(Lexa's POV)
Lexa allowed herself a small smile as her horse picked it's way down the hill. She was home. They reached the gates of the city and the guards were quick to open it, shouting warm welcomes to her as she passed. They continued forth down the main street, heading straight towards her home. It didn't take long before the citizens of Polis burst forth, hoping to catch a glimpse of their Commander. She looked out of the corner of her eyed and smirked at Clarke. Her jaw was hanging open in astonishment and her eyes were wide with wonder. Lexa gave a small wave and smiled at everyone gathered around. She didn't have to be as guarded around these people. They were the farmers, the bakers, the engineers. This is where all the children were born and raised. Lexa glanced over again at Clarke and found the blonde girl staring back at her, confusion written all over her face.
"I will explain it all to you later, Clarke."
She smiled softly in amusement and then stopped her horse. They had arrived home. A few young girls came rushing over to greet them.
"Welcome back Heda!"
Lexa nodded at the girls in acknowledgment and slid off her horse.
"Give all the horses a stall in the barn and make sure they have lots to eat. They have worked hard."
The two girls nodded in unison and then bustled off to go take everyone's horses and put them away. Lexa watched them, noting how happy they were. The happiness of her people gave her contentment.
"Welcome back Lexa."
She turned around at the familiar voice and engulfed the girl in a huge.
"Arya. I'm so happy to see you. How has everything been?"
The young woman smiled.
"Everything has been just fine but we can discuss all that later. You must be exhausted. Come, follow me. I have your room all made up and supper is being cooked as we speak."
Arya was one of Lexa's most trusted advisors. She made sure everything in Polis ran smoothly while Lexa was away. Lexa made to follow her but stopped quickly, remembering who was all with her.
"I actually need two more rooms made up."
She turned so she was half facing Clarke and half facing Arya.
"Arya, this is Clarke and Octavia. They are Skaikru and will be staying with us."
Arya smiled warmly at them.
"Of course. How nice to meet you Clarke and Octavia. You can all come with me and I will show you to your rooms."
Arya began walking again and this time they all followed. Lexa hoped that Polis would give Clarke just as much peace as it always gave her.
(Clarke's POV)
Clarke was in complete and utter awe. So much so that she momentarily forgot everything that had happened and why they were here in the first place. Arya lead them into the mansion. Lexa had told her that she had a house in Polis. Clarke didn't really know much about houses, but she was pretty sure this classified as a hotel. They had to walk up three sets of marble steps before they could even enter through the huge double doors. As they entered, and as Clarke got a view of the grand foyer, she changed her mind. This was a castle.
"I'll show you to your rooms first. I can give you a tour later."
Arya quickly glanced around at them before continuing forth and starting up one of the huge staircases. They went past four floors before Arya finally stopped. Clarke was panting but Lexa didn't seem bothered. Arya turned and began down a long hallway, her footsteps echoing on the hardwood. She turned to the second room on her right.
"Octavia, this will be your room."
Octavia walked forward and nodded in thanks. She quickly glanced over to make sure Clarke was okay. Clarke gave her a slight nod and then watched as her friend headed inside. Arya continued leading them. As they continued forth, Clarke noticed a room with a set of huge double doors at the end of the hall. That must be Lexa's room. Arya stopped in front of the last room on her left, the room closest to Lexa's.
"This one is for you Clarke. There should be enough supplies in there to suffice for now, but if you need anything do not hesitate to ask."
Clarke quietly murmured thanks before stepping inside. She quietly shut the door behind her before turning around and was unable to stop herself from gasping. The room was huge. The biggest bed she had ever seen was nestled against the left wall. A bookshelf lined with books was tucked beside it. The space behind her was occupied by a large wooden wardrobe and bench. To her right was a beautiful door that, upon opening, led to a massive bathroom. The bathroom contained large mirrors covering all the walls and a giant tub was placed in the center. She slowly backed out and checked out the one wall she hadn't looked at yet. It was covered by curtains and Clarke didn't hesitate before throwing them back. The sight before her made her gasp again. The entire wall was a window and it gave her a gorgeous view of a small lake that was hidden behind the house. The sun was just setting and all the pastel pinks, oranges, and purples were reflected in the lake's glassy surface. She watched the beautiful colours and realized that, at least for a few moments, she finally felt at peace. However, she was quickly shaken out of her trance when she heard a slight knock on her door.
"Come in."
Clarke was finding it difficult to tear her eyes away from the window. The door opened and closed and someone quietly walked over towards her.
"Are you settling in alright?"
Lexa's soft voice startled her. She hadn't realized it was Lexa who had come in; she thought it might have been Octavia. She turned around to face her and Clarke's eyes must have revealed everything because Lexa smiled.
"It's incredible."
Clarke whispered softly, scared that any louder down might take away the magnificence of everything.
"I've been told supper is almost ready. You can change and then join us."
At Clarke's confused look, Lexa gestured to the wardrobe.
"You can have any clothes you like."
Trying to compose herself and not let her eyes reveal too much shock, Clarke nodded.
"Thank you."
There was a moment of silence where neither Clarke nor Lexa moved. The events from the previous night replaying in both their heads. Lexa moved closer to Clarke.
"Clarke. I'm sorry. I..."
Clarke shook her head and backed up. She couldn't handle being too close to Lexa without her thoughts getting muddled up, and besides, she knew what Lexa was trying to do.
"Lexa not now."
Hurt flashed for a brief moment across Lexa's eyes before she composed herself.
"Very well. Dinner will be served on the second floor."
Without waiting for any more acknowledgment from Clarke she turned and exited the room. Sighing, Clarke wandered over to the wardrobe to see what kinds of clothes had been left for her.
(Lexa's POV)
Lexa was very pleased with supper and it appeared so were Clarke and Octavia. She had missed the delicious food in Polis, especially the freshly baked bread and lamb. They had homemade apple pie for dessert, another one of Lexa's favourite things. Arya had also joined them for dinner and she had caught Lexa up on many of the things she had missed while she had been gone. When the last of their dishes had been cleared, Lexa stood up.
"I wish to retire early tonight. I need all day tomorrow to prepare for the leaders of the twelve clans arrivals. Arya will give you two a tour, but I would advise you to get to bed early as well."
All three of them nodded and murmured goodnight to Lexa. She left the dining hall and slowly made her way up to her room. The familiarity of it all gave her a pleasant sense of peace. Once in her room, she stripped down and had one of her workers prepare a bath for her. She settled into the warm water, allowing her constantly tensed up muscles to relax. She stayed in the bath until the water had completely cooled off. When she was away from Polis she hardly ever got a chance to bathe, and when she did it was usually five minutes in the freezing water of a pond. After drying herself off and slipping into a pair of comfortable clothes, she crawled into her luxurious bed. Allowing her body to be consumed by all the soft furs, Lexa fell asleep.
At first, she thought the blood curdling screams were from her dreams. Lexa opened her eyes in a cold sweat, expecting the horrible sounds and sights that her brain had conjured up to disappear. Panting, she forced herself to take a few deep breaths to slow her heart rate down. She was just about to let her head fall back to her pillow when another scream pierced the air. Her heart sped up again and Lexa sprang out of bed, grabbing her dagger that rested beside her. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she sprinted to her door and threw it open. The hallway was eerily quite and Lexa held her breath, listening for anything. Another shrill scream arose, this time it sounded as though it were coming from beside her. Clarke, Lexa realized with a sickening feeling creeping into her stomach. She wasted no time in leaping a few steps to Clarke's room and bashing open the door. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it was certainly not the sight that she was met with. Clarke's window was wide open, allowing a cool breeze to seep into the room. She was standing dangerously close to the railing. Her hands were held up in a defensive yet defeated position and she was staring intently at nothing.
"No...please. Don't make me do it!"
Her voice quivered and tears leaked from her eyes. She seemed to listen as if someone were talking to her.
"No. I would rather die than have to choose."
She backed away from the invisible person, leaning even farther out the window. It was then that Lexa realized Clarke was sleep walking. She had a completely defeated and dead look in her eyes as she allowed herself to lean farther and farther and...
"NO!"
Lexa shouted as she ran as fast as she could towards the window. Reaching forward, she clasped her hand around Clarke's arm, pulling her back into the room. A second longer and Clarke would have been dead. Clarke crumpled in Lexa's arms and both girls fell to a heap on the floor. Lexa was shaking. She had nearly witnessed Clarke's death, and not in some dream. She could feel Clarke begin to sob. Lexa wrapped her arms tight around Clarke, never wanting to let her go. The two girls clung tightly to each other as if their lives depended on it. They sat like that for hours, arms and legs tangled around each other. Eventually Clarke's eyes grew dry and Lexa began to stop shaking. Clarke slowly pulled away from her.
"Lexa...I..."
Clarke looked at a loss for words.
"It's okay Clarke, I am here, and I am never going to leave you again. I promise. I am so, so sorry."
Lexa could feel her eyes brimming with tears. She knew her decision had been hard on both of them, but she had never thought that what she did would destroy Clarke so much. She never thought that because of her Clarke would be forced to make a decision that would haunt her like this. A decision that would make her want to kill herself. Now she understood why Clarke could never forgive her. Lexa cautiously stood up, torn because she didn't want Clarke to be alone but also knowing that being here was only making things worse. Clarke also stood up so that she could look Lexa in the eyes, and this time Lexa didn't try to hide anything. She let everything she was feeling display clearly across her face. Clarke must have understood, because right before Lexa was about to turn away Clarke quietly murmured,
"Please don't go. You promised you would never leave me again so don't."
Clarke's voice was raspy from all her screaming and crying. Sadness filled Lexa's heart and she let it fully consume her.
"I don't want to leave you but I have to. I know why you cannot forgive me and I understand. Please. If I caused you this much pain and I am continuing to cause it, push me away. I can't..."
She let her entire guard fall. No one had ever caused her to feel this much sadness at her own actions before. It was tearing her apart and being near Clarke was only making it worse. Clarke sadly shook her head.
"Lexa don't you see? Your actions forced me into a tough spot, but in the end it was ultimately my decision. I hated you. You gave me no way out... but I have realized something. You're the only one who can make my nightmares go away. You're the only one that can make me see that there is a way to cope with what I have done. I know there will always be a dark shadow that will follow me around, but you are a ray of sunlight that can make it go away."
Lexa could see all the hate, anger, and desperation in Clarke's eyes. She so desperately wanted to take that all away.
"I don't know when I will be ready to forgive you Lexa, but I do know one thing for sure. I need you."
At Clarke's words Lexa's heart soared. Never in her life had it felt this great to be needed. Clarke stepped an inch closer to her but Lexa didn't move. She didn't dare breath for fear of messing something up and sending Clarke fleeing away from her. Lexa glanced down at Clarke's lips but forced her eyes to pull away. She would not mess this up. Clarke moved an inch closer, causing her sweet aroma to intoxicate Lexa. It took all of her will power to remain still, but she did. Clarke's intense gaze was too overpowering so Lexa closed her eyes. There was another long moment of silence and then she felt Clarke's lips press gently against her own. Her hands began to tremble as she fought the urge to deepen the kiss, but she refrained. There was a certain hesitancy to Clarke's actions and Lexa knew she wasn't ready...yet. Clarke left her lips in place for a moment longer before slowly pulling away.
"It takes as long as it takes." Lexa murmured ever so softly.
"Thank you for understanding." Clarke whispered back just as delicately.
Lexa nodded and opened her eyes, still too scared to fully move. Clarke nervously bit down on her lower lip before speaking again.
"Will you stay with me again tonight?"
"Always."
The two girls wandered over to Clarke's bed and crawled beneath the furs. Lexa protectively wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her as close to her body as she could. Feeling the safety that she provided, Clarke snuggled even closer to Lexa. She made sure that she could hear the slow, even, rhythm of Clarke's breathing before burying her face in Clarke's blonde hair and allowing her eyes to close. Lexa gently traced circles on Clarke's back, vowing to keep her safe. Safe from her memories and nightmares. Safe from her shadows.
Thank you for reading! Please vote and comment to let me know what you think or if there is anything you think I should add.
Wasn't that last episode incredible?! I think we can all agree that the writers of this show are absolutely brilliant. I'm not sure I am going to survive until the end of this season!
Always, thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. :)