I enjoy the pic on the side/top. It is not related whatsoever to
this story but i really like it :')
Here is another heart felt one shot.This one may be a little different and longer because I am a very deep person so. It's not sad really it is just aesthetically pleasing? I feel like this book takes you all on a roller coaster of feels oh my. well, enjoy this. I HOPE YOU LIKE HOW I WROTE THIS BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY NICE.
HERE IT IS. FULL ONE SHOT.
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Solivagant
adj.
someone who wanders alone; wandering alone.
" I am my own companion. I am solivagant. I wandered alone, until that day I met him."
My feet carried me through the night as the wind blew briskly in my face. The cold air suddenly hit me and I realized where I was headed so late; the park. I've always been drawn to this one place in particular; it could have something to do with past events or maybe someone was drawing me there. Do you believe in fate? Fate in my book can exist if one truly wants there to be a thing as "fate". Anything can exist if you want it to be there. He existed when I wanted him to be there but I couldn't be sure if he was only a figure of my imagination. It felt more real to me and I didn't feel trapped in the world. In my dreams, the world traps me and my mind and it refuses to let me be ,well, me.
The night whispered silently to me and guided me to that one sitting place. I always enjoyed nightly walks because during that time I could be alone and have time to breathe and be me.
I never get to be me .
"Hello, Louis. Why are you here so late? I bet your family is worried." A voice was heard from the distance but nobody appeared.
"I was just having a walk. They know where I am. I come here every night." Quiet laughter filled the air.
"Louis, It's me Harry. You know, the guy you met a few weeks ago? The guy you said was very alluring, flattering really." I began to hear someone walk and there he was standing there under the light of the small street lamp.
"How is it I only see you here? Why don't you come out into the world? Why do I not ever see you anywhere besides here? Are you like me? I like to describe myself as someone who wanders alone and likes to be alone, solivagant." He smiled at me and spoke quietly.
"Yes, actually. That's how everyone describes me and I describe myself. We are not very solivagant as it may seem. I have to leave now, until tomorrow. " He waved me a goodbye and vanished into the dark of the night. He left me in wonder.
~~~
Ever since that night I had dreams about him and his life. I dreamed about what his life would be like. I continued going to the park to see him but he never showed up after that night. You could say I was a little hurt but he probably had a good reason to not be there. He just never showed up again. I really missed him and tonight I was going to walk in the park again. My family had been yelling at me all day for not being social but they don't understand that I'm my own person; I don't socialize. Questions boggled my mind and all I could think about was if I annoyed him and scared him away. The park was my solitary place to go when I needed to get away and it would have been nice to have a friend to talk to.
My feet carried me down that familiar path but it wasn't as cold this time like it was a few weeks ago. As I approached the bench I saw him just sitting there casually.
"Hi Louis. Long time no see, right?I have had family troubles and I thought about you while I was away. I have missed you a bunch." I was a little mad at him for leaving like that but I couldn't stay mad.
"I was wondering, do you have a phone so we could text?" I shyly sat down beside him and he smiled at me.
"No, sadly, I do not. It's getting very late don't you think? Why are you always out so late?"
"I don't really know. I like the night air. I miss this a lot so I come out here every so often. Why do you come out here?" I saw Harry look up at me.
"I'm just here to be alone, but I met you. Now I'm here to see you, and be alone. I don't really know how that concept works but it sounds right to me so. I like spending time with you. I never get to spend time with anybody." I saw a glint of hope in his eyes and it was just a good time. I finally found someone to talk to. I found someone to share my feelings and my personal life with.
"I like talking to you too. It's nice to have someone who enjoys my company. I usually just sit alone. It never satisfies me because I like to have conversations with people. My mom once told me I was insane but I never thought I was. I never thought of myself as insane. "
"No, You aren't insane! You are very okay. I'm here to make sure you never go insane, and that is a promise." He looked at his watch and turned back to me. "I have to go now Lou. It's very late. Remember do not let them take away your happiness. It's all you really have left. I'm all you have left." He vanished
~~~
Nobody ever told me I was a bad person, no, they told me I was crazy. Harry never called me crazy but he made everything worse. I stopped going to the park after that and I realized I wasn't happy. I missed Harry and I missed the little world I could go to without it. Life was never supposed to be like this, but Harry made me forget about it all. He helped me yet tore me down.
~~~
Again I walk down that path. The path I now choose to call, "The Path of Weakness" because every time I walked it I felt weak. Each time I went was always more severe than the previous time. This time I was scared about what Harry would say. I have not been here for 3 weeks and he already yelled at me a few times before.
"Louis." His voice was stern. "You have not been here in a while. How come? Did you realize how much of an idiot I am? Did you just forget about me? You can't just leave me like that. Do you hear me!? You are not even listening to me." I felt a sting to my face. He does this a lot. He gets angry at me and hits me.
"I promise I didn't forget about you. I did miss you. It's not like you missed me, honestly." I was sobbing and Harry slowly lifted his hand to wipe away my tears. He was being gentle now and it confused me.
"I did miss you. You can't say that. I love it when you are here. This our little world, our world, with only the two of us. Nobody can ever break this world apart. Well, you can but you won't do that, right?" I looked down. I want to leave and never come back at times. Sometimes I want to be okay but with harry I can be myself and not worry. Being okay isn't important as long as I can be me.
"Well, no. I admit I do feel attacked by you sometimes but you are always there for me and you help me through a lot." He turns around and slowly walks away.
"You should just leave me then. Everyone wants you to leave me. Nobody wants you near me. I'm leaving you now, but it's because I'm being forced to leave. I hope to see you again my dear." He was gone again. I was a lone again in the dark. Nothing made sense and I couldn't breathe. Someone was chocking me and I knew who it was. Those tight hands were around my throat and I had to pry them off. I wanted to leave.
Everything stopped suddenly and I looked around and he was gone.
~~~~
"Jay, He just sits there and stares at the wall on a daily basis. He eats daily but he refuses to take his medicine. His hallucinations have gotten so much worse without his medicine and it's like he has formed his own little world. He named the voice Harry and he sits there and talks to himself quietly. He has a two- way conversation so we are having him tested for border-line personality disorder to see if he has that as well as schizophrenia. During therapy he mentions a park that he goes to every so often. He also said that Harry hurts him and last night he said Harry yelled at him and tried to choke him. He had scratches on his neck and fingerprints from where he himself did that. His face was bruised too and this was just another sign that his disorders are bad. The voice has turned into another person of his and he can sit there and not answer you until you call him "Harry". It is very scary actually." Jay turned to look at Louis who was sitting quietly in the corner of the room. He was staring blankly at the wall playing with his hands.
"A park, you said? He used to go play in our hometown park when he was a boy. Once he was there with one of his little sisters and she uh she stopped breathing suddenly. He ran back home with her but it was too late. He has blamed himself ever since that happened. Could that be a cause of this?" The nurse looked over to Louis who was whispering things to himself. "It's a good day to be at the park, Harry. Look at the grass. Very pleasing." he turned around slightly and began to talk again. "yes it is very pleasing. Like i said before don't let them take you away." The nurse sighed and began to answer Jay.
"Yes, actually traumatic events can cause things such as this. He just refuses to take his medicine because he is afraid of Harry and he likes Harry. He told us that Harry was nice to talk to and he enjoyed it. Harry was actually a patient here and Louis' roommate. He was in here for depression and he cut a lot and almost died from it. The two got fairly close and they were more than just friends. When Harry got better, he had to leave and Louis got very depressed and upset about it. Harry was really upset about it too and he promised to write to Louis and even call but he never did. So Louis must have put the park and Harry together and formed some type of world. It's not healthy at all. Can you try to give Louis his medicine?" Jay just stared at him. She was upset that her son had so many mental health problems but she obliged to the nurses question and went to go give him his daily medication.
"No, I want to stay here with Harry. You can't take me away from him. I like spending time with him." He was frantically hitting the wall and Jay restricted him enough to where she could shove the needle in his arm. It was impossible to get him to take a pill so they had to inject it as liquid.
"Louis, I am so sorry this happened. " He calmed down and cried as his mom held him.
"Harry, I'm so so so sorry. They took me away from you, I told them no. Please come back, please." he whispered silently as his mom held him tightly in that small corner.
"insanity can break your spirit. It can take you to another world but sometimes it can eat at you and then one day, life will never be the same. You can sit there and act as if you are okay but deep down you break slowly everyday. Being alone can be good and bad."
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HI! Please comment your opinions!! I always love to see thoughtful and nice comments. I really enjoy writing. I have hit 24k reads and can i just say WOW. That's a milestone to me and I hope you all enjoyed this. I feel like it just all ties perfectly together and I almost cried while writing this although it was not sad but it kind of tugs on your heart strings. I love you all!!
~author