Edited:
Published: Friday, February 12th 2016 5:38 pm
January 17th
"Nothing?"
"Yes," I nodded even though he couldn't see me, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes. The last three days I've been staying up late at night with Ayah while she and her mother grieve. I just didn't feel right leaving her, so I didn't, but all the tiredness I will eventually get over. She, however, will remember me not being there for her again. Though Wasim doesn't know about the situation, he's been hell bent on convincing me to go to Miami since he told me about our fathers trip. But as temping as it is to go there and see if our suspicions are true, I'm not going to run after him because I want to ease my conscious. I won't be a referee to oversee everything he does with his estranged son. They're both grown men, which is why I'm staying out of it.
"Jafar, you can't honestly tell me that you're not wondering."
"No," I sighed, "I can't, but that doesn't mean I can just pick up and drive to another city off of a hunch."
"A very accurate hunch."
I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever," My eyes drifted inside the house to catch Ayah arranging the flowers that she's taking to the cemetery today. She looks better than she did yesterday, but the exhaustion is clear on her face. No matter how many times I've asked her to take a rest, she's refused with the excuse of helping her mother out. I would have fought her on it, but hey, it's really not the time. My plan during this time is to be here for her, and if that means just sitting and not saying a word, then I'll do it.
"Listen, Seem. I know that you are anxious to be apart of this—I am too—but sometimes you just have to let it be."
"I'll feel better if I know."
"Trust me," I told him, looking out into the sky, "it's better to leave it alone now before you get in way too deep."
-*-
Ayah:
The amount of times I've been to the cemetery has lessened over the years, specially last year. With everything going on, I haven't really had the time to come, which is sad since he's my father, but I don't know. I guess the timing wasn't right. As a child, Mama would always bring me here to just sit and wonder. She said it made her feel like we were all together. Being physically there with someone you love isn't as important as knowing that they're there even when you can't see—you know. I grew up knowing he was there and increased my visits. I even went there by myself, which is saying a lot for an eight year old. The man whose grave I would always attend I didn't have the chance to remember knowing, but I know he knew me, and I know he loved me. And for that I love him.
So many people have told me so. And the more I visited and just relaxed with the calm breeze, I started to love him. I always did, but it became stronger. Our bond—which some would see as invisible—was like looking at my own reflection. Clear as day. So when the time came for us to visit yet another time in the last twenty years, the tears ran down my cheeks like a river, and I soaked it all in. The guilt I had for not visiting in a while weighed on me, and the situation got to me.
I knew I wasn't alone in this, with Mama on one side and Jafar on the other, but when the silence enveloped us, it started to feel like all of those times when I would come alone. When it was just he and I. When this was a normal thing.
"Here," Mama offered me a sad smile and started to take the flowers from my hands. "Let me do it. You don't need to be bending."
Before fully giving them to her, I looked at her pointedly. "Are you sure?"
A flicker of plain flashed through her eyes, but she hid it well with a smile. "I'm sure."
And that's how we stayed for about two hours, and I couldn't have been more grateful for Jafar's company. He didn't say anything or try to comfort me. He was just there. He was the shoulder I needed to cry and lean on, possessed the smile that told me how sincere he was, and knew when it was time for us to give Mama some room. A little over an hour after we were sitting there, he helped me up and took me over to a bench to sit. Yeah, sitting on the ground while almost six months pregnant wasn't the best option.
Even then we just sat and watched as others visited friends and relatives, but one girl who sat in front of a grave with tears running down her face caught my eyes.
"It saddens me m that so many people have to go through losing someone," I said after a while, still watching the girl let her tears roam freely. "She's so young, but sadness is still hurting her," I paused when I felt Jafar slip his hand in mine, "It's heartbreaking."
"We all have to leave this world someday," He told me, "Some earlier than others. That's why we should live life to our fullest potential. Like having a family to love you, or to experience the wonders of what's ahead."
"What do you have to say about life?" I asked him, all the seriousness surfacing. "Are the struggles worth it?"
With a crooked smile, Jafar planted a kiss on my cheek. "Let's go check on your mother."
-*-
January 25th
With last week having nothing but tears and sadness, I felt like I should change up my scenery. Until Mama was able to take her medicine without me forcing it down her throat again, I walked the short path over to my in laws house for a visit, then afterwards is the big appointment we've been waiting for.
Sad to say I haven't walked a lot in my pregnancy due to my very over protective husband, which is why I couldn't keep the smile off my face when I decided to do it. Normally I would understand why he didn't want me to do this, but walking is good for the baby, I think. Plus, with the extra weight I'm putting on during these long nine months, I need some type of exercise. Walking to the bathroom every few minutes doesn't cut it.
But what did wipe the smile I had was the frown gracing my sisters face. Not again...
"Okay!" I exclaimed when after I walked inside and straight for the couch. "Why do you look so," I narrowed my eyes to examine her for a word but came up empty.
"I do?" She asked in slight confusion, not even moving to check her own expression.
"Yeah," I patted the spot beside me and turned to her when she sat, "you do."
"I'm just tired."
I don't believe that. And if I don't push her, I won't find out until it blows up like last time.
"What aren't you telling me?"
With a groan, Jamila ran her hands through her hair in frustration. There are only a few times that I've seen her like this, once being when she thought the dress she had for my wedding was ruined. She will get mad, sad, angry, but never frustrated. Something is up. Thank goodness I didn't have to wait long for an explanation.
"Tehreem wants me to come to Miami."
"Oh," I sighed, placing a hand over my heart to stop the fast past. And here I thought it was something drastic. "That's not bad. Why are you stressing?"
"Because she wants me to go to college over there."
"To live?"
She nodded. "And the thing that's getting me is that I'm actually considering it."
"You should."
If the incrudeous look she was sending was anything to go on, she wasn't expecting me to say that.
"I mean," I continued. "What else is here for you besides family? Venturing out isn't the worst idea."
"So you think I should just give up my entire life here to do something I'm not even sure I want?" She scoffed. "No thanks."
"What's so bad about leaving?"
"My life is here, Ayah. All I've ever known."
"That's what I thought until I went to New York."
"But you came back."
"I did," I nodded. "For reasons that will happen with you later in life. And right now you need to figure out what you want, but don't wait. Life won't wait for you, it will only pass you by."
-*-
I never thought I would be so happy to feel that cold gel on my bulging abdomen again. But I can endure the uncomfortable liquid for a few minutes if it means that I'll get my life changing news.
"Can you not be upset right now?"
With a childish groan in my direction, he muttered something I couldn't quite comprehend. So much like Mina. He found out about my small walk today and has been grumpy ever since. Okay, I told him when he saw the giant smile on my face.
"But," Jafar started after a while, a guilty look on his face. "I wanted to talk to you about this earlier, but I didn't know how to phrase it."
My stomach sunk at the serious look on his face and I sat up, my heart thumping in my chest.
"I want us to wait to know what the gender is."
I breathed out a sigh of relief because it wasn't bad news, but what he did tell me still is puzzling. But before I could question why, he continued.
"I need you to trust me on this. I can't tell you now why I'm doing this, but I can assure you that it's nothing—"
"I trust you," I said with a smile, catching him off guard.
"Are you sure? Because I knew this was a long shot, but I wanted to try."
"Like I said: I trust you and your judgement, as long as it's not until the time of delivery."
With a laugh, he picked up my hand and dropped a kiss on it. "Deal."
-*-
Jamila:
January 31st
Opening the door for the second time today—no I haven't been outside all day—I felt a surge of happiness for my friend in front of me. After the very awkward and slightly disturbing trip that I was convinced to take with my brother and sister, I decided not to tell her of our plan to get information. Because one: she wouldn't like the outcome, and two: she wouldn't have wanted us to do what we did. She eventually started to get over the fact that she was humiliated by her ex almost in laws and started to act like her old self, but I couldn't help but feel like there was something she wasn't telling me—the vital part of the whole scandal. But like a good friend, I won't push her for information. There are plenty of other ways to pry.
"Did the doctor contact you yet?"
"Nope," I sighed in disappointment. "I haven't heard from her."
When Jafar first came to me about the idea of his baby Doctor contacting me about the gender of he and Ayah's baby, I gave him my best 'are you insane?' look, but he just shrugged and insisted I do it as part of the surprise. I mean, who wants their younger sister to know what said persons baby is before either parents?! Even now as I wait for the incoming call, I still think he's lost his mind.
"He seriously wants you to do this?" Alia asked me, shoveling another scoop of ice cream in her mouth from the kitchen. How did she...
"It's all a part of the surprise," I shrugged, joining her across the table with a grimace at the way she was eating. Out of the carton. Yeah, that ice cream is all hers. "But, anyways, we need to finish up preparing. I want to have this asap."
Looking up with raised eyebrows, she stuffed her spoon back in the creamy goodness she snatched.
"That's why I'm here?"
"Yes."
"What about Kareema?"
"Did you want me to invite your arch nemesis?"
"Ha, ha. First I have to deal with all the press talk at home, and now a smart mouth friend?" She tsked dryly. "Thanks..."
Like any normal friend would, I caught on to one thing.
"Press?"
"Yeah," Alia nodded, "You get a basketball scholarship to some school with a national rank, and the next thing you know you're being interview...oh no,". Her eyes widened at the look of shock on my face, then she replaced it with a weak laugh. "Forget what I said. Now where are we with the baby shower..."
"He got a scholarship?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
With a guilty nod, Alia sighed deeply. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't supposed to tell you..." too late, I thought. "But yeah, he did."
"I'm happy for him," I stated, taking both of us by surprise. "I am," I insinuated when's he just narrowed her eyes in my direction.
But before she could say anything else, I got a text from the doctor telling me the gender. And without another word, I ushered Alia to follow me so we could go shopping for the upcoming baby shower.
-*-
Ayah:
Febuary 6th
I felt something fishy today, and the last few days since my appointment actually. From all the smiles and secret talks everyone around me was having, I knew something was going on. They couldn't just be talking about the weather or something, but I put that aside and tried to think positive, but then I had enough and demanded to know what was happening. So, I first went to Jafar. He wasn't a big help.
"We were just talking," He assured me with a smile. "You should rest."
That just made me angrier that he asked that. I cannot rest until I know!
Then the next person I went to was Mama. I had the thought she would know what all the fuss was about, but she was as clueless as I was and insisted that she would let me know if she did. The same went for Um Jafar, Aunt Suhaila, and Dianne. But what surprised me more was the fact that Safeer showed up at the apartment with a big smile on his face.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"Sure..." I trailed off, widening the door so he could enter. There's that fishy feeling. Safeer isn't one to drop by somewhere unexpectedly. Every time they came for a visit, he called. But before I could interrogate the truth out of him, Jafar appeared and gave Safeer a bro hug thing.
"Salaam, man. I thought you weren't going to show."
"And miss a chance like this?" He scoffed. "Not a chance."
"Excuse me!" I exclaimed when they started to have a full conversation about this so called basketball thing they were having. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"
"I wanted to surprise you, duh," Safeer rolled his eyes, only increasing my curiosity.
"Where's Annie?"
"At home."
"And you aren't with her?" I asked in surprise. I know him. With the way Annie looked the last time we visited, there was no way he would just leave her at home.
"She's with her mother and sister."
"Mhm," I smirked and turned to Jafar, who has been awfully quiet all day. "Why didn't you tell me? Hmm?"
With a sheepish smile, and as quick as lightening, he kissed my cheek and ran out of the door, telling me he would be back later. Great. Back to square one.
"Hey!" A voice pulled me from my ranting fit inside my head, only to see two teenage girls standing in front of me with wide smiles.
"Jamila, Alia," I greeted, folding my arms and slowly advancing towards them. "What brings you girls by today?"
"Ummi needs you at the house," Jamila said, the grin on her face never faltering. At least she's not sulking anymore. "So, come on," She ushered towards the hallway. "Get dressed."
I started to walk towards the back, but paused, narrowing my eyes on the still grinning girls.
"Why didn't you just call and tell me?"
"Because," Alia shrugged, sharing a look with Jamila, "we, uh, were on our way when we," She gestured with a hand between them, "were out and about, but our phones died. Can you just come on?"
"Fine," I gave up and continued my retreat to my room, and if my ears weren't mistaken, I could've sworn I heard Jamila's ringtone.
-*-
"No."
"Come on, just do it!"
I folded my arms and tipped my chin up. "I won't wear that unless you tell me why."
"If we tell you," Alia piped in, "all of our work would be for nothing."
"What work?"
"Fine, don't wear it!" Jamila exclaimed in irritation. She threw the blindfold on the side of the porch and placed her hands on her hips. If only they knew the suspicions I've had over the past few days, they wouldn't be asking me to cover my eyes just to go in the house. And on top of that, these two showed up at my door a few minutes after Jafar and Safeer left to bring me here and not tell me why, then insisted I wear a blindfold before entering a house I've been in a dozen times. I mean, seriously, they couldn't have been more obvious that something was going on.
"Why can't you all just tell me what you're doing?"
"That's the thing," Jamila sighed. "We want to show you."
"Fine!" I gave up again, my curiousity for what they've done surfacing. "But no blindfold."
"Deal!" They both cried in unison. And so, we entered the house. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, especially with the quietness of the house. That was until we got into the backyard did I realize what all the secrecy was about, and I couldn't help but smile at what was before me.
"Surprise!" Everyone shouted, jumping up from their hiding positions around the yard, including Annie and my mother.
"A baby shower?" I asked, close to tears, then turned to Mama, "I thought you didn't know."
"I didn't," She laughed, placing a hand over to heart to show she was sincere. "Honestly, I didn't. Now don't argue with me and enjoy yourself! A lot of work was done for today."
"Yes," Jamila agreed. "And to find out who is growing in your very big tummy," Jamila started, gesturing to string that held something above the door, "pull this."
Eagerly wanting to know, I went over and pulled the string, ecstatic to know what was up there.
-*-
Later that day, after all the games and everything set up with all my friends and family, I met Jafar back at the apartment with the biggest smile on my face. He was sitting on the couch watching some show I've never seen before, but when he saw me come in, he stood and went into the kitchen, then appeared back with a bouquet of white roses.
"For me?"
"A sorry gift," He explained, extending them to my welcoming hands. "I hope today was as good as I hoped."
"It was. It still is."
"So now you know?"
I nodded. "Do you?"
"No."
"Thank you," I whispered, a stray tear leaving my eye as I engulfed Jafar in a hug. "This surprise is worth it."
-*-
Random question: If you could name this story, what would it be called?
Next chapter is the epilogue. I know, I'm evil.... it's also already written, so if you want me to update say, like, tomorrow, I'll be expecting 25 votes you don't even have to comment if you don't want to, but I'll appreciate it.
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