My meeting with the publishing company went well, just as I had imagined it would. They gave me a year to start on the first book and I told them that I would most likely have it ready for them before then. They liked that a lot. Michael was the first one to call me when I got home from the meeting that I had. He was in rush to get off the phone because he had to go and perform but he said that he just wanted to hear my voice. I liked the sound of that.
I hated the fact that I had to leave Tennessee so soon considering the fact that he was staying there for a whole week. I wondered if I would ever see him again. For, that was the first time we had ever seen each other since he was sitting in the college class of students who was interested in the book that I had written. That had been a year ago. Now I had saw him again and I'm the little time the we had spent together, I guess you could say that I had developed a little crush on him.
My first couple of days back in New York was simple. I go back to my small empty condo and get ready for work the next day. I sit through these therapist sessions and give people advice when really I honestly think all need to do is spend a few Sundays in church. It was then that I realized I lived a very lonely life for a woman who was just in her early twenties. I needed something to do with myself besides constantly dealing with the fucked up conceptions of my family and strangers lives, and constantly sitting down for hours writing stories that I wish I could live in real life.
I found it very hard to believe that I would actually be able to do that. It was impossible.
I was beginning to wonder if living a life as a psychiatrist and a novelist was the kind of life I really wanted to live.
Was it just a way to keep occupied so I wouldn't have to worry myself half to death with the annoyance of the questions that I had running through my head on a daily basis about where my mother might have gone? Or was it really my passion?
I hadn't yet found myself. And that was a disturbing discovery that I had made. There was something missing in my life. I just didn't know what it was.
I was sitting in my office working on some paperwork. I had decided to stay a little later because I didn't want to go home and be utterly bored and lonely all day. The office made me feel a little better. It was an environment, complete with colors of the spring like green, yellow, pink, cream. Wasn't really my style but I was used to it.
It was well have dark and decided to go ahead and get ready to leave. Just then my phone rung. I sighed and picked it up." Hello?"
"Theresa?"It was my little brother, Jacob.
"Yeah?"
"Where are you?"
I laid back in my chair." I'm about to leave my office. Why, what's wrong?"
"I highly suggest you come here first its an important."
I wrinkled my nose." Why do I have to go over there?" That was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
"Theresa please." I could tell by how frustrated his voice sounded that maybe it was important. I sighed stood up picking up my purse and my keys.
"This better be important as you say it is."
"I'm telling you it is."
"Okay."
I didn't know what it was that was so important that I had to be there. Luther said that I wasn't welcomed there and I took his word for it. I hadn't seen him in a year and I don't know how he was doing. Apart me cared about him because he was the only quote unquote, "Father Figure." in my life but another part of me wished he would go burn in hell.
When I made it to the house there was a rush of irritation that came over me. I promised myself that I would never in my life go back there and yet there was standing on that rocky road my ankles shaking in the six inched heels that I wore. I glanced around realized that Josh was no where in the farm. That was so odd. He was on the farm always. I knew then that something was wrong.
I took a deep breath and walked slowly towards the porch steps, being careful not to get my heel stuck in between the cracks. When I made it to the door Jacob opened it before I could even knock. I could tell by the look in his gray eyes that something was wrong.
"What's going on?"I asked.
He stepped outside and closed the door."I know you probably don't want to here this but..."
"But what?"
He looked back towards the house and back me."Mom is back."
I blinked."What?"
"She's back."
I frowned my eyebrows."What is she doing back here?"
He shrugged."I don't know, she just showed up, giving me, Josh, and Kelsi hugs like she never even left." He sighed with frustration." She's wondering where are."
"What does Luther think about it?"
"He's not here, thank God." He said in relief."But if she don't leave before he gets back it would be hell, like for real."
I looked back at the house and back my brother. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all these years my mother comes back straight out of the blue. I always wondered what I would do if she ever came back. Would I hug here tell her to never leave me, ever in her life or would stop right then and there and curse out and ask her why she left us knowing she was leaving in a home where I was unwanted. Now that I was standing in the moment and I was just stuck." Let me in."I said as I walked around him."Theresa are you sure you want to-"
"Let me in." I said again, this time through my teeth.
He sighed and opened the door. He walked in and looked at me with worry in his eyes, I only raised my eyebrow and smirked at him. He headed towards the living room where I saw Josh looking highly pissed off next to him Kelsi sat there with a highly disgusted look on her face. She looked as if she was listening to somebody and then after about five seconds she lifted her head and said." Your not answering my question, What the fuck are you doing here?" I knew she had to have been talking to my mother.
I moved in closer but stayed hidden behind the wall.
"I came back because I miss you guys." her strong Brazilian accent made my ears ring. I hadn't heard it in so long.
"Bull shit, you know that us not why you came, and even if it was you should know that neither on of us missed you. Not me, not Josh, not Jacob, not Theresa."
"Oh come on, baby girl, you know-"
"You left us, you don't know anything about how we have been doing since you left us."Josh said.
"You look like you've been doing fine."
Kelsi let out a bitter laugh."Wow."
"If you honestly think we've been doing fine, your sadly mistaken." Jacob said.
I heard her let out a long sigh."Where's your father, "She asked."And your sister."
Jacob glanced over at me which made me realize that I just couldn't stay hidden behind a wall. I stepped out and crossed my arms raising my eyebrow.
She looked at me, her dark brown eyes filling with astonishment and soon they started to be filled tears."Theresa, look at you, you look as beautiful as I had imagined, just like your grandmother." she stood up and tried to hug me but I stepped.
" What the hell are doing here?"
"Its just like I told your sister-"
"No, seriously, why? You sat there and lied to our faces that Luther was my father and then you leave and years later you try to come back with open arms and expect us to to be all loving to you?"
"Look, I'm sorry, okay. When I left I didn't mean to be gone this long."
"What made you decide to come back?" I asked.
"Your father."
I gave her a look of utter confusion."My father?"
She nodded."Yes, your real father."
My mouth dropped."You've been with him this whole time haven't you?"
She dropped her head."Look I'm sorry."
I shook my head."I have spent my whole life getting apologies from you and everybody else and frankly, they don't mean shit to me!" I said the turned around and began walking out the door.
"Theresa, Please." she said.
I stopped in my tracks and turned around." When you left, you left your rights of being my mother." I said." I suggest, you go back to where you came from because I don't want anything to do with you." Then I turned and walked out the door.