to whomever it may concern,
if you're reading this i'm dead. hopefully. i'm sorry, but at the same time, i'm not. i am, because of who it may affect around me, but i'm really not because i wanted this more than anything right now. i wanted to be with michael, and if you're reading this i am and i'm happy again.
that fucker left me in this world without any warning whatsoever, not even a goodbye. he left me and took my heart when he left. my angel became an angel in the sky and i couldn't, i couldn't fucking deal with it.
it had been exactly 100 days after michael died, and that was it for me. call me selfish, call me a coward, 'he took the easy way out' because i really don't care anymore. i did it for michael, to be with him, the love of my life. did you know he was going to propose to me before he killed himself? way to pour salt in the wound huh.
i don't think this is even a suicide note anymore, well it is, but i'm just talking about him. fuck i'm a mess. i guess that's what happens when you're about to commit suicide, you'd have to be pretty far gone to know. i just really miss him. i think i'm losing my mind, every time i cry i swear i feel him hold me, the way he used to whenever i was upset.
to whoever is reading this, probably calum or ashton, most likely calum, considering he's been checking on me every single day since i got the call. either way, calum if this is you i'm sorry, i know that doesn't mean anything and it sure as fuck wont change anything, but i truly do mean it, i don't want you to experience anymore grief, and i know that sounds stupid considering what i'm doing today. i know it really hurt you when michael left, ash too, it hurt all of us, but none of you knew him like me, or loved him like i did- sorry- do. ashton if this is you i am also sorry, the same thing applies. i love both of you but i need to do this, you'll understand when you fall in love as hard as i did. don't do anything as stupid as i'm doing or ill haunt both your asses, michael and i. seriously, be strong guys, it'll be okay eventually. (also if it's anyone else ignore all of that and what the hell are you doing in my apartment)
this is it, i finally get to see my angel again, my beautiful angel.
-luke
(a/n) that's it, that's the end of the book. pretty shitty right?
just to clear things up, michael had a really dark history of depression (keyword, history) and he thought he had gotten past it but it kinda struck back at the worst possible time, and the worst it had ever been. it really fucked him up because he hadn't felt it that strong in a long time nd everything and yeah, and luke (obviously, considering i literally just wrote it above) couldn't handle michael being gone and eventually took his own life. im sorry if this isnt really how you wanted the book to turn out but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
(side note: this is the first book i've ever managed to finish so yay me!!) im actually hella proud of this and yeah, if you're wondering why the story took such a shitty turn, it's kind of a coping mechanism for my own feelings so, all of is, not just the sad parts.
- nicholas