I couldn't even begin to tell you how perfect everything in my life felt like at this exact moment. How for the first time in years, I was able to breathe and stand on sturdy ground, never once wondering how things were going to pan out. Because that's how I felt right now, secured in Chase's arms while he kissed me.
Out of all of our kisses, the firsts, the stolen, the breathless ones... This, this felt so much more. Like he was expressing unspoken thoughts, like the months that led to us fading away from each other was just a figment of our imaginations.
But it wasn't, and it scared me to think of how easy it was to fall back into his embrace, like the safe haven he was.
I felt betrayal seep into my heart and instantly pulled away from Chase. "You don't have the right to kiss me like that." It came out as a whisper, and I hated the way he cupped my cheek and leaned back in, my lips parting instantly to allow his tongue to caress mine.
**
December 2014
"Merry Christmas, Sadie." I was sitting in my favorite chair on the balcony of my bedroom when Chase hoovered just inside of my room. Every year my parents throw this ridiculous Christmas party and invites all of the drivers, crew members and their loved ones to our house. I was so over it being Christmas even though it was a few weeks away.
And I should have known that Chase would be there, my father's prodigal son. I haven't seen him since his disaster of a birthday party last month.
"Thank you for the hat," I nodded my head instead of looking at him.
I just couldn't.
Seeing the reason for my broken heart standing in my bedroom wasn't how I wanted to spend my evening. I would honestly just love it if he would never walk into my life again. It would save me from so much heartache.
"I bought you something." Chase produced a small gift from behind his back and placed it on the stand next to my coffee mug.
"I don't want it." I got up and picked up the box, shocked but not at how light it was, probably some gift card his mom picked up, and pressed it to his chest, pushing him all the way through my bedroom and to the door.
"Sadie," he pleaded, trying to take my hand in his.
"Since you no longer want me in your life, there's no reason for you to be in mine. So, please, leave." I pushed him into the hallway, closed my door and slumped onto the floor. Telling Chase to leave was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But how he treated me over the past few months by acting like I never existed hurted more that I'd ever imagined.
**
Just as fast as the storm came, it ended just as quickly. But the storm in my heart continued to wage on. I was so mad at him because it wasn't right for him to kiss me right now. Not with how he pulled away from me when I bared my heart to him and all I got in return was silence.
"No," I pushed Chase away, "it's not right." I turned on my back on him and ran.
"Sadie!" My feet carried me to the far end of the driver's lot and came to a halt right in front of his RV, there was nowhere to escape to.
Chase walked up to me slowly, his hands twisting together as he bit that damn lip of his nervously. "I'm sorry," he tried but I just turned from him, wanting nothing more to get into some dry clothes and leave - why is my stuff with his again?!
"Nothing you will say or do will justify why you just kissed me."
"I'm sorry," it came out as a plea more than an apology. I didn't answer him but waited patiently for him to unlock his RV. He stepped aside so I could enter first, but once the door closed and locked behind us, I felt the storm that's been brewing in my heart start to pour, and there was no mistaking the tears streaming down my face.