When I was younger and I was scared at night, I would just get up and turn on my bedroom light. I thought that anything and everything bad was just as scared of the light as I was of them so they wouldn't dare try to come after me because I was in a safe and well lit space. Well, I'm older now and the light is still on and it's not doing anything for me anymore. The darkness and the bad things still manage to get into my head and I'm never safe. I was hoping that one day I'd be able to turn off the light and not have to worry about anything bothering me, but I'm starting to think that will never happen.
Stiles rolled over in his sleep, draping an arm over my body. I was laying on my side, facing his bedroom door trying to fall back asleep but I just can't. I turned the beside light on hoping that it would help put my nerves at ease but it's not doing anything for me. All it's doing is lighting up the room and allowing me to see his board full of information about the chimera's. A sight that I most certainly don't want while I'm trying to sleep.
I exhaled loudly and grabbed Stiles' hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He fell asleep before I did and I thought that I would never be able to drift off, but then I did for about an hour and now I'm wide awake again. Normally, sleeping with him always cures any and all anxiety and fear but tonight it's just not working-- I have too much going on in my damn head.
The conversation that I had somehow managed to have with Valack was currently what I was thinking the most heavily on. He made me really question why I had been able to see the Dread Doctors, well at least their hands, on me in the hospital before we even knew that they were here. He had said that if I read the book it'll trigger the memories, so maybe the more that I read the more I'll remember.
My only hesitation when it comes to that though is what if I don't want to remember what had happened with them. Maybe it was so bad that I don't remember for a reason. If that even makes any sense. I don't know anymore.
Stiles mumbled something and his eyes slowly opened, he blinked rapidly as he noticed that the light was turned on. He pulled up a hand to shield his eyes, "Kase, why is the light on?"
"Sorry, I'll turn it off." I said quickly as I reached for the switch. Darkness engulfed the room and I scooted closer to Stiles' body in the bed.
He yawned and angled his body towards mine, "What are you doing up?"
"I had to pee," I lied effortlessly, "I didn't mean to wake you up."
Stiles attempted to respond but it turned into a moan and he just fell back into unconsciousness. I envied him in this moment. I wished to be able to fall asleep so easily and not have to worry about nightmares. Lately, it seems like the only time I actually can remember a dream is because it was so terrible I woke up in a frazzled state because of it.
My phone screen lit up and I glanced at it in confusion, wondering who would text me at this time. I grabbed it and navigated to my text messages and found that it was from Lydia.
Text From: mahhh queennn <3
I can feel your anxiety from all the way over here, that weird connection we have remember? Try to get some sleep and don't think too much, okay?
Text To: mahhh queennn <3
I really do think you're psychic sometimes, but I'll try... I've just got a lot on my mind and I can't seem to get past it enough to sleep.
Text From: mahhh quennn <3
Take a Xanax if you have to, Kasey. You need to get some sleep, it's important. Plus, we have a big day of reading ahead of us tomorrow so I'd get some rest!!! You know that book is a real page turner!!!
Text To: mahhh quennn <3
HA HA, so funny. I'm sorry to keep you up, I promise I'll wind down and get some sleep.
Text From: mahhh quennn <3
Thank you!!!! Sweet dreams dahling :)
I sighed and sat my phone back on the nightstand. The fact that I had been so nervous that Lydia could feel it made me feel awful. I really do need to get a hold of myself and calm the hell down. Stiles' arm latched around me tightly and I chuckled as he squeezed me against him. Even in his sleep in wants to keep me close, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
⬘ ⬘ ⬘
"My mom's book club usually has more wine." Lydia stated as we all glanced at the copies of The Dread Doctors that were laid out on the coffee table in front of us.
Stiles rose an eyebrow, "Well they also probably didn't read books that cause violent hallucinations."
"That's why Malia's here," Scott said as he nodded in his in her direction.
Malia had already read the book and she already had her "violent hallucination". Apparently it had to do with her remembering something about her car crash and she ran into traffic. Theo had managed to pull her away from a moving car. When I heard that I wanted to throw up in my mouth. There he went again giving everyone a reason to trust and believe him.
"So none of us go running into traffic?" Kira asked.
My brother nodded, "Or worse."
"Like what happened to Judy," Malia said.
I blinked, "Who the hell is Judy?"
"Chapter 14." she answered me.
Lydia grabbed the paperback copy of the book, "Maybe I should have my mother read it. She might remember a girl with a tail leaping off the ceiling and attacking everyone."
"Yeah, if it works." Stiles stated, obviously not one-hundred percent positive that Valack had been telling the truth when he spoke about just what the book would do.
She sighed, "It has to."
"What does that mean?" Scott asked her.
Lydia glanced at him unsurely, "I think I saw them during my surgery. When I look at the cover of the book... it's almost like..."
"A memory trying to surface." Theo said, finishing her statement.
I narrowed my eyes at him but decided to hold in the rude remark I wanted to toss his way. My brother felt it necessary to further involve Theo in our lives by allowing him to read the book and come over and do it with us tonight. I wasn't a fan of this whatsoever but apparently my thoughts and opinions on Theo Raeken have no value to Scott at all.
To be honest, I wanted to boycott any further involvement with him but Scott wouldn't allow that to happen.
"Yeah," Lydia agreed with him.
Kira's eyes darted around the group, "Isn't that what Valack wanted when he wrote it?"
"If they did something to me, I want to know what it is." Lydia stated as she made her way to a chair.
Everyone then grabbed their own copies and found a place to sit. I snatched up my copy and went to the kitchen. I didn't want to sit in the same room as Theo. The fact that he is even in my house is annoying as hell to me. Stiles quickly followed behind me, "Where are you going?"
"I'm not sitting in there with him." I muttered as I pulled a chair out and plopped down on it.
He chuckled and sat down beside me, "I'll sit in here with you."
"Well, if you ever wanted to go on a date where all we do is read... we can cross it off the list." I said with a faint laugh trying to lighten the mood.
Stiles rolled his eyes, "Unfortunately, it's not something that I wanted to do... but hey, I'm open to new things sometimes."
I picked up where I had left off, which was halfway through chapter one. I hadn't made it very far the other night and I don't think I'm going to get much farther tonight if I'm being honest. The book isn't interesting to me and for some reason I can't get into it.
Stiles started to rub at his shoulder and I glanced at him worriedly, "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's just sore." he said quietly.
Malia walked in at that moment, "What happened?"
"What do you mean?" he asked with wide eyes.
She sniffed the air, "What happened to your shoulder, I can smell the blood."
"The jeep died on me again, I went to check the engine, the hood fell on it." Stiles said effortlessly, not hesitating or anything with his response. I knew that she was more than likely listening to his heartbeat so I prayed that he was able to keep it under control.
I sighed, "This book is so boring."
My intention was to change the topic of the conversation and Malia fed right into it, "It picks up once you get into it."
"Wait, so how much.... how much do you remember anyway? With the accident, did it play like a movie in your head or was it like being completely in it again?" Stiles asked her, his question was in regards to her memory that she had already had.
She thought for a moment before she replied with, "In it."
"Was it just the crash? Nothing else?" I asked curiously, maybe there was something she couldn't remember from before that was brought to light in the memory.
Malia shook her head from side to side, "Nothing."
"Well then what's the point of this? I don't understand why they even messed with us to begin with, this doesn't make any sense." I groaned as I buried my face in my hands.
This was going to be a long night and I wasn't looking forward to spending my entire evening reading this crappy book for a memory that I more than likely don't want to relive.
⬘ ⬘ ⬘
We had been in the kitchen reading for over an hour and I was starting to lose any and all interest that I had in this book. I let out a heavy sigh and cleared my throat, "I'm gonna go and grab a jacket I'll be right back."
Stiles nodded, not pulling his attention away from the book. He was obviously getting sucked into it. I'm not sure how because I can't seem to get through two pages without wanting to just get up and walk away from it entirely. I stood from the table and walked through the living room, Scott and Lydia were napping on the chairs and Theo was still reading. Kira had gone upstairs to Scott' room about a half hour ago and I figured she was passed out in his bed.
Theo glanced at me as I passed him, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and not say anything to me. I tried to not stomp up the stairs so I didn't wake anyone and I poked my head in Scott's bedroom as I passed it to check on Kira, she was sprawled out on her back passed out, like I had assumed.
My bedroom was dark and I didn't bother to turn on the light as I went over to my closet to grab a jacket. Just as I had pulled the door open and grabbed a maroon colored jacket off of a hanger, I heard someone crying. It sounded like it was coming from my bathroom. I glanced at the door and saw that light was seeping out from underneath it. That's weird, is somebody in there crying?
I approached the door and knocked gently, "Hello? Is somebody in there?"
There was no response, so I decided to push the door open. I was met with the sight of a 14 year old Kasey McCall, sitting on the bathroom floor with a busted razor in her left hand while the wrist of her right hand was split open and blood was spilling onto the white tile floor. My hands flew up to my mouth as I took a step back to get away from the scene, but somebody shoved past me and ran into the bathroom.
It was a 14 year old Scott McCall screaming for our mom as he desperately tried to wrap a towel around his sister's wrist. My eyes were watering as I watched Scott struggle to calm my younger self down, but nothing was working. I was screaming and Scott snatched the blade out of my hand and threw it out of the bathroom.
"Mom!" Scott cried out, his hands working with the towel that was now soaked red with my blood.
His eyes were wide as he glanced at me, "Kasey, what did you do?"
"I'm sorry," I cried as he tried to hug me.
I know how this ends, but I also know that it takes awhile before it get's to that point and I don't know if I can sit around and wait for my mom to come and rescue me from this. Scott grabbed another towel and wrapped it around my wrist, his hands were shaking and he was crying as he did it.
"It's okay," he said quickly, "you're gonna be okay, just calm down."
The only thing I wanted to do in this moment was run away and throw up. There was so much blood on the floor and now Scott's pants were absorbing some of it but he didn't even seem to notice. He was too focused on trying to get my wrist to stop bleeding. I remember that I googled how to cut to where I would kill myself. Apparently, I hadn't done it correctly because I was still alive and Scott was trying to keep me that way.
Scott ran his hands through his hair in a panic and he glanced over his shoulder, "MOM! HURRY!"
The desperation in his voice broke my heart. I could hear my mom drop her glass downstairs and she began to run up the stairs. She bolted through my room and nearly tripped into the bathroom when she saw the scene in front of her. My mother screamed and fell to her knees as she went into Nurse mode. Scott quickly got out of her way and he watched with wide eyes as my mom pulled some bottles and a first aid kit out from underneath the sink.
She wrapped and bandaged me up before she scooped me up off the floor and took me down the stairs to the car. I know that she's going to take me to the hospital. I know that they are going to take me to the emergency room and they are going to stitch my wrist up. I know that they are going to have me on a 48 hour old because they think I'm a suicide risk. I know that I stay there for three before my mom thinks I'm okay enough to go home. I know that she enrolls me into therapy, both group and private, and I have to go for two months.
I know that this was when it all started to go downhill. This was the first time I ever felt the bite of the blade that I fell addicted to. I know that this is when I start to take on a battle that I never thought I could win. I know this is when Scott and I really grew together and we became as close as we are now. I know this is when I start to fall in love with Stiles for all of the support and kind gestures he does for me. I know this is when I really start to hate my dad because he wasn't there for me. I know this is when I start to idolize my mom for how strong she is.
This moment was a defining moment for so many important things in my life.
I couldn't breathe. Why can't I breathe? This isn't real. I should be able to breathe.
"Kasey! Kasey!"
I felt like I was about to pass out and I could feel a pair of arms wrapped around me as I fell to the floor. Thankfully, whomever it was had caught me in time and I landed softly in their arms before they sat me upright. The room is spinning and I have to bury my head in my hands so I can try to keep my equilibrium straight. What the hell is happening to me?
That memory was so god damn clear and I don't know why that hit me so hard. I never thought about Scott in that moment, and how it must have felt for him to see that. He was only 14 and he walked in on his sister trying to kill herself and he had to try and keep her alive. I don't know why he didn't yell at me for my selfish choice. I don't know why he never brought it up after that, only when he needed to remind me that he watches every move I make so intently because he never wants me to get to that point again.
It makes me want to cry because he's not even speaking to me at the moment but he's been there for me through so much and I can't lose him, especially not over something so stupid as this. He's not speaking to me because we have different views of self-defense. Our relationship is so much stronger than that and we've been through so much worse and pulled through, so why is this time any different?
"Kasey?"
The ringing in my ears had died down enough for me to recognize the voice and I sprung away from them when I realized that it had been Theo that had caught me. I felt extremely exposed that he had walked in on me having a panic attack, because I don't trust him and I don't want him to see me weak.
I folded my arms over my chest and started coughing as I tried to get my breathing under control, "What the hell are you doing up here?"
He blinked once, "I could hear your heartbeat, it was going crazy and I thought you were having a heart attack or something."
"So, you took it upon yourself to come and check on me?" I snapped defensively.
I should appreciate the fact that he wanted to make sure that I wasn't dying, but I hate him so much I would rather die than have him be the one to save my life. Theo sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "When are you going to trust me?"
"Uh, never." I responded shortly.
He shrugged, "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon... so you should probably start to work on getting to like me or something, otherwise it's gonna be a rough next couple of weeks for you."
"Is that a threat?" my voice was sharp.
Theo chuckled, "Why would I threaten you? I just told you that I wanted to help you."
"Look," I seethed, "I'm not going to say this again, so listen up. I don't like you nor do I trust you and I will be the one to get Scott to see through your bullshit if it's the last thing that I do. I'm not a psychic, but I can tell when something is up with something and there are a lot of somethings up with you so don't think that you're fooling me like you're fooling everyone else because you're not."
He licked his lips and nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."
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SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT BUT IT HAS TO BE FOR THE NEXT ONE TO FLOW SMOOTHLY. I APOLOGIZE BUT THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE BETTER AND LONGER THAT I CAN ASSURE YOU! KASEY IS AFFECTED BY THE DREAD DOCTORS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY THAN EVERYONE ELSE, SO JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND AS YOU READ FURTHER.
OKAY, BE SURE TO FAN, VOTE AND COMMENT WHAT YOU THOUGHT!! XX