I stayed away from Versailles for over a month and a half before the inevitable summoning from my husband demanded my return. I had gained some healthy weight and been able to sleep a bit better, still not managing full nights so in that respect I had a similar sleeping pattern to little prince Henry!
Philip, it was rumored, was throwing a ball to celebrate our return which I found disarmingly sweet and caring of him. When our carriages trundled passed the palace gates and we beheld the magnificent beauty that was Versailles I was smothered with nerves and excitement. I had been away from my husband for too long yet away from my courtiers not long enough. We got out and then walked passed everyone and inside. I had not missed these walls much although they were so dreadfully gorgeous.
At least when I walked passed people a few of the courtiers bobbed their heads or dropped to a respectful curtsy as I passed them by. Although when I glanced behind I saw a lot more drop for my son, August, their Dauphin. I was conflicted with envy and relief, they liked him, surely he was under no threat by them then. They wanted him to remain next in line.
“Madame,” a footman sprung out from somewhere making me flinch. “Sorry.” He bowed so very low.
“What do you want?” I snapped, annoyed at him frightening me.
“Your dress has arrived for your ball tonight.”
“Oh.” I glanced at Agate and Giselle who was flagging me. “Thank you. We better go and get ready.” So that is exactly what we did. I sent someone in search to find out my husband’s whereabouts as I was sewn and stitched into my magnificent petal like dress. My hair was piled on to the top of my head and it must’ve been held together with magic, I did look pretty spectacular I had to admit.
“The King is in the middle of a gambling game, My Lady.” My messenger said before I dismissed him. I tried not to be hurt that he couldn’t excuse himself for five minutes to come and greet me. I wasn’t going to allow myself to become stressed again; I swear that it had nearly killed me before. Or else it had very nearly broken me.
“That one.” I picked out my choice of three necklaces, it looked like a spider web made out of diamonds and crystals, it was magnificent. Maria came into the room then, holding hands with Anne Louise, she was an adorable little girl with creamy soft cheeks and gorgeous wide black eyes. “Is something the matter?” I smiled at them welcomingly.
“Anne Louise does not want to go to the ball, mama.” Maria spoke on behalf of her sister.
Frowning I lowered myself down to their level as much as possible in the attire that I was in. “Why ever not, child?”
“Scary.” She told me with a wobbly bottom lip.
I took her hand and led her to a chair and sat her down. “Little princess you are not telling me that you are scared of a ball? What could possibly happen to you in there?”
“She is scared of the people, mama.”
“Is that true?” I gave her a small smile. She gave one resounding nod. “What would they do to a sweet, innocent princess like you? Everyone loves you, Anne Louise. You are a good little girl.” I took her hands and helped her to stand on the seat to save me bending down and I kissed her on the cheek. “I am sorry that you are frightened but as a princess you have duties which you are obliged to do. Attending balls, especially ones in your honor is one of these obligations.” I held her cheeks lightly in my hands. “You be a big brave princess for your mama, yes?” She gave a small timid nod. “Well done. Thank you my little princess.” I kissed her on the forehead and wrapped my arms around her tiny body for a few seconds before helping her off the chair and leading her back to Maria. “Will you take care of her Maria?”
“Yes mama,” she smiled at me. I kissed her on the forehead to and told them to go and find their nurse which they toddled off to do.
I sighed and rolled my shoulders as I composed myself, pulling myself together and swallowing my own fears down. I could do this. If my little princess could manage it then surely I owed it to her to set a strong example. “Anna?” Agate poked her head around the door. I shot her a smile. “Are you ready?”
“Certainly,” I followed after her, complimenting my friend on her beautiful red dress. We chattered away, oblivious to everyone else as we headed to the familiar scene of the ballroom, lit up spectacular with music ebbing through every crevice. Philip, I spotted after a few minutes of standing to the side and building up my nerves, was dancing with one of my ladies in waiting. Smiling I headed towards them, my smile faltered when I made eye contact with Cécile, the young girl he had held in his arms. Taking a deep breath in I told her with my eyes that her dance had officially ended with the King.
“Anna!” He beamed excitedly when he noticed me. He bowed to Cécile and smiling churlishly she curtsied back. I ignored her straight away and smiled adoringly at him as we greeted each other formerly and then we began the familiar language of dance. “How was your break?”
“Much better thank you, I feel almost reborn. I am a lot less stressed and anxious about everything, how are you my love? Did you miss your Queen?”
His dark sultry eyes glistened and sparkled in amusement, “of course I did. I missed and longed for you everyday.”
“How did you occupy your time?”
“With Kingly duties. It was very busy, I literally had no time for anything else. Very exhausting but,” he stepped in closer to me and my skin fluttered and tingled, after all these years I was still just as attracted to him like I had been the very first time we had met. “I am looking forward to celebrating your return and the lost time that we had.”
I flushed, trying to bite back the smile but completely failing. “I must admit that being away from you has had its severe drawbacks.” He stepped forward, ignoring the existence of everyone else as his hand trailed down the outline of my ribs and resting on my waist.
“I almost regret throwing you this ball when there are ways that I would much rather be celebrating with you right now.” He sniggered leaning so very close into me, trailing a few kisses along my neck. At least I knew that we were still growing strong and after the wretched stress and problems that I’d been facing lately it was very relieving and promising to know.
I turned my head, bringing my hand up so I could nudge his face in my direction and I made our lips connect. He was the fire of my life, the air to my lungs and I was literally aching with the passion and love that I felt towards him. No matter what I knew that I had been created to simply love him. “I love you.” I whispered when we broke away before we got too carried away in the middle of the ball.
“Anna,” Philip breathed and trailed his fingers tenderly around, “I love you, you are my life, my wife, my home.” I liked it when he said that, it made me feel wanted and needed.
He came with me to greet the children that he had not seen in such a long time. They all appeared a bit in awe of him, they did not share the same relationship with him that they did with me and it sent a pang of heartache through me. I wanted him to be a father to them as well as a teacher and King. He needed that connection with his children, that was something I felt strongly about. “They are very quiet.” I muttered in his ear.
“Are they not usually like this?” He frowned when we had walked away from them, leaving them to their own devices.
I shook my head, “no they are not. You need to start spending more time with them.”
“It is a little bit hard my love,” he told me patiently, “there are barely enough hours in the day for me as it is.”
“It pains me, that is all,” I said carefully, playing with guilt a little bit. “I just long for us to have a close and loving family. It is all I ever want as a mother.”
He paused, thinking it through then kissed me on the lips tenderly, “alright. I will try my hardest my love, alright?”
Smiling I kissed him again, “thank you my most gracious and loving King.” His mouth tilted up on one side, liking my words and the way I was saying them even better.
The ball, I had to say, was pretty splendid and ended at a very good and appropriate time. I kissed my children goodnight and bid them sweet dreams before Philip and I retired to our chamber. I was undressed by my ladies quickly and efficiently, standing only in my shift which Philip tore off in a matter of seconds as he carried me delicately to our bed and planted adoring and lustful kisses all over my body before we made up for lost time by making ferocious passionate and beautiful love.
******
Philip and I made a good King and Queen team. We both worked relentlessly at trying to make France a better and more efficient place. I remained loathed by all but I thought that I was somewhat learning to handle that. I think that I could deal with it. Philip and I barely had time to get intimate anymore, we knew it would pass and we’d have more time to ourselves when the money problems were smoothes out but until then we had to make do with sweet passionate kisses whenever and wherever we could.
Before too long I was already thirty. Thirty! I know. I couldn’t really believe it either. Fifteen years I’d been happily and contently married to the King.
Agate had become a bit too fond of gambling, I tried not to get involved but a lot of nights we’d be up until ungodly hours winning and losing great masses of money. It was reckless and silly of me, I knew that especially as the economy was struggling so but it was such an exciting escapism.
When news got out about our gambling fun that caused great hatred with rude cartoons being dispatched including about some ludicrous strip game that apparently I played with my ladies. Lies lies, of course they were all lies, our gambling was straight up gambling with nothing else.
I’d just finished arranging the finer details of the marriage of August, it was strange to think about sometimes. He was only a year younger than what I was when I was married off. The princess of Spain, a beautiful young girl I was told but she was only the age of twelve so in five years time they would be married together. It was the hope that the bond between France and Spain would be solidified.
“August,” I said to him one day, “would you like me to arrange a meeting with you and the Spanish princess soon? I would hate for you to feel uncomfortable.”
He thought about it, “it is up to you, mama.”
“You are upset.” My face fell, the last thing I wanted was to hurt my children. “I really am trying to ensure your happiness with this match. Will you not meet her?”
He sighed and came over to me, “alright then. If that is what you want, mama.”
I kissed his head, “thank you my son.” Then I went about to find Giselle to help me arrange such a colossal task seeing as Agate would be otherwise engaged losing money.
******
Six months passed by and August had met his future bride twice. They had talked and gotten along well, I met her on the second visit and she was a shy little creature, something that I found slightly disconcerting. It became our fifteenth anniversary so Philip and I designated a night off from our busy hectic lives to enjoy some romance to ourselves.
To our delight two months later we discovered that I was once again with child. “I feel like I am your baby machine!” I joked to him as I went into his study to tell him the happy news. He’d took my hands in his and spun me around happily.
“Say it.” He purred against my neck.
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “I do not have a clue what you mean.”
“Say it!” He repeated pulling me tighter to him and I laughed an almost squealing laugh.
“You, my King, are as fertile as a bull.” He loved it and planted kisses all over my face causing me to giggle blissfully. I took his face in my hands and just grinned at him. He had the beginning lines of wrinkles in his forehead but he was still beautiful to me. “I love you.” I kissed him again before excusing myself from his company so I could go and announce the pregnancy to our children. “I have an idea,” I said to them once I’d told my gathered babies. “Maria, you get to name the child if it’s a girl and Philip and Louis you get to name it if it’s a boy.”
“Why can I not name the baby if it is a boy? I am the oldest.” August protested.
I shot him an almost warning look, “because Dauphin you are next in line for throne, is that not enough for you?” He pouted grumpily, he had been in an abysmal mood for a week or two now and it was getting on my nerves. “Cheer up.” I snapped as well as I tried to hug as many of the others as I could.
“No!” And he flounced away. I rolled my eyes considering letting it go but going after him anyway.
“August?” He turned around. “Tell me what is the matter? What is bothering you my son?”
He glanced about, teetering on the edge of confession. I hated to see him so worried. “I was with my friends and they showed me some cartoons.”
My forehead creased, “what cartoons, my boy?”
“They were of you a few years ago, mama. They are too rude for me to say exactly what they were.” He stared down at his feet with nervous eyes.
“It is alright August, it is not your fault. Do not be feeling guilty over it.” I pulled him into a hug. “I know about the cartoons already. The trust is a lot of terrible things have been said and drawn against me. All of which are lies. You must understand that. When you are high up in power there will always be those that long for your power and it drives them to be unforgivable things.”
“Was it Senor Vargas?” He asked. I pulled away frowning. “Is that why he was executed? Because he was plotting against you?”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Of course not. It was because of these lies and rumors that he was executed. He was an innocent man, entirely guiltless. You just have to be wary of who you trust. You can trust your family, treat them with the highest respect and love at all times. Alright?” He nodded solemnly and I kissed him on the top of his head. “Good boy. You know what? I think that you will become one of the finest and most decent Kings that this country has ever had.” That seemed to cheer him up a great deal.
******
The months passed and as ever I began the ballooning process that was pregnancy. A month had since passed my thirty first Birthday and I was heavily pregnant. I was waddling around like an elaborate, flamboyant duck. Or so I felt anyway. Still fairly nervous I surrounded myself with guards.
“My Lady.” Giselle bobbed her head.
I was perplexed, “what is with all the formalities?”
“I have some news to tell you. You should take a seat.” Anxious I perched on the edge of a chair. Giselle prepared herself, “your husband the King-”
“Oh my Lord!” A hand flew to my mouth. “Is he alright? What has happened?”
“The King is in perfect health, Anna.” She reassured darkly. “It-It is just that he has-this is awfully hard to tell you. But the King has taken up a mistress. Apparently he has had her as a secret mistress for over two years.”
My eyes widened and my entire world came crashing down. It was a good thing that I was sat down, he’d lied to me this whole time. I was nothing to him, I literally had just became his tool in which to impregnate heirs. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds and then I returned back to the here and now. “Why?”
Giselle looked like it was her that had just gotten her heartbroken not me. She was truly empathetic. “I am so sorry, I could not answer that.”
I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks but I had no idea that I was spilling them. Why had Philip done this to me? Did I not satisfy him? Was I not good enough? Why would he break me in the cruelest of ways? “I do not understand.” My forehead creased.
“I-I know who his mistress is if you would like to know.”
I stared at her for an eternity before nodding slowly.
“She is one of your ladies in waiting. It is the newest one, Cécile.”
I pulled a ‘obviously it all makes sense now’ face. “I suppose it was always going to be her.” The question was: what did I do now? Did I confront my husband? The harlot? What was I supposed to do? It was not as if I could banish her from court because obviously Philip, her lover, would not permit that. What position did that leave me? “Is she with his child?”
Giselle was shaking her head, “I do not know, Madame. I found out this morning and have come to you straight away.”
“How did you find out?” It was so weird how my voice was strangely calm and levelled.
“I-I overheard Cécile boasting of a ring that he had given her the other day.”
“She is his lover.” I nodded to myself. “Not just a mistress there to satisfy him. He loves her.” I got to my feet and looked questioningly at Giselle. “How am I supposed to compete with her? I have been pregnant over ten times, what-I-I do not understand how I can win against her? She will have a fresh young body. My stomach is wrinkled from expanding and compressing with the amount of pregnancies I have been through. I must be boring and tame in comparison to her. She is lively and brash, fearless of court life and I-I am fearful of it all.”
“She is not mother to the Dauphin, you are and all children she bears are deemed bastards.”
I was shaking my head, “and what does that matter? What does that matter when I have lost his love? I thought-I was under the impression that he was my soul mate.”
A week passed by but it was far too troubling for me to simply sit there and pretend that it was not happening. I could not bring myself to bring it up with Cécile so as Philip climbed into bed one night I lay on my back and said: “Would you say that you love Cécile or me more?”
He paused for a moment before continuing to get comfortable. “You found out.”
“It would appear that way.” I refused to look at him. I was trying to stay calm, the shock of his betrayal had worn off a few days ago and now I was angry and wounded.
“Anna, it is not what you think it-”
“Oh do not give me that Philip!” I snarled as I pushed myself into a sitting position. “You betrayed me. You have fallen in love with a vibrant young childless woman, a lady without baggage or problems and-and-”
“I do not love her.” He tried to insist. “I love you. You are what I wake up for every morning. I love everything-”
“You liar!” I shouted as I got to my feet. He was sat up looking upset. “Look at me. We both know that I am a thirty one year old woman that has bore child after child, I do not have a beautiful body like she does. I must be revolting compared to her.”
“I love your body.” He told me quietly.
“Oh goody for me.” I rolled my eyes. “Why is she your mistress then? Why!”
“She was new and exciting.” He admitted and I flapped my arms about. “It started when you were struggling Anna. I was stressed out as well, I was despairing over you, I was lost and did not have a clue what I could do to make you better. And Cécile was there.”
“Stop.” I held a hand up. “I feel sick.”
“You asked.”
“Do you love her?” I cleared my throat but he was refusing to answer. “Do you love her?” I repeated.
I looked up to meet his eyes and Philip looked ghostly pale. “It is-”
“Yes or no. Do not patronize me telling me that it is more complicated than that. It is not.”
Hanging his head he said, “No I do not love her.”
“You are lying to me.” I swallowed my disgust. “I know you well enough Philip.”
“You are not understanding, Anna, I am King. It is what is expected of me. Not to mention that you basically shut me out for months on end. I felt abandoned.”
“So you ordered your adviser to ship in the youngest prettiest girl?”
“No,” he allowed, “no I did not expect that. He-I feel he got her here to try and get her to become my mistress because he is against you.”
“Bastard.” I spat. “Traitor.”
“Not traitor.” He was shaking his head. “I am sorry my love, I really am. I am so sorry for all of this.”
I spluttered, “Sorry enough to end her role as your mistress?” He did not answer. “No,” I smiled, “I thought not.”
“You are my wife though, you are my home and heart and air that I breathe. You must know that. She is not even remotely comparable to you in my heart.”
“But she still has a place in your heart?” I was completely astounded by him. “Well I will have to tell your children.”
“Why? What is the point?” He frowned. “There is no need to inform them. Be rational Anna.”
“If they do not find out from us they will find out other ways. Like you said, you are the King.” I told him icily. I had an ache in my stomach, the baby was pressing against my insides uncomfortably. “I am pregnant, I am going to sleep.” I got back into bed.
“Please forgive me?” He got into bed as well.
“Goodnight Philip.” I replied curtly. It went really quiet and silently I permitted my heart to fully break. That night I cried myself to sleep. He was the one person that I thought I could wholly and irrevocably trust but he had obliterated everything.