Please note that this is no longer an actual chapter, just something that I had written long ago. This is no longer part of the actual book. Thank you. This is also not edited.
Three Years Later
"We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of Carla Sawyer-"
"Kylie?" I hear Damian whisper. I look to him, slightly out of it. "Are you okay?"
"I'm burying my mum.. I'm definitely not okay." We had the kids between us. I didn't want to bring them because I knew this could be traumatising in some ways for them. But, we were saying goodbye to their grandma. I couldn't let them not say goodbye. After all, they really loved her. I felt Ryan take hold of my hand, smiling up at me.
"Grandma is in a better place now." He whispers, leaning into me and giving me a hug. "She wouldn't want you crying, she would want you happy. Don't cry, mummy." Bless this boy. I kiss the top of his head and we listen to a few words that people had to say about my mum. Jake had, oddly enough, asked Damian to say some stuff about my mum. I was shocked when I heard that Jake asked Damian to say a few words. After all, they don't entirely get on still. I know when I'm around they act all nice, but they think I don't know that they secretly don't get on. Damian kept what he wrote about her a secret, so I had no idea what he was going to say. Damian knew I wouldn't take the funeral so well, so he offered to speak from the both of us. I rejected that, though. I wanted to say something myself.
"She was a great woman, I'll admit that. Beyond great, even. I may not have been her actual son, but she sure treated me like one. She treated me like part of the family. Stuff happened a while back with Kylie, and that was one of the worst times for us all. When I blamed myself for everything, it was her parents who had picked me back up. Especially her mum. Things may not have been easy with Kylie and I, but they didn't judge or anything. She was a wonderful grandmother to my kids, and Jake's. She was just awesome, and I know she will be deeply missed. She welcomed me into her family, and I appreciate it. I appreciate all that she has done for my family, especially my kids. I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law." People clapped and people cried. Me? I felt like a robot. No emotion. Damian came and sat down again, and I knew it was mine and Jake's turn to say something.
"That was really good, daddy." I heard Riley whisper.
"Good luck, mummy." I heard Ryan tell me.
"Thanks.." I mumble. I walk up to the front and stand next to Jake. He pulls me into a hug. I pull away and take a deep breath. "There isn't really much I can say. Everyone has said everything. Mum was so loved, I mean look at how many of you there are. Mum was my role model growing up, no offence dad." Some people laughed when I had said that, it was intended to be funny though. At least I brought light to this moment. "I love my mum, she was just the best. To be honest, I don't even know what to say. Just...mum, you'll be missed so much. Thank you for always being there for me." Jake said a few words too, along the same lines as me and sharing some memories. I stood there, looking among all the faces who were tear stained. I honestly didn't know my mum knew all these people. Jake and I sat with our families, Ryan attaching himself to me again.
"I'll be strong for us both." He mutters. For the next fifteen or so minutes, we watched a video that someone had put together about her life. It included pictures from when she was a child all the way up until now. It also included little videos from her childhood. There was also pictures from when my parents met, their marriage, when Jake was born, when I was born, Jake and Samantha's wedding and Damian and I's wedding. There were video clips from when she was playing with the kids. It warmed my heart.
After that, we had left the church. My dad, Jake and I had decided on cremation so that we could spread her ashes in her favourite place; where she met my dad.
"Baby, do you want to go home?" I nod my head and we say goodbye to everyone. Whilst they gave me their condolences. We headed home and as soon as we did, I went straight to our bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I stared up at the ceiling. "Do you want anything, love?"
"No." I felt the bed dip slightly and I sit up, looking to Damian. He looks at me with sad eyes, trying to smile at me but failing.
"I know you're hurt, sad.. I know you'll be angry, since grief does that.. But you know I'll always be here for you, right?" I nod my head, smiling at him. "I know you're not okay..and I don't know what you're feeling but-" he stops speaking when I wrap my arms around him, hugging him.
"Please just hold me." I murmur, resting my head on his chest. He puts his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.
"I'll sort dimmer for the kids, you just stay and rest. Okay?"
"No, no. I'll make dinner. I'm..I'm fine."
"Baby, I know you aren't."
"I'm fine, I have to be strong. Mum wouldn't want me to just waste away. I have to keep going on and make sure my kids are okay. Besides, you've got work."
"Are you sure?"
"I am." I smile up at him and peck his lips. "I love you."
"I love you more."
"Shh. I love you more."
"Nope! Now come on, let's go watch some tv a little then I'll help you make food. I don't want you on your own, you need to be surrounded with the lot of us."
"Alright."