They're killing him, the hate, the discouraging words, the lack of appreciation, Niall is done. When it seems as though all of his fans hate him, he can't help but feel unwanted.
(Trigger Warning)
Niall laid in bed attempting to muffle his cries with a pillow, as he remembered the other night's performance. He felt the closing of his throat and burn at his eyes as he tried to hold the tears in.
Niall sat up, wiping his nose on the back of his palm. His gaze fell to his arms in their creamy white complexion. Sickening. Niall envied Zayn's smooth olive skin.
The blonde began pinching at the thick skin on his arm. Fat. His nails dug into every inch of imperfection he can find. He had never thought of self harm before, he'd always been so scared of the pain. Though, as he took in all of his life's flaws, the idea seemed to grow on him.
Niall took a look around his moonlit bedroom in the boys' house of five. Until his eyes landed on his house keys on the bedside table. He didn't have a knife, and he was so out of energy that he didn't want to get one from the kitchen downstairs.
He grabbed his keys off the table and inspected them for a few minutes. Evident tears streaming down his pale face. He unhooked one of the keyes it was oddly shaped with a sharp edged point. He took the key between his thumb and forefinger, centering it above his wrist before slicing it down on his skin.
The first few slices were white scratches, no blood. It wasn't enough. He gathered all of his fear and threw it away as he pressed the key deeper into his skin. Finally, blood streamed down his arm, staining the bed sheets. He cried out in pain. He bit on his lower lip to prevent from waking any of the boys in the rooms next to his. He continued crying. He cut another area of his arm a little higher, near his elbow. 'This one's for being such a fucking bad singer.' Niall thought while cutting his arm with the blood stained key.
After there were four bloody cuts on his arm he set the key back on the bedside table. He got off the bed and walked towards the door. Before he left the room he checked the clock, it read 2:49 am. He stepped out the room carefully trying not to wake his mates.
He walked out to the bathroom and turned on the light while closing the door shut. He turned the faucet and warm water began pouring out the sink. He rinsed the fresh blood off his arm. Biting his lip to stop from crying at the stinging pain on his arm from the contact of the water with his cuts. He let out a loud cry and shrank back. Hitting the wall and sliding down it letting the water run. He heard some footsteps on the other side of the door then a faint knock at the door.
"You alright, mate?" Asked a familiar voice that Niall had recognized as Zayn's.
Niall bit his lip. 'Stupid fucking idiot!' Niall cursed himself silently.
"Yeah, fine. Just a little . . . Constipated." Niall slapped himself. 'What the fuck, constipated?' He thought. It was the best he could come up with.
"Niall? 'S that you?" Zayn asked.
"Yeah, mate. If you don't mind," Niall choked a sob, "A little privacy, please."
"Wish I could walk, but another step and I might piss my pants." Zayn chuckled lightly.
"Right, I'll be out in minute." Niall muttered loud enough for Zayn to hear through the door. He cursed to himself that they only had one bathroom in the house of five. Five millionaires in one house and yet they could only afford one with a single bathroom.
Niall stood up and finished rinsing the blood from the sink and grabbing a towel to dry his arm. He turned off the light then opened the door. He didn't want Zayn to see his his tear stained cheeks. He felt Zayn's presence closer than he'd expected although he still couldn't see the tan boy's face. He felt Zayn's hot breath on his nose and cheeks. He could have sworn he felt the hot breath brush over his lips feeling it get closer but then he felt Zayn's breath back on his nose as if he moved away.
"You sure you're alright?" Zayn asked his best mate.
Niall's attention was back in the right place as he nodded.
"Y-yeah, just fine." Niall choked and tried walking around his friend. But, Zayn stepped in front of him.
"Are you upset about what happened the other night?" Zayn asked with worry thick in his voice.
"No." Niall said sharply, walking around Zayn. Zayn grabbed his arm there was a gleam of moonlight hitting them, coming from Niall's open door. Zayn caught a glimps of Niall's bloodshot eyes and wet cheecks.
"You've been crying." Zayn asked but it sounded more like a statement. Niall turned away from Zayn. Causing Zayn to give Niall's sore arm a gentle squeeze unaware of Niall's cuts. Niall let out a small whimper. Zayn drew back afraid he might hurt his friend even more.
"You're sleeping in bed with me tonight. Meet me in my room." Zayn ordered softly. Niall didn't agree but knew refusing would do him no good. He crept into Zayn's bed while the raven haired lad was in the bathroom. Niall drapped the blankets over him. And rested his head on one of many pillows on Zayn's bed. Moments later Zayn stepped into the room.
"You in here, Ni?" Zayn asked in the dark as he scooted into bed.
"Eh . . Yes." Niall muttered. Zayn reached out for Niall's waist. He found it and pulled the blonde closer to him so that he was wrapped around the irish boy in a protective manner.
"Night my little leprechaun." Zayn whispered to Niall.
"Good night, Zayine." Niall whispered back already half asleep because of how comfortable Zayn's arms felt.
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A/N: Hope you liked it. Sorry if it's crappy. I don't expect you to vote or fan but it is deeply appreciated. At least comment or message me. All I want is feedback. I want to know if my stories are any good. Thanks
-A random weirdo xx!!
Originally published: July 18, 2013
Revised: May 31, 2016