He's running way too rude these days.
'I hate you'
He snaps a million times in a day.
He's weird!
He doesn't wake up for Fajr and If try to wake him up he screams,he's extremely grumpy and moody.
He doesn't go out a lot,he's not very mixing.
He barely smiles at anyone.
He fights with his dad all day.
He's very separate and introvert.
But the grumpiest is when he works,he's very lazy and laid back.
A total opposite of Akbaran.
I don't know how his boss bears with him.
Cause even his mum doesn't.
I miss my house,being just an hour away it feels miles away.
I wanna go home to my mum.
I've asked my mother in law multiple times if I can visit my mum but she refuses.
She's turned different than she seemed when I first came in this house.
She doesn't talk to me.
She taunts me a bit and she never consoles me.
I've never lived like this.
I've always had a hand on my back,I've never cried so much.
I miss being where somebody loved me.
"Can I go home?"
I ask him.
"Why are you asking me?"
"Because you're my husband"
I get ready for a taunt.
"Oh is that so!"
Here we go.
He shakes his head in a no.
"Please I really miss mum"
I plead.
"No"
He leaves the room being the man he is.
I don't cry now.
I'm so numb.
There is nearly no work in this house.
Maybe because I do everything to make the day end but it doesn't.
I call Zabrij.
"Hello"
"Assalumualaikum"
"Seher... You have my number? Do you know what my name is? Ugh what's saved in your phone huh!?"
4 torturing months with you is enough for me to know your name.
"Him..I saved it as Him"
"Cooool"
A slight laugh exited my lips.
"Can I go home?"
"You are already home"
"I mean my mum's"
"I see no need"
He hangs up on me.
I hat-
I curb the thought inside.
Afternoon sun was bright when just came in to dull everything.
Why is he early?
"We're going shopping?"
He grabs me.
I look at my mother in law,say no.
"Take her wherever you want to,any ways her existence in this house nothing like a daughter in law of a house"
Ugh.
It's so often I'm showered with this that I'm more numb than sad.
I went out with him.
He takes me to places every weekend, sometimes between a week.
But I'm really off to these stuff.
But its a relief today to just be out of that caged.
Oh oh no I was never that girl,
I became this.
We went shopping for me as said by him but he's on his phone.
"Shop!"
He orders.
Huh.
I pick a few things.
He's all 'whatever' to every single thing I pick.
I just touch a fabric and he stuffs it the trolley.
"I don't like it!"
I snatch.
"Why are you touching things you don't like!?"
Huh.
I'm so done.
We went for dinner.
He orders and pushes the menu towards me.
We silently ate.
Our way home it was a usual outing.
But back home it isn't.
"You don't like going out with me?"
Oh he's getting deep.
No be rude.
"No it's good....ugh..I'll just see how aunt's doing"
"No,mum's sleeping!"
He pulls me closer.
No.
"Seher don't you feel free now?"
Well no.
"Why?"
"Because you can eat what you want, speak,swear,wear,spare,burp whenever you want!!!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"You"
Ya Allah! Started.
"Okay,tell me if I'm Romantic?"
Huh no.
He can't speak words properly.
No he's not Akbaran.
"I'll just sleep"
"Why are you so boring? Am the rude one?! Really?"
Let me pass.
"We'll go to your dear mother's house tomorrow, Say fuck yes!"
No way.
I shake my head.
"I hate you"
He lays his head back in air.
I turn and laugh.
Since I've been living here, though I hate to admit but I've got used to the routine Zabrij has.
He wakes up at 8, spends a hour adoring himself till he leaves for his office.
Comes back at 7. Eats, scolds,nag and sleep.
He watches football on Saturdays and plays football on Sundays.
Never is out of the iPhone.
And never is in this world,forever out and about in his thoughts.
No awareness of this world,his family in his grey eyes,hands always in his dark wavy hair.
He secure in his little laugh and insecure with my tears.
I've known this much of him.
He's funny not romantic.
"Tomorrow we can visit your mum?"
He speaks dryly.
"What!! Oh yes! ...... We?"
The excitement is hanging a bit.
"Yes we will go together and you can meet your mum and we can return back together"
"Return?...I can't stay?"
My face fells.
"No you can't! If you don't wanna go its alright"
He is so cruel.
I wanna see mum and stay too but as far as I know this man if you don't pick one you get none.
So the next day we sat in my house!
Ah the relief can't be described in words.
But it'd be better if he wouldn't be sitting right next to me reminding me we have to go back.
I hugged everybody.
I feel happiness after these long months.
"We have to go home"
He whispers, now the 23rd time since we have came in.
I hugged mum the longest.
Allah! I never knew how much I could have missed her,I've crossed my limits.
The whole evening was fantastic for others but for me somewhere the tears came back.
It was making me nostalgic.
My room,that mirror,the fragrance.
It was reminding me of him.
I was holding up but when my sister hugged me and lost her tears is when I gave up to.
We cried together both for the love I lost.
"Seher! Let's go!"
I hear Zabrij.
I don't wanna go.
"Wait for some more time please"
My sister requests wiping her tears.
"No! We are leaving.Now!"
He frowns.
Why does he do this?
My grandfather came in for the rescue,took hm in the living room.
"Seher I feel so sorry for you!"
She cries.
"It's okay,I'm alright..it's my fate"
I wipe my tears.
"I can't believe they got you married to a man like this! Its so unfair! He's such a.."
"Don't say such things after all it wasn-"
Before I could complete she threw her hands on her mouth,
What is it that I don't know?
"What....tell me! Please"
"He was accused of attempt to rape on his Fiancé!"
No.
My mind went blank.
"No,I refuse to believe that"
She looks at me confused.
"I am so sorry about that Seher!"
"No. Shut up! He can't do anything like that!"
He can't I know him.
He can be really pricking at times but he's not a rapist!
He's ...he's.. Just not a bad person.
"Seher are you okay?"
I walk off.
Why am I feeling so offended and insulted.
But I don't wanna stay here anymore.
I get in my abaya and shoes.
And inside his car I wait for him.
He comes in.
"Didn't say to your mum,well I did that for you"
He smiled at me.
I'm mad. I do not know why!
I look at him.
Rapist?
Never in a million can he do something like this.
If he ever would be of a faulty character I wouldn't be hanging around a Virgin after 4months of my legal marriage and his right!
He can't.
"What happened? Missing your lover!? If so,then don't ...I'm the new Lover now"
He puts me off.
Why is he like this?
He is chessy but I can't hate him.
And I don't love him.
Spare me night of relief please.
"Wanna go shopping?"
I ask him.
I just don't wanna think about any of this right now.
Shopping does the remedy.
I never thought that something so massive about him would be dealt with such stupidity by me.
But heart refuses to believe and all this is just crap for me.
And I'm Mad that people believe what they hear!
Nonsense.
He pays off the tiny amount while my face still haven't loosened.
"Ayy pull up my pocket is bleeding for that face, fix it!"
Effortlessly I smiled.
He's crazy.