I woke up in the middle of the night because I could swear I've heard somebody talking. I shifted around, until I got out of Jack's grasp and slowly approached the corridor, closing the door so I wouldn't wake Jack. I decided to grab a drink before going back to sleep, as the talking was obviously just imagination. I went into the kitchen and got a glass and poured water in it, before downing it in some swigs. I finished and was about to go back to sleep, when suddenly I heard the voices again. I walked around the house but no matter where I went, they wouldn't get louder or quieter. I decided to go upstairs, though it was completely stupid, I thought that I might hear them on the balcony better. I opened the glass door and stepped out, the cold air hitting me. It was still dark outside and I assumed it was about 3am. I sat down on one of the chairs and breathing in the fresh air. Though I started to shiver, I decided not to go back inside. After staying there for a good half an hour, I started to feel really tired. As I was about to stand up and walk in, my eyes shut and I drifted off into a deep sleep.
Jack's POV
I woke up the next day to find that Jay wasn't in bed with me anymore. I furrowed my eyebrows before standing up and stretching. Walking out I thought about where she could be.
'Maybe she's already in the kitchen making breakfast?'I thought while sprinting into the kitchen to find it empty. I walked into every single room downstairs and then went upstairs. She wasn't in the bathroom and well, I've just been in the bedroom. She couldn't be on the balcony, could she? I asked myself while opening the door to find her fast asleep on one of the garden chairs. My mouth dropped open and I ran over. Her skin was cold and her lips had a shade of purple. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, pulling the blankets over her.
'She's going to be fine, nothing has happened, she's just cold, everything will turn out good' I repeated to myself, while walking up and down the room, knowing that it might also turn out really bad.
After a while I decided to bring hot-water bottle in here, so that she would warm up faster. I prepared it and put it on somewhere under her blanket, before lying down next to her and pulling her close, so I'd warm her up as well. I stroked some strands of her hair off of her face, kissing her temple, while stroking her back carefully. Slowly her skin got warmer again and her lips went back to a shade of pink. About an hour later she started to wake up and blinked a few times before jumping up.
“Hey, everything's okay” I said, trying to calm her.
“D-Do you hear them as well?” she asked in a whisper.
“Hear who?” I asked confused.
“The voices” she breathed out, still staring at the wall opposite of the bed.
“Jay, nobody is talking” I answered, stroking her back. She flinched at my contact and I decided to give her space. “Do you need a drink?” I asked carefully.
She shook her head no in response and ran into the bathroom. I walked downstairs, leaving her to sort her problems and calling Alice.
“Wassup?” I hear Alice pick up the phone.
“Pretty much, what about you?” I asked her.
“Nothing important, what's wrong?” She asked confused.
“Uhm... how do I ask this... What is up with Jay? Like today I woke up to find her asleep on the balcony and then when she woke up she asked me if I could hear the voices?” I asked scared and confused.
“How long has she been at yours?” Alice asked after a couple of seconds.
“I don't know, about 5days I think” I said, trying to remember.
“Has she taken any medications or pills?” She suddenly asked in a rush.
“No, I don't think so... Wait why?” I asked confused.
“Fuck, listen Jack, stay with Jay now! I will be there in about half an hour!” She said, sounding concerned and hanging up. I looked confused at the phone before rushing upstairs to the bathroom.
I knocked a couple of times, before asking if I could come in.
Jay's POV
I walked into the bathroom, hoping I could escape the voices, that seemed to come from everywhere. I closed the door and walked over to the sink, washing my face with cold water. The voices became louder and louder every second, and at some point I couldn't ignore them anymore. I knew that it was back, and I knew that this time I had nothing that would help me to go through this. I sat down on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and hanging my head low, covering my ears in attempt to make the voices stop. But nothing helped and by now I could hear them clear, as if they would stand right next to me, yelling things at me.
'You're not good enough, nobody will ever like you, never mind love' one of the voices hissed.
'You've left your old home for good, at least now your family can live in peace' another one yelled, making me wince. Tears started to form in my eyes and my head started to spin. In that moment I couldn't think straight and went over to the cupboard over the sink and opened it, searching for ANYTHING that could help me release my pain and anger. After searching for a short time I found a razor of Jack and took a fresh one, before slamming it on the ground so the blade would be easier to take out. I debated for a second, but the voices took over and I brought the blade to my leg, creating new scars. I hadn't cut in a long time, well except for the time in the bathtub, but except for that I haven't cutted in about half a year.
I dropped the blade to the floor, as I felt blood streaming down my thigh and looked down. I had about five long and deep cuts. The blood flew fast and it didn't seem to stop. I took some toilet paper and watered them, so I could clean the blood away and stop my cuts from bleeding. I felt relieved and like it was easier to breath. The feeling didn't last for long though, as shortly after I removed all the blood from the blade I felt like somebody was pressing all the air out of my lungs. I tired to gasp for air but I couldn't breath in normally and I started to hyperventilate. Sitting down on the floor again I had hard to find my regular breathing again and soon I felt how the darkness was overcoming me.
The last thing I heard was Jack asking if he could come in, before I blacked out completely.
Alice's POV
I rushed out of the living room towards the door, putting on my jacket dragging Zack with me. We sat in the car and I started to drive towards my home.
“Okay listen, I don't know if I should tell you this but, Jay has a mental disorder and she hasn't taken her medication in 5days and we have to get it her now, because according to Jack she was already hearing voices again and this is no good sign and fuck! What if we come too late?” I explained in a rush, my voice getting higher the more I talked.
Zack lied a hand on my thigh, slowly stroking it in attempt to calm me. I bit my lip, feeling my eyes water and drove into our driveway before running into the house straight into the bathroom. I searched through the pills until I found them and ran back into the car, where I saw Zack in the driver's seat, with no expression and really pale skin. I sat into the seat next to him, looking questioning at him. He started to drive fast, without explaining anything.
“Zack, where are we driving? What the hell is wrong?” I asked confused and scared. Zack gulped and I recognized the street. “Zack please tell me this is some kind of sick joke. He called me literally 10minutes ago Zack! ZACK FOR FUCKS SAKE ANSWER ME!” I yelled, desperate for an explanation.
“I wish this was some sort of joke” he muttered, giving out a cold laugh “Jack just called me, or more like you, he said that after he got into the bathroom he saw Jay on the floor” he explained, focused on the road. My heart dropped and my breath stuck. She was in hospital?
“Zack, drive faster” I said, now also looking at the street, not saying anything else. Zack just sped up and we didn't say anything within the whole drive. We finally arrived at the hospital and ran towards the info shelter.
“O'Brien” I breathed out, as I reached it.
“One second” the lady smiled, typing something into her computer “I'm afraid to tell you, that the doctor's are still taking care of her, if you would like to go into the waiting room? The last door to your right if you go through this door” she smiled, pointing towards a door. We nodded and walked down the long corridor, finally arriving. I walked in and saw Jack sitting there, with his head in his hands. I walked over and hugged him. After some seconds of confusion he hugged me back, and I could hear him sob.
“Jack, don't cry, everything is going to be fine! Jay's strong, she will do it” I tried to calm him, holding my own tears back.
“Why did I have to leave her alone? I should have stayed with her! What if she won't do it?” He asked scared.
“Don't even think about it! In a month we will laugh about this! Don't worry Jack, she's going to be fine!” I said, looking into his face. He nodded shortly, before whipping his tears away. I gave him a comforting smile before Zack sat down next to me, stroking my hand.
“Should we call the other?” Jack asked after a while of silence.
“I don't think we should call them now, let's see what the doctor says and then we're going to tell them okay?” I suggested, making him nod. Jack's phone wouldn't stop vibrating, and he decided to look what was happening. I shot a confused look to Zack who rolled his eyes. I looked back at Jack and saw him entering a text.
“Everything okay?” I asked concerned.
“Wha- Yeah sure, just twitter” He said furrowing his eyebrows.
“This gives me more questions than answers” I replied, still confused.
“Oh right, well since we're kind of famous, people are going crazy that I haven't tweeted in a day, so I had to say something so they would calm down again. But yeah, I've turned it off now because to be honest I can't be bothered with that right now” he replied, sounding a little bit pissed. I took his hand squeezing it in a comforting way.
He smiled weakly at me and just then a doctor entered. All our heads snapped up.
“Julia O'Brien?” He asked.
“Yeah?” Jack was the first to ask. The doctor showed us to follow him so we all stood up and walked out of the room and stood in front of a door.
“Her condition got better, and she just had some kind of a break down. We are afraid to say that she hasn't taken her medication in a longer time, and that if she isn't going take it, it will become more frequent and she really needs to stay on them” the doctor explained calmly “Though her condition got better, we want her to stay here for some days, just to see how it goes and if she might need to change pills. But you can stay with her for now. She's still sleeping but should wake up any time soon” He explained before walking away. Jack took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. I could hear him sob quietly, as he saw her lying on the bed, anywhere you'd look you could see wires connected to machines. Jack took a chair and sat down next to her, while Zack and I did the same on the other side.
“Please don't ever do this again Jay, you're my everything” Jack muttered, kissing her hand. I sighed, looking at her pale face. I started to stroke strands of hair out off her face.
“I'm going to stay here until she wakes up” Jack stated after a while. I nodded in agreement, and decided to stay as long as I could.
Jay's POV
I hated to be here.
Right now I was in my room, but not really MY room. I was in my mind, and my mind reflected my room. The room was filled with people I loved and who were close to me.
The room was more filled than the last time this happened, well probably because I got to know more people now. I looked around to see Jack, Alice and Zack standing the closest to me. I sighed. They all had this cold and expressionless look on their faces, telling me that it wasn't really them, but just my mind showing me the people I cared about. I wondered where I, or more like, my body was right now. Probably in hospital. I started to walk around and smiled as I saw everyone's faces.
Well, like I said, first I saw Jack, Alice and Zack, probably because they were talking to me right now, then I saw Alex, Rian and Cassadee standing close to each other. I smiled at them and walked further into my room. I continued and was faced with Matt, who seemed to be the only one with a friendly expression. Oh hell no, he was going to guide me out of this.
“Hey Jay” I heard his voice talk with me.
“Hey” I laughed back.
“So, once again you're in here?” he asked laughing.
“Yeah, I have to confess I quite like it” I joked, sitting on my bed.
“What has happened?” He asked, sitting down next to me.
“I guess because I didn't take my pills for some days? Oh, and also because I slept on the balcony tonight” I explained, looking down.
“Well then, I guess there's no need to hold you in here, as long as you promise to take your pills!” He said, looking at me.
“Of course I will take them, it's just the time I spent with Jack was so good I didn't want to think about depression, you know?” I explained smiling.
“Yeah, I know... but for now, go and wake up! You will see me soon” he replied, and with that his expression hardened as well. I looked to the ground and saw a thick liquid filling the room. Suddenly the rood was away and before I knew it, I was at the bottom of a see, holding my breath, desperate of air. I started to swim up. I have no idea how long I was swimming, but after a short time I finally saw the surface and started to swim even faster, just as I was about to breath in, my eyes shot open and I inhaled a deep breath, making all heads snap around to look at me.
“For fuck's sake, Jay! You've already scared us!” I could hear Alice breath out. One of my hands was squeezed really tight, and even tighter by now. I looked to the side to see Jack starring shocked at me, holding my hand.
“I'm so sorry” I smiled at him, before stroking his hand. He hugged me carefully, making sure not to hurt me.
“Please don't ever do this again! You've scared me so much, holy shit” he exclaimed, kissing my cheek.
“Sorry” I whispered, hugging him back.
“Fuck this Jay! Seriously, just promise to take your pills from now on!” Alice said, hugging me now.
“I promise! Guys, it's not like I was going to die! Everything's okay!” I explained laughing.
Alice shook her head and then Zack came over and hugged me as well.
“GUYS! I'M NOT DYING!” I laughed after Zack released me.
We all talked and they explained me that I had to stay here for some days. I nodded and smiled at them.
“Hey, where's my phone? I need to message Matt” I said after a while, turning to Jack.
“Sorry, I didn't took your phone with me, but you can use mine” he said, handing me his. I nodded and typed in Matt's number before writing a message.
'S'up Mattey! It's me, Jay! Dude, come over to the hospital, I'm seriously the most clumsy person on earth, but hey, I'm still alive ;) But yeah, I saw you when I was well … Anyway, and I just really need you here! Miss you loads, jay xx' I pressed send and waited for a reply. He replied shortly after, telling me he'd be here any second. I smiled and handed Jack his phone. He put it in his pocket without even looking at his messages. We talked for a while until there was a knock at the door.
“MAAAATT!” I yelled, when I saw him entering.
“Yo! How's my favorite patient?” He joked, smiling at me.
“Pretty good!” I laughed back. “Guys, could you maybe leave me and Matt alone for some minutes? Just really need to talk to him alone” I explained, earning a nod from all of them. Jack pecked my lips before leaving the room, before Matt sat down next to me, handing me some chocolate. I chuckled and took it.
“So, you saw ME? Haven't you always seen Alice talking to you?” he asked quite confused.
“Well, guess why I needed to talk to you! I was just as confused as you are!” I laughed. “But well, I guess it's just that we haven't seen each other in a while and just seeing you yesterday made me think about you” I smiled back.
“So what happened actually?” he asked eagerly.
“Well, I forgot to take my pills and then I guess sleeping outside at night isn't such a good thing” I laughed looking into his serious face.
“Seriously Jay, this isn't funny! You have a serious disorder, you can't joke about it!” He replied, looking really concerned.
“Oh come on, I've never had anything as bad as this, and I'm not in serious danger!” I replied in a serious tone.
“What were you doing before you blacked out?” he asked.
“Nothing” I lied, fumbling with my blanket.
“Don't lie!” Matt replied.
“Fine! I cutted, better?” I asked looking at him. His expression softened, and I could feel tears from in my eyes.
“Why do you still listen to the voices? Don't you understand that we all love you?” He asked, whipping away the tears.
“But what if they were true though?” I asked, holding sobs back.
“Well, just in case they come back remember, I'm sure as hell Jack will love you no matter what happens, I'm always here for you and love you like my sister, and Alice will always love you as well okay?” He smiled at me. I nodded before pulling him into an awkward side hug.
I smiled and thanked him again, just then the others entered the room, and by the others I mean Jack, Alice and Zack of course, as well as Rian, Cass, Alex and Claire. I rolled my eyes smiling at them.
“Really?” Was all I said, before I was hugged by all of them. I sighed out and looked at them laughing. “Guys, I'm fine! Don't worry!” I said, trying to make the situation easier.
“God, don't do this ever again!” Alex said, still shaking. I rolled my eyes and felt Jack's hand on top of mine, when suddenly I felt really tired.
“Guys, not to sound impolite but, I actually feel tired as shit right now, if you could...” I trailed off. They all nodded, hugging me before going out. Jack was the last to stay in my room.
“Would it be okay if I stayed here tonight?” he asked, making sure I was okay with it. I nodded and with that he ran off to ask the doctors. I was determined to wait for him to come back, but the tiredness took over and I closed my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.
A/N: Hey there everybody!
So yeah, this was the 'drama part' (not really but yeah lets pretend), I have a little bit more drama for the next few chapters so I hope you will like it once I've written it :3
Please tell me how you liked it in the comments, and how you like the story so far! I'm really happy everytime I see feedback so don't be shy :)
Lots of love, Juliaa