Hey guys, so this is a rough draft, I really wanted to finish this chapter. Please do point out the mistakes if you have time. I really appreciate your help. Also please tell me if the story makes sense up to here.
P.S. I casted Takeru Satoh as Shiro. I have a soft spot for the guy, one of the few male actors in Japan that look man enough and handsome enough in my humble opinion. Tell me what you think if you happen to know the guy.
***
Once we got to the docks, I checked the boat first, in case Kentarou, the owner of the little sushi shop I met here several months ago, was there. I didn't see any signs of movement, so I continued strolling down the alleys towards his izakaya.
In all this time, Shiro had not uttered a word. It was better like that. For both of us. We walked and walked, what might have seemed in circles to him, and to be honest they indeed were due to my spacial cretinism.
And then there it was, the fish sign still giddily dangling on the wooden door. Last time I was here, it was daylight. This little shop felt pretty special then, but now it seemed truly magical. The little sign above the door was framed with lights, twinkling here and there invitingly. The door nob still felt smooth to the touch and it brought a nostalgic smile to my face.
It's been about four months since I first found this place. A lot has changed since then. I was no longer the purposeless tourist strolling around in search of an anchor. I had found it. Miyu, my lovely Miyu, my beautiful friend has made my presence in Japan meaningful and helped me discover this country as the gem that it was in my dreams. And these feelings for Shiro that overflowed my whole being made me rediscover myself.
I still have eight months. What seemed unbearably long in the beginning, was melting away too fast too soon as I walked shoulder to shoulder with Shiro. The attraction between us was undeniable, yet his mouth still denied. The longing for each other was eating away at both of us despite the almost nonexistent space between us.
A giddy bell rang as we entered.
A loud 'Irashaimase' traditionally welcomed us in. Kentarou, in his funky bandana, was standing behind the counter entertaining two guests. One of them took a deep puff at his cigarette. They both turned to see who had dropped in to join their small party. I'm pretty sure a blonde foreigner didn't cross their minds, because they ogled me as if I was a Victoria Secret's angel.
And no, I don't have neither the legs, nor the boobs to be confused with one.
'Kentarou,' I exclaimed happily.
'Amy san, irashai,' he answered and pointed to the table in the corner, away from the nagging eyes of his customers.
Shiro joined me and took a sit behind the small table for two. They exchanged a couple of phrases with Kentarou, before the later disappeared behind the counter. He reappeared with two glasses of cold water. I drank mine hastily and lowered it down with a thud, practically implanting it into the table. Not very lady like of me but it got Shiro to produce a slithering of a smile that he tried unsuccessfully to suppress.
'You said you were hungry, what will you have?' he asked and handed me the little leather bonded menu. The pages were adorned with hand written names of the dishes and alcohol served. Handwritten words took me a little bit more time to figure out.
'Since you're not on your bike, will you have a drink with me Shiro? I asked coyly.
'I will,' he conceded.
'Then please order us some sake, I have yet to taste it,' I grinned at him. ' You kind of messed up my plans when you enticed me to go on a date with you,' I continue, waiting for his reaction.
He totally ignored my remark and didn't stir away from the menu.
I found rescue in a reemerging Kentarou. He resembled a suricate bobbing his head up and under the counter.
'Kentarou o genki desu ka,' I asked him if he has been alright since I last saw him.
'Genki desu yo,' he answered, his energy translating not only from his words but resonating from his whole being.
'Amy san wa nihon go ga jyouzu ni narimashita ne,' he nodded approvingly as he complemented my improved handle of the language.
If only he knew that I got to this day only because of him. The fact I can now understand that he is praising my ability to speak Japanese is all thanks of him.
'Sonna ni,' I shily answered.
The time spent with Miyu and Michiko, her mother, certainly helped me improve. Less is more, as mom says. So I just told Kentarou that my knowledge wasn't that good, which was the thruth.
'Onaka ga sukimashita! Kyou wa sashimi tabetai desu,' I told him I was hungry and ordered sashimi.
With everything that happened, eating a piece of dead fish did not feel as frightening anymore.
'Sou desuka. Nani tabetai. Samon, maguro,' he asked pointing at the glass shelf in front of the counter where several types of fish waited to be served.
If you make a lady choose between salmon and tuna, you will obviously get but one answer.
'Samon ohitotsu to maguro ohitotsu onegaishimasu.'
Obviously I ordered one of each. That's what you get when you deal with pissed off women.
Shiro joined me from behind. I could feel his heat through my back. He got close enough for me to be painfully aware of his chiseled torso pushing into me.
He ordered us some sake and some snacks to go with it.
'I got us some sashimi too,' I informed him. 'I've never eaten sashimi you know. Could not make myself do it.'
I picked up a pair of chopsticks and set them on Shiro's little plate. Something warm set upon his features as I did it. He leaned back into his seat and allowed himself to relax for the first time since we arrived here.
What did people think of us I wondered. Did we look like a couple, or just good friends? I wish I knew myself what we were, for formatting this relationship into a term felt impossible.
I lowered my head onto my crisscrossed arms in front of me and fiddled around until I found the perfect angle to admire his face. He looked tired, the puffiness under his eyes forcing him to squint lightly. He was probably up very early, he was a baker after all.
I let my eyes glide over his smooth cheekbones towards his straight nose that ends abruptly above his ripen lips. My mind went blank as he flicked his tongue over his lower lip.
'Five years ago', he said and pulled me out of my remembrance state.
He cleared his throat and started again with a deep breath, 'five years ago, I fell in love. She was beautiful. She was kind. She was perfect. She was Miyu's best friend.' His voice caved as he finished.
I am not sure whether it was the fact that he was telling me about this past relationship or because he was talking about Miyu, but he looked distraught. He stopped for a few seconds to collect his thoughts and continued in a forced steady tone.
I gasped waiting for him to continue as he did.
'She was a sister and a mother and a mentor. She was our childhood friend. We both cared a lot about her.'
I watched him intently, his Adam's apple going up and down as he nervously gulped the water from the small wide rimmed glass. It wasn't enough to quench the fire raising up in his chest and he took a couple of deep breaths, the minty breeze tickling my nose.
'Was?' I asked.
'Was,' he answered plainly. 'Aki, that's her name, is no longer in our lives.'
'It's m-my' his lips trembled as he tried to form words, 'It's my fault it turned out this way.'
Shiro's hands clasped for a moment before he hid them thoughtfully under the table.
'Miyu was never the same after that, she had waking nightmares for a year after. She refused to talk to me and mom. She refused to go out and just stood in her room all day long. She had lost one of the most important people in her life and she blamed me for it. For good reason.'
'What happened to --' I tried to ask but he interrupted me.
'She loved Aki so much.'
He cleared his throat, pushing the nod in his throat down to the pits of his stomach and continued, 'she loved her Amy!'
'Yes, of course she did, they were-'
'You don't understand... Miyu loved her!'
His eyes kept mine in a strong hold, studying any reaction that I might give away. I don't know what emotions my face betrayed because the moment in which the realisation of what Shiro was trying to tell me hit me, I froze.
'Oh...I think I understand...you mean she was in love with Aki,' I said cautiously.
'Yes...It was very-very hard on our family and it took us a long time to heal and become a family again. The devastating loss of our father, helped us find our way back to each other. I can't loose her again and-'
It was my turn to interrupt, 'and I am her friend. Is this what you are trying to tell me?'
'Her only friend, her best friend...' He whispered.
My brow arched questioning his reasoning, 'Shiro we are friends but not like that,' I tried to reassure him.
My voice didn't come out as confident as I thought it would and it hurt to listen to myself. His face turned a sickish pale as he continued his search for answers.
'Shiro what are you trying to tell me?'I mumbled.
'I'm saying she needs you more than I do.'
With that he brought his hands back onto the table and gently trod his way towards mine. He covered my cold palms with his warm ones and gave me a light squeeze.
'Miyu needs you more than I do,' he said pleading for understanding.
Before I got a chance to say anything, Kentarou arrived with a little ceramic flask, called tokkuri and two tiny white cups decorated with sakura flower paintings.
'Hai, douzo,' he said beaming, oblivious to the ominous atmosphere around us.
'Arigatou gozaimasu,' we both thanked him at the same time. This little occurrence made me blush and I buried my face into my cool palms.
I needed this moment, to breathe, to recollect my thoughts, to think things over. Miyu liked girls. It wasn't shocking or anything. My mother's best friend, aunt Alicia was into girls too. Somehow I knew that it wasn't as easy to accept for Shiro and the rest of their family.
Japan was still a mystery to me and I had no idea what the social standing towards gay couples were. But even that wasn't the issue. Everything revolved around Miyu and me and I wasn't ready to dwell into this issue any deeper.
When I decided it was safe to show my face, I saw that the cups were now full and Shiro was holding his in both of his hands. I did the same and brought the liquor to my lips. It was warm as it slided down my throat, slightly numbing me. I liked the feeling. I set down my cup and stretched my hand to pour us another one. Shiro stopped me before I reached it and snatched away the tokkuri to do it himself.
I did not fight him on this. It's a Japanese thing that I probably didn't yet know about.
Kentarou danced his way to us with the dishes and set them one by one onto the small table. I tried to clear as much space as possible as Shiro poured some soy sauce into the little saucers in front of us. He took a smudge of wasabi from the wooden sushi plate and droped it into the soy sauce, twirling it around with a chopstick.
'This is definitely the day to try sushi,' I laughed out, 'this day can't get any worse!'
I picked up the chopsticks in my own awkward manner. I still had not learned how to hold them properly but as long as food got into my mouth, I didn't really care. I picked up the slippery slice of tuna and slowly brought it to the soy sauce dish. I dipped it superficially in fear of not dropping it altogether and raised it up to my mouth. I stopped for a second to take a breath and gazed at Shiro who nodded at me reassuringly.
I let the fish slide into my mouth and gave it a five second tour of my soft palate. I attempted to push my teeth into it, but I hastily gave up as I met the resistance of the raw fibres. I decided on just swallowing and mentally approved of the custom to not chew food that Japanese people have.
Shiro looked partly amused, partly panicked as he shoved a napkin into my hand. He probably thought that I would spit it out, but the Taylors never give up! I rushed towards the cup of sake and threw it back. As soon as it made contact with my taste buds, I decided it was a bad idea. The warm drink clashed with the cold aftertaste of the corpse that had just rested on my tongue and I found myself suppressing a gag.
I clenched my watery eyes shut trying to control the reflex. As the alcohol swiftly settled in my stomach, a wave of relief took over me.
'Done! Get rid of sashimi-virginity, tick!' I declared and grinned ear to ear.
Shiro joined me and we broke into laughter that had the other guests turn around to check the two odd people in the corner. Tears flowed down my face, of happiness, of sorrow, or both.
It was a long day; a day of revelations and for the first time in a long time I wanted to follow grandma Lee's advice — Tomorrow is another day, go to sleep, problems at bay, the morning sun will light your way!
Forgive me, Miyu! If only everything wasn't this complicated... Yes, I will deal with everything tomorrow! I thought to myself as I got lost in Shiro's smiling eyes.