"No, no. I just don't understand why we can't see her tonight. No, ma'am. I don't care about your protocol. This is—" Harry hesitated, nodding for a few moments, Louis' eyes burning on Harry's torso. "Yes. I will be here at this number. Yes."
Harry hung up and growled, slamming the phone down on the kitchen island and dragging one palm across his face. Although he usually drawled out his words, this time he talked fast enough that Louis had to lean forward as to not miss any words that fell from his lips.
"They won't do anything. Not until eight a.m. tomorrow."
"Okay, okay, I'm sure that she's fine."
Louis' eyes were drawn downwards, his forefinger and thumb picking at a loose thread on his blue shorts. Harry's eyes traveled down Louis' thick, football thighs and fuzzy legs. Louis looked incredible in them, but now was not the time to comment at how tight they were on the lovely lower half of his body.
"Why don't we sleep here tonight? That way we're here in the morning if they call."
Harry was still silent, so Louis raised his head and stood up to face him.
"Alright?"
Louis' soft voice prompted Harry to look up at him and when he did, he wished he hadn't. Louis was looking at Harry like he was scared to get any closer, a visual representation of a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes were almost squinted shut and the corners of his mouth were slightly quivering. All signs of mischievous Louis with a cheeky smile were gone. It wasn't like him. Louis had always found a way to make things light, no matter how heavy the circumstances were. Harry would even imply that Louis had humor and he was the giggle at a funeral, but he guessed that didn't apply to his best friends' deaths. He couldn't bear to see Louis like this, so he decided he wouldn't, pushing his way around him and bumping his shoulder.
"Okay."
"Why don't you take the guest bedroom?"
"Okay. You can take their room if you want."
Louis thumbed over his shoulder to the living room, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
"Ah, no thank you. I'll sleep over here."
Harry nodded slowly and started to walk away. He stopped at the doorway, pushing his hair away from his forehead.
"See you in the morning."
"Okay."
Without overthinking it too much, Harry tucked his bottom lip into his mouth and spoke. Harry's voice was back to normal, dragging out the words ever so slowly.
"Thanks, Louis."
Louis smiled professionally, his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans in a boyish manner. His eyes gave him away though, a burst of sad acceptance shown in them.
"Okay."
Harry left Louis alone in the room in silence. Louis sighed heavily, dragging his feet over to the sofa in long, purposeful strides. Outside, the sky was turning into dark shades of purple and blue, reminding him that it was almost nighttime. Louis was suddenly hit with how much hatred he had for the world and everyone in it. How could he believe in miracles and angels when the world took everything away that was important to him? How could he be happy and fake a smile when his two best friends were no longer here, no longer telling him bad jokes and laughing and breathing?
Louis wondered if this is what it felt like. If the world kept rotating when something miserable like this happened and people walking next to him had no clue that his heart was in the ruins, shattered and hopeless. While Louis' world had stopped, everyone else was oblivious that two incredible people were no longer walking on Earth. He also wondered how many times he had walked next to those same people with broken hearts. It was an endless, vicious cycle.
If anything, Zayn and Liam were too good and pure for this ugly world. Maybe that was why God or whatever supernatural being up there decided to pick the two best flowers in the field.
Louis decided it was about time to shut his brain off for the night. He could wallow in his grief tomorrow and the day after and for the rest of his life. Tonight, he just needed some sleep and pretend to be strong for himself. For Harry.
Louis plucked out Isabella's toy duck and plopped on the sofa. He smiled to himself, reminiscing memories of crashing out on Liam's and Zayn's sofa when he was too wasted to drive home. He never asked them if he could stay, always lurking around the house until late hours of the night and hoping they wouldn't notice his Adidas trainers were still sitting by the door. He slept thinking they would hang him by tomorrow only to wake up to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes. They tolerated him that much. They might have even loved him. Louis didn't know now—couldn't bear to think that he couldn't ask them anymore.
Louis cuddled the fluffy duck to his chest, his eyelids droopy and heavy. Sleep started to drift into his body, making it feel like he was sinking into the sofa cushions. For a brief moment, Louis felt his face spread into a slow smile because Liam and Zayn were now watching over him like the angels they always were.
And if it made him feel any safer, no one else but Louis had to know.
*
Louis and Harry were sitting patiently in the living room with Liam's partner at the law firm. Harry listened attentively to the lawyer while Louis was staring hard at his untouched cup of tea. Louis' head only snapped up at the sound of Liam's name.
"I'm sure this is a very difficult time for you, obviously. Everyone at the firm will miss Liam very much." The lawyer, Andy, picked up his papers and straightened them into a neat stack. "Now, you must have many questions."
Harry's eyes flitted towards Louis, who gave him an encouraging nod in return. He pursed his lips in thought and spoke.
"Well, Isabella, I mean...that's who we're both thinking of. What will happen to her now?"
"Okay, well, I have already arranged for her transfer. The foster family that she was with last night will bring her to CPS. They'll feel she'll adjust best in her own environment. So first she needs to be picked up and brought here."
Louis shifted in his seat uncomfortably before propping his foot under his bum, leaning forward on the coffee table with his hands clasped together tightly.
"Okay, and, uh...who does that?"
Andy looked between them, his eyebrows raising high. He adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He waved his hand between them, his mouth pressing in a thin line.
"I'm sorry, did Zayn and Liam talk to you about their guardianship arrangements?"
Louis and Harry looked at each other briefly before looking back at the lawyer.
"No," they said at the same time.
Louis' eyes narrowed as Harry stared at the lawyer in surprise.
"Well, in preparing their will we talked about who would take care of Isabella in the unlikely event that they should both die and they named you..." Andy paused, nervously looking between them. "Both of you."
Suspense was heavy in the air. Harry spoke ambiguously, "I'm sorry. They picked us together?" at the same time Louis said incredulously, "I'm sorry. Could you explain that again?"
"I'm sure this isn't exactly how you wanted to start a family."
Harry laughed abruptly, Louis raising his eyebrows in question at Harry's sudden outburst. His face contorted into disgust, Harry waving his hand wildly between them, gesturing to himself, then to Louis, then back to himself again.
"There's been a misunderstanding. We are not married."
Louis flicked his fringe away from his forehead, his fingers getting caught in the tangles and leaving his hand at the back of his head to rest there. He flexed his bicep and shook his head slowly.
"No, no. They tried to set us up in a blind date. We didn't even make it to the restaurant."
"It didn't work. He was such a dick."
"He was such a prude."
Andy smacked the stack of papers loudly against the coffee table. Louis' and Harry's insults died down, Louis' lips shaking with unsung laughter despite the heavy circumstance in hand. The lawyer looked between them very seriously, the corners of his mouth drooping down for a split second.
"I know this is overwhelming, okay, but believe me, I tried to advice them against it. But there are options, you can say no. Because this is a big deal. This is a child..." Andy paused, his eyes narrowing into an eagle-like stare that made Louis squirm in his seat nervously. "Big commitment."
Louis and Harry politely excused themselves to go out and take a breath of fresh air. Harry went to the backyard while Louis went to the front porch. Harry's body fell limp on the steps while Louis was pacing in circles, biting on his fingers out of bad habit, his nails dull from nervous biting and Harry combing his hand frigidly through his tangled locks of hair.
"Oh my God."
Harry covered his mouth with his hands, inhaling and exhaling deeply through his nostrils. If he didn't calm down he knew he would collapse, faint or throw up. Or do all three options, really. Because what the hell has his life become anyway?
Harry was a single twenty-one-year-old gay man that ran his own successful boutique bakery. Now he was going to become a deprived single gay man that had no chance of finding real love if he had to spend the rest of his life with a man he couldn't seem to tolerate for more than five seconds. Jesus.
Louis was wringing his wrinkled shirt in his hands, trying to assess the situation at hand because, what the fuck? What the fuck? In reality, these things just didn't happen. And they certainly didn't happen to Louis fucking Tomlinson of all people.
"Oh my God." Louis' voice sounded broken, barely above a whisper.
Louis loved his life and he wasn't about to let any baker boy steal that away from him. He loved that he got to wake up at ten a.m. and have a run, kick his shag out from the night before and go to work where he followed directions and pressed buttons. He loved that he could get wasted at nights and not have to worry about setting an alarm early for the morning. Now, all of that was gone. Louis' carefree life, his blackouts, his sex life. He was going to be handling a pill for a human being and an orphaned baby and he was done for, honestly. It was enough to make Louis almost want to cry.
But the fact of the matter remained—Isabella needed Louis. Louis couldn't just walk away. Especially how insanely attached he had gotten to her since the very first day he met her. Especially when it got personal. Louis was not his father. He didn't just walk away at the first sign when things got hard.
Instead, Louis sucked in a choked breath and stomped back inside, his dignity still intact. Louis and Harry both stepped into the living room at the same time, their eyes darting everywhere else except at each other. They sat down quietly, Andy's hands wounded tight with his thumbs fiddling together.
"Options." Louis wiggled his bum on the chair, crossing his forearms and blowing hot air out of his bitten lips. "You, um, you mention that there were some other options?"
Louis flicked his hand in the air as he spoke, knocking over his cup of tea. He quickly picked it up with trembling fingers, the cold tea spreading out on the mahogany table. Harry looked at Louis anxiously, his teeth sinking into his lower lip. The lawyer flitted through loose papers until his index finger landed on a possibility, ignoring the mess that was Louis. Bless him. Andy looked up at them with raised eyebrows, his lips pursed to the side.
"Yes. We have Liam's father."
Louis leaned back in his seat, his pointer fingers resting against each other. His grin widened into a smile, Louis feeling accomplished with himself.
"Oh, perfect! He'd be perfect, I think."
Harry looked at Louis in disbelief, his lips forming a perfect 'o' shape. He shook his head slowly, holding Louis' gaze for a moment before looking at Andy with his mouth flapping open.
"There's a few cousins."
"You know what? I'm sorry. Can I stop you right there?"
"Cousins are always, um," Louis began saying, glancing at Harry with arched eyebrows.
"Yeah."
Harry's stare drifted towards Louis briefly before looking back at the lawyer. He rested his chin in his open palm, his voice a contemplative tone.
"What if one of us—on our own? By ourselves? Chose to honor Zayn's and Liam's wishes on our own?"
Louis frowned at Harry, his smirk making Harry wary. He cocked his head to the side as if he was trying to figure Harry out. He reached out and dragged his index finger across Harry's gawking mouth, Harry's lips shaded a deep rose. Harry gasped a low hum, Louis shushing him with his forefinger.
"Or both of us?" Louis interrupted, dropping his hand and turning to look at Andy. "Hypothetically."
"Well, they named you. So I just set up a court hearing to grant you temporary custody and that's it. Now, the finances. The estate will cover the mortgage, but that's about it. They didn't have much in the way of savings. They bought this house as an investment after Zayn's mother passed away."
Louis and Harry took this opportunity to roam their eyes around the perimeters of the room, both gaping at the expenses of it all.
Andy noticed their uneasiness and waved his hands in front of them, quickly adding, "But, you know, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's just focus on Isabella."
Andy let his words hang in the air for a beat or two, his mouth opening up to advise, "So I suggest the two of you move in here in the interim. For Isabella."
Harry dropped his head, huffing out humorless laughter through his nostrils until he looked back up at the lawyer. Not one inch of Andy's face looked like he was visibly joking. Harry shook himself out of it, letting the words sink in until his brain wrapped around the words. He was not being serious, was he?
Harry laughed, "You want us to live here together?"
"For Isabella. For now. Until you decide what to do."
Fuck. He was being serious.
Louis and Harry glanced at each other before looking away awkwardly, fixing their fringes out of nervous habit.
Didn't this take a turn for the worst?
*
Harry stared at his own reflection in déjà vu. He continued to stare at the glass window for any sign of Isabella. He was breathing in the air sharply, his breaths coming in quick, short gulps.
Harry remembered when he had a panic episode once and no one knew what to do. Hands had grabbed him in an effort to calm him down, but it had done the exact opposite. Harry felt claustrophobic and collapsed to the floor, Louis rushing to him while everyone around them was yelling for an ambulance. Harry's head was cradled carefully in Louis' lap with Louis' fingers threading through Harry's damp hair.
Harry remembered Louis telling him to relax, his voice a soft rasp, contrasting to all the commotion surrounding them.
"Breathe," Louis had whispered to Harry. Harry could only look up at Louis in childlike wonder. "Count to ten and I promise you, you'll be okay."
And Louis had been right. Harry had breathed in and out slowly and counted to ten until his breaths evened out. He stood up after a short while and people applauded, Harry thanking Louis a million times and Louis brushing it off, softly murmuring, "It was nothing, Styles. You owe me one for saving your life."
Despite the last comment, it wasn't nothing. It meant more to Harry than Louis could have ever imagined.
It was like that now. Except Louis wasn't holding Harry or stroking his hair. Harry drew out a long breath, already mentally counting to ten.
One.
"Okay, sign here, Mr. Styles."
Harry bit his lower lip, scribbling out his neat, box-like signature on the form.
Two.
"And here, Mr. Tomlinson."
Louis did as she told, his hand flying across the document to fill in his own messy handwriting.
Three.
Harry relaxed in his seat only to undermine his own point and quickly stand up, the chair skidding across the floor in the process. Through the clear glass, he caught sight of Isabella hugged in a woman's arms in the other room.
"Oh, there she is."
Four.
Harry went over to grab Isabella, cooing at the little bundle in his arms. Isabella began to fidget profusely in Harry's arms, kicking her feet against his chest wildly. She was doing that pout that she always did before she began crying, her face sour and her little fists pounding on Harry's chest.
Five.
Louis ran over to them, digging his hands into his back pockets. As soon as Isabella caught sight of him, she cried louder and extended her arms towards him.
"Hey, look, wanna go with Tommo? Go with Uncle Tommo."
Six.
Harry gently handed Isabella over, Louis securely hoisting Isabella in his arms with her head resting on his chest. Isabella quieted down, sucking on her thumb and fluttering her eyes shut.
"Oh, God. We should get her home."
Seven.
Louis nodded and hugged Isabella tighter to his chest. Harry saw the thick lines of tendons stretching on either side of Louis' column and wondered if Louis felt the same weird tightness in his throat as he did. The intrusion only became stronger when Harry realized that Isabella was the only thing they had left that reminded them of Zayn and Liam. They had their home movies and picture albums and memories of course, but Isabella was them, truly them. Isabella had Zayn's mannerisms and Liam's kindness. She was them. And in some way, it was as if Zayn and Liam were still here. Louis and Harry had to do whatever it took to protect Isabella at all costs. And Harry knew Louis would go further than to protect her; Louis did have a long streak of getting into pub fights if someone as so much harassed his friends the wrong way. Louis was overprotective of the people he cared about and Harry respected that.
Eight.
Harry shared a small smile with Louis, his hand lifting to cradle Isabella's tiny head. Louis exhaled deeply and bit down on the thin cushion of his top lip.
Nine.
Harry hesitated for a moment before leaning in and hooking his chin on Louis' shoulder. He felt Louis' body stiffen underneath him until he seemed to relax enough to lean back into Harry's touch. Under any other circumstance, Harry knew Louis would have complained and pushed him away, probably would have muttered, "You're going soft on me, H." But for some odd reason, Louis didn't, and Harry didn't question him about it either.
Truth been told, Harry was scared he was going to unseam this delicate moment they stitched together. Harry wasn't about to rip apart the threads anytime soon.
Ten.
Harry breathed out of his nostrils hotly, Louis' lips pressed to Harry's neck, Isabella sleeping and squished between their chests.
Everything was going to be okay. Louis had promised.