My surroundings involved a number of things, but the image of raindrops captivated me the most. When you really want to reflect on the concept of rain, and water falling from above, your thoughts are anything but scientific.
Rain symbolizes many things, to many different people, that is the beauty behind It, it never ceases to create meaning.
For me, rain was a blessing that brought clarity to everything tainted in this world. It was a form of purity and the epitome of hope.
When I say hope, I mean, after days and months of being patient, after living inside a prison, these tiny droplets were finally free from the clouds gloom, and such endurance, eventually made them emancipate.
The thought of being free made me smile, of witnessing this freedom occur right before me, was truly magical.
If only life could be as simple as this moment.
The bell resonated throughout the classroom. Students were already settled in, but my gaze was still fixated on the way the rain caressed the trees and nurtured the flowers. I didn't want this moment to end; I refused to look away from the transparent window.
I heard my name, but I pretended I was still in another mystical dimension.
"Aster" and again, but this time the voice sounded unfamiliar, it wasn't my best friend. I reverted my eyes, exhaling heavily; I looked up at a manly figure.
I knew who he was, majority of the girls were doing what they were best at and blabbing all day about Mr. Coles replacement.
I was thankful Mr. Cole decided to retire. It was exhausting, sitting there and not doing what we've initially paid the school for, just to listen to an old man talk about his childhood days and his experiences and so forth.
From the peripheral of my eyes, it was obvious everyone was intently watching me, waiting for me to throw a remark.
I put my hand up, "I exist."
A smile spread across my face, and instantaneously, my moment of true happiness faded away.
I heard my best friend Stella beside me cough out a laugh. I didn't even bother looking around, some of them were either rolling their eyes, used to my lame remarks, or cheering me on, which only included the guys, plus Stella off course.
My focus was on the mystery man, who managed to take over the school gossip. He disregarded my comment, and continued to mark the roll.
His face was hidden, engrossed with the role call paper, all I could consume was his body stance. I decided it was best not to flesh him out in public; I didn't want to level my standards with every girl ogling in his direction.
"Good Morning class, my name is Mr. Vervain, and I'll be your teacher for this year, and of course, your last year as a senior,"
His voice -the sound of void- made me instantly look up.
I was met with the intensity of his gaze and just for a minute, my eyes reflected his, then I looked away.
"Aster was it?" Mr. Vervain clarified.
His face invaded my mind, from mere seconds ago; his hazel eyes burned into mine.
I had to compose myself, I didn't know why I was getting worked up, but I was unusually nervous.
I looked up, reminding myself that he may look decent on the outside, but I knew appearance is without a doubt most deceiving.
"Still is," I said calmly, eliminating the nerves, reassuring him that his serious demeanor didn't intimidate me.
I crossed my legs and flashed him a smile, which earned a whistle from the guys. They immediately stopped when Mr. Vervain's glare penetrated them.
"Well Aster, you seem best fit to be an example for the class," He turned his attention towards the class, "This year will determine your future, you need to choose your friends wisely, organize your time effectively, and start acting like a grown up."
I didn't understand what he meant by me being an example, but I brushed it off.
I tried so hard not to look at him, but it wasn't easy.
"See Aster here needs a lot of work, her books aren't out, which basically determines her future priorities, her friends, well..." his voice was ice cold, but composed as he briefly fixed his gaze on the guys, "I don't need to elaborate, this cancels out wise friends. I will give her the benefit of the doubt for time management; perhaps she may surprise us with something good. Last but not least..."
I stared at him in shock, prompting myself to sit properly. He was sitting in front of his desk, fingers intertwined together. Even though he seemed like an innocent teacher giving his students a lecture, I could tell he was finding satisfaction with unsettling me. The way he sized me up and scrutinized every movement I made, clarified the reason he deliberately unsettled me.
Mr. Vervain's eyes conversed with me; he didn't tolerate disrespect.
"Grow up," Mr. Vervain's pupils flared, but within a second, became impassive.
I heard the girls giggle, my friend held my hand immediately, and gave it a soft tug, aware I would lash out at any given moment.
My best friend knew me so well; I hated being condescendingly spoken to, by any living thing.
We met two years ago, when I stood up for her after a group of girls abused her verbally and emotionally. They called her names, 'brace face,' and 'triple plus one eyes.' I couldn't help but slap Cecilia's cupcake face. She was the leader of the other cupcakes who followed her like lost puppies.
People like Cecilia fed off from power and attention. Stella was a sweetheart, no one deserved to be given this ill treatment, especially those people who were always good at heart.
I didn't say anything to Mr. Vervain after that; I was smart enough to know that it would get me into trouble, even though I would never, in my lifetime, regret it. It wasn't worth getting riled up over, I usually don't hold grudges, and I'm thankful for that.
While he was outlining the course structure for this year, I muted his voice and began to play with my hair.
It was my best feature; it was long enough to surpass my shoulder but not my chest. I didn't have a fringe so the white middle line across my forehead showed a little. I admit, I was pretty enough to easily attract unwanted attention but I never thrived off of external beauty. It was always the inner self that was more appealing.
Fortunately, the guys in my class had high hopes to "melt the ice princess's heart" as they worded it.
But they weren't man enough to captivate my eyes, let alone my heart. No man could handle my past, I was certain of that.
I looked at Mr. Vervain, he was explaining something related to Shakespeare, and how we had to construct a play in advance.
This time I took him in; his shoulders were broad and wide but perfectly molded. His facial features were crafted seamlessly, especially his cheekbones. I could tell he had dimples every time he spoke but I couldn't imagine him smiling from the serious front he puts on.
"Ok class now that I've explained the study arrangements, and the topics you will learn this year, you have 10 minutes left to introduce yourself individually to me," Mr. Vervain announced.
This was my moment to shine again! I don't believe in Karma, I believe that if someone does something bad to you, you do it back, an eye for an eye.
Stella turned around, while the others were introducing themselves, she gestured for me to come closer.
"Aster, he's ravishing, don't you think?" A flush crept up her face. I looked at my friend in shock.
She was very reserved, against the male species as well, despite being girlier than me. My personality however, rubbed off on her, and now we're on the same level; only when I'm around that is.
"Stella babe do you have a fever?" I put my hand on her forehead, brushing her blonde fringe away.
"No Aster, I'm serious, his body language screams manly, his voice screams serious, he's he's he's... like an angel, have you seen his face?" She puffed, attempting to cover her flared cheeks.
"Ok Stella, he may have a pretty face, but looks can be deceiving. 10 minutes just 10 minutes to go till this day is over." I gradually breathed in, and out.
"Are you sure you're a woman, because I have never seen you blink in awe at a guy. Look around you; the girls are melting from his presence, hell! I'm melting with them." Stella stated.
Her ocean-like blue eyes sparkled, if only she knew how men really were, I thought, so much ahead of her.
"Stella," We both turned around and saw Mr. Vervain signaling her to stand up.
Stella froze.
Stella was always the shy one in this friendship, she never associated with the guys from fear of rejection, and most importantly, what all individuals in society convey, insecurities.
I snapped my fingers in front of her face and patted her on the back, I gestured that it was ok to go. The class was quiet and she looked at me pleading me to say something, and I did, she was on the verge of having a panic attack.
I nodded my head in a serious manner and stood up, Mr. Vervain lifted his eyebrow, questioning what had happened. I brushed away his expression and introduced myself.
"Names Aster, you know the flower Aster?" I asked just for fun not expecting him to answer.
"Aster amellus" Mr. Vervain said. My eyes widened, before I squeezed them shut. Who the hell knows the full name of the flower? My stomach rolled at his presence, he unsettled me.
It was so beautiful. I still can't wrap my head around my name. How did my mother have the audacity to gift me with a name that is so lovely?
The flower had purple petals piling over another, and its fragrance was unbelievably sweet smelling.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to push whatever I was feeling aside. After he said that, we shared a moment, and he looked at me as if he could see through me. Which scared me, but I continued talking, breaking eye contact, and stared at his pursed lips.
"I'm 17, I love to read books, especially criminal based genres. I don't hold grudges, and I'm in the process of growing up, you know?" I bit back a smile, giving Mr. Vervain a stern look.
He didn't seem fazed,
"I don't need to ask you a question do I?" I mean he asked us to introduce ourselves, not bombard him with personal questions. Bimbos officially surrounded me, maybe I shouldn't generalize, but most of them fit the description.
"I've already learnt that you're 25, single, single, and single. What more do I need to know?" I looked over at the girls who were glaring at me. I chuckled, like you would expect a man to take a hint and realize his disinterest. Mr. Vervain just kept on answering the same questions without a bother, merely expressionless.
And just like that, the corner of his mouth lifted. It was a faint smile that perhaps lasted a moment, but it was there. His eyes crinkled for a second and I could've sworn I'd seen his dimples burn a hole in his cheeks.
I felt my body flush with anticipation.
Clearly no one else noticed, because the girls would've definitely sighed to that.
"Very well then, class ends in 2 minutes, you may leave after the bell," He headed towards his seat and started scribbling on a piece of paper as I sat down and faced Stella.
"You made him smile," Stella said in awe.
"You realized? I thought I was the only one. How weird." I replayed the image of his smile in my head.
"Not weird Aster, you're beautiful, funny, so honest, you have your bipolar days...perhaps a bit clumsy too." As she looked down at the bruises on my arm, making me tuck my sleeves further down unintentionally. "But all in all, despite all the male attention, you're still humble and loving, you're real. You're always smiling; you're kind of contagious in that aspect to be honest."
That made me genuinely smile, I gave her a tight crushing hug. She made me feel like a normal teenager sometimes, even though my life made me far from that.
The bell rang, and everyone cleared the class rushing to go home. Stella and I on the other hand took our time chatting away.
"What are you doing tonight? Its Friday, any plans? Or should I just give up on trying to get you out of your household!" Stella said, shoving her book in the bag, irritated by my lack of a social life.
Even though Stella was the shy, quiet one in this friendship, she was wild from the inside. She liked to go out, and socialize. I think school just weighed her down.
"Stel, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm an introvert, and I hate humans, so yes you should give up," I tucked my white button-down shirt inside my blue high waist jean. I didn't like to overdo it, inside or outside of school bounds. Casual was the way to go. Ii always tucked my sleeves downwards; it was a mechanism, to forget the ugly scars that were forever tainted in my skin.
Stella stood up, wearing normal jeans and a tank top, if you knew her you would find her beautiful. Her bubbly personality complimented her blonde short hair, which was carré stylé.
Her blue innocent eyes glimmered as though they have been sheltered from the dark side of this world. She was shorter than me, I was short, but her shortness was too short for words. If you didn't know her, you would think she was pretty, but not stunning. Which was a loss for you really.
Someone cleared their throat, and both Stella and I looked over to the desk to find Mr. Vervain rested on his seat, with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. He looked so handsome, and this time I actually checked him out.
I felt a rush of confidence, and couldn't help but blurt out what was in my head. "Don't you get tiered of keeping that façade on? It's honestly painful to look at," I could hear Stella beside take in a sharp breath, but I felt at ease and continued to stare at him waiting for his response.
His guard was still up, the way he narrowed his eyes proved me right. It was all a front.
"Stella would you be kind as to leave me and Aster alone? I need a word with her privately," Without looking at Stella, he stood up from his chair, walked to the door, ushering Stella to leave.
She looked at me, communicating with her eyes if she should stay or leave. I shooed her and smiled at her reassuringly, knowing that she knows I'm strong enough to handle anything that comes my way.
She waved her hand and waltz out the class. I could tell she was worried.
Mr. Vervain turned his attention towards me and gestured for me to sit on the desk that was in front of his table.
I gradually sat and glanced at him, taking in his expression.
The way Mr. Vervain collected himself almost disturbing; it was as though he was living an internal battle. He seemed calm yet tense.
We sat facing each other; still not uttering a word.
I folded my arms and waited for him to say something, lash out at me and tell me to grow up, that it's none of my business to know why he's like that. Instead, he just sat there taking me in, his eyes showed no sign of lust like I was used to, no sign of disgust, which I've grown accustomed to. Mr. Vervain was expressionless, but I knew, this time, he was really looking through me, not just at me.
I didn't back down, even though I felt my stomach tug a little. Then he broke the silence.
"I don't like to be disrespected, Aster," He crossed his arms over his chest.
That caught me off guard.
I felt a surge of anger from within me, but I didn't show him I was affected by his response, "That's really hypocritical of you, seeing as you taunted me in front of my classmates," I pressed a hand to my throat, attempting to cool down the rage that spread through my body.
Mr. Vervain adjusted his tie whilst his eyes bored into mine.
His overwhelmingly beautiful face and his expressions where deeper than anyone I had ever seen.
"If I didn't, it wouldn't have affected you, correct? You wouldn't have felt the impact, meaning you wouldn't feel the need to change," He elaborated.
Mr. Vervain was rigid, but not hostile.
Despite my aching pride, I understood where he was coming from.
His brows drew together as he continued, "Your classmates would not take me seriously, and I'm a serious man. I don't like to beat around the bush and I don't like my students to feel like it's ok to be disrespectful," Mr. Vervain's grated tone was alluring. He didn't need to raise his voice for his words to be effective.
He raked his fingers through his hair whilst the silence engulfed us. Our eyes connected and my heart nearly leaped. It didn't make sense, but my feelings were not in sync with my mind. I played with my fingers understanding that I needed to swallow my pride, because he was right.
I did disrespect teachers and speak my mind. I don't usually pay attention in class, but my teachers never really paid attention to me, until now.
"You put me under the spotlight Mr. Vervain," I clenched my fists unknowingly, "I understand your reasoning behind setting an example, but you judged me too soon," I didn't even think to say this, but clearly my mouth couldn't contain itself.
I stood up, annoyed that he was partially right, but unusually hurt for being judged. I didn't even realize he had accused me of being childish until I voiced my thoughts.
"Can I go?" My eyes swam with his. He opened and closed his mouth, but still nothing.
Mr. Vervain stood up, rounding his desk to where I had been standing. I ran my hand through my long hair and flipped it to the side, an attempt to hide my nerves.
Why was he coming so close?
Mr. Vervain unintentionally imitated me by raking a hand through his thick hair.
"I apologize if you feel that I've judged you. I reacted accordingly as any teacher would to a student who fails to pay attention," Not even an ounce of regret was found in his tone, he was utterly serious and nonchalant.
I glared at him, not knowing whether his words were genuine or simply professional. Teachers are required to be selective with their words when addressing students, always professional.
"Can I go?" I repeated, with clenched teeth. The wind slipped in between the window crack, slamming both Mr. Vervain and I.
I felt like my body moved on its own and I quickly grabbed onto Mr. Vervain's left arm.
Sensing my imbalance before hand, Mr. Vervain involuntarily held my right arm.
Our eyes connected.
Mr. Vervain stiffened while I reluctantly shivered under his gaze.
He pulled away and cleared his throat, making his way back to his desk.
"You may go now. Remember, I don't condone teenagers with attitude. Leave that outside my classroom," He didn't even look at me.
Anger coiled in my stomach, I quickly grabbed my bag and left his classroom.
He made me feel so inferior.
I wasn't one to stand my ground, but for some reason I did. Mr. Vervain intimidated me. It felt like he knew which buttons to press.
I rested my hand on my chest, my heart pounding in me like a drumbeat.
This was a foreign feeling, and I was indisputably frightened.
-
Authors Note:
If you're looking for a quick romantic fix, this isn't it. This book is a slow burner so it will take time for the characters to become intimate; it has mild heated scenes BUT the main objective of this book is to highlight how pain can turn into a love that is both emotionally and physically passionate as well as intimate.
This is NOT an erotica. So if this isn't your style, I'm sorry.
This book is also not a cliche, well at least that is what I intend it not to be.. HOWEVER, give it a try :).
Yes there's definitely grammatical mistakes, sentence structure etc. I genuinely don't know if I will refine it, I wrote this book when I was young, I'm only finishing it because i received messages from my fans to complete it.
But anyway I'll stop ranting.
Enjoy and thank you :)