Chapter TwentyThree - The Day I Survived
•Sang•
My head aches and my eyes heavy, my throat feels raw and scratchy and my whole body feels heavy; my chest feeling tender with each breath and my stomach feeling like i have a belly ache.
Opening my eyes the thing I see first is a bundle of balloons in the corner of the room. I already know I'm in the hospital; the sterile smell of the hospital room washes over me.
A voice speaks from beside me and I turn my head. Gabriel. He's talking but he's looking down at where our hands are; mine locked tightly around his. I close my eyes as I let his voice wash over me, listening quietly.
"She fucking told me that in her dreams, you hold her and Peyton tight, reading them stories, laughing and smiling. And you wanna know what I thought in that moment? I thought with a fucking smile that one day very soon that her dream will come true; that you'll fucking come home, wash their hair and tell them the best stories." I smile to myself. Would he really let me wash the girls hair?
"Not just for them, but for us. Luke needs someone to eat chocolate chip pancakes with. Nathan needs fingers to nibble on the fucking weirdo. Kota needs to count that number ten instead of jumping from nine to fucking eleven."
Gabriel moves and I open my eyes just a little. He isn't looking at me but our hands. He's crying and all I want to do is comfort him. " I need you, for so many things; to love you, to hold you, to do your hair and dress you everyday. I need you to carry more babies and I just need you to come home so we can love you." His body shakes and he drops his head to the bed, holding my hand in his.
I can't see him like this so I peel my lips apart and speak. "Meanie, I'll always come home."
His head flies up and his wet baby blue eyes meet mine. "Thank fuck." He stands up and leans over me, moving a few strands of hair from my face. "Your here; your eyes are open. Fucking hell, your here. Your alive."
I smile at him. "Didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?" I joke.
Gabriel shakes his head. "Didn't want you fucking going anywhere anyway." He presses a quick kiss to my lips. "Fuck, your actually awake." His eyes widen. "I'll get the nurse."
"No, wait." I cry, my throat sore and dry and he looks back at me, a frown between his brows. "Not yet." I tell him.
"Why?" He asks, leaning over me and stroking his fingers down my cheek and over my lips.
"Because I want you to tell me more about the girls." I whisper. "I only know so much; Peyton prefers swings to slides at the park where as Rylie likes the monkey bars, Peyton does ballet on a Saturday morning and Rylie goes to gymnastics. Both girls like swimming and you go every Saturday afternoon before taking them out for dinner and then to the movies ever other week." Gabriel gets this soft look on his face as he gazes at me. I don't stop though. "On Tuesdays they go to Uncle's for dinner and on Thursdays Erica's. On Sunday's none of you ever leave the house and on Friday's after school you go to the cemetery."
"I know you've been watching, Nathan said. I just didn't ducking realise how much." He smiles down at me. Sitting back down in his seat, he holds my hand as he tells me everything there is to know about the twins.
Favourite colour.
Favourite food.
What bed time story they like best.
Their favourite movie.
And favourite subject at school.
I learn everything there is to know about them and can only groan in disappointment an hour after he started when the nurse came in to check on me. She wasn't happy that Gabriel hadn't come to get her but I told her that I was to blame.
While the nurse was checking my vitals, blood pressure and other things nurses do, Gabriel slipped out and I know it was because he was letting the others know I was awake.
When he came back in, he sat back down on his chair and simply held my hand. The nurse said that the pain meds I was on will make me sleepy so when my eyes drop close, I don't even try to open them. The last thing I remember was Gabriel giving the back of my hand a kiss and telling me he loves me.
------------------------------------------
I blink my eyes open, the pounding in the side of my head a terrible ache. Looking around the room I see that my boys are all over the place.
Nathan and Gabriel are top and tailing on another hospital bed. Kota and Victor are slumped back in chairs and North sits on the floor, his head back against the wall. Sean and Silas are on the sofa the I didn't even realise was in the room before hand. I smile when I see Luke curled up against my left side, his fingers linked with mine. On my right side, I find Owen sitting in the chair with his head on the bed under his folded arms, his face turned towards me.
They're all sleeping and it takes a moment for it to register that I had been to sleep and hadn't awoken because of a nightmare. I know it's because they're here, close and safe.
But what will happen if I did have one? Especially if I go home. I could scare the girls because I've been told by my brothers that my screams are full of pure fear. I don't want to the scare them and it holds me back about going back home where I'm supposed to be.
It's not just that. I'm damaged, in so many ways. I've had an addiction also. The last thing I want is for the girls witness me having a breakdown like I did, and I certainly don't want the boys to see it again. I'm a mess and I need to sort myself out. Before I see the girls.
I have options.
And I already know that I need to do this myself, without my boys. Sure I would want there support, holding my hand when I need it, but they haven't seen the things I have, been through the things I have. I've already tainted them with some of it, but not all of it. I don't want to taint them with anymore of the darkness I have lived in.
I need help, real help. Away from Charleston and away from my boys. The thought of leaving them again hurts but this time, I know I'll be back. I need to get myself under control. I need to forgive myself for the lives I've taken, the deeds I have done. Maybe telling someone who don't know nothing about me or my life will help.
Decision made, I turn my eyes to Owen. His breaths are regular and even. He's so perfect he doesn't even snore. I lift my hand that lays by his head and run it through is already mused hair. His arm moves from beneath his head and finds my arm, slowly stroking his fingers down my flesh until his fingers can link with mine. I hold his hand as tight as I can and he brings our joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my thumb. "I'm so glad your okay." He whispers, opening his eyes and looking at me. "You shouldn't have pushed me out the way."
I heave in a breath, wincing at the pain in my chest. I lick my lips and swallow before speaking. "If I hadn't then it would be you in this bed and I couldn't allow that. I had to protect you, even if it meant taking a bullet or two."
He sits up and shuffles his chair close to me. His grey eyes stay locked on mine as he says, "I've been in contact with Volto."
My eyes widen. "What? Why?"
"Because I couldn't find your father and I needed to know the real reason you had to become Storms 'property'." Owen literally raised his fingers and made air quotes. It amused me.
"I already told you, Owen. He had a debt..."
Owen cuts me of by the shake of his head. "No, that was a story. This is the real reason." So he tells me what he learned and I sit and listen. The boys slowly wake and join us by moving over chairs or finding room on my bed but don't interrupt Owen.
By the time he's done in angry, hurt and feel so sick I'm sure I'm going to vomit. I thought I hated my father before hand but now I wish he was dead. "What did Volto do with him?" I ask quietly as Luke strokes his fingers through my hair and Kota counts by writing numbers on the top of my foot.
"I don't know and I don't want to. Although, I did tell him just to let him go, if Volto did or not, again I don't know." I nod my head and look to Victor.
"I'm going to take a wild guess right now and assume you've already looked into my mother's family?"
"I have." His fire eyes a simmer as he gazes at me, waiting for me to ask. He knows I'm going to ask.
"Can you tell me, please?"
He nods his head and rubs a hand at his neck before he speaks. "Your mother's name was Quinn and she had three older sisters and two brothers. Harlow is the mother of your brothers and then there's Twins Kimberly and Katie, Samson and Kane. Your grandparents names are Ricky and Juliet. Quinn lost her life giving birth to a daughter and Harlow lost hers in a car accident. Kimberly, Katie and Samson are married with no children and Kane has a fiancé."
My Mom's name was Quinn. It's not something I knew and knowing it now feels wrong. I can now put a name to a face I have never seen and I don't want to. I don't want to see any of them and I don't want to go back to that world. Mafia's are not good places to be in, some can be damn right evil.
"I don't want to know anymore and I don't want contact but can you please pass this information on to my brothers?" I ask Victor.
"I actually already offered it to them and they all said no. Elliot said that the way he sees it is that you was all known to them and none of them tried to get any of you back and away from Storm. They instead said that they created a family with you and want nothing more to stay in Charleston if you okay with it."
I smile to myself. I don't think I would be able to not see them everyday now. I got attached to them because they became a safe place for me. I don't want them to leave but they now get their own chance at life. One they deserved from the beginning.
I look around at all my boys. They watch me carefully. I don't like that, normally it's me watching them. "I need to go away for a while." I whisper.
Luke tenses by my side and the others do the same. "What the hell for?" North bellows.
"You said you wasn't leaving again."
"And I'm not leaving. I'm going away, or will be." I tell them.
"What for, Pookie?" Sean asks, catching my eyes. "If you want holiday then we can all go, including the twins."
"He's right. We may have to take them out of school but it'll be worth it." Kota adds.
"I don't want you to come with me." I say, looking down at my hands. "I need help, a lot of help. I need to talk to someone that can help me through all what I've seen and be through and I know you'll be there for me but I need to do this by myself. It's all in my head and I don't want to taint you with my darkness anymore then what I already have. And I need to deal with this before seeing the twins."
I look up and at each and everyone of them. They look torn but I can see the respect that they have in their eyes. They know in doing this for the right reasons and because truly, they don't know how much they can handle themselves. "What was you thinking?" Owen asks.
"Rehab of some sort." I say. I should have looked into it a bit more before saying anything. To late now.
They start doing the eye communication thing and I smile. I've missed seeing them do this. "If it's what you want baby, we'll help you get there."
"Thank you, North." He winks at me.
"I agree with North, but just remember we are here." Nathan adds.
I look to Sean. "Is there someone you could talk to and help arrange it?"
"Yes I know a few, Pookie." He pauses, nibbling on his lip. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, I need to. For you, the twins, my brothers. But for myself also." I look at each of them in the eye. "Today may have been the day I survived, but it wasn't the day I was reborn."
Okay, I get that little quote at the end there but if you don't what she's basically saying is she needs to start over, become a new person. So far we have two Sang's; the one from the books (Before she 'died') and how she has been through this one. She's going to get the help she needs and really, truly, find herself. So she's going to be Reborn:) hope that helps!