~~~Author's Notes~~~
This chapter is my favorite chapter. (Other than Chapter 55, because wedding.)
I was scared, because I didn't know what I was gonna write for this update, but then I just started writing and this happened. I apologize if its sad, it just changes the whole story in a way that I wasn't expecting. I'm so happy with the way this pulls To Love together. AHHH! I'm sorry for freaking out. Its just that this chapter made me cry! I never cry about things that I write, but this made me sob. Okay, I'm blabbering, I hope you guys enjoy this! I love you all and I'll talk to you in the comments!!
Btw: can someone tell me if Chapters 62 and 63 are still published?? My phone is telling me they're drafts???
~~~~~
~~~Brianne's Pov~~~
The rest of the day after the Council meeting ended was a crazy mix of chaos and fear. All of the Keepers had spoken to their work groups and told them our plans.
We were leaving the Glade. We were gonna fight the Grievers.
I'd talked to Victoria, Clint, and Jeff right after the meeting and all three of them seemed pretty keen on coming with the rest of us. Thankfully, they didn't choose to stay.
There were some people who were choosing that option. They thought we were crazy for trying to escape. I thought they were crazy for not wanting to leave.
Yah, we could all die. But that was a chance I was willing to take.
And the Grievers might only kill one of us, that's what Thomas kept telling everyone. It's not like I believed that was true, but it settled the worries of many of the gladers. They liked to hold onto that hope. But I didn't need to hear it. I knew what we were getting ourselves into.
Why would the Creators make it easy for us to leave? If we are correct about the Griever hole, it's not gonna be easy to get into. The Grievers are gonna fight back.
But I didn't wanna tell Chuck and Sam that. They needed a sign of hope, even if that sign was just a mirage.
We had just finished dinner and were now gathering all of the Gladers that were leaving by one of the maze doors.
I looked around at the group. At least twenty or so had stayed back. I felt bad for them, just as I'm sure they felt bad for us.
I stood close to the front of the crowd, close to Newt, who was still the acting leader of the Glade. Alby was never going to be what these Gladers needed anymore. Yet Newt was everything we needed. Calm. Clear. Easy-going, but quick.
Alby was off to the side playing with his bow. That was not what our group needed.
"Well," Newt said, calling attention to himself, "This is it. If you're having second thoughts, go back now. We all need to be ready to fight, but more importantly, we need to be ready to win. Be ready to die. I'm fighting this battle with everything I have and so should you."
The Gladers stared at Newt in silence. Nobody left; everyone stood still.
"Shouldn't somebody give a motivational speech?" I heard Minho ask, from somewhere in the crowd.
And here we go.
We're on our way to war. We're quite literally moments away from dying and Minho is fine.
Newt groaned quietly, "Yah, go ahead," Newt gestured for Minho to join him at the front of the Gladers.
Minho took his place, "Be careful," A pause, "Don't die."
I bit my lip in confusion. Thanks, dude. I feel so ready now. Wow, so motivational. Oh my God.
If this whole situation wasn't as depressing as it was, I feel as though everyone would have laughed or even yelled out. But everyone was quiet.
"Thanks, we're all bloody inspired," Newt rolled his eyes, and patted Minho on the back, "Working off of that lovely speech, we don't belong here. This is not our home. But we will get out of this place. It's time for us to take this battle to the Creators," At Newt's words, the crowd clapped, "We have nothing to lose, but everything to win," Newt's hand held his weapon tightly. He made eye contact with me. He was scared, but he would never let anyone else know that.
"Well, what are we waiting for, let's get the heck out of here!" Minho shouted, leading everyone into the Maze.
Here goes nothing.
Newt fell back with me and we stayed towards the middle of the group.
This was so weird.
I grasped my knife in my right hand.
I stepped past the maze opening and walked with everyone down the corridors. I'd never been in the maze before.
"I'm so scared," I whispered, trying to catch my breath.
Newt gently took my hand in his, "It's okay. You're safe with me."
"I've just never been out here," I slowly took a few steps forward. The walls loomed over us. I felt as though they were going to cave in and fall.
"It's not nearly as bad as you think it'll be," Newt reassured and I watched as his eyes graced over the walls repeatedly.
"It makes me feel so small," I commented. Newt's hand felt clammy pressed against my ice-cold fingers.
"Sure does," He said, as he let out a shaky prolonged breath.
"Newt," I said, staring at him, "This is really hard for you, isn't it?" I asked, taking notice of the way he kept his other hand tightly grasping his staff. His knuckles had turned white.
This was the first time Newt had stepped into the maze since he tried to kill himself. This must be horrifying for him and here I am saying how scared I am because it's my first time.
I almost slapped myself for being so insensitive.
"I'm fine," He nodded, visibly struggling to swallow.
I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, immediately forgetting about my own fears.
"It's not fine, if this is too much just tell me. We can do something. You shouldn't have to be here. That's another reason why we need to give the creators-"
"If I was alone, like I had been then, it'd be a problem. But I'm not alone anymore. There's no need for me to be afraid."
"You sure?" I asked, eyeing him. He's seriously okay?
"I'm sure," Newt laughed, nervously, but confidently, "Ask me to climb 'em and I might start singing a different tune," He joked, brushing off my concern.
I stared at Newt with my lips slightly parted.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"No reason," I looked away, feeling overwhelmed, "I just love you, that's all. Isn't that a good enough reason for me to stare at you?" I flicked my eyes back to Newt, but didn't stare.
"I'm sorry," Newt suddenly rushed, "I'm sorry for what I said to you that first night I woke up after being in a coma."
"What?" I asked, not remembering. Newt had said a lot that night.
"I said that your love wasn't good enough. But it is. I don't know if I've ever apologized to you for saying that, but I have to now. Just in case," He trailed off.
I remembered now.
I remembered not understanding how someone so beautiful and highly regarded could think he was not worth people's time or care, "What happened to you, Newt?"
"I'm finally becoming the product of my own destruction," I'm pretty sure he'd muttered.
"What? Why?" It hadn't made sense to me. Newt was perfect in my eyes.
"Because," He'd huffed.
"But, you don't have to do this."
"Y-Yes, I do. Why should I hurt anyone but myself?" Newt had sighed, shaking his head in disgust.
"You don't understand that you're hurting me when you hurt yourself," This had been the truth then and it'd still be the truth now.
"Why won't you and everybody else just let me die!? Why can't you let me go?" He'd shouted.
"Because I love you, Newt!" I'd yelled back, my voice echoing at the same volume as his.
"That's not a good enough reason," He'd mumbled, "Not anymore."
"You were upset-" I started, trying to excuse his hurtful words.
"I was an arse," Newt almost laughed, "I had no bloody filter. And I'm sorry for that."
I didn't say anything, but I had long ago accepted his unsaid apology.
The rest of the walk we remained silent. Although, the atmosphere was far from silent. The pounding footsteps of the Gladers was going to announce our arrival to the Griever hole a lot sooner than I would have liked.
We came to a corner. Newt had pulled me up to the front of the crowd, because he didn't want to seem stupid for hanging back. He didn't say that, but I knew that's what he was thinking. Minho shushed everyone, as he poked his head around the stony wall.
I was scared. Absolutely scared out of my mind. It all seemed to get more real as we got closer to the end. Now we were simply one last stretch away from the exit and I was terrified. My heart sunk at every noise. I had this heavy feeling in my stomach that made me second guess what we were doing. I didn't bother expressing my opinion though, because I didn't trust my voice. It would most likely come out shaky and weak. I needed to be strong right now.
"Oh no, oh no," Minho muttered under his breath. He turned back to face Newt, Thomas, and I, "Theres at least fifteen Grievers over there. Just lined up, waiting for us."
"We knew we'd have to fight," Newt said, trying to sound confident, but his voice shook with fear. His hand tightly held mine.
Newt was right. We all knew what we were doing when we came out here. We knew the battle we'd have to fight.
Thomas spoke up, "Maybe they've already taken someone back at the homestead. Maybe they're done for the night."
"You think they'd just let us walk right past 'em?" Minho scoffed, leaning against the wall.
A loud noise from behind us echoed against the towering structures. I whipped my head around to see that more Grievers had followed us and we were now stuck. We were stuck between two groups of Grievers.
Oh my god. This is it. We're gonna die.
The Gladers moved out from behind the wall and packed together as close to the center of two enemies as we could.
My legs started shaking.
I stood pressed in between Teresa and Newt.
Everyone was silent. The only noises I could hear were my own heartbeat and the mechanical wheezing of the Grievers. They made me sick, their bubbly skin and their long extended arms. I've never stood this close to one before.
Thomas turned to look at Newt, "Got any ideas?"
Newt just shook his head, "No," His voice wasn't as weak as it had been a few moments before. This sudden change made me wanna be stronger, "I don't get what they're bloody waiting for?"
"We shouldn't be here,"Alby whispered, his body shaking. His words bounced around on the maze walls.
Everyone turned to look at him. I stared at Newt. I suddenly felt this overwhelming understanding and compassion for him like I'd never felt before. I imagined him climbing up these walls all alone. I imagined how every sound he made probably seemed too loud. Or maybe not loud enough. I imagined the rustling of vines and leaves, and the scraping of his sneakers against the rocky walls. I envisioned him dropping his backpack to the ground, once realizing half-way up that he didn't need it anymore. I heard the echo of the bag as it hit the ground. I'm sure Newt cursed under his breath at the ruckus. But I stopped myself there. I didn't want to imagine the noise his body made as he hit the ground. That was a noise I never wished to hear.
Newt noticed my stare, but kept his focus on Alby.
Thomas argued, "Well, that sucks, Alby. Because we're here now. We'd have been no better back at the homestead. If only one of us dies, that's a whole lot better than all of us."
Alby waited a minute before he finally said, "Maybe I should," He trailed off and began walking forward, towards the Grievers.
Newt let go of my hand. I watched as a panic moved across Newt's features, "Alby? Get back here!"
Alby didn't respond, he ran forward. Newt followed after him, "Alby!" He screamed, trying to catch up.
I didn't know what to do. Newt and Alby needed to both get back here.
Thomas moved towards Newt and Alby, but by then, Alby had already thrown himself onto one of the Grievers.
Newt broke into a run. He ran towards the chaos, clearly wanting to save Alby. His weapon was held in the air.
But Thomas caught up to Newt and threw his arms around him, keeping him back.
By this point, Alby had disappeared underneath at least four of the Grievers.
"Let go!" Newt yelled, trying to break away from Thomas's hold.
"Are you crazy! Theres nothing you can do!" Thomas dragged Newt to the Gladers again.
It didn't take the Grievers a minute to kill Alby. Not even just kill him, but eat him? All that was left was blood. Lots of blood.
I couldn't deal with this. Alby had just sacrificed himself. Alby was gone.
I pushed through the crowd to Newt. I touched his arm and he turned to face me. The hurt in his eyes brought tears to mine.
"I can't believe it," Newt sniffled, even though he wasn't crying, "I can't believe he just did that."
Minho gave Newt's shoulder a squeeze, "We can't let that go to waste. We'll all fight them off, Thomas. You and Teresa do your thing. We'll keep the Grievers away as long as we can."
"We only need a minute or two to punch in the code," Thomas nodded.
"How can you all be so heartless?" Newt asked, his voice full of disgust, "Alby just died."
"What do you want, Newt? For us to have a funeral?" Minho asked with a sarcastic tone to his voice.
"Alright, you don't have to-" I started, sticking up for Newt. He just saw one of his oldest friends die. Newt and Alby were like the only original gladers left. Well, now it was just Newt. Minho was the first newbie, I think.
I gave Thomas a dirty look as he interrupted me, "When do we go?"
Seriously?
"As soon as we make the path," Minho commanded, totally overlooking Newt and I, "On the count of three."
I stood close to Newt. He moved down so that his mouth was close to my ear, "Don't press, please. Let us do the dirty work," I didn't have to argue, although I would have any other time. I didn't wanna be here, but here was where I had to be, I knew that, Newt knew that. Like he'd said, the Glade was not our home.
"One," Minho shouted, holding his knives in the air, "Two!
I took a deep breath, staring straight ahead. I wanted to look at Newt, but I felt like that would be too painful. I could potentially lose everything in the next few minutes. All of the Gladers had chanted 'nothing to lose' and at the time I'd believed it, but now with that everything hanging in the air like a cloud above us, I realized that I had a lot to lose.
I stared at the Grievers. A chill ran through my body. I held the knife in my hand a little bit tighter.
"Three!" With that number, the Gladers charged, colliding with the Grievers. I ran with the second group, helping those who had gone first. I looked for Thomas and Teresa and saw them both running for the Cliff.
The next couple of minutes were chaotic to say the least. Blood and metal and screams filled the air. I tried to help two other Gladers fight off a Griever. But the Griever was stronger than all of us and pierced one of its arms through the torso of one Glader. I shrieked and turned around sharply.
I threw myself against the wall. Pressing into it, I watched the mass slaughtering playing out in front of me. My eyes scanned the mess of bodies and grievers for Newt. I caught his gaze just as he chopped the arm of a griever off.
He gave me a heavy look. His eyes sent me a message I could not comprehend.
Then I felt the sharp impact of a blade sinking into my upper thigh. I drew in a sharp intake of breath. I reflexively swatted at the object, but it didn't budge. I looked down at my leg to see an arrow sticking out of it. I brought my hands to my face to hold back a sob. I watched in horror as blood seeped through my pants and soaked the fabric. I had to pull the arrow out. With shaking hands, I pulled at it. I let the arrow slip out of my bloodied hands. It fell to the ground with a clang that could barely be heard over the noise of the battle.
I winced in pain, as I sunk to the ground. I saw blood. Tons of blood. On my hands. On my clothes. On my leg. On the ground.
I looked up to see Newt again. This time, he was right beside me.
"Brianne!" He shouted, kneeling next to me, "Why the hell did someone even shoot that?" He asked, more as a rhetorical question.
I closed my eyes, gasping for breath.
"Don't do that," Newt reprimanded, "Keep your eyes open. You have to stay awake."
"I am," I said, feeling dizzy. A scream washed away my words, another one drowned Newt's reply. I looked down at my leg. Blood was dripping down my skin and pooling around me. I felt like I was gonna throw up.
"Here," Newt reached into his backpack and pulled out a cloth bandaid. He tied it tightly around my thigh in an attempt to stop the bleeding.
But I felt dizzy. Extremely dizzy.
I began my new life with my leg bleeding out and now, I was ending it the same way.
~~~~~
~~~Newt's Pov~~~
"Brianne," I said, shaking her shoulder, "I said, stay awake."
"I can't," She barely mumbled into my shoulder, "Just go and fight."
"No, I'm staying with you, bloody hell," I looked around at the battle. It was time to go. We were all gonna die if we stayed here any longer. Chuck and Teresa and Thomas needed to hurry up. I looked down at Brianne again, "Babe, please, come on, sit up."
"I don't feel like it," She whispered, clutching her hurt leg. She pressed her body against me.
"Brianne, love, come on," I whimpered, running my right hand over her hair.
I had just lost Alby. I was not going to lose Brianne too. There was no way I was gonna let that happen.
"Newt," She spoke my name in a rushed breath. The hopeless look in her eyes as she stared up at me caused my heart to break.
I couldn't help but glance down at her leg. She was bleeding and my little tie wasn't going to help anything. I feared that she was bleeding to death.
I snapped my gaze away from her leg and focused on her face. She was pale and sweaty and- oh my god, I love her so much.
"I love you," She whispered, as a tear escaped my eye and dropped down to my lap, "Please, go help them. They need you."
I shook my head back and forth repeatedly, "No, I'm not leaving you," She closed her eyes, "Brianne! You're gonna be okay. I-I need you, please, fight it for me."
"I don't think I can," She said, drawing in a deep breath.
I had stopped paying attention to the war around us. My whole world was Brianne. I couldn't even hear the screams of the dying Gladers. I couldn't hear the mechanical roars of the Grievers.
I could only hear my own pounding heart and Brianne's now short and shallow breaths.
And I knew that she was dying, but I was panicking and I didn't have anything else to bandage her wound. And I was crying. And she was still dying. I felt myself losing control, until I couldn't feel my hands and I couldn't see through my tears and I knew that this was goodbye, but I didn't wanna say it. And I didn't want Brianne to know that she was dying, but I knew that she wasn't stupid and clearly understood that. I pulled her onto my lap, and hugged her closer to my chest. I don't know why I did this, but I felt like maybe my fast heartbeat would reverberate through her body and keep hers going. I could practically hear the present tense talk of her changing to the past tense. I knew it was falling apart. I felt it all falling apart, because my all was falling apart.
Brianne's next words killed me, "Newt, it hurts. I don't wanna suffer anymore."
"What?" I cried, unable to keep myself together.
I suddenly wasn't looking at Brianne, I was looking at Carly. Carly had spoken almost those exact words to me when she had been dying.
I was panicking then, and I'm panicking now. I'd let someone die. I'd done worse, I'd killed them.
I was not going to let that happen again.
I was different now. I needed to pull myself together and fix this.
"I'm gonna save you," I whispered more to myself than to Brianne.
"You can't," Brianne cried now, her whole body shaking.
"But I can, just like you saved me."
"No, I didn't save you, Newt. It's okay. I'm okay. I told you. It's okay if you can't save me. It's okay if you can't get me out of here. I forgive you."
I needed help.
There I said it, in my head, but still. I couldn't do this on my own. I needed people and I needed someone who knew what they were doing, because I don't know what I'm doing.
I've never known what I was doing.
I picture myself standing over Carly's dying body. I see the staff clutched tightly in my hand. I see myself sobbing as I hear Carly ask me to kill her. But instead of taking the matter into my own hands, I ask Kat for help. I turn sharply towards her and say, "Grab your knife."
She scrambles around on the ground for the weapon in her bag. She picks it up and helps me remove the beetleblades from Carly's body.
I see myself walking towards the maze door, ready to run the maze for the last time. This is the day I am going to kill myself. I pass Minho, who waves to me. He sees the pain in my eyes, but doesn't want to say anything. He knows that I've gotten bad again, but doesn't want to point it out.
"You alright?" He asks, genuinely concerned.
I hesitate, before saying, "I need your help. I don't want to be alive anymore," He runs over to me and pulls me close to him. He turns the two of us away from the maze and brings me to the homestead. There, Brianne and Minho talk me through my suicidal feelings.
And now I'm here. And I needed help. I couldn't do this on my own.
"You're right, I can't save you," I said, looking up. My eyes searched for a certain curly-haired girl, "But I know someone who can."
"Newt-" She started, barely awake.
"Victoria!" I shouted, spotting her in the chaos. She quickly turned her head towards the voice that called her name. I waved my hands in the air, calling attention to myself. Her eyes fell on Brianne immediately. She visibly shuddered and ran over to her side.
"What happened?" She gasped, kneeling on the ground.
"An arrow hit her leg. You can fix this. I know you can. You're a great Medjack. I need your help," I pleaded.
Her eyes scanned over my face for a moment, before she removed her backpack from her shoulders and unzipped it. She reached into the bag and pulled out a huge bandaid, "She might need stitches," Victoria removed my sloppy cloth tie and tied a new piece of cloth even tighter, in an attempt to stop the rapid bleeding, "I don't have to do this."
"I know," I said, over the screams of the Gladers. Thankfully the grievers were leaving me and Brianne alone for now, "But you will," Victoria cleaned the area around the wound, causing Brianne to wince in pain.
"Because I don't believe in leaving people to die," Victoria sighed, as she tightly wrapped Brianne's leg in white bandages.
"Is she gonna die?" I asked, feeling my heart drop a little.
"No," Victoria scoffed, "She's just tired and she's lost a lot of blood. Her body's probably in some type of shock."
I almost shouted in relief, "Oh my god, that's the best news I've heard all day," Victoria got up to continue fighting, "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," She said, nodding in my direction, "We're even now. You helped me and I helped you."
"That's not why I wanted to help you, before, for something in return. I did that because I know what it's like to feel hopeless," I explained.
"And I know how much Brianne means to you. Just don't say anything about it being me who bandaged her," And then I lost Victoria in the crowd of fighting.
I heard Brianne groan, as I lightly caressed her face. I doubted that Brianne was actually okay, but I didn't say that out loud.
Everyone was dying, I realized as I looked around. My eyes fell on Minho who was fighting strong against one of the Grievers. I wanted to fight too, but I was scared to leave Brianne alone.
Bodies lied in bloody piles on the rocky ground. At least half of us had died. Thomas and Teresa had to hurry. We were almost done.
I stood, gently placing Brianne onto the ground. I needed to help those who were left.
As I did so, the Grievers all at once jerked in an awkward motion and then curled up into small blobs, almost as if they'd been shut down!
Everything went still for a moment. Then I heard a shout from inside the Griever hole. It was Thomas. He had shut down the maze.
I shared a look with Minho. He looked bloody and exhausted. I exchanged glances with everyone else who was left. I didn't look down at the carnage. I don't think I could bear that sorrow.
"Well, lets go, I guess," Minho said, breaking the shock with his words.
"Brianne?" I whispered, shaking her arm.
She opened her eyes, wincing as she did so, "What happened?" She shot up.
"Shh, we did it. Its over," I said, in unbelief.
She stared at me and then looked around, "I can't believe it- I- I thought I died," She looked down at her leg. The cut had bled through the bandage. She was gonna need stitches.
"Yah, me too," I sighed, helping Brianne stand up.
~~~~~
~~~Brianne's Pov~~~
I used Newt as a support so that I could walk to the cliff. We stepped around body after body and griever after griever. I couldn't say that I wasn't glad that I'd missed the fight. By the looks of Newt and Minho and the others who's clothes were torn and who's bodies were bleeding just as mine was, missing the battle wasn't something to be sad about. Honestly the last thing I remember is telling Newt I loved him.
We made it to the Cliff, a gray expanse of dullness that stretched on from the end of the stone.
Newt and I decided to hang back and jump last.
I couldn't help but look back as we waited.
"Maybe we should go to the Glade and get the others. The ones who stayed in the Homestead," I said, my vision spotted with black dots.
Newt hesitated, "We told them to come. Those who didn't believe, don't deserve to escape. We did all the work."
I agreed, but I felt bad for doing so.
I tried my hardest not to look down. I didn't wanna see who'd died. I didn't wanna see the bloody human flesh torn to pieces on the ground. The bottoms of my shoes were already slick with blood, I didn't need to see whose it was.
Finally, Newt and I were the only ones in the maze still, "You first," Newt said, "Can you make it?"
"Yeah," I nodded, limping towards the edge of the cliff. I hoped I could make it.
This was it. Once I jumped, I was free.
I braced myself for it, but I hesitated. Tears gathered in my eyes, "What if freedom isn't what we think it'll be?"
I felt Newt's hand move over the skin of my arm. His fingers left behind a trail of blood, "It's a chance we have to take."
And then I jumped.
~~~~~
~~~Author's Notes~~~
When I say that there are only three chapters left, I mean that there are only THREE CHAPTERS LEFT! I could make it two but I wanna drag it out a little haha! I had no idea what this chapter would hold, but it pulled To Love to a close I think. Just like Newt realizing that he needed help! It made me kinda emotional. Tell me what you think?! I'm always looking for feedback.
I started my Positivity jar the other day!! The first two names drawn were katernator And AbstractsDecieving They're both very talented and sweet!
Question of the Update: What's your favorite song at the moment? Mine are "Figure Me Out" by The Summer Set and "Impossible Year" by Panic! At the Disco. I LOVE THESE TWO ARTISTS/GROUPS WITH ALL OF MY HEART!
OKAY, anyway I will talk to you all in the next update!! I have a feeling it'll come sooner than you think!!