The Song writer's Journal

who knew

Its been a week since the thing happened and its just been so lonely. We just kill things and go about our day. Then ben teaches me tips for killing. But today was different this new kid came and he is so cute. Too bad he hides his face with a mask. He calls him self the Bloody painter. I think jeff has noticed that I've been looking at him because he is starting to get closer to me. But i really like bloody painter he is shy but it speaks for him. He is friends with ben and he told him i hated him. That didnt help after how much i was flirting with him the night before. He is just changing me so much. I mean I've started listening to love songs for gods sake. I've even taght him how to dance to a couple songs. It's hard to live myself knowing he thinks i hate him when i love him. Last night i woke up and i walked by bloody painters room to hear him crying and talking in his sleep about me. Its was really depressing yet cute. I have no words to what i wanted to do beside suicide . At that i ran outside to a tree and i bang my head as hard as i can on it . then ben came running saying stop dont even try It wont work ive tried a thousand times. Then we talk about our problems and evrything was fixed but only fir a minute. Once i got inside bloody painter asked me why. At that i grabed a knife and locked myself in my room and slice by slice my blood flew and my skin cried. And no one heard but ben the only one who knew my pain yet made it worse. As i sat there thinking i scream out I HATE THIS SHIT. Only ben came and i wanted to hurt him i wanted to kill him cus he is the one who started this pain but i couldn't. So i jumped out the window.