When Louis' lips hit Harry's he didn't know what to think.
It was literally his dream come true, to have the love of his life back in his arms again, holding him. So Harry tried to savour every second of it. The taste of his mouth, the feeling of his lips, the way his hands gripped his hair.
Harry cradled Louis' face in his hands, feeling the older boy's subtle stubble against his fingers as he tried his hardest to make him feel wanted. To feel loved.
But it was over all too soon.
Louis pulled back and started to shake his head, seemingly regretting what had just happened, but Harry wasn't letting him go that easily.
He'd lost him once, it wasn't going to happen again.
Louis' touched his lips with a trembling hand. "Oh my God..." He whispered. "I shouldn't have-"
In a panic, Harry gripped his waist, not letting him move away. He couldn't let him regret something that he knew Louis' wanted. No matter what words came out of his mouth, his actions said something completely different.
"Louis." Harry said, looking into his eyes with worry.
"I can't-" Louis tried to struggle out of his grip, but Harry wouldn't let him. He held the boy still, and moved his hands to cup his cheeks again, forcing the boy to look at him.
"You can't w-what?" Harry asked, pleading with Louis' teary eyes for an answer. It had been so long, a back and forth between the two of them, always unexplained. Harry needed answers, and Louis needed to give him them.
"I can't be with you." Louis said sadly. "I'll only end up hurting you."
"You w-won't." Harry replied, vigorously shaking his head as he tried to get Louis to understand. "You w-won't hurt me, p-please Louis. Let's just.. I-I don't know, p-please, give th-this a try?"
He was desperate. He loved Louis so, so, much, he couldn't let him ruin it before they'd even had a chance to start again.
"I-I can't-"
Before Louis could finish, Harry kissed him again. He needed to show him that it was okay. That they could have everything they'd ever wanted. That Louis didn't have to be afraid. And that they could have love. Harry needed to show him that he was there, and that he was never going to let him go.
"Louis. William. T-To-Tomlinson." Harry whispered, kissing him again, before letting their foreheads rest together as he stroked Louis' cheek with his thumb. "I'm n-not going anyw-where. There is n-nothing you can s-say, that w-would make me l-leave."
"I-I can't-" Louis shook his head, so Harry kissed him yet again. Tender and special, each time Louis doubted himself, Harry wanted to show him that he didn't need to.
"You can." Harry whispered again, their eyes still closed as they breathed closely, practically in each other's air.
Louis let out a long breath, looking up to the sky to calm himself down as his hands rested on Harry's upper arms. He gripped Harry's sleeves tightly, working up the courage to say it as he bit his lip, and looked back at Harry. His Harry.
"It was my dad." Louis choked out, and Harry's eyes went wide with shock.
"W-What?" Harry stuttered, his eyebrows furrowing as his mind reeled with possibilities as to what on earth Louis meant.
"I-I want to love you Harry." Louis babbled, beginning to ramble as his grip on Harry's arms got tighter. "I want everything with you. I want us to be with each other, like how we used to be. You were right, you were my everything and I never wanted to let you go, but... when I left, I lied to you. I'm so sorry Harry, but I had to."
.
July 30th 2008
In Harry's backyard, there was a large, swinging couch with a canopy above it, right in the corner surrounded by a lovely garden bed that Anne liked to keep with colourful flowers and leafy bushes.
On that particular sunny afternoon, Harry and Louis were curled up on the loveseat, Harry's head of curls splayed on Louis' lap as the older boy ran his fingers through his hair.
Louis sighed, frowning as he tried to figure out the best way to bring up the subject. He knew Harry would be upset. He knew he could get mad. And he knew that it was going to change everything. He didn't want to tell him. But he had to.
"What's wrong, Lou?" Harry said, catching Louis off guard. His eyes were still closed as Harry laid there, and Louis didn't quite know how the boy could sense when he was feeling down.
"Nothing, love." Louis reassured him, but still he felt weird. He needed to tell him, but he didn't want to ruin their perfect day.
"Lou-" Harry asked as he sat up, turning so he was facing his boyfriend. Louis took his hands and shook his head.
"Kiss me, H." He asked, willing his tears away. He didn't want to make Harry upset.
"What-"
"Kiss me." He asked again, his voice cracking a little, and who was Harry to deny him that?
So Harry leant forward, his hands gripping Louis' thighs as he pressed his mouth to Louis, kissing him sweetly.
"Now," He whispered as he leant back, looking at the older boy with worry. "What's the matter?"
"I have to tell you something, Curly." Louis said, biting his lip as Harry nodded.
"Okay." He said. "So tell me."
Louis took a deep breath, his eyes scrunching closed as he tried to find the words, while Harry waited patiently.
The younger boy watched with a pained expression, wondering what on earth could be hurting his love so much, that he was scared to tell him something.
Louis always told Harry everything, so why was this any different?
Louis let out his breath and brought his eyes to Harry's, covering his hand with his own.
"I'm leaving, H." Louis choked out, bracing himself for Harry's response. It was quiet for a moment, Harry's face softening from concern, to pain.
"W-What?" He whispered, instinctually leaning away while Louis tried to hold him close by the hands. "Don't- Don't joke with me, Lou."
"Harry, love, please listen to me." Louis begged as Harry's eyes began to fill with tears.
"W-What do you mean, you're leaving?" Harry stuttered, trying to search his mind for an answer, but the only one he could find was sitting in front of him, a lone tear running down his soft cheek.
"Mum and me and the girls... we're moving away." Louis said. "I tried, Harry. I tried so hard to convince her to stay, but..."
"Are you breaking up with me?" Harry whined, removing his hands to wrap them around his body. "Cause I don't want-"
"No," Louis shook his head, bringing a hand behind his neck to pull their foreheads together. "I'm never breaking up with you. It's only 2 hours away. I'll visit all the time, I promise."
Harry watched him for a second, before letting himself completely breakdown, his face crumpling as the tears began to flow.
"Louis, no." Harry sobbed, throwing his arms around his boyfriend's neck as he cried. "You can't leave! Y-You can't!"
"I love you so much," Louis whispered into his hair as he hugged him back, lightly pressing his lips to Harry's neck as he tried to comfort him. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry."
"Lou," Harry whispered, his fingernails digging into Louis' back. "Please, don't go. Stay here. You can live with me!"
"Haz..." Louis pulled back, keeping his arms around Harry's back. "I can't."
"Why?" Harry frantically wiped at his tears. Even with red eyes and tearstained cheeks, Louis still thought he was the most beautiful boy in the world. "Why do you have to leave me?"
"Mum says we have to be closer to Dad." Louis explained, leaning back into the lounge as Harry curled up against his chest, clutching Louis' shirt with white knuckles as Louis periodically kissed the top of his head.
"You hate your dad." Harry pointed out, still sniffling and crying into Louis' chest. "Remember? You were sad when he left, but then happy that your mum was happier when he was gone?"
"Yeah," Louis agreed. "But Mum says we have to go."
"I don't want you to leave me..." Harry whispered. "When do you have to go?"
"Not for another 2 months, but I wanted to tell you so-" But Harry cut him off with a kiss, neither of the boys minding that they tasted off salty tears and sadness.
"So we can make the most of it." Louis finished as he pulled back.
"I love you." Harry whispered against his mouth. "I love you and I'll miss you everyday."
"I promise I'm going to call you everyday." Louis said, stroking the trembling boy in his arms. "Mum's letting me get a phone so that I can talk to you. She's going to talk to your mum about it too so I can text you."
"Good." Harry nuzzled his face in Louis' neck. "Then when you come back, it'll be like you never left."
"Exactly." Louis agreed, kissing Harry's hair again. "I'll be back before you know it."
Harry let out a long breath. His mind was reeling with questions and thoughts and feelings but he had no idea how to put them into words. He didn't know what to say or what to do. All he knew was that he needed to be by Louis' side everyday for the next 2 months, before it all came crashing down.
"I promise." Louis whispered one last time.
.
Present Day
.
"You l-lied?" Harry stammered. "About the-the promise, r-right?"
"I wanted to keep that promise, Harry." Louis tried to regulate his breathing and stop crying long enough to explain. "Please believe me, when I said it, I meant it."
Harry held his trembling form as they stood on the bridge. It should have been a picture perfect moment, the sun setting as they formed a silhouette, holding each other against the sunlit sky. But the moment was far rom perfect.
"I just... I never got that phone, Harry. We moved in with Dad when we got to Doncaster, and they never gave me the phone. Dad said that I wasn't allowed to talk to you and at first I didn't understand. I cried myself to sleep every night because I couldn't handle the fact that you thought I hated you. Then as I got older, I began to put the pieces together."
Harry watched as Louis wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a few steps away so that he could lean on the railing.
"He knew, H." Louis said. "He knew about us, and he hated it. He tried to keep me away from you, because he knew I was in love with you."
"L-Lou-" Harry tried to reach out for him, but brought his hand back before he could touch his shoulder. He honestly had no idea what to say.
"I wasn't allowed to be gay, and he made sure that I knew." Louis continued. "And all I wanted was for my family to love me again, so I tried to be the person they wanted."
Harry stood with his hands in his pockets, a frown on his face as he watched Louis struggle with himself while he recounted his past. He didn't want the older boy to be in pain, but he needed to know what happened, and he didn't know whether or not he was allowed to comfort him.
"I'm so sorry for everything I put you through," Louis continued, standing up as he faced Harry with tears in his eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you. But there you have it, the story of my little fucked up life." Louis shrugged and kicked his shoe against the wooden planks, while Harry bit his lip.
"D-Do you still feel the same?" Harry asked. "As when w-we were k-kids? Or a-are you ch-changed into this n-new person, for g-good?"
Louis gulped, and then let a small smile appear on his face as he blinked, and stared into Harry's hopeful, shining eyes.
"When I first saw you in that diner, I wasn't sure." Louis said, his gaze dipping to Harry's lips before returning to his bright green eyes. "I was confused for a while, but now I think I know."
Harry took in a breath as he waited for Louis' answer. Gingerly, the older boy reached out to take one of his hands, playing with Harry's fingers as his smile widened.
"I feel the same," Louis nodded. "I love you, Harry. I never stopped."
Harry's breath caught in his throat as he let his fingers tangle with Louis. He stood frozen as Louis closed the gap between them, and with his other hand, cup Harry's cheek so that he could kiss him again.
Harry didn't respond for a second, but soon let himself meld into Louis' grip, kissing him back with just as much courage as the day on the swing.
"You th-think you kn-know?" Harry asked when they pulled back, and Louis tilted his head to the side.
"I know, Harry." Louis told him. "I know I feel the same. It might be hard, I still fight with myself some days about who I am and who I'm supposed to be. But if you want me-"
"I d-do." Harry cut him off with a small smile. "I want y-you. I w-want all of y-you, the good and t-the bad."
Louis smiled wider as their hands got tighter, holding each other like they were 12-years-old again.
"I'm s-sorry about what hap-happened with your d-dad." He added as a whisper, making Louis shrink back into himself as his smile faded. So Harry pulled him closer, letting Louis' cheek rest again his chest.
"M'still scared sometimes, Curly." He admitted as Harry's hand came to rest in the small of his back. "I have nightmares."
"You d-don't have to b-be af-afraid anymore." Harry whispered. "I'm h-here."
"I know but-"
"No," Harry shushed him. "I kn-know a lot as ch-changed, but I'm h-here, and we-we're okay."
Louis snuggled closer as Harry held him.
"We're n-not in Doncaster any-anymore, Lou." Harry told him. We're in-in Leeds, and t-there are plenty of oth-other people l-like us here t-too. No one is g-going to h-hurt you."
"I know," Louis breathed. "The only person that's hurt you, is me."
"Louis-"
"I know I was wrong to treat you the way I did." Louis said. "I was an ass, and I'm sorry. And if you'll have me back, I'll-"
"Of course I-I'll have y-you back, y-you loon." Harry chuckled, and Louis did too, playfully slapping his chest as they laughed. "And i-if you've l-learned, I-I don't bel-believe you'll h-hurt me again."
"I'm going to make it up to you, I promise." Louis said. "Boyfriend."
"I l-like the w-way that s-sounds," Harry smiled. "But it d-doesn't change the w-way you treated m-me before. I d-don't want to b-be your b-boyfriend when we're behind cl-closed doors, and th-then nothing anywhere el-else."
"I know, and I've changed." Louis told him as he pulled the boy closer. "Promise."
"Prove it." Harry whispered against his lips. "Prove to m-me that you're not ashamed of me. P-Prove to me that you w-want to be with me inside and outside out d-dorm rooms."
Louis kissed him again, wrapping his arms around Harry's back as he pulled him close, the younger boy instinctually wrapping his own arms around Louis' neck as he kissed him back.
"I'll try." He answered.
And really, that was all Harry wanted.
.
.
.
2 weeks. I'm so bad omg.
Anyway, how are we all? Good? Well? Alive? Good.
thoughts?
comments?
opinons?