Talk it out, say you're sorry,
don't be a dagum fool.
::::
Luke and I had kept our relationship on the down-low for about three weeks as of now with no slip ups. As far as we knew, nobody had caught on. The whole thing worried me, with how the kids and his fans would react and all. Luke repeatedly assured me that both the kids and everybody else would respond well to us being together. He explained that the boys had taken well to me over the past few months and considered me almost family. Then he began to explain how his fans, the dedicated ones at least, always supported him in everything he did, especially when it came to him being happy in a relationship. Even then, the idea of not being welcomed with open arms still haunted me in the back of my mind.
Luke went back out on the road yesterday, headed to Evansville, Indiana, leaving me alone with the kids for the remainder of year basically. To be completely honest with myself, I was scared shitless to be doing this on my own for so long. But did I let Luke know that, hell no. I was determined to do this.
Luke's mama had picked up the kids earlier this morning and was keeping them for the next few days. Turns out, Luke had her do that so I could fly out to his second show of the year in Peoria, Illinois on the plane he'd bought a few months ago. I was leaving in a few hours to see him and I was super giddy not only to see him, but to see him perform. I just had to get through this lunch with Leah.
"So," Leah spoke up, taking a sip of her sweet tea. "Is the news out yet?" She smirked, using her hands for emphasis. "Luke Bryan, now off the market."
I almost spit my salad out. "What are you talking about?"
She rolled her eyes and began forking romain leaves doused in vinaigrette. "Oh hush, I've known you for so long that I can just tell by the way you walk and talk that something is up. You've had a little more pep in your step and cheeriness in your voice lately. Now tell me, are y'all a thing like I suspect, or did a litter of puppies show up on your doorstep?"
I smiled sheepishly. "Yes, we're a thing, but don't open your mouth to anyone."
She made a motion as if locking her lips. "Sealed. Now, when's the wedding, Mrs. Bryan?"
"Leah," I whined. "We've only been dating for three weeks. Goodness, now enough about me and Luke. How's things with my favorite kiddo ever, Nash?"
Leah instantly lit up, and for a moment, I felt the slightest hint of jealousy. I longed to be a mom and hold a child of my own in my arms. I'm smiled, returning my attention to her.
"I just can't believe he's going to be a year old this year! It seems like yesterday that I noticed I was late and well, what do you know, I found out I was pregnant with my first child." Leah said.
And it was then that it hit me. Period. Late. Shit. I felt the blood drain from my face and my heart started beating rapidly. Leah must have noticed.
"Caroline, what's wrong?" She asked.
I gulped. "Leah, I'm late. I was supposed to have my period three weeks ago."
"Have you been stressed? It could be that."
I thought for a moment and shook my head. "No, actually I haven't. Leah, what if I'm pregnant?"
She sighed. "When was the last time you and Luke had sex?"
"Luke's been so busy and with us keeping our relationship on the down-low, almost four and a half weeks ago."
:::
I walked to the bus area, tossing my access pass around my neck. My nerves were catching up to me as I approached Luke's bus, speeding up as I knocked on the door. It was like this every time I knew I was going to see him. After all this time, he made simple butterflies seem like a herd of elephants in my stomach. The door opened and Luke appeared in front of me.
"Luke," I said, as I stepped into the bus.
Luke shook his head, cutting me off as he reached for my hand and pulled me into him, placing a firm kiss on my lips. He deepened it and we stood there for what seemed like hours.
He pulled back and I smiled. "Well hello to you too," I greeted.
Luke smiled wide. "I've missed you."
I smiled and sat down. "I've missed you too." I didn't want to beat around the bush. "Luke I'm scared and I have no clue how to tell you this..."
Luke's smile fell and he frowned. "What's wrong?"
He sat next to me and I sighed, looking away. "I think I might be pregnant."
Luke was silent and he quickly shook his head. "No, there's no way. The three times we've done anything we've used protection.
"No," I corrected him. "The last time we did it we forgot to use a condom, I wasn't on the pill, and you just pulled out."
Luke stood up and began pacing back and forth. I couldn't quite read his expression. I was shaking from fear. I knew this wouldn't be good but I had to go to him. I felt like I was going to throw up the contents of my lunch but I gulped and wiped and the tears forming in my eyes.
Luke groaned. "Dammit," He snapped. "This is bad. This could snowball into something I don't need on my name. People don't even know I'm dating someone! If I just all of the sudden show up out of the blue with another child... do you know what that will do to my career?" He was fuming. "How could you be so irresponsible!"
I was on my feet at this point, beaming mad. "Hell no Luke, don't put this all on me. If I'm pregnant you are just as much to blame for forgetting a damn condom!"
Tears pooled in my eyes as I watched Luke repeatedly slam his hand against the wall. He whipped around. "This will be a big blow to my reputation! I could lose a lot of things from this!"
My heart sunk to my toes. I knew Luke never truly cared about me. Do I blame him for being mad? No, no I don't, but this was uncalled for. If he truly did care about me, he would be talking with me about this, not blowing up. If I truly was pregnant, this baby and I might just be on our own.
I exhaled shakily. "And you're losing me right now."
Luke froze and looked at me, but his expression didn't change. He reached for his keys on the counter and barreled out of the bus. I heard his truck grumble and start and I knew he had taken off.
Luke didn't come back until he had to perform.
:::
As I sat side stage and watched Luke do what he loves most, I couldn't help but think about how he looked like he was born to be on stage. He had such a Godgiven powerful talent. So easily did he connect with the audience and just purely be himself. My heart ached as I watched him too. I could be losing the man I love and possibly even having to go on as a single parent.
Towards the end of the show, Luke stopped and got real serious, something I'd never seen him do before.
"How many of y'all have said something to someone you love dearly and regretted it almost instantly?" He asked and as expected, most of the crowd cheered. "One word of advice, don't let it snowball afterwards. Talk it out, say you're sorry, don't be a dagum fool. It's not worth it. And odds are, they're probably hurtin' because of you..."
And as Luke turned around, he caught my eye and held the gaze and he went into the opening notes of Do I without any music, just him and his voice. Chills tingled up and down my spine and I smiled, reaching up to wipe away tears.
Luke's show came to an end and I followed him back to the buses. We didn't speak, not wanting to give anything away just yet. We were both alone on the bus and Luke immediately went to take a shower. Half an hour later, he came back out with a plastic bag.
He smiled a small smile and sat down next to me. "Caroline," He said hoarsely. "Dear God, please forgive me for earlier. I don't know what came over me."
I cut him off and reached out to touch his arm. "Don't be sorry, you had every right to be pissed. Your career could possibly be on the line and it I am pregnant I'll leave and no one will ever know it's your baby either."
"No," Luke said quickly, startling me. "I love you and if you're pregnant then I'm going to be a damn good father to that baby. I'm in this with you and I will be by your side every step of the way. Through the aches and pains, delivery, restless nights, all of it. I said I wanted to marry you and grow our family with you and if those two are out of order, then so be it. No matter the outcome, I'm going to be there for you and love you through it."
I smiled, gasping. "God, I love you Luke."
Luke pulled me into a hug and I squeezed my arms tightly around him, he squeezed back, breathing into my neck. When we let go of the embrace, he handed me the plastic bag.
"Inside are pregnancy tests. I got them when I stormed out." He stated.
I just nodded and left to go into the bathroom. As I stood in front of the mirror, I took a shaky breath. This could rewrite both of our futures. I took the test and waited. The time seemed to inch along slowly, for hours almost. I kept praying that it was negative, but a tiny part of me felt like it was positive. As the timer on my phone blared, I reached for the stick containing my future. My fingers grasped it tightly before flipping it over.
:::
Author's Note
Sorry it took so long to update!