message waiting in my inbox.