The painting at the top of the chapter does not belong to me.
Last Edited 6/29/16 9:50pm
"Avalon, sweetheart, I'll be right back. I forgot your paperwork in your room," my mom voiced as she wheeled me out into the hospital parking lot. I simply nodded silently to her as she pushed me over to one of the benches to the side of the building. Once situated to the left of an old wooden seating area, she came around the back of the wheelchair, bent down, kissed my forehead, and then turned to go back inside and get the papers.
"Be right back Ava and don't move from that spot," she called over her shoulder as she walked through the sliding hospital doors. I did not answer. My gaze was solely locked onto the lively woods surrounding the gloomy old building of the ugly hospital I just had my fantastic stay in.
I ignored everything around me and took a deep breath, inhaling the autumn smell of fallen leaves, fresh dewy grass, and morning fog. I loved fall, it was my favorite season with winter following close behind in second.
I watched as the chilled wind weaved through the leaves and the trees moving ever so slightly back and forth. I gazed at an owl swooping down from a branch and flying into the cloudless blue sky of the morning and then moving my eyes to the graceful, innocent, and healthy baby deer eating some leaves of bushes alongside it's elegant and beautiful looking mother. I switched my gaze from the deer and followed a little white bunny with my eyes as it darted around the low swaying branches of green bushes. I sighed sadly while watching the very much alive forest.
I wish I could be the forest some times or even a creature who lived inside and stayed alive by living off the green pigment filled land. It must be so nice and peaceful. I could feel my fingers twitching against the armrests of the wheelchair just thinking about it and everything I could see while being an animal of the trees.
Looking back up at the deer again to ensure that they both were still there, eating away at the bushes' leaves, I quickly and excitedly reached behind my wheelchair to my blue overnight backpack my mother packed for me two days before. I rushingly unzipped the black metal zipper and pulled out my leather drawing book then zipped it back up once more. Still turned with my back towards the trees, I slipped my right hand into the side pocket of the bag and searched for a pencil. When I grasped one in my hand, I turned back around to face the forest, but only to disappointed.
The beautiful deer had ran off.
"Aw, I wanted to draw it," I huffed aloud.
Sighing again, I looked back at the tree line to look for anything to catch my attention again. I slowly looked in-between the trees from across the parking lot in front of me, but stop when I saw a single green bush move. I left my excitement filled gaze there while I stilled myself, and waited for something to show itself, but nothing emerged for two minutes. Frowning a bit, I glanced behind me at the bland looking hospital doors.
No mom. No nurses. No security guards. No doctors. I turned back around to face the trees.
"Hope I don't get caught," I murmured. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off the chair using my arms and stood up on shaky legs.
I hadn't stood by myself for two days since I had to stay over night again at the hospital for another cycle of chemo. Even before we left my hospital room on the forth floor, the nurses had made me get in a wheelchair with my mom's help to make sure I didn't exhaust myself because my body had gotten used to only moved around a tiny hospital room. I hated wheelchairs.
I swayed a bit when I fully stood up, but steadied myself quickly because I didn't want to end up on the ground with my face in the cement.
I snapped my head back up in the direction of the trees across the parking lot and very quickly got ahead of myself. I was too excited. Taking a step forwards, my legs gave out and I landed on the cold cement, stomach first, with an oomph.
Stunned for a couple seconds, I stared at a crack in the cement in front of my face. I started to chuckle to my idiot self for not thinking that my legs would be still asleep after only couple of seconds of standing. I then enjoyed myself on the ground for another thirty seconds, waiting for the tingles running up and down my leg to my feet to go way before standing once more.
When the tingles finally subsided in my legs, I started to get up while supporting myself with my hands out in front of me on the ground when I heard a growl and maybe a whimper from the forest line but, thought nothing of it as I was crouched upright. I glanced down at myself. No serious injuries. Thank goodness I was wearing a long sleeved and baggy sweater with skinny jeans today. It blocked the cement from reaching my skin.
I reached to the side of me, collected my leather bound book and my black coated pencil where I had dropped them, then stood up once more in front of the wheel chair.I looked up, blew my shoulder length dark brown hair out of my face and focused back at the bush.
I froze my entire body as well as my breath. It was moving again. I watched the shakily swaying bush to see if I could get a glimpse of anything, but didn't. The bush became still once again after a couple seconds, causing me to frown.
"Ugh," I groaned aloud while rolling my eyes in annoyance.
I wanted to draw something, anything. Since I was cooped up in a dark and gloomy hospital for two days with nothing to draw and no inspiration, I needed a pencil in between my fingers bad. They itched with anticipation of sketching.
I looked over my shoulder again at the doors, but saw no one. Well, now a security guard right inside by the door, but security guards only worry about the stuff inside the building anyways.
I turned back around and slowly started to make my way over to the the tree line with my baby blue sweater covered arms wrapped around me and my drawing book to my chest, subconsciously protecting myself from harm incase something behind the bush was not so friendly as I predicted. Not really smart on my part, but hey, I was in a room for two days straight and I wanted to sketch.
I heard my silver glittery moccasins tapping against the cement and my shaky breaths as I tried to get as much air in my lungs as possible while slowly making my way over to my intended destination.
Something about me; I talked to myself sometimes, well a lot actually. I used to have a bunch of friends as a kid, but they all became nonexistent when I became sick the first time at age 7. I guess their parents didn't want them around me for some reason, I never understood why because cancer isn't contagious for all I know. I've never had friends after that though. When I was healthy again, I was always known as the kid who had the lung cancer that didn't have friends. So, I frequently talked to myself just to talk instead of just talking to doctors or family. I wouldn't feel alone all the time when I did speak out loud. It felt like I was talking to someone when I did. I know I am a bit weird, but I like me anyways.
"It would be nice to be a tree," I whispered as I looked up at the many trees lining the edge of the parking lot.
Trees are beautiful in my opinion. Just silently watching the world go by and swaying gently in the wind. Growing taller and older as generation after generation go by. Staying in this world for a full life of peace. No hurt, no pain, no suffrage, or sickness. Just the worry of someone cutting you down, but not a single ounce of pain. That would be so nice.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I shook my head, and realized I was reaching the green grass and the familiar bush that had moved before, but was now still. I slowed my steps down until I stood at the edge of the cement of the parking lot, the lush and overgrown grass just only a step away.
I loved the forest ever since I was a little girl of four. My dad would always take me and my little brother, who is two years younger, down to a lake in the woods behind our house. We would swim in the summer with our husky, Lydia, and ice skating in the winter with our mom. We don't do that much anymore though. They always worried I would tire myself easily. Even though I get exhausted, I would still like to go though. Just to go and be with my family instead of in a house all the time, worrying about me.
I peered over the bush, but saw nothing behind except dirt, grass and fallen brown leaves. I frowned.
"I swore the bush moved twice," I muttered aloud. "Maybe I'm becoming crazy," I added," yeah probably crazy." I stepped onto the grass and hesitantly walked behind the bush. Nothing. There was no animal for me to draw. My joy completely extinguished and my shoulders sagged.
I looked down at the forest green floor and gasped. My shoulders automatically stiffened at the sight.
Paw imprints the size of my two fists put together was imbedded into the dirt. "A wolf," I whispered, instantly becoming aware of everything around me. I nervously looked around, looking for any danger I might have be in, but saw nothing. "I should go back," I murmured quietly. Then, almost like an answer to my statement, I heard a faint sound, like a growl, but it was so low that I could be mistaken and the sound could have belonged to different animal.
I peered back down at the tracks nervously and back up at the greenery but, was met with unexpected eyes appearing from nowhere. Sharp, intense, silver eyes of an animal. Not just any animal. The owner of the tracks. A very large silver haired wolf.
My eyes widened and audible gasp emerged from my mouth. I instantly started back away and flee while almost tripping over my feet in the process. The wolf's eyes, that were glued onto my person, watched me make a fool of myself and analyzed panicked ways. The eyes almost seemed to soften a bit from the hard look it had only seconds ago.
The wolf made a whimper and whine at my uneasy movement. I then stopped backing away for some reason, I have no idea why, but kept my eyes trained on the animal as it slowly walked from behind a different bush that is a few yards away than the one I was standing next to.
My breath hitched. The creature was absolutely breathe taking. It had silver fur running from its head all the way to its tail and down it's four legs. The color was spread all over its body. It had spots of black on it's ears, tail, and body as if someone flicked paint onto it's fur and had the wolf walk in it, covering it's paws in black. The wolf was completely stunning. I wished I could open my drawing book right now, sit criss-cross apple sauce on the green grassy floor and sketch it, but I didn't want to alarm the creature by doing so.
Plus it could eat my face off then and that would be very bad. Not good for the health either. Yeah, dying would not be very beneficial in my case.
The wolf paused when it was completely out in the open. Watching me and my reaction.
"So beautiful," I murmured accidentally out loud. With wide eyes, I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself with more outbursts that would alarm the animal in front of me. The silver wolf had almost a look of surprise for some reason. Its' head was tilted and made a whine almost in a questioning way. The wolf then seemed like it switched it's emotions into a full 360, stood up taller, and looked straight into my eyes almost like it was scared and hesitant of me.
Why would it be hesitant of me? I stood still for a good minute as the wolf who watched me intently, like it was burning me into it's memory. I then questioned myself.
Why aren't I running away?
I wasn't scared of it really though. It didn't seem to have any harmful intent towards me. Then again, it was an animal. I could have be wrong. I was only truly afraid that it would be scared of me and run away. But why? I ignored this realization and switched back to reality.
I made a move first, slowly descending into a crouched form onto the grassy area. The wolf seemed tense at this, but made no move forward nor backward, so I took that as a good sign and continued. I kneeled down and felt the grass in-between my fingers, so smooth to the touch. I sat back, hands behind me on the ground, and sat criss-crossed on the ground, inhaling the smell of the refreshing sent of fresh water, assuming there must have been a river nearby.
I closed my eyes, completely forgetting that a wolf was a couple of feet in front of me, and envisioned myself staying here forever, in the peaceful woodsy area. I would be this wolf, not having a care in the world around it and just living in the now. But, that is not possible for me sadly. My life would not permit that way of living. Always having to worry about the future. About not dying. About finding a way to cure me.
Sighing I opened my eyes and was met with a curious stare of the wolf, its head slanted to the side, like it was asking me what I was doing. I smiled sadly to myself and to the wolf, totally forgetting that it was actually a wolf. It was weird. I didn't feel like I was in the presence of an animal. I didn't understand.
As if sensing my saddened mood, the wolf took a step forward, but I tensed when it did, remembering that it was in fact a wild animal and I am now sitting at its level.
The wolf saw the reaction and froze, staying absolutely still like a statue until I relaxed a bit. I watched the wolf, assessing the situation, thinking of all the pros and cons. I was going to probably die anyways no matter what, so what does it matter from what?
I became relaxed and welcomed whatever the outcome may be and watched as the creature started to move once more towards my direction. The wolf, taking a couple steps per second, walked up to me while I was freaking out on the inside, just a tiny bit, regretting my decision. The wolf strolled up to me and sat down on it's hind legs about three feet away from me, watching me. It was kinda cute actually.
I sat completely still and made no move. I stared intently at the wolf, uncertain of what it was doing. The wolf was doing the same as I. It's head was tilted to the side just eyeing me.
But, I then realized I was holding my breath and forgot to breathe, which always ends up terribly for me. I do this all the time and I don't know why I still haven't learned.
I tried to slowly start to breath again, but started have a coughing fit instead. Freaking fantastic.
I then, with fast reflexes from so much practice, pulled my handkerchief out of my pocket. I held it against my mouth as I coughed loudly, harshly, and painfully as I tried to catch my breath. This is what I hated the most about being sick. The pain. All the pain I go through, all the pain I cause my family, and the pain of other's who get close to me. I hate this so much.
I coughed and coughed and coughed. I had a hand clutching the front of my sweater as the other was forcefully holding the cloth my mouth. The coughing felt like it was shaking my whole lungs and tearing holes in them. The pain was almost too much sometimes. But, I was used to it by now.
When I finally could breathe after a good two minutes of the horrid sound of my coughs, I moved the yellow tinted cloth from my mouth and winced at the red blood visible and the metallic taste in my mouth. I despised this. I wanted it to go away, but that would be too easy.
A whine sounded in my ears in front of me and I snapped my head up, realizing the wolf was completely in my face, its snout almost touching my nose. I screamed hoarsely and scrambled back against a tree. The wolf again whined and slowly approached me with sad eyes.
"N-no, stay back," I said breathlessly. The wolf stopped immediately and layed down with it's head on it's paws. It just looked at me with sad eyes as my chest heaved up and down while I wheezed. I shakily folded the cloth and put it back in my pocket, staying leaned up against the tree, breathing heavily as I tried to get a hold on my breathing. Using the technique my doctor showed me, I focused on one thing, the thing being a small rock in front of me, and slowly breathed in through my nose and out my mouth till I could breath normally again.
After no movement for some time while I was catching my breath, I glanced back at the wolf. I think the creature took that as a good sign, or something close to that, because it cautiously crawled over to me with its belly still touching the grass. It was kinda adorable to see, just saying. It looked like an army crawl.
I stayed still and watched it as it crawled over to me with sad eyes. Why sad? Aren't wolves supposed to be scary and wild? What is wrong with this wolf? Was it used to being around humans?
When it was a foot away and right next to my left leg, the wolf whined again, like it wanted permission to touch me. I didn't move for a minute, but then I slowly put out my hand, not even thinking that it could bite my hand off at any second.
The wolf watched me and didn't move an inch at all. It looked like it was holding its breath like I did moments ago, watchful of my movements. I moved my hand closer and leaned to touch its seemingly soft and shiny fur. When my hand made contact with its head, I quickly put my hand away as I felt something, like a fizzy feeling in my hand.
I lifted my hand up slightly in front of me. "What the hell?" I mumbled quietly.
The silver wolf whined again and I looked back down at it. It wanted me to touch it?! I pulled my hand to my chest, not wanting to touch it anymore, and leaned back against the large tree. I looked away from the pitiful looking wolf and gazed up at the sky while trying to ignore the large beautiful creature next to me, it's snout very close to my left leg.
I successfully distracted myself and watched at a swarm of birds moved to and fro in the blue sky above. They looked like they were playing follow the leader, but had no clue who that leader was. I chuckled a little at that. How dumb. Imagine humans doing that. About 100 grown adult scrambling and following the person in front of them, but had no clue where they were going and looking ridiculous at the same time. Just aimlessly following the person in front of them.
I snapped out of it when I felt something nudging my leg. I looked back down and saw the wolf pawing at my long baby blue sweater that reached my thigh. I then suddenly realized that the wolf wouldn't harm me. If it wanted to it would have already done so. The wolf was almost like a dog really, but, maybe not a dog. Something else entirely.
It still pawed at my sweater, his eyes intently on the spot where he was pushing my leg, trying to get my attention, but didn't notice that it had mine till about thirty seconds later when it looked up and stilled its paws on my thigh.
The wolf then got up and sat back up on it's hind legs next to me and stared straight back into my teal eyes. It cocked it head to the side almost like it was asking me a question.
Giving it a confused expression I asked," What?" The wolf made a sound almost like it was sneezing and huffing, I wasn't sure. I ignored the wolf again and looked at my hands. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw I still had my drawing book and pencil laying on the ground next to. Huh. Funny. I hadn't dropped them with that whole fiasco earlier.
I looked back at the wolf and saw that its attention was elsewhere and was watching the trees around us. Not paying attention to me at the moment. Yes!
I slowly reached over to the right, got the book, and started to open it, trying not to make a sound as I turned the pages. I flipped through my many completed drawings, not having time to look at them, and opened to a clean blank page. I looked back up at the silver wolf again. Such a shiny and beautiful coat, not a hair out of place. I wondered why it looks so clean for being a wolf that lived outside.
I studied the wolf for a minute, taking the image in, then started to draw its face from the side view. I began from its snout and then to the mouth. Then to its jaw and eyes. I focused on the eyes though. I made them hold so much emotion as the one in front of me did. The wolf seemed to posses such human like eyes. The creature ended up looking happy, content and satisfied, but alert at the same time in my drawing and in the present.
I looked back at the wolf still looking at the trees. I smiled a tiny little grin. One ear was up and one was down like the wolf was relaxed. "Adorable," I said aloud with a small and short laugh.
It must have heard me because its eyes and head snapped to me then down at my hands holding the open book. I ignored the wolf's gaze and looked back down, adding in its floppy ears and the rest of its head. I then added detail of the fur. I added the black around the wolf's ears and black paint spots on its head, like freckles, but over its entire body. I added the areas where the warm sun hit the wolf's gorgeous face and the dark shadows from the moving leaves on the page as well. Happy with my drawing I looked back at the wolf. I froze.
The silver and black spotted wolf was staring at me. Just me, my face. I blinked, not knowing what to do. "Uh, sorry Mr. wolf, I mean if you are a boy," I paused thinking I was being ridiculous," I drew you." Again, look at me talking to things like they could actually hear me. I don't even know if it could even understand me. I mean, you never know if animals could understand people or not. It definitely seems like this wolf could.
I pick the book up from my lap and held it up in front of my face. I peered around the book at saw the wolf looking at it. "You like?" I asked giving a tiny smile. The wolf shifted its gaze to me and nodded. I was taken aback. It nodded to me. It nodded? What?! I am officially going crazy now. I think the doctors gave me too much medication.
Ignoring that actually happened, I set the book back in my lap and stared at it for a bit. I needed a name. I normally named each and every one of my drawings for some reason. Ever since I was little, I named every drawing I ever made. I had at least seven full drawing books now. Almost all of my pictures and drawings had names.
I gazed back up at the wolf. He was looking at my sketch in my hands almost looking amazed. "What should I name it," I asked aloud not really asking the wolf, just talking. I bit my lip thinking and looking back at the drawing. Then it hit me. I picked my pencil back up that I had set down next to me. Emotional.
The wolf seemed to show so much emotions as a human that I couldn't help but name it that. Everyone shows emotions whether some say animals don't. Everything has emotions in my book, literally. Now no one can say that wolves, or animals in general, have no emotions. I have proof that they feel too.
I looked up and smiled at the wolf who was looking at me again. The wolf looked like it tried to smile back, but ended up with it's white and sharp teeth showing. Weird.
"Avalon!" a voice screamed. I jumped in my spot. Crap, my mom. I hurriedly snapped my book shut and picked up the pencil. Forgetting that I may alarm the wolf, I yelled back,"Over here! I'm coming."
I ignored the pain in my lungs from yelling while using the tree to lean on to stand up as fast as I could, which really wasn't very fast. Once upright, I started towards the hospital parking lot, but paused when I heard a small bark. I looked over my shoulder and smiled.
The wolf had stood up and was looking at me sadly by the tree I was just leaning on. "Good bye, Silver," I said and then turned back around. Yes, I named the wolf Silver, just now. Yes I know, I'm great with names.
I ignored the aching feeling in my chest while walking away. I didn't want to leave for some reason. Shaking my head, trying to forget the feeling, I walked back to the parking lot and saw my mother frantically looking around with papers clenched in her hands. When I stepped on a twig just outside the woods, my mom's head shaped to me, looking worried.
"Avalon Clarice Karcy! Why must you give your mother more grey hairs!? I already have enough to look like I'm sixty! Now get your butt over here so we can go home to your father who hasn't seen us in two days young lady!" she yelled as the worry lines on her face disappeared while looking relieved, but tired at the same time.
"Sorry, Mom. I saw a deer in the forest and wanted to draw it, it ran off though," I said and smiled sheepishly while moving closer to her. I run off a lot to draw things sometimes. She knows that I'm weird about my drawing habits.
She sighed and nodded. "Its ok Ava. Just be glad some murderer wasn't in that shady looking forest waiting to murder some 19 year old girl with brown hair, blue eyes, and is sick," she said purposely describing me. I gave her a deadpanned look. "Really mom, really?" I said monotoned, not looking amused. "What kind of murderer hangs around hospitals anyways?" I asked as I stopped in front of her.
"I don't know. Maybe they like sick or injured people," she said huffing.
My mom and dad usually let me do as I pleased most of the time. They know that I wanted to feel independent and free, normal. They let me most of the time, as long as I don't kill myself in the process. Even though they let me be independent, they are still super duper overprotective all the time. They want to know what I'm doing, when I will be back, why I am doing something, or who I am with. Although I am never with anyone because I have nobody to even go somewhere with, I know, sad, they usually agree with the sad part. That's why my mom didn't kill me, even though I stress her out all the time, more than the cancer already does.
My mom sighed again. "Alright let's get going. Your father wanted us home for lunch today and it's-" she paused looking down at her watch," 10:27am now, so let me go return the wheel chair real quick while you get in the car and stay there." She made sure she emphasized on the staying there part.
She gave me a stern look, wanting an answer to her command. I just nodded and asked for the keys for the car to which she handed over quickly.
I walked over to the car which was seven cars away and hopped into the passengers seat. I shut the door and then sifted through the keys to find the correct one to start the engine. When I found it, I quickly shoved it in the key hole to the side of the steering wheel and turned it. When the car started, I turned the heat all the way up, feeling slightly cold for some reason even though I was wearing warm clothes, and stared out the car window, waiting for my mom to drop the wheel chair at the front desk. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I couldn't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed. I missed that the most while at my two night hospital stay, my bed. Oh, and my stuffed monster, Julie. She's a purple square looking monster . She has sharp teeth and a green tongue. She also has tiny feet and arms with pink stripped nails. I had her since I was 9. I loved her like she was my own, just saying. Oh, and I don't care that I'm 19 either. She is my baby along with Lydia, our husky. I loved them both equally. Don't judge me.
I snapped my eyes open when I heard a deep, loud, and powerful howl coming form the forest I was just in.
Silver.
I looked to the window to my right and saw three wolves at the tree line from where I came from. Silver, a shiny brown wolf, and a dark grey wolf were standing there, staring straight at me. I brought my hand up and gave a small wave in their direction.
Silver barked and jumped up in the air. I chuckled and then smiled at that action. It was the most adorable thing ever. The brown wolf looked to give Silver a wtf look when the wolf jumped. Silver just barked and growled at the brown wolf and then switched its eyes back to the car, on me. I smiled again, but stopped when I saw my mom came out of the sliding doors of the bland hospital from the corner of my eyes. Silver and the other wolves noticed as well and looked towards her. I sat back in my seat and waited for her to reach the car. Mom went in front of the car's hood, over to the driver's side, opened the door, hopped into the front seat to my left, and slammed the door shut.
"Ready to go home?" She asked while turning to me, smiling. I nodded and said," Yeah I miss Julie."
She laughed at me, not surprised by my answer, and shook her head while starting the car. "Your love for that stuffed animal is a little scary," she said as she backed out of the parking space while glancing behind her.
"She is my best friend. Don't let her hear you say that. She will eat your toes in your sleep," I said in a completely serious tone.
"Oh really?" she asked. I nodded when she glanced at me. She laughed at me again and then turned the radio on. "You should make some friends Ava. Real ones," my mom commented.
"Julie is real. She is ganna eat your toes tonight. She can hear you right now, she told me so. And also, I don't need friends. None of them are real anyway," I said nodding to myself. She chuckled, but didn't say anything else on the matter.
I peered out the window as we drove passed lots of parked cars and neared the hospital parking lot exit. Feeling watchful eyes, I looked into the side mirror and saw the three wolves still there and staring at our retreating car.
I ignored the reoccurring aching feeling in my chest and shifted my eyes to the front window as we turned onto the tiny road. I was going to miss Silver and the peaceful forest with swarms of birds and beautiful dear.
But, now I get my bed. Oh sweet bed of mine, I love you. Wait for me.
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Hi *waves*
5,773 words. Wow.
I hoped you liked the first chapter. I kind of meant it as an introduction and I hope it was okay. Sorry if it sucks a little bit. It will get better as chapters are published. Once more are published, I will go back and edit the earlier ones. I will try and updated when I can. School is getting intense as we near the end of the school year.
Thanks for reading! Comment and let me know what you think. Till next time. :)
Lady Amethyst