Chapter 37:
Tatiyana had saved me, more than I'd realized at the time. When I'd seen Lukas again, in my fragile state, I snapped. When the guards finally opened the door of the airlock like space, I'd been acting on nothing but instinct. I was prepared to fight, no holds barred. No life mattered but mine. The guards must have seen that reflected in my eyes, for they seemed to realize what a bad idea it was to back me into a corner.
The door behind me slid open, and I backed away. Over the coarse of panicked, yelling voices one stood out to me: Julian's. At that moment it was so childish, as he yelled my name, tearful almost. Where had he been? Where had they all been? How could I have been so stupid? I couldn't trust anyone but myself.
When I was finally dragged into the infirmary—catatonic—the whole Compound was in an uproar. Doctors, people from psy-ops, guards; they all came in to ask me questions. I didn't say a word. The Compound was full of cameras, and we'd been so loud. They knew and they'd turned a blind eye. Let them do what they want to me. They weren't taking anything else of mine, not even a single minute of my time.
After all attempts failed to get through to me, they did the only thing they could think of. They sent me back to my room while they figured out what to do with me. All the sheets had been thrown on the ground, and Audrey paced back and forth, freezing when she saw me standing at the door. I did eventually break down and tell her, and her face froze over like a sheet of ice; emotionless, a perfect mirror of mine.
She banged on the door until the guard let us out. The poor man was obviously overwhelmed by the situation. She dragged me to the self-training area, and told me to sit down. A crowd quickly began to gather around me.
“Take one step closer and I will break your neck.” Audrey stuck her face an inch from that of a boy who'd come a little too close.
He did not protest, and the entire crowd took a few steps back. I wished they would all go away, even Audrey. I must look so pathetic right now, and all the staring eyes just made it worse. Where was Ian? I couldn't decide if I wanted to see him or not. He would feel my pain in all its force, more than even Audrey could, and seeing him hurt would just make me sicker.
“Get the fuck out of my way!” Dale's voice was dark, hair raising.
It almost brought a smile to my face, seeing how much they really cared. Julian was beside him, the panic still in his eyes. They shoved through the crowd, seeming not to care about any of the bystanders. Dale even pushed one girl so hard she fell to the ground.
“Jayls, what happened?” Julian crouched down beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I was calmed by the site of him, but there was something about his hand touching me that made me freeze up. Trying not to offend him, I scooted away. It didn't work. Hurt crossed his face, but he stayed sitting beside me.
“I saw her come out of the shower.” Julian looked up to Audrey. “She was all frozen, then when Lukas came in she freaked.”
At the name I tensed, placing my head between my knees, until I realized how pathetic I must look. My head, where he'd hit me, throbbed painfully. The anger in Audrey's face scared me. Dale and Julian saw it.
“What about Lukas?” Dale asked.
“Jaylee.” Audrey looked down at me. “Do you want to tell them?”
There was no way I could say it again. Silence was my only escape now.
I shook my head. “No, you go ahead.”
I had to stop lying to myself. I wasn't fine, but the rest of the world didn't have to know that. Pushing all the emotion into a tiny ball in my stomach, I got to my feet. Audrey began to speak and I realized I couldn't listen. Shoving through the crowd, I walked over to the catwalk's stairs. The room was slowly filling, curiosity drawing them in like moths to a flame. They stared at me, but kept their distance. I met as many eyes as possible, though it pained me.
Audrey, Dale, and Julian talked quietly in the corner, but the others heard. Whispers spread through the crowd like ripples. Lukas's name, rape, fear; they whispered Ian's name almost as much as mine. Where was he? Audrey seemed to have the same thought.
“I'm going to get Ian and Kyle. They must be together. You just stay with Dale and Julian, okay?”
I nodded, and she sprinted up onto the catwalk and around the corner. She seemed to have forgotten protocol. Though it might have felt like it, the world had not stopped turning. A few training blocks had been canceled, but I didn't even know if we were allowed down in self-training. We must be, or they would have come to get us by now.
Julian and I sat side by side, and Dale paced back in forth in front of us muttering to himself. At one point Hope appeared, tears running down her face. She apologized like the whole thing had been her fault.
“I'm so sorry Jaylee. I-I...” She couldn't find the words. “I don't even kn-”
I cut her off. “I understand now. It's fine.”
Couldn't she see this wasn't helping? She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, and Dale helped her to feet. The sound of running feet on the catwalk cut through the noise. All heads turned. Audrey came first, Kyle on her heels, but all I could see was Ian. Julian got to his feet, and Dale stood as still as a soldier. I didn't move, wishing I could sink through the mats and disappear.
“Let's get out of here.” Whispered a boy standing a few meters away.
He and his group of friends followed the throng slinking away, to watch from a safe distance.
“Ian?” Julian broke the deafening silence.
The fists of my blonde counterpart shook at his sides, and his eyes had not yet met mine.
“I'm going to fucking murder him!” His head shot up and he kicked the practice dummy standing beside him. “I'm going to kill him, and then bring him back so I can kill him again!”
The black human silhouette that was meant to never topple now lay on the floor.
“Calm down and think for a second...” Kyle placed a hand on his shoulder.
Ian grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back until he cried out in pain. Everything was happening so fast and I still hadn't said a word. It was so chaotic, more than I could process.
“You told him?” Dale's eyes were wide, and he gripped Audrey's arm.
“I'm s-sorry,” she stuttered. “I wasn't thinking. I didn't...”
Kyle still lay on the mats, clutching his arm, but my other three friends still attempted to restrain him.
“Get the hell off me, I just want to talk to her.” Ian began to fight against their hands.
Dale and Julian released, but Audrey wasn't quick enough and he flipped her over his arm, leaving her lying beside Kyle. Taking a deep breath, I looked up, and our eyes locked. I tried to hide it, but he saw everything, and I saw his anger. It spread through my veins like a poison, and I was angry too.
“He will die.” Ian spoke the words calmly now, our emotions stabilizing each other.
I shook my head slowly. “There's no justice in this place.”
“Not usually, but he crossed the line. You know that, right?”
I nodded, and he helped me to his feet. One tear ran down my cheek, of its own accord.
“What's going on here?” The voice of a guard cut through the tension.
Ian's head snapped, and his fists re-clenched. I knew where he was going, and I couldn't follow. Call it weakness, but I just couldn't face it, not yet. Before the guard could react, Ian was holding him off the ground by the front of his shirt.
“Where the hell is Lukas?” Ian's voice shook, and the guard groped uselessly for his gun.
“You have no right to speak to me like that,” he hissed, obviously struggling to regain composure.
“Where. Is. Lukas?” He repeated his question, his face moving so that his nose touched the cheek of the terrified man.
The guard seemed to crumple in on himself. “The Center. There's interviews going on. Their trying to figure out what happened.”
“Thank you.” Ian dropped him, catching his head between his hands.
“Ian, don't!” Dale screamed, but nobody made a move towards him.
Their protests came together so that all I could hear was a buzzing. All I could see was the face of the guard, and all of the things they'd done. All of the children they'd killed. They'd gone so far over the line that they'd gone all the way around and crossed it again. The muscles in Ian's arms tightened and the guards neck snapped to the side. His body crumpled to the ground, and Ian pulled his pistol from where it sat on his hip.
“He didn't do anything Ian,” Audrey whimpered, tears in her eyes.
Nothing, what the hell did she mean, nothing? With a look of disgust, Ian spun and ran up the catwalk. Through the wall I heard the angry shout of voices, then a gunshot. Soon he was so far away down the labyrinth of hallways that I could hear nothing at all.
Later, I was told of how incredibly easy it had been for him. How rumors spread in the Compound, and how even the worst of the worst had limits. Doors that were mysteriously left open, and guards who didn't seem to see. When it came to Lukas's final moments, he'd been in a room filled with guards, robots, and administration. No one had made a move, and Ian did not hesitate. One shot to the head, execution style. Justice was served, and I was freed from my mental prison. Though, I did not get a chance to thank him for quite some time. No matter the reasoning, killing two Compound employees did have consequences. In this case, both good and bad. He'd not only done something even the administration had wished to do, but he had proved his ruthlessness, how he could kill without batting an eyelash.
Ian got his first kill almost four years after me, though by that time I had two; nothing but bad luck on my part. With Ian gone, and me a shell of myself, our group fell apart. There had never been such a need to escape, but the walls were closing in on us, and we were running out of time. We could all feel it. When Dale got the C4, I knew I had no choice. No more subtle touch, no more regard for lives outside of our group.
I was prepared to blow a smoking hole in the wall and never look back. It was just coincidence that I was stopped by the one person actually upset over Lukas's death. Earin was vicious and angry, but he was not his brother. He did not exact revenge. He turned me in, along with the C4. The scientists had no choice but to send me out into the world. I had the feeling that they were stalling for something, that I was just a little to young.
The job must have been rushed because I did not fit the mold of Nelly half as well as I should have. The girl who had been playing her before me was almost two years younger than me. The character herself was a little under a year younger. I missed my fifteenth birthday, since it was less than a week after I was moved into my new life. As far as I knew, I'd just turned fourteen. Though I did notice my size and strength. I was better at sports than Nelly had ever been, and the dark cloud of anger followed me faithfully, even through the Procedure; though I kept it bottled inside.
I'd been living in Vancouver for almost three weeks when Denis realized who I was. As Nelly, I was confused and a little skeptical of this strange boy's reaction to me. All the same, when he told me to search my room for things I didn't remember, I gave it a go. Human curiosity was a powerful thing.
I found the note under the bureau, crumpled right at the back. In childish handwriting it spoke of worries that I wasn't the same person I'd always been. This girl, whoever she was, didn't know what to do. She remembered something but thought it was her imagination. She didn't know what to do, so she left a note just in case she wouldn't always be her. She'd been right. I didn't remember writing the note. I began to panic but remembered that Denis had the answers. He knew who Jaylee was, he knew why I'd been someone different.
The next chance I got, I went to his house, ready for anything that would make me remember. His answer was simple enough. I needed to flush Nelly from my system, force my brain to the way it was before. What I needed to do this was adrenaline, I needed to force myself to my limits. Denis took me rock climbing, telling me that physical exertion would be enough. When I was halfway up the sheer cliff face he cut the rope. As soon as I pulled myself over the top I collapsed, the memories hitting me like a wave. The experience had been much like the one I was having now.
With the knowledge came a sense of cold, calculating reality. I stole cash, watched as my parents typed in their PINs, prepared my travel papers, and begged Denis to come with me. He couldn't, and no matter how much I wished it wasn't, it was true. His Compound issue tracking chip made that perfectly clear, buried so deep under his skin even he couldn't figure out a way to remove it.
Following my childhood memories, I flew to New York where I spent one night on the streets. The next morning I confronted Sophia at the FBI field office I'd been taken from, the one she now helped run. At first she was overwhelmed by disbelief, then anger that I would play such a trick on her, then finally happiness when she realized I was telling the truth.
That night I told her everything, and I mean everything. With each terrible experience I saw a familiar flash of anger in her eyes. Sophia showed her emotions in the same way Ian did, and I had even more trouble than usual believing he and I weren't related in some way. Or maybe it was simply that we'd spent so much time together that our individual habits had merged together until we became mirror images of each other. Where was he? He wasn't in the Compound. I could find him.
Sophia understood that we couldn't just launch an official investigation, and she reluctantly told me why I'd been placed on the Compound's radar in the first place. I didn't fully understand it. Something about drugs, and possible relation to the CIA. Story short, she'd pissed off the wrong people, and I showed a little to much natural talent.
Together we decided to tell the one person she assured me we could trust. Her old partner, Chris. He was as moved by my story as Sophia, and he offered an idea. A year prior he'd been called down to Texas to investigate claims of a strange cult that might have access to police technology. The organization was nothing of the sort, though to Chris its purpose seemed fantastical. Their purpose was to track down and work with everyone with a resistance. They were sponsored by influential members of both the political and scientific communities. Although, until Ian and I, they'd only found two other Resistants—excluding the founder—one of whom refused to work with them.
The three of us told them about the Compound and asked for their help in return for my cooperation, and Ian's when we found him. They acted as if the existence of the Compound shocked them but, even then, I could tell something was slightly off. Although they made a show of looking for all signs of the Compound, and for all my friends, all I ever saw them looking for was Ian. They also expressed some interest in locating Nadia's body. I promptly left the room when this was discussed.
Sophia shared my suspicions, and made no protest when I decided to do a little sleuthing of my own. That night I put my skills to the test, bypassing their security system and slipping into the file room. What I found shocked me. They weren't just not trying, they were withholding information. They had a shitload of files on the Compound. Some government officials must work on both projects. Hot, red anger blurred my vision. I was just lucky they'd hadn't handed me right back over. All they'd ever cared about was finding Resistants.
Much to my dismay, all their connection with my old hellhole involved the graduates and other facilities, nothing to do with the Compound itself. I was about to smash the computer and leave when I saw something; a key word my eye was automatically drawn to. Escape.
In the file there were only three names: Audrey Sloan, Julian Golding, and Shay Marshal.