“Let’s do something crazy,” Eli said out of the blue. I turned around, staring at him, with a questioningly look on my face.
“Like what?” I asked smiling at him. “Rob a bank? Do a Bonnie and Clyde type thing?”
“No! No! Nothing that crazy,” Eli scoffed. “I’m not having a midlife crisis, Caleb. I’m talking about this.”
My eyes opened wide as I glanced at Ziploc bag in Eli’s hand. Was he serious? Was he thinking about what I think he was thinking about?
“Is that pot?” I asked raising an eyebrow at him. Eli nodded.
“Yeah it is,” Eli nodded. “Let’s smoke it.”
“Are you serious right now, Eli?” I huffed. “Are you out of your fucking mind? We can’t smoke pot. We’re old. We have kids. We’re not in college anymore. We can’t just smoke pot. What type of example are we setting for our children?”
“You’re completely right,” Eli nodded, sliding the bag back into his pocket. “We’re adults. What was I thinking?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Eli couldn’t possibly be folding this easily to the idea. I mean he gone out of his way to buy it and now’s he just going to give in. He was trying to do that reverse psychology thing to me again. I know he is. But I wasn’t going to be fooled this time. Nope. I’m way smarter than that.
I watched as he walked away from me.
“Where are you going?” I called out to him.
“Out on the back porch,” he replied. He was going to smoke it anyways?
Wasn’t he? The buffoon. Did he think I was born yesterday?
I moved out towards the back porch and glanced out the door at him. He was really going to smoke pot out on our back porch without me. I mean – Well, when I specifically told him not to.
“You bastard,” I said in shock. “You just said you wouldn’t.”
“I was being sarcastic,” Eli replied as he opened the bag up. “I paid for it. I’m not just going to let it go to waste. You can join or you can be look out – you know just in case Michael or Michelle come home.”
“Eli don’t you dare smoke that,” I huffed. “Eli! I swear to god. If you smoke that, I’ll hold out on you for a month.”
“Eh – It’ll be worth it,” he shrugged. I shook my head, slamming the back porch door shut behind me. I snatched the bag from his hand and shoved it into my pocket. Eli sucked his teeth like a child at me.
“Are you out of your mind, Eli? What’s going on with you? I mean - are you having a midlife crisis?” I asked sitting beside him on the porch swing.
“Maybe,” he mumbled, his eyes flickering onto mine. “I’m getting old, Caleb.”
“And so am I,” I chuckled. “We can be old together.”
“I’m serious Caleb,” Eli retorted. “I found a gray hair on my head today.”
“Did you pluck it?” I winked.
“Of course I did! Stop laughing at me, Caleb! It’s just – I – I don’t know,” Eli continued. “I wish I could go back in time and do all of the things I’ve never done.”
“You still have time, Eli,” I huffed. “You and I are barely forty. Come on. Lay it on me. What do you want to go back in time and do?”
“I’d be a better husband to you and a better father to Michelle and Michael,” he sighed. “I’d work less hours. I’d take more vacations. I’d tell you that I love you every day.”
I rolled my eyes, shoving him.
“Stop being a sap,” I growled. “You can do that now. I gave you a second chance, Eli or did you forget?”
“I know I know,” Eli huffed. “It’s just I wish I would have come back into your life sooner and not like ten years after we divorced. That’s a long time we’ve been apart. I mean what if we never divorced ten years ago, things would have been different.”
“Yeah we would have probably divorced nine years ago,” I chuckled. “Stop thinking about the past Eli! We’re together now! Alone, if I might add.”
“You’re right, Caleb,” he nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re absolutely right. Let’s do something together – just the two of us.”
“Does this something involve us naked?” I asked curiously.
“Caleb,” Eli grinned, kissing me on the forehead. “I wasn’t even thinking that but maybe later. I was thinking you and I could go to a spa for the afternoon or maybe catch a movie.”
“I like that idea too,” I smirked as Eli wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He brushed his lips across my neck, kissing me gently. Just as I was about to kiss him on the lips, Michael walked out onto the porch, with a quizzical look on his face.
“What are you guys doing out here?” Michael asked.
“Talking,” Eli replied. “Why? What’s up?”
“Oh nothing,” Michael shrugged. “Just wondering where you guys were. I thought you weren’t home for a second.”
“Oh thinking about sneaking out?” I asked folding my arms across my chest.
“No! No! Of course not,” Michael chuckled. “I’m grounded. I would never do such a thing.”
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” I retorted, rolling my eyes. “Well, I should finish dinner. Is Michelle home yet?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “She’s in her room.”
I stood up quickly following Michael back into the house. My kids were very sneaky, so I had to keep an eye on them. Hence, why I stayed in the kitchen most of the time. I could see anyone who was coming in and out of the house from the kitchen. It was my best parenting strategy.
“Dad, you dropped something,” Michael called out to me. I turned around quickly, as a smirk grew on his face.
“Oh my god,” I heard Michelle say. “Is that? Is that what I think it is? Is that a dime bag?”
“Give me that,” I huffed snatching it from Michael’s hand. “It’s – It’s nothing. It’s uh - herbs from Daniel’s garden.”
“Herbs? Those are some interesting herbs,” Michael chuckled. I shoved it back into my pocket, storming away from them. I could hear Eli laughing behind me, as I walked into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. Great! Now our kids think that we’re into drugs. Damn Eli. He always puts me in these awkward situations.
“Herbs! That was a good one,” Eli chuckled at me.
“Shut up, Eli! It’s your fault in the first place! You brought it into our house,” I rasped.
“And you flushed it,” he groaned. “Ten dollars down the drain.”
“Where did you even get it from?” I asked raising an eyebrow at him.
“Oh! Some young kid at my job,” Eli shrugged. “Why? Do you want me to get us some ecstasy next? No! Maybe some Prozac.”
“Don’t joke about that!” I huffed. “The next time you bring drugs into my house, I’ll break your hand.”
“Ok babe,” Eli nodded. “Duly noted. It will never happen again.”
“You’re right about that,” I growled. “Come on, babe. Help me clear the table.”
“Right away,” Eli said following me like the complacent lap dog he was.
I was glad we were at this point in our relationship. Eli and I were actually back together. We were even stronger than when we were married. I mean now and then, he does stupid things that made me question the very basis of our entire relationship, but he’d easily make it up for it a second later.
I guess when you’re soul mates; you eventually find your way back to each other. That’s what Eli and I did. We had found our way back to each other after so many years. Eli and I had both grown. I wasn’t the annoying OCD nitpicky husband that I used to be and he wasn’t the workaholic lazy condescending bum that he used to be either. We both had changed and for the better, I might add.
And maybe – just maybe I’ll consider remarrying him. But for now, I was happy with just being Eli’s boyfriend, which was definitely a step-up from being his horrible ex-husband.