Andy briefly stopped his argueing tournament with Christian to explain what was going on to Clark. The house began to smell of marinara sauce as Andy talked and my stomach growled expectantly.
"Easy girl," Christian said with a grin. I shook my head and laugh silently.
"Don't speak to her," Andy glared at Christian with contempt and I placed my hand on his to calm him down. His face simmered to a mere glare then continued to talk to Clark. I ingored Andy and signed for paper and pen.
Christian began his hunt and returned quickly with a crayon and napkin. "Sorry I couldn't find anything else. This place is like a blackhole.
*Will they start your aging process too?* I wrote down and handed the napkin with purple scrawl to Christian.
"More than likely. But while I'm here it won't matter," He said matter of factly. I looked at him questiongly. "Clark has a spell on this place that stops the aging. As long as I don't leave I won't age," He told me and I started wondering. I grabbed the napkin and turned it over. I wrote small to conserve space.
"So do all of these refuges just stay here and never leave?" I asked.
"Sort of. They can leave occasionally but for no more than a few months at a time. And most won't. The Deave are hunting the escapees down as we speak. It's not an easy life. They imprison themselves for protection, but it's better than the Deave," He said with a sad smile. His accent was the same as Andy's when Andy got angry.
The slight french lith to it was entertaining to pick out of his words. "Some soul reincarnates don't have the life Andy and I do. Many of them are prisoners under the Deave. Their used for ruthless testing," Christian said and a grimace crossed his face.
*What kind of testing?* I wrote down and I watched Andy storm out of the kitchen angerily. I ignored his childish temper tantrum at my talking to Christian and continued to recieve much needed information.
"The Deave aren't nice, Mari. Their testing is rape, plain and simple. Whether their raping the minds or bodies, it's torture. That's why these refuge's escape one prison for another. At least here they aren't in a painful prison," He said sadly. Tears sprung to my eyes at the idea of these people being used in such a cruel fashion. My losing my voice seemed a picnic to their lives.
Christian patted my arm consolingly and I cast my face down. Clark too seemed upset by this conversation as he sighed disheartedly.
"I wish I could stop it. But now all I can do is offer those few who have escaped a place to stay and some warm food," Clark sighed wisfully as he dulled the noodles into a gigantic bowl. He did the same with the sauce and it smelled delicious.
"Clark you do so much more. You make these people feel human again. You save them," Andy said as he wandered back into the room and stared at our somber faces. He came to me and tucked my face under his shoulder. I fit so perfectly with him and snuggled more.
"Some," Christian began quietly. "Some of the soul reincarnates leave and let themselves wither away within a year. They just give up," Christian said with big gesture of his hands. He then grabbed one of the large bowls of food from the kitchen and followed Clark out of the room with the other.
"Dinnertime," Andy said. "Marianna please don't wallow in this. It's not anyones fault what these cruel people do. If I could save them all, I would," Andy said and a sudden thought entered my mind. I pulled quickly away.
I grabbed the napkin and scribbled quickly. *You worked with them! For years and you knew what they were doing. You and Christian!* I through the napkin at him before leaving the room in a huff.
Warm salty tears dropped from my eyes in an endless stream. My heart was heavy with the torture those people went through and I wandered aimlessly through the what I thought was a dingy closet but, actually a maze like mansion.
Christian and Andy knew, yet did nothing. They stayed and helped the monsters. Nothing was worse than that. It's just as abusive to let someone be tortured when you could stop it.
I sniffled as I walked into a hallway with many rooms. They were bedrooms, I realized. I cried harder as I saw the empty rooms of strangers. What they had gone through. I felt their pain as if was my own.
They were my people. My own, a voice inside me whispered. I fell to the ground clutching at my heart. I felt every emotion that my people had suffered while my soul hid from the world. These soul incarnates evolved from my own and I felt her boiling to my surface. I felt the same feeling I did in the woods yet this time I was concious of it all.
"I will avenge thee my people. No one will escape my wrath that comes from the scorn of my tortured heart. Feel no more pain. I will rescue all and make this earthly kingdom safe for you," The voice within me said in an airy tone. My hidden voice was not a memory this time, but something I had experienced.
I tried to reach for her within me and found the voice, but she was fading fast. 'Marianna we are one. Please let me end the suffering. These are my children. Let me save them,' She whispered quietly as she faded from my front thinking.
The voice that spoke was not my own. It echoed inside of me but the women's thoughts were becoming my own. I felt as if we were melding together and it scared me. Who was I?
'Please don't take my thoughts from me too! What are you making me?' I called in mind but she was long gone and I knew it. I heaved myself off the ground with trembling legs. The dining room table was long, almost as long as the bedroom hallway.
I slipped in unnoticed while everyone continued their incessant chatter. There were about 50 people ranging in age between 15 and about 26. I let my hair create a shelter between myself and the souls around me. Were they ever like me?
Struggling to figure out who I was. Was I the voice that spoke from eerily deep inside myself? Or was I the girl I always was minus the ability to speak? Was I meant for Andy or had I diluted myself into that also. Did they ever wonder if life was easier if they just let themselves whither away?
I barely touched my food as everyone eventually faded from the room. Soon only Christian, Clark, Andy, and I were left. We sat scattered about the long table with no one speaking. I left my head hanging, staring at the red and white mess in front of me.
My life was a mess. I convinced myself I had loved a boy who I wasn't quite sure I now did. I let myself become a whimpering damsel. I'd been hiding behind Andy since our journey started.
"Marianna, let these boys explain. I know you will forgive them. Your heart is of pure soul," Clark pleaded as he left the room. There was that word again. 'soul'. What did that even mean anyway? I thought your soul was yourself in an ethereal form. I thought soul was one in the same. But now what did it mean?
Was soul just a word tossed around? Was it the real being? Was I just a shell, a place holder for the voice in me? Did I even love Andy or he, me? My life was more complicated than the noodles that weaved around each other on the plate in front of me.
"Marianna, please look up," Andy pleaded. I raised my head slowly, keeping my expression clear of any emotion. I let my eyes remain glassy with forgotten tears and my hair tangled around face in a white blonde halo.
"You have to let me explain. Please don't look at me like that," He cried as his hands nervously tapped the table. His other kept ringing the rest of the tapping one. Christian sat awkwardly watching our interaction. Though I barely knew Christian, I still felt anger towards him.
He had joined our marry band mere hours ago yet he still felt like a traitor to me. Hell, I felt traitor to myself.
I couldn't take the tension anymore, so I stood up and left the room. Sweeping the sadness with me I went back to the hall of bedrooms. Most of the doors were closed with the lights off but, couldn't help but notice the single room that had the lights on and the door slightly ajar.
I knocked quietly at it before entering. A small girl sat in the center of the bed. Her age teetered between 10 and 11 and she trembled almost unnoticably. Her hair fell limp around her and I noticed the darkened blotches beneath her eyes. Fading bruisies adorned her arms and I rushed to her side.
I grabbed a notepad sitting on a desk and pen before sitting next to her.
*I'm Marianna, who are you?* I questioned. I slid the notepad to her and saw a full plate of pasta sitting on her table, untouched.
"Ellie," She sniffled. Her voice was quiet and fearful. Her wandered the room as she spoke. I followed her eyes. They glanced longest at the piano in the corner.
*Do you like music?* I wrote down and she nodded shyly. *Me too, do you play?* I gestured to the piano.
"I used too," She said quietly as she still stared, a bit zombie like. I wandered towards the piano and sat down on the bench. I plunked a key and her face became more alert.
I gestured her over and she stumbled to sit beside me. Her entire frame was small and used. She walked as if she were 70 rather than 10.
I began to play a soft melody as she maintained as far a distance as she could from me. The version I played was a bit more complex than the orginal but the song was recognizable. Shock registered in my system as the small girl next to me began to sing the words quietly and beautifully, sounding older than a ten year old.
"I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is,
Now you're in the world" Ellie sang as she scooted closer to me. The girl crawled up on my lap and hugged me as I continued to play. She still sang, though the occasional sob wracked her, she sang beautifully until she fell asleep hugging me.
I didn't unlatch the bruised girl but rather crawled onto the bed and rested my head against the head board. I soon floated to sleep, replaying the song over and over again in my head.