Sorry for the delay--I ran into a wee smidge of writer's block on this chapter. The good news: it's longer than usual, over 3000 words. So I hope that the added length helps to make up for the delay. Enjoy!!!! And please vote, fan, like, comment, etc. Thanks!!
Chapter 42: Summer Nights
Bella moved back to her home the second day of August and returned to work at Newton's a few days later. I greatly missed her constant presence in our home, mourning more than a little (as Alice pointed out more than once) when Bella insisted upon going home to care for her father. When she picked up her job again, working only two days per week for her first two weeks back, according to Carlisle's orders, I missed her even more. Although I attempted to mask my sullen mood in front of Bella, at least, my family was all-too-aware of my darker attitude as I spent hours pacing in my room, unable to be at peace until I was in the presence of my beautiful girl once again.
Of course, I spent every moment with her that I could, especially with summer slipping past us all too quickly; only three weeks remained until the Labor Day holiday weekend; our final year at Forks High began the following day. And then Bella's eighteenth birthday arrived exactly a week after the first day of classes.
Alice was already plotting a huge surprise party to celebrate Bella's birthday, blatantly ignoring my dire warnings that Bella would despise such a public celebration. My sister was planning to invite nearly the entire senior class and even debated having a swimming pool installed behind the house so that she could host a pool party with a Hawaiian theme, complete with grass skirts on all the tables, fresh plumeria leis overnighted from Honolulu's best florist, and actual Hawaiian beach sand around the edges of the pool area.
I definitely had my work cut out for me in reducing Alice's wild plans into something that Bella would actually not hate with a passion. Not that Bella would enjoy any celebration, but I would have to acquiesce to at least a small family party to partially appease my dynamo of a sister—a party complete with a specially-designed cake (even though Bella would be the only one to consume it) and lavish gifts that Bella would certainly object to.
My dream celebration of Bella's birthday was quite different from what either Alice or Bella would consider: I desperately wanted to fly Bella to Paris for Labor Day weekend (on the supersonic Concorde to make the most of our limited time), spending several days alone together, showing her the sights of the most romantic city in the world. But I knew my love too well: Bella would cringe at the money spent on the extravagance of such a trip, and Charlie's objections would be vociferous despite the fact that my motives were pure (well, mostly pure), so I didn't dare mention my wishes. Nor was I foolish enough to bring up Alice's extravagant party plans, hoping that my pixie-of-a-sister would envision Bella's severe distress and change her lavish plans without my interference (and thus I could possibly escape Alice's considerable wrath).
And as much as I desired to shower Bella with expensive gifts to celebrate her birthday, I knew better. She had already bound me to a vow of not spending any money on gifts for her. In fact, she had extracted such promises from my entire family and even from her own parents. Bella was adamant about keeping her birthday completely under wraps at school and minimizing all family efforts to celebrate her in any way.
So I did not dare to mention my wishes for the Paris trip to Bella as I had heard far too much grumbling about her upcoming birthday already. Apparently Bella despised the fact that on her birthday she would be eighteen, a year older than my so-called “age.” No matter how many times I attempted to persuade her that I was truly 107 and that she had nothing to worry about, she pouted in silence, her deep brown eyes both frustrated and sad.
And I knew the reasons behind both expressions. Bella was frustrated that I continued to refuse to change her into what I was. No matter how many times I patiently explained my reasons for my choice, Bella refused to agree that vampires, especially “vegetarian” vampires such as my family, were still monsters. If only she had been awake during the nights she had spent in our home! The wildness of passion between the mated couples in our home frequently had driven me away from the house over the years as I was often unwilling to witness the animalistic couplings of the three sets of lovers though their thoughts.
Not that I didn't want Bella in that way; my imaginings tended in that direction far too often as I pictured Bella with an immortal, indestructible body that could not only withstand but also return all of the powerful love and passion I felt toward her. Bella had little idea of how strictly I had to keep myself in control to merely brush my lips against hers. Having to hold my feelings and desires so carefully in check frustrated me to no end, but my moral side, assisted by frequent encouragement from Carlisle, recognized that the glories of unrestrained sex were not reason enough to rob Bella of her precious humanity.
So my imagination was all I had...imagination and many ice-cold showers.
I also refused to steal her soul although Carlisle disagreed with me on that all-important point.
The month Bella spent in our home during her convalescence was pure torture for me, yet sweetly so. I adored gathering Bella's fragile body against mine and holding her there, all night every night, even with a blanket separating us to protect her from my coldness. Yet with Bella living with us, I could no longer escape our home during the displays of vampiric passion which, although held behind closed doors, were all-too-loudly displayed in my mind as their passionate thoughts relentlessly bombarded me each and every night. As much as I tried to concentrate upon Bella's lovely presence, her unconscious beauty, it was only during her episodes of sleep-talking, when I strained to understand her faint mumblings that expressed her love for me, that I could successfully block their intimacies from my mind.
Thus the cold showers while Bella slept innocently down the hall.
And both Bella and I were unbelievably frustrated.
Frustration was not easy, but I can handle it. However, the accompanying sadness in Bella's eyes undid me, tearing at my heart and melting my resolve to protect her, body and soul.
Especially when I knew that her sadness stemmed from her feeling as though I didn't truly want her...forever.
No matter how many times I expressed my love to Bella, through words and actions, she could not accept that I truly desired her...until I decide to keep her for all eternity.
Unfortunately, I had not come to this knowledge on my own; it took Alice sitting me down one afternoon while Bella worked at Newton's and gently explaining Bella's feelings to me from a woman's point-of-view. I sighed at the memory, recalling how doltish I had felt, having my sister convey Bella's internal struggles and insecurities.
So here I was, caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. I refused to destroy Bella's precious human life and beautiful soul by changing her into a vampire, yet because I refused her, loving her too much to subject her to a soulless existence driven by constant thirst for blood, Bella doubted my love for her. No matter what I said, no matter how many times I said it, she seemed not to be able to truly accept that she was worthy of my love or that I loved her with every frozen atom of my being...unless I was willing to make her like me—forever.
So on this Tuesday evening in mid-August, I strolled up her front walkway just after the hot summer sun dipped below the horizon. Summer was difficult for my family, even here in Forks, as the vast majority of the Olympic Peninsula's sunny days occurred in July and August. We were forced to take more care than usual, curtailing our outdoor activities until after the sun set. I had waited down the street in my Volvo until the exact moment the sun disappeared, then drove to her home, parking my car in her driveway behind Bella's monstrous truck a mere moment later. Waiting until dusk to see her was the most difficult, the most frustrating part of each day.
As I raised my fist to knock on the Swans' front door, I heard Bella and Charlie speaking inside, and I paused as my name came up. As much as I knew I should alert them to my presence, I decided to listen to their conversation for a just a moment first.
“Bells, you know how important it is for us to rebuild our friendship with the Blacks. Billy and I went through a tough patch lately, so whenever they invite us to do something, I want to go. I'm sorry if that means that you won't see Edward Friday night, but you see him every single evening anyway.” The last words were growled; obviously Charlie's opinion of me following the catastrophe in Phoenix still hasn't improved terribly, despite my devotion to Bella during her illness. I sighed silently.
“But, Dad, I'm working all day Friday, and that evening is the only time I'll be able to see Edward all day. I can go down to La Push on Saturday if you want, but the evenings are mine and Edward's special time together. Our only time together.” Bella's voice was taut with frustration and repressed tears; apparently her work schedule was bothering her nearly as much as it was me. I never felt as though we had enough time together lately, and it was driving me insane.
“You need to balance your time better, Bella,” Charlie scolded. “Jake hasn't seen you for over a month—closer to six weeks, actually—and that was when you were in the hospital. It's been even longer since Billy saw you—and you won't give up just one evening to have a barbecue with them?” Charlie had dropped all subtlety and was shamelessly wheedling, unloading a guilt-trip worthy of a Jewish mother, or however the saying went. But I groaned internally at his words, recognizing that Bella would almost certainly give in to the guilt provoked by her father.
As much as I wanted to spend every possible moment with Bella, I recognized that she needed to have a social life beyond myself and my family, especially as a teenaged human girl. But I couldn't stem the panic rising in my chest at the thought of Bella being over the boundary in Quileute lands—someplace I couldn't go to watch her, where I couldn't protect her.
And Jacob's little crush on Bella was downright annoying.
Bella groaned, then, just as I figured, huffed a disgruntled “Fine!” to Charlie, giving into his badgering with poor grace, and stomped up the stairs to demonstrate the extent of her displeasure. I stifled a laugh at her stereotypical teenage behavior—a rarity for her. The vast majority of the time she behaved much more maturely than her years, but at this moment she was all teen.
At last I knocked at her door, grinning to myself as I heard Bella's gasp of pleasure. I heard her do a 180 at the top of the stairs and come bounding down them, breathlessly pulling open the door for me.
I pasted a smile on my face as I greeted Charlie, more than a little peeved at his strong-armed tactics in forcing Bella to attend this evening with Billy—who had stared at me with hatred—and Jacob—who still seemed unusually ill-at-ease in my presence.
Part of me still struggled with forgiving Jacob Black for revealing to Bella what I and my family are, and part of me was simply jealous of his and Bella's longstanding and easy friendship. Somehow he seemed to understand Bella more fully than I did...far too often.
Bella grasped my hand, smiling, and pulled me behind her into the kitchen where she continued with washing the dishes, her apparent activity when Charlie had started his guilt-tripping. As she turned to the sink, I wordlessly picked up a dishtowel and dried the dishes she washed and rinsed, putting them away in their proper place.
Charlie stood at the end of the kitchen counter for a few moments, watching us work in comfortable tandem before harrumphing and returning to the television to watch the start of the Mariners' game.
“So,” I started, sounding far more calm than I felt, my voice low enough that Charlie couldn't hear me over the roar of the baseball crowds, “do I understand that we won't see each other on Friday?”
Nearly dropping the frying pan she was rinsing into the sudsy sink, Bella's eyes flew to mine. First anger then guilt crossed her expressive face. “You heard?” she whispered, darting an angry glance in the direction of her father.
I took the pan from her grasp, not meeting her eyes as I dried it thoroughly. I couldn't think of a way to express my concern regarding her being somewhere in which I could not watch over her or protect her without raising her ire. Bella's stubborn independence often frustrated me, yet I loved it, too—at least when it was not directed toward me. “Yes,” I responded quietly.
“I just haven't seen Billy or Jacob in such a long time,” she explained, slightly defensive.
I laughed humorlessly. “Bella, I heard the load of guilt your father laid on you. There was no way to tell him 'no' after that, was there?”
“No, there wasn't,” she grumbled. She looked shyly at me as she handed me the last dish to dry. “You don't mind?”
“Oh, I mind,” I corrected gently. “But I do understand, Bella.”
“Thanks,” she breathed. After I put away the salad bowl and she had wiped down the kitchen counters and stove, she drew close to me, placing both arms around my neck. “I think,” she smiled slyly, looking at me through her long lashes, “that such understanding deserves a reward.”
“Does it now?” I breathed, placing my hands on her slender hips and pulling her against me.
“Hmmm, definitely.” Bella lifted her face toward me, and I couldn't resist her gentle yet unsubtle advances. I bent my head toward hers, brushing my cold lips against her warm ones...once, twice, a third time, before moving my mouth against hers more passionately. Bella melted against me, her fingers twisting deliciously into the hair at the nape of my neck.
Unfortunately, after only two minutes of kissing Bella, Charlie pulled himself to his feet, his mind on fetching a beer during the commercial break between innings. Reluctantly I pulled myself away from Bella. At her surprised look of displeasure, I whispered, “Charlie,” and instant understanding lit her face. She moved quickly away from me, grabbing a glass from the cupboard over the sink and filling it with water before Charlie ambled into the kitchen. I was leaning nonchalantly against the stove on the opposite side of the kitchen from the sink, as far from Bella as I could get while still remaining in the kitchen.
Charlie's suspicious eyes roamed from his blushing daughter who almost overfilled her glass of water to me, chagrined at not catching us doing something he could berate me over; he was rather hoping to throw me out on my ear if he ever found me making out with his daughter. But with my vampiric senses and mindreading, I was always at least one (if not several) steps ahead of him, and his frustration rose as he never caught us doing what he (correctly) assumed we were doing behind his back.
His mindset was slightly ridiculous, given that Bella was nearly eighteen, but I understood his desire to protect his daughter; I felt even more protective of Bella and knew how difficult it was to not be in complete control of all situations relating to her.
“We're going for a short walk, Dad,” Bella informed him after taking a long drink from her glass of water. “We'll be back soon.”
Charlie looked first at his daughter, then at me, obviously suspicious, then crooked his eyebrow at Bella. She groaned dramatically, then said, “We'll stay on our street, Dad. Okay?” she challenged.
Charlie nodded to her, then gave me a meaningful look which I returned with an innocent expression that seemed to annoy him to no end. He stalked back to his baseball game as Bella, grabbing my hand again, spirited me out the door, closing it emphatically behind her.
With our hands linked, we walked slowly down her street toward the dead end a couple of houses down. The night air was cool and refreshing after a particularly warm and humid day, and Bella breathed in the pine-scented air appreciatively.
“Ahhhh, freedom!” she exulted quietly, squeezing my hand. I smiled back at her in return, rejoicing in her happy expression which was free from worry or frustration for the first time in a long time; her sheer beauty astounded me into awed silence.
“What is it?” she asked, uncomfortable with the intensity of my gaze.
I stopped walking, scooping Bella into my arms and whisking us behind a tree out of the line of sight of her house in case Charlie was attempting to watch us. Setting her gently on her feet once again, I captured her lips in a searing kiss that made Bella breathless.
Literally.
Pulling back from the kiss, I traced the delectable shape of her lips with a cool index finger as I commanded quietly, “Breathe, love.”
Bella's eyes were slightly out of focus, but she obeyed, taking in a lungful of sweet night air as I continued in a whisper, “You are so lovely.”
She blinked twice, then smiled slightly, her eyes fixed on my lips just as mine were glued to hers. “Kiss me again, please?” she requested politely.
“You wish, my command,” I responded teasingly, bending over her again.
And we lost ourselves in a deep, uninterrupted kiss that seared my mind and tempted me wildly to break every single one of my careful rules as my lips gently assaulted hers, both of us gasping in the twilight of this lovely August evening....
Wow--we're nearing the end of Evening Star--can you believe it? Only 5-6 more chapters, perhaps a few more, depending on where the story takes me.
My son has an algebra class from 10-12 for the next two weeks before school starts, so I'm hoping to get *tons* written on this story while he's in class. So I hope to have a new chapter for you by Friday at the latest, making up for the ten days between postings this time.
Please do like, comment, fan, and especially VOTE! I love having you all along for the ride, especially as we get near the end <sob!>.
Love you all!!!
~~Cassandra :)