:: Attempt 04 | Lost Time Memory ::
""Soumei" nanka ja mae wa mukenai
Riyuu ga nai kara kusatteiku
Maki modotte kurereba ii no ni na
"Nannen tatte mo boku wa shinanai
Kibou-ron bakari wo tonaeteiru
Touzen, kyou mo kimi wa inai no ni sa."
[With things like "wisdom," I can't look forward;
There's no reason, so I keep rotting
If only things could be wound back..
As many years pass, I won't die,
Always proclaiming hopeful ideas,
Even though naturally, you're still not here..]
-"Lost Time Memory" by Jin (Shizen no Teki-P)
[Popularized in the anime, Mekakucity Actors. English translation from the Kagerou Project wikia.]
x + x
Monotonous.
I stare at my hands, charcoal staining my scarred fingertips. All around me, the dull, incessant drone of the teacher goes on; the scratching of ballpoint pens against paper to be heard in the tension-filled stillness of the room.
I sigh, resting my chin against my palm.
I never thought that attending class could be this... Uninteresting.
With another brief exhale, I pick up my pencil, the beginnings of a sketch half-formed upon my 'canvas'.
A young woman kneels before me, hands clasped as she begs for mercy. Tears stream down the strangely familiar hollows of her gaunt cheeks, and I lift my firearm.
"No-- No! Please.. Stop.." She says, gesturing to her sister, which lay beside her; a harsh cut along her angular features. My lips start to twitch, and I resist the urge to let them be pulled down into a frown.
'Miles' hovers behind me, adjusting his stance so that he looms protectively over my shoulder; his grip tightening around one of the twin daggers I had gifted him with. His voice is a hurried whisper in my ear, a harsh brush of air along the nape of my neck as my shoulders immediately tense. "'Venatrix', we don't have much time left," he says urgently. I look at him out of my peripheral vision, meeting his evergreen eyes.
Their normally playful gaze is replaced with the steely glint of alarm, a stark contrast. I inhale sharply, steadying my grip upon my gun.
The girl - who looks to be a few years older than me - seems to realize what I am about to do, as she instinctively cradled her injured sister to her torso, a single cry escaping her lips.
"Le meurtier. [1]"
And then I fire.
A shrill ring cut through the atmosphere. I look up just in time to see my fellow 'classmates' passing my desk on their way to their normal routines during lunch. I recline back into my seat, unable to shut off the hissed rumors certainly spreading by now.
Any minute, any second, a certain personage will--
"Aoi." As expected. "It's time for lunch."
I stand, carefully arranging my things - which consists of a sketchpad, art materials, along with a few empty notebooks, sweeping them in one fluid motion into my messenger bag. A frown remains fixed upon my face as he - Asano Gakushu - takes my hand, leading me out of the class amidst sibilant whispers.
Really. Will this day ever end?
"I know my way around, Gakushu." I remark, pointedly turning to my supposed 'boyfriend' as we weave through the crowd. He simply glances at me, tightening his grip upon my hand as he smiles.
The triumphantly smug grin of a predator.
"I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I left you alone in the classroom now, would I?" He questions, amusement lurking within his purple eyes. I look away, intent upon searching for Tsubaki instead.
We pass by Class 3-C, its wooden door hanging ajar. I halt my footsteps, letting go of his hand as I peer inside. Gakushu, likewise, slows to a stop beside me; curiosity, along with impatience, emanating from his form.
She sits alone in the otherwise empty classroom, shuffling a few notebooks in her hands. A relieved sigh escapes my lips, and I raise a hand, rapping upon the door twice.
"Tsubaki, do you mind coming with me? It's already time for lunch."
Tsubaki looks up, dropping an ash-gray notebook. Understanding flickers through her passive visage, and a look of surprise adorns her pale features as a rosy flush tinged her cheeks at my words. "A-Aoi-sama!" I wrinkle my nose at the honorific, smiling slightly as she hurriedly makes her way through the desks. "Y-you didn't need to fetch me; I was about to g-go to your room..."
"It's fine, Tsubaki. Also, you can call me without an honorific. How many times should I repeat myself?" I reply, turning sharply as the demonic entity tightens his grip upon my hand - just enough that I can't pull free without drawing the unneeded notice of other gossip mongers. "Also, Gakushu, let go."
He shakes his head, smirking as he pulls me close. I shoot him a murderous glare, elbowing his side. He merely raises an eyebrow, undoubtedly entertained by my prickly behavior.
" Should we go now, A-Aoi..?" Tsubaki queries timidly, glancing pointedly at the demon beside me. Away from this bastard, maybe?
I sigh, unable to tug my hand free from his grasp.
Will this day ever end?
x + x
Much to my expectations, the day went by relatively slowly.
Days went by in the same manner, interspersed with several encounters here and there with Asano's countless fangirls. I was infuriated, to say the least. Had they no respect for themselves that they appear to throw themselves at this arrogant imbecile?
Currently, I'm in yet another situation of the like. And no, I am not amused.
"Asano-kun, can you help me with this?"
"Asano-kun!"
I tug my headphones closer to my ears, turning up the volume to its maximum to drown out their extremely annoying voices. Shut the hell up, damn it..
"Nani mo dekinai de tada, nōnō to
Jinsei o musabotta
"Natsu ga yume o miseru no nara, kimi o
Tsuresaru mae e" nante
Terekakushi shita hibi ga kūki o terashite
Nōri o kogashite iku--"
Another fangirl walks by, bumping into my desk along the way. My sketchpad slides off its wooden surface, falling to the floor; several of my sketches flying out of its pages.
A fallen angel reaching up to the heavens, feathers tearing free of his useless wings; a girl, hiding her face as a teardrop falls... And the last--
As though annoyed by the disturbance, the girl glances at my works, muttering a brief curse as she purposefully steps on my sketches. It wrinkles, dirt in the image of her footprint left upon the first one she saw.
A sketch of my mother and I.
Outstretched hands reach towards me, and I giggle as mother continues to sing, cradling me close. She smiles, smoothing out my hair as she weaves a lock of it into a loose braid, pinning it at the back of my head.
"My little skylark," she says with pure affection, swiftly pressing kiss to my forehead. I tug at my mother's chestnut-colored hair, leaning my head against her collar.
"I know that one day, you'll be the princess of your own story."
I immediately stand, my teeth grinding against each other as I restrain the fury that engulfs me. I kneel upon the floor, carefully taking my drawings into my hands and replacing them into the pages of my sketchpad.
As I get up once again, I tuck an unruly strand of my hair behind an ear, and advance towards the perpetrator.
Seriously. Wipe off that load of make-up, you piece of shit.
"If I may ask," I force a smile, clasping my hands together in my lap as I face the girl. She purses her lips, failing to act haughtily - as her nervous glances towards the rest of the class say otherwise. "Why are you in such a hurry to get to my boyfriend?"
She freezes, about to speak as the bell instantly rang, signalling the start of the next period. I raise an unimpressed brow, turning on my heel as I head back to my desk.
"Next time, look before you pass, you useless imbecile."
x + x
The only way to avoid further confrontations with Asano and his fangirls? Erase my existence from the hell known as Class 3-A.
"A-Aoi!"
I halt my hurried footsteps, turning to look back at Tsubaki.
"What is it?" I ask as soon as she takes her place by my side, breathing heavily. Perhaps she ran all the way to the entrance?
"You're going home now, right?" She smiles slightly, tilting her head to the side. I nod, glancing at the nearly empty hallways. A vast majority of the students were in their classrooms, no doubt chatting to one another.
How stupid.
"Then, can we go to this nearby grocery store? We won't take long.." She trails off, propping up her glasses with a hand. A smile tugs at my lips, and I shift my messenger bag to the side, slowing down my hurried pace.
"Shall we go now, then?" I hum in thought, tapping the toe of my shoe against the pavement. "I'd like to be back before dusk."
I smile at Tsubaki once more, turning to look at the streets. Little has changed from three years ago, yet I could feel the tension in the atmosphere - as if the city is currently holding its breath.
Somehow, I should find a way to locate my target. Otherwise--
"Sū-nen tatte mo kage wa kienai,
Kanjō bakari ga tsunotte iku.
Uzukumatte hitori egaite ita."
"Hey, A-Aoi, isn't that your cellphone ringing?" Tsubaki questions, gesturing to my messenger bag.
"Enten chokka sakamichi no ue,
Nijinda bokura ga aruite ita;
Natsu no ondo ga me ni nokotte ita."
I stiffen, staring at the caller ID in surprise. How did he-- Oh no. I bite back an instinctive curse, pressing the 'Accept call' option.
'Treis' gave him my number. Damn it.
"Hello, 'Miles'." I say calmly, much to the chuckling on the other line.
"Yo, 'Venatrix', how's it going?" He laughs, "Doing well enough on that infiltration mission, I guess?"
I grit my teeth, curling my fingers around the mobile phone. Honestly, he can never change, can't he? "What about you? You are still alive, I suppose. How is your training with 'Novem' progressing?"
Silence met my ears. Oh. He did something again.
Preferably something idiotic enough that he earned a tongue-lashing.
"W-well.. He's still beating me up, that's for sure!" 'Miles' forces another laugh, earning a raised eyebrow from me. If I concentrate hard enough, I can picture him scratching his cheek in that sheepish gesture he normally does. "Never mind that, Atalanta. 'Treis' asked me ta' give ya a hint."
"No thank you."
"Still uptight as always. Loosen up!"
"If it's not anything important, 'Miles', I'm hanging up."
"Fine, fine. Here it is: 'Class 3-E'."
"What?" An E class?
"You didn't know?" I can definitely hear the disbelief in his voice. "Never mind. By the way, it's that day again in a few weeks, isn't it?"
I can feel icy tendrils snaking their way up and down my back at the sudden solemnity of his voice. I look down at my right hand, the other holding the phone close to my ear.
I won't forget. I never can.
Whenever I close my eyes, I can see it all over again - the blood coating my fingers, the way the gun slipped from my fingertips, her smile.
And somehow, it makes my resolve waver all over again.
"--Hey,'Venatrix', ya still listenin'?" He questions, concern in his tone. "Sorry if I asked."
I clear my throat, tenaciously wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand. "It's fine. Why did you call aside from that hint?"
"Oh.. That's a secret!" He chuckles. If I think long enough, I can imagine him smiling mischievously on the other side of the world. "Well then, sayonara shiyou ka?"
I blink once, twice, shaking my head. Did he just.. Quote "Kagerou Project"'s "Lost Time Memory"?
Subconsciously or subliminally, I smile. "'Sayonara' is used for saying goodbye if two people don't meet for a long time. Are you sure you want me to say that to you?"
"Well.. I guess not."
Before I hang up, however, I hear him sing:
"'Sayōnara shiyou ka?' nante.
Sabishī koto iwanaide, ikanaide.
Kageboushi ga son'na boku o
Mitsumete itanda."
"Aoi.. Who was it?" Startled, I look back at Tsubaki, my phone still within my grasp.
And I smile.
"He's just a close friend of mine."
- To be continued.
[Originally written: January 3rd, 2016. Edited: July 22nd, 2016. Changes: a couple of flashbacks, additional scenes, and a few minor edits.]
Translation Notes:
[1] Le meurtier - means "murderer" in French. Correct me if I'm wrong.
[2] "Lost Time Memory" by Jin (Shizen no Teki-P)
[Translation from the Kagerou Project wikia.]
2.1 Nani mo dekinai de tada, nōnō to
Jinsei o musabotta
"Natsu ga yume o miseru no nara, kimi o
Tsuresaru mae e" nante
Terekakushi shita hibi ga kūki o terashite
Nōri o kogashite iku--"
[I can't do anything, so I just casually
Indulge in life
"If the summer can show us dreams,
Let's go to before you were taken away"
The days I hid out of shame light up the air,
Scorching my mind.]
2.2 Su-nen tatte mo kage wa kienai;
Kanjō bakari ga tsunotte iku,
Uzukumatte hitori egaite ita.
[Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade;
It only invites more emotions
I crouched, and I drew alone.]
2.3 Enten chokka sakamichi no ue,
Nijinda bokura ga aruite ita,
Natsu no ondo ga me ni nokotte ita.
[Under a blazing sun, on a hilly road,
We walked, blurry figures,
The summer heat was left in my eyes.]
2.4 "'Sayōnara shiyou ka?' nante.
Sabishī koto iwanaide, ikanaide.
Kageboushi ga son'na boku o
Mitsumete itanda."
[Shall I say "goodbye?", you say;
Don't say such lonely things, don't go away.
The silhouettes stood by,
And they watched me.]