I couldn’t stand it. I needed to escape the rumours yet I was conflicted with the reality that if I left Versailles to go to Paris as I wished then it would only feed these wretched lies. Stuck. I was unbelievably, unescapably stuck. I tended tirelessly to my children, ensuring their happiness while at the same time making sure they were out of venomous earshot. By throwing myself relentlessly into parenting I hoped to try and escape the suffocating pressure of the socialites. I felt my energy levels waver, it was as if I was being held down in a pond while these leeches sucked me dry.
I kept Senor Vargas close by too, he was my spy as well as Agate and Giselle who had been with me throughout the time where I was supposedly with my ‘peasant lover’ and were completely on my side. As they should for I was innocent! I could have screamed my innocence until I was blue in the face and they'd still never believe me which was frightening because it felt as though I was hostage to rumours and powerless to my people.
“Mama,” August came up to me as I stood overlooking my children playing outside.
I came out of my dark thoughts, forcing a loving smile his way, “Yes my love?” It was a truly gorgeous day, the thousands of delicate flowers swayed in a smooth current of breeze and the sun shone warmly through the ever moving clouds. Versailles stood tall and elegant yet dominated the backdrop with the wealth and power of the French monarchy, of Philip projected out. The message seemed clear and unquestioning.
“Why are you frowning? Is something the matter?”
I blinked rapidly, shaking my head forcing a laugh, “No, no of course not. Nothing is the matter at all my dear, I was simply deep in thought. It is my thinking face.”
“You think a lot then.” He murmured, I ruffled his hair ruefully ordering him to go and chase his brother. Louis could not run as far or as fast as his siblings, he was smaller and ran out of breath quicker. He toddled over to me after a while of chasing about and I bent down so I could hug him tightly.
“Are you alright my love?” I asked.
“Just out of breath,” He pouted grumpily. “I wish I could run longer without tiring.”
I raised my eyebrows, squeezing his small shoulder. “I know but you are blessed with brains, Louis…And besides, you like locks do you not?” He nodded eagerly and I beamed down at him. “And when will you need to run to a lock? You will not." He began to protest immediately but I cut sharply over the top. “Never mind never mind Louis. We have to make the best out of a bad situation. That is the way it has to be sometimes, yes? Things try to pull us down but we are stronger than those things. You, my boy are stronger than your weakness. Ok?” He nodded and I pulled him to me so I could kiss his forehead. “Good boy.”
Agate came over, accompanied by her boys who were a few years older than my own children, a bit too old to be joining in with their games which were a shame. They were the becoming age of politics and aristocratic manipulation. “Morning,” Agate squeezed my arm. She stood next to me, both of us watching as the children played on the lawn. The breeze ruffled our large skirts, mine was a glorious red while hers was more of a pastel shade of blue. Two roses, no thorns, just two roses that took on the world together day after day. I reached out, looping my arm through hers as a sign of solidarity.
She asked me after a while, what I planned on doing about the lies. I raised my shoulders, “I will have to ignore them. They are my people not the other way around. If we pretend that this little glitch did not happen we can just carry on as normal. I think that would be the wisest way forward.” She said nothing, the uneasy silence that swirled around us like scent carried in the wind lingered distastefully.
******
Before I knew it another year had passed by and I had been true to my word; completely ignoring the courtiers and their hissing lies. Unless I became a prisoner in my own home then I was pretty powerless anyway. Pretending that they did not exist seemed to make the courtiers even more irate and although I was not paying much attention I could feel their sizzling dislike growing like standing closer and closer to a raging fire. I just hoped I would not get scorched.
Before too long I fell pregnant again and as I walked by a small cluster of upturned noses of lady courtiers I heard one whisper “whore” in my direction. I could have reacted, a huge part of me wanted to but then that would mean having to acknowledge that they were there and I refused to let that happen. I wanted them to feel snubbed, to feel like their existence meant less than nothing to their Queen but somehow I don't think it went that way.
A day later I overheard gossips that half my children were illegitimate and bastards. It made my blood boil and my hands shook at my sides as I exchanged a look with Giselle and Agate. I could not stand by any longer, when my children were dragged into this disgraceful, horrific affair. Things had gone too far. “I cannot let them say these things,” I hissed beginning to turn to address them.
Agate grabbed my arm spinning me back to her, “No, you must take this straight to the King. Giselle and I will kindly remind them that speaking against the royal family is treason.”
My breathing was hard and anguished, fighting the urge to not turn around and shout a number of obscene things at them was almost too difficult to bare. “I will tell them myself,” I snarled lividly.
“Go to the King.” Agate repeated firmly. I stood shaking, my carefully pinned and twirled hair wobbled precariously from its perch on top of my head, my diamond earrings jangled in a venomous tune. I nodded summoning some great unknown inner strength I swallowed down the curses and walked swiftly straight passed the courtiers, striding to the King’s study.
He was playing a lone game of cards and was surprised, pleasantly so, when I came in slamming the door behind me then proceeding to tell him what had just happened. “You have continued to go to Paris.”
“Yes!” I exclaimed, astounded that those were his first thoughts on the matter. “That has nothing to do with this, Philip. My-our children are being slated. These are the future heirs to our thrones and we cannot have their innocence tainted. Nor their legitimacy!”
“They are not tainted, Anna.”
I was shaking my head as I stormed over to him, “Remember last year when this whole sorry affair started? I told you it would only get worse if you did not act. I will not allow you to stand by while our children become the victims. No, Philip you will deal with them before this escalates.”
He got to his feet, sizing me up as if we were about to brawl then became defeated and nodded slowly, “Yes. Yes. You are right, it is getting out of hand.”
My face had contorted in rage, “Whoever speaks out against my family I want their heads.”
“Anna,” he whispered and gently rubbed my arms but I could not be soothed. My cage had been rattled one too many times and Philip had passively dismissed me one too many times. I was at my wits ends. “Anna I will deal with this. I do not want you to worry or anger yourself over this matter any longer. You have the baby to think about,” He reached out and touched the slight bump but I stood there stony, unresponsive and incensed that he would have the nerve to say such a thing.
“I am doing this for our baby, Philip,” I retorted.
We went to his throne room the next day and the perpetrators who had said such vile lies were there. Women, bickering bored and seeking to hurt me. I drummed my fingers on the arm of the throne in anger, “You speak lies against my children?” Philip asked evenly.
“Oh no Your Highness!”
“We would never do that Your Highness!”
“What lies have been spoken against us? We would never do such a thing!”
“I heard you, you vicious hags!” I snapped, the room went so awfully still and quiet. They all stared at me agape. Philip was looking at me too, I could feel. “I was stood right beside you with two of my ladies and you were speaking filth.”
“No, no, you heard it wrong Your Highness.” Even the way she almost sneered my title made my nose twitch in loathing. I wanted them destroyed.
“Yes, you heard it all wrong, we would never say such a thing.”
I opened my mouth to screech at them when Philip intervened. “So you're accusing my wife, the Queen of lying? Clearly something is not adding up.” He mused, satisfaction nestled into my stomach at the distraught faces of the women. They must have thought that the game was up. "Did you or did you not say that my children, the heirs of France are illegitimate?"
They began to wail dropping to their knees begging and all I could think about was how I would much like to be the one to read out their punishment myself. “It is not true! It is not true! We would never do such a thing like that. The Queen got the wrong impression!”
“Never! We love the future heirs. We love our King.”
I raised a hand in almost triumph, “But not your Queen.” They began moaning and protesting but the damage was done. “Which proves you hold something ill against me. You will pay-”
“My Queen,” Philip spoke quietly. “Please let me handle this.” I held my tongue despite feeling that I would be in my right to yell all manner of things at these bitches. “I am a good King, am I not?”
“Only the best that we have ever had the grace to have, Your Highness.” One said and rested her hands on the floor from her kneeling position.
Philip nodded languidly, clearly adoring the compliments, he deliberated silently before coming to a conclusion. “I should make an example out of you all yet I am close to your husbands and your brother," he said to one of the women, "I feel the humiliation and embarrassment of this ordeal is a hefty enough price for you to pay this time. So long as you swear that you have never said a word about the princes and princesses legitimacy. There is no need to after all as they are obviously legitimate. If I ever have to be in this situation with you women again then I will hand you over to my noblemen to be trialed for treason. And I will persuade them to find you all guilty. Do I make myself clear?”
They were sobbing, crying pathetically and in an ugly way. I was quivering at the injustice but dared not speak against the King’s decision. “Oh thank you thank you. You are so gracious My Lord.”
“The best King that this country has ever had, Your Majesty.”
“Get out of my sight,” He waved a hand dismissively and once they were gone I shook my head disbelievingly getting to my feet. “Where are you going?” He turned his attention to me.
“I will go too, My Lord.” I barely breathed through my white hot rage. I bobbed my head then stormed from the room, my shoes clacking hard and echoing disturbingly.
Giselle and Agate shared my shock and anger at the injustice Philip had served my children and watched me pace as I tried to control this quivering rage that was like a beast residing under my skin. “I could kill them myself!” I hissed.
“No no.” Giselle protested.
“They deemed half my children as bastards. Bastards from some peasant in Paris. How humiliating is that going to be when they spread it around that they escaped without punishment? It will be felt that the King perhaps believes them.” I was shaking my head.
“Anna,” Agate spoke softly, “you need to try and calm yourself. This stress and tension is not a good environment for your little baby.” And she was right because three days later I went into labour and had a miscarriage. My third one and this one filled me with such rage because I knew it was down to those hags. They caused me to lose my child.
“I want them out of my court.” I had screamed at Philip when he had come to see me after being delivered the horrendous news.
“Have you not heard the phrase: keep your friends close and your enemies closer? They cannot leave, Anna, they have to remain here so that we can keep an eye on them and make sure that their lies are contained.”
“They killed my baby,” I snapped knocking some bottles of perfume off the dresser. They smashed spilling over the wooden floor satisfyingly. I had not left my chamber for two days and had took to wandering around in just my shift like some forlorn ghost haunting the place. “I want them dead. What about the phrase: an eye for an eye? I want that one. Execute them Philip. As your Queen, wife and mother of your baby I want you to punish them.”
He sniffed, sitting on the side of the bed heavily and hanging his head. “Stop,” He breathed and sniffed again. He took his wig off, his dark brown hair sticking up unevenly making him look absurdly normal.
“Oh no,” I tried to continue being angry but it was hard, “Are you crying?”
“Despite what you probably think I do love our children, Anna. I cared for that baby as well…This is so stressful.”
I crouched down in front of him and rested my hands on his knees. His eyes were red and eyelashes wet. “They made you cry, Philip. They upset you, your ‘subjects’. You need to banish them, kill them, exile them from France. Please? Do something!”
“No,” he shook his head adamantly. “You need to stop seeking revenge. Rise above this and show them how a true Queen acts.” He sniffed again before breathing out a great troubled sigh that hit my face.
I stared then snorted as I stood up, “You will not act...Again! Fine, I will take matters into my own hands. Seeing as you are determined to let them break me.” And I departed stormily from the room leaving him there.