Right there and then, I was wishing that I was the one who died rather than James Francis because I knew I wouldn't live without him from now on. He was my buddy, my best friend, and my protector aside from being my boyfriend for almost 7 years. And then I remembered he once told me that he was willing to die just to save me from any harm and I thought back then that he was just kidding. I didn't take him seriously.
I just never imagined that the day has come and I wasn't even ready. I'd never even imagined that James Francis was the answer my brother Anthony Lyndon asked for.
*****
Six months later...
I went to the graveyard to visit James' tomb. It was supposed to be our 7th year anniversary this day. It was just me and I wanted to be alone with him. I brought along two pieces of blue medium candles, it was our favorite color, and a basket full of yellow and white tulips -- which he always gave me instead of roses because for him, tulips were a mysterious and rare yet passionate and lovable flowers, just like me as he said.
I lighted the candles and put them on either side of the tomb along with the basket of flowers then kneel. I seek forgiveness from him, but I knew he would always forgave me long before I suffered from the disease. I also prayed for the peace of his soul and mumbled my thanks to him for giving me a great life. I also prayed to the Lord that be James' guidance and protector now. That He keep his soul safe just as he kept mine.
I put a piece of paper between the flowers, the one James wrote that my brother gave me when we were still at the hospital in London. I've read them there but I hadn't finish reading it because of so much emotions I felt that day. I only finished reading them when we got back home.
After a moment of kneeling, I stood up and wept away my tears that I hadn't known was there. And headed to my waiting car to go home with a sense of peaceful spirit within me.
I was so grateful to him and forever would be.