Chapter Fifteen
Breathe
Oh crap.
My eyes slowly, so slowly, peeled open and stared at the face resting peacefully inches from mine.
Oh crap.
I scooted slightly away from him so I could evaluate the situation properly. Part of my thought maybe I had some wild dream last night and it all didn't happen. But the evidence was all here. Matthew was under the comforter with me on the floor, next to the fireplace that went out hours ago, and yes, I may have checked to see whether we were wearing clothes in case it was some sort of dream, and no, we weren't wearing any.
Damn it, Joanna! You did it again!
Why can't I be the type of person to make rational decisions? Sometimes I just get swept up in the moment and don't think about the consequences until I wake up. I'm fairly certain I've done this with every guy I slept with.
But the other ones were nothing compared to last night.
My head got a little fuzzy when I remembered last night, and my heart might have given a few hard thumps in my chest. I mean, on a morality scale, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever done, right? It wasn't like I only knew him a few hours like most of the guys I've been with, and technically we were in a relationship already unlike when I was first with David. We're married, in fact! It should earn me a few morality points or something. But then there's the whole Matthew being a vampire and having killed my boyfriend a year ago out of jealousy.
You've screwed up big time, Joanna.
Matthew had given me an unlimited amount of time for us to take things easy, and yet I didn't even wait two weeks. I'm such a ho!
But it was so amazing.
It was almost ironic how my inner voice was both scolding me and giving me a mental high-five for last night. I was so conflicted, and so hungry. As in literal hunger, as in I don't think I've eaten actual food since last night's breakfast.
I looked back at Matthew, who seemed to either be an amazing actor at pretending to be asleep or truly was still knocked out. My eyes went to the clock and I immediately realized the sun was close to setting soon. It was difficult to tell the time when all of the windows were sealed tight to keep the sun out. When was the last time I had seen the sun? Has it been a month already?
My stomach made a strange whale call and I immediately got to my feet and began pulling on the t-shirt and sweatpants Matthew had brought me last night. My legs were a little wobbly, and my back hurt from sleeping on the hard floor all day, making it a challenge to get to the kitchen. I was relieved to have some time to myself for once. I tried not to think too hard about what had happened and instead busied myself by digging through the cabinets and freezer for food. My mouth watered when I saw a frozen meal, clearly prepared by a chef, labeled "Chicken and Spinach Pizza." I popped it out of the container and placed it in the oven, actually double-checking to make sure I was reading the instructions correctly so I wouldn't make the same mistake Matthew had made.
With the pizza popped into the oven for breakfast, I turned to the coffee pot and began loading it nearly to the brim with dark roasted coffee grounds, hallelujah. I went to the fridge and began snacking on cheese as I waited for both to be done, my thoughts eating at my brain as I stood there in silence.
The beeping of the coffee pot made me jump and nearly choke on the string cheese. I immediately snatched a mug out of the cabinet and filled it with hot coffee, loads of sugar, and cream. I was so caught up in little tasks to keep me from thinking too hard, I didn't even hear the door open.
"You're making pizza for breakfast? Anna..." Matthew shook his head in disappointment.
Was it wrong for the first thing for me to do was check to see if he was wearing pants? He was, by the way. "Your chefs made it for me," I shot back.
He smiled and walked around the island until he was next to me. I was paralyzed as he reached his hand towards me and...
Stole my damn coffee.
Matthew lifted my mug to his lips and took a few gulps, only to pull it away and cringe. "How much sugar did you put in there? That amount could kill you."
I snatched the mug out of his hand and glared at him. "It's not meant for you."
He rolled his eyes and turned to make himself a cup of black coffee.
I stood anxiously by the oven, trying to avoid as much eye contact as possible. My fingers strummed along the countertop of the island as I slowly moved until my back was to Matthew and I was fully facing the oven window. I might as well have been wearing a flashing sign saying, "I'm avoiding you. This is awkward." How was I supposed to survive one and a half more nights here? At least when we get back to Chicago I'll have people around me and a huge house to hide in. Being here was like constantly being stuck in one room together.
Something cold touched my strumming fingers, causing me to flinch away.
Matthew's hand had touched mine and he was giving me his brows slightly pushed together and his lips pushed halfway up. I knew that look. I knew the look because he gives me that look before asking me serious questions and having a mature talk. Matthew was always for having an adult talk about serious topics, and I always have hated talking about serious subjects. "About last night..." he began, leaning against the island just inches from me.
Oh God no. "What?" I questioned, glancing repeatedly at the oven in hopes the pizza would be done so I could totally get out of this incredibly awkward chat.
"I want to talk about it."
My maturity went out the window at that point. I think my embarrassment and hatred of talking about feelings and gushy stuff overcame me. I let out a loud groan and threw myself against the counter of the island so my face was mashed against the counter and my arms were around my head. "Why do we always have to talk?" I groaned, my voice muffled from being buried.
"I want to talk about it because I know you'll just sweep it under the rug."
I let out another groan and, immaturely, banged my head against the counter. "What's wrong with that? Not everything has to be about feelings, Matthew."
"You're the most frustrating woman to have ever existed."
My head slowly lifted from the counter as I tried to get a peek at him. He wasn't angry, but instead seemed mildly annoyed. "Excuse me? I was just fine not five minutes ago. You're the one who is frustrating."
Matthew sighed and shook his head. "You're frustrating because I don't even have an idea of what you must be thinking. You never do anything in a predictable or pattern behavior. Nothing is ever planned, nothing is ever said, and that is incredibly frustrating."
I stood up straight now, letting my hair fall partially in my face and down my back. "If you wanted to know what I was thinking, you should have had a witch put some kind of hex on me or something. Plus, I usually speak my mind so I don't understand why you're confused by anything I do."
Surprisingly, he began to laugh. "It's true, you do speak your mind quite a lot. Too much in some cases, such as your urine color."
"What? It was practically clear. I've never seen it that way before," I defended.
"But you never talk about the important things, such as what happened last night."
Another groan was building in my throat. "Some things don't need to be said."
"But some things do need to be said," he argued lightly.
He was never going to let this go. I let out a long sigh and roughly shrugged my shoulders. "What? What do you want to know?"
Matthew wasn't too pleased with my attitude, but his curiosity was stronger than his annoyance. "Are you just going to pretend it never happened?"
Yes. "I don't know."
"Well, because you have no idea how you thought about last night, I guess I'll explain how I felt."
I just wanted to crawl under any piece of furniture in the house and stay there until this was all over. I hated the whole feelings thing, and I especially hated when someone told me theirs because I didn't really have any.
"Last night marks itself as the greatest night I've ever had, and you and I both know I have had many, many nights in my existence. It would be a tragedy to go back to our relationship before with us barely speaking and occasionally holding hands."
My eyes dropped from his and I honestly wasn't sure how to reply. Admittedly, my eyes did go to the oven window to check if the pizza was ready yet.
"If last night was just a one-time deal, I'll live with it, though rather painfully. But if it wasn't, I would like to know."
The buzzer on the oven went off, nearly making us ram into each other at the sudden noise. I nearly cried tears of joy at the interruption and quickly began to pull it out and put it on a plate, ignoring the question entirely.
Matthew let out a huff mixed with a groan and rubbed the back of his neck. "Fine. You can ignore it all and forget the entire night, if you wish. But I can't." He brushed past me and headed towards the door.
I don't know why I didn't just let him leave. It would have been easier, and I wouldn't have to say anything. But I actually felt, well, bad. He's been so nice to me, so sweet, I couldn't just be a total jerk in all of this. I might not get the whole feelings and love thing, but I can't just treat his like their meaningless. Words spilled out of me I didn't even think about, and I definitely didn't think about the meaning of them until after they were said. "Wait," I called when he was at the door.
Matthew sighed and slowly turned towards me, his expression full of exhaustion and frustration. "What?" he demanded.
I couldn't look him in the eye as I spoke, so instead I focused on his feet. "Last night, well, it wasn't bad," I practically mumbled lamely. "And I wouldn't be totally against it if we were to repeat it in the near-future."
He raised a brow and the frustration melted away and was replaced with relief. "I don't think I could have gone back to how it was before."
My lips pulled into a genuine smile and I wrapped my arms around myself. "I know, I'm that good."
Matthew rolled his eyes and took several strides towards me until he was towering over me. His fingers went under my chin and tilted my head up so he could kiss me. I smiled against his lips and pressed a hand against his bare stomach just to feel the abs because it'd be such a waste not to.
After nearly a minute of heavy kissing I had to pull away. "Matthew, I didn't mean the near-future being this moment. I have pizza behind me and it sucks when it gets cold."
He smiled and pressed his lips against the tip of my nose and then my forehead. "Humans."
I scowled, mostly because he reminded me I was the only human standing in this room. "Just let me eat my pizza in peace," I grumbled, reluctantly pulling my hand from his abs and reaching behind me to grab a slice of pizza.
"It's going to be an agonizing wait."
"Especially because I don't like to do anything physical within an hour of eating pizza. Give me might gas pains."
His nose wrinkled and he shook his head. "You never say anything I can predict, do you?"
I grinned and reached up to pat him on the cheek. "Hey, marrying me means getting the whole package. Just wait until Mother Nature hits me, that's when all hell breaks loose."
He forced a smile and kissed my forehead once more. "Can't wait."
Matthew stepped away from me and headed out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there chewing on a slice of pizza. I stared at the door, thinking over everything that had just happened, including last night. It made me realize I shouldn't think too hard because it only made matters worse. I could think about how I'm only here to save my sister, and I'm here with the guy who killed someone I cared about. I could think about how Matthew was a vampire and over nine centuries old, and I could think about the intense future we'll be sharing in which I'd have to play the perfect wife in the company of dozens of snobby and dangerous vampires.
Or I could think about last night.
I looked down at my pizza and the several bites I had just taken and then looked up at the door Matthew had just left through. "Screw it, pizza can be microwaved," I growled, dropped the slice back onto the counter and marching towards the door. "Matthew? I think the future was more near than I thought!"
*****
"Anna, wake up," Matthew murmured, brushing my cheek with the back of his finger. "We're here."
I sat up and looked out of the car window, rubbing my heavy eyes as the house came into view.
We've been traveling part of the day and most of the night, and I practically slept most of it. It was so strange to be back at Matthew's, our, house. Back in Chicago, even. It felt like I had been away for years rather than two weeks. It was actually the longest I had been away from Chicago. Although it was nice to be back, a part of my yearned to be back in the cottage where I could eat in front of the fireplace and even train with Matthew outside in the icy air.
And some other activities weren't too bad, either.
I let out a whimpered because I knew I had to act peppy and like a newlywed, when ultimately I just wanted to dig through the fridge and play with Buddy while I watched hours upon hours of sweet, sweet television.
We were met by two maids who immediately greeted us and took our luggage. I sluggishly walked up the steps to the front door and leaned my head against Matthew's arm so I could walk with my eyes closed. I was so not awake enough for this.
"I can have Venus get you something to eat, if you want?" Matthew murmured against the top of my head.
I buried my face in his side and groaned. "I don't want to deal with Venus. She's mean to me."
Matthew pressed his lips to the top of my head. "You're meaner, sweetheart. But I can have someone else bring you something to eat. I'll have them bring it to our room."
I held my hand out in front of me with my thumb up. "Sounds good, chief."
"Go ahead and head up. I have to make a few phone calls and catch up on some things."
I began to walk towards the stairs, my eyes barely open, but was yanked to a stop when Matthew grabbed my wrist.
"Welcome home, Mrs. Foster," he murmured before pressing his lips to mine.
I gave a sloppy kiss back, unable to give anything more, and went up the stairs with droopy eyes. By the time I reached the bedroom I had woken up a considerable amount. I knew I had totally screwed up my sleep schedule by sleeping in the middle of the night. There would be no sleeping during the day.
When I opened the door to the bedroom I was practically attacked. Buddy's tongue lapped over my face several times as I rubbed the top of his head. "It's okay, Buddy. I'm back in one piece. Down, Buddy, down."
He immediately got off of me and sat obediently at my feet as I closed the door behind me. I missed this little weirdo, though it looked like he had been fed well while I was away. He might have even been given treats, judging by the slight formation of rolls on his sides.
"You're going to need to start working out, Buddy. Look at you!" He tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Okay, okay, I'm in need of a bit of running myself."
I went into the bathroom to take a shower in hopes of it waking me up a bit more. Buddy curled up in the corner of the bathroom by the fireplace as I climbed into the shower and stood in the water for a while. I wasn't sure what to do around here while Matthew worked. We had made an agreement about me being able to go to my house about an hour or so away from here, but only on the weekends and only when Matthew could come with me. I just wanted some time to myself, to be honest. I wanted to go back to being a lone wolf for at least a day or two and think about everything that has happened, let it process fully. I wanted to run around or drive around by myself for a while, just to remember what it was like to be fully free.
I looked down at my wedding band and engagement ring, both still wrapped around my ring finger. Part of me, the same part that told me I was stupid for sleeping with Matthew, was worried I'd forget. What if I forgot what he has done? What if I forgot why I married him? What if I forgot what he was? Just thinking of the possibility of forgetting and letting myself get caught up in something like I had with David almost made me tremble. I had allowed myself to get caught up in a fantasy with David, picturing a normal life with him where I could still keep my secrets so he'd still love me. I let it go too far, and now he's dead and I'm paying the price. If on some off-chance I were to get caught up in anything with Matthew, what would the price be then?
Buddy whimpered behind me outside of the shower door and I waved him off, rinsing the shampoo out and blindly reaching for the conditioner. When he continued to whimper, I realized something was off.
I whipped around and immediately covered myself when I saw Matthew standing outside of the shower with his brows raised. "What's wrong?" he questioned in confusion when I snatched the washcloth up and used it to cover what little of a chest I had.
"What's wrong? Turn around!" I snapped.
Again, this confused him. "Why?"
"I would like some privacy, please. Turn around!"
Matthew still had confusion plastered on his face as he reluctantly turned until his back was fully to me. "Would you care to explain to me why? It's not like I haven't seen you naked, and you've never been the type to be shy. You've even been arrested for public nudity."
"Yeah, you've seen me in the nude twice. Well, I guess three times if you count the picture from the police car camera when I was arrested, and that would be highly disturbing if you still had it. But those times are different."
"How so?"
"Well, for one, I gave consent for you to gaze upon my body."
"I'm impressed with your choice of wording."
I frowned, though I knew he couldn't see it, before grabbing some conditioner to quickly finish the shower. "My point is, don't walk in on me when I'm nude just because we're married. I deserve some privacy."
"I am still rather confused as to why."
I let out a long sigh and rinsed my hair out. "Think of me like a cookie jar."
"I have a feeling this will be interesting."
"And," I said loudly so he wouldn't interrupt me again. "What we did the other night was like taking two cookies, okay?"
"Cookies? Where did you get this strange analogy from?" Matthew mused.
"Shh, let me finish. So what we did was like taking a cookie from the cookie jar. Now unless the cookie jar lid has opened, you shouldn't lift it yourself to take a peek inside, okay?"
"But how does the lid open?"
"I open the lid. I am the cookie jar."
"But didn't you just establish what we did the other night was like taking a cookie from the cookie jar? If you're the cookie jar, would the cookies be internal organs such as the heart or lungs?"
I knew he was just messing me with to get a reaction, but I was still getting frustrated. "No, the cookies are technically my body and I guess the jar is my clothing. Unless I open the jar myself, you shouldn't lift the lid to peek inside."
"So taking a cookie is like taking a piece of your body?"
"Sure."
Although I couldn't hear him, I could see his shoulders shaking in laughter. "So me walking into the bathroom as you shower was like me opening the cookie jar lid and peeking inside."
"Exactly!"
"...I am curious, what kind of cookies would you see yourself as being?"
I threw open the door and wrapped a towel around myself, glaring at Matthew's back as I stomped towards him. "Stop making fun of my algae."
He turned around and revealed a grin so wide I could see all of his teeth. "You mean your analogy?"
"Shut up." I turned away and stomped towards the closet as he laughed at me loud enough to scare Buddy into the other room. "And by the way, I would be a double-stuffed sandwich cookie, and you would be the oatmeal raisin cookies everyone hates because they thought they were getting chocolate chip but got you instead."
"Anna, you pierced my heart with your brutal words. I may just have to lay down and take my final breaths," Matthew stated dramatically, clenching his chest.
"Just don't get dust everywhere when you go, I have allergies," I grumbled, stepping into the closet and closing the door behind me so I could change.
Considering it was still night out, I knew wearing pajamas would be a bit lazy. I grabbed a pair of leggings and a long sweater. When I stepped out of the closet I wasn't surprised to see Matthew still standing in the middle of the bathroom, waiting for me.
"Now that we've gotten a good laugh in, I actually had come up here to tell you some plans have changed," he informed me, following me as I brushed past him and into the bedroom.
"Oh? Like what?"
"I will be leaving in over a week to Berlin, which I told you already I'll be gone for a week for. And then I'll be flying to Quintin's house in Massachusetts for a few days. You'll also be flying out there to meet me so we can attend his Halloween party he hosts every year."
My shoulders slumped at this news. Great, a party full of the most snobbish people in existence drinking blood and booze all night. Just great. "Can't I stay here?"
Matthew's smile softened and he shook his head. "I hate to bring it up, but it's a part of deal, Anna. I need and want you by my side during these events. But I promise it'll be a lovely party. He hosts it in Salem every year for I forget how many decades or centuries now. This year his theme is 1940's. Good decade, wonderful music."
"Does that mean I have to wear one of those weird dresses? Can I just wear one of your suits or something?"
"Just be thankfully you missed the year he did pirates as his theme."
I cringed at the thought of having to wear an eyepatch or corset.
"Also, I will be having several people here for the next week in order to catch up on several things I had to put aside while we were away. Most of the business will occur in the library, but I thought I'd let you know because you may have to entertain yourself for about a week."
Entertain yourself for about a week. What was I, five? I've been entertaining myself for twenty-one years! I was used to being alone and doing my own thing. An idea sparked in my brain when I thought of being alone for all this time and getting a whole week to be alone once more. It was an introvert's dream. "While you're doing your business stuff, why don't I just take Buddy to my place and spend the week there? We'll meet at that one guy's house for Halloween." It sounded like a brilliant plan in my opinion, but Matthew's expression said otherwise.
"You're suggesting over two weeks apart? Absolutely not."
My expression fell and I crossed my arms over my chest and stomped my foot. "What? You just said I'd have to entertain myself for a week, so why can't I do it in my own house?"
Matthew let an exasperated sigh. "For one, the deal states you are to only spend the weekends there with me, which leads to reason number two, which is because it's too dangerous for you to spend an entire week there on your own."
I narrowed my eyes at him and didn't back down in the slightest. "I have been on my own for a long time now, Matthew. I can handle myself!"
"Yes, you have been on your own, but not as Joanna Foster. The name alone might be a target on your back. Do you understand how many would jump on the opportunity to hurt you in order to hurt me? Do you not understand this?" His voice was less aggravated and a little more pleading now. "I told you no, so no."
Even though I knew he was doing it to protect me, I was still beyond furious to be kept locked up. I didn't say anything while I marched past him and out of the bedroom, wanting to get out of the house for some fresh air before I blew a gasket. Matthew followed behind, along with Buddy, and matched my pace.
"Anna, where are you going?" Matthew asked exhaustedly.
I kept walking and began heading downstairs, stomping loudly so my anger wasn't mistaken. "Outside, unless you wanted to chain me up to keep me from ever leaving your side."
"You're being ridiculous."
I stopped and spun around to face him, my finger jabbed in his direction. "Am I?" My voice was low so no one would overhear us. "When I agreed to all of this, I asked for a normal marriage. A normal marriage doesn't involve the husband locking his wife up while he signs contracts. Now unless you change your mind on letting me leave the house, the cookie jar lid will be sealed shut. I'm going outside so I can be alone for two seconds, if that's fine with you, Master Foster."
I wanted Matthew's expression to show inner conflict or maybe regret. Instead of either of those, Matthew seemed to be almost annoyed with mem as if I had just merely inconvenienced him. I didn't let him say anything to me as I stomped down the stairs and outside into the cool night air with Buddy at my side. Was it depressing to only have a dog as your friend? Without Buddy, the non-speaking companion, I had no one; not a single friend I could rant to or have them comfort me when I was upset. For once, I felt lonely. Was this how that chick with the long hair felt when she was locked up in a tower?
It was strange how different things have become since we've gotten married just two weeks ago. I didn't want to admit it to myself I had just gone really easy on Matthew. If he had told me this a month ago, I'd have gotten on my bike and sped off to spite him. But instead I stood outside, seething where I stood. Wasn't it just two nights ago when we were discussing feelings and stayed in bed for half a night? Did he not remember that?
I threw a stick far for Buddy to fetch and plopped myself down on the grass, forming a plan on how to finally get some alone time away from here.
....................................................................................................
Joanna loves to pout, that's for sure. And I really loved writing the first part of this chapter <3
Another chapter down! So happy! I still have so much more to write about this series, it'll definitely be picking up in pace very soon. So much to happen.
What was your favorite part? Any predictions?
Thanks for reading and voting! <3
-Currie